


Whispers Within

by BabbleKing (Babblish)



Category: 3Below (Cartoon), Tales of Arcadia, Trollhunters (Cartoon), Trollhunters - Daniel Kraus & Guillermo del Toro
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Changelings Referenced, Disabled Characters, Fluff, Homophobia, Janus Order Referenced, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Magical Disability, Mild BDSM References, Multi, Multilingual Characters, Other, Polyamory, Polyglot Characters, Queer Themes, Seizures, Slice of Life, Spirits, Toxic Family Drama, Visions, Work stress, angsty fluff, conlang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2019-08-24 00:58:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 136,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16629848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babblish/pseuds/BabbleKing
Summary: MATURE SLICE OF LIFE - Set after Trollhunters finale episode. The first part was written before 3Below Season 1 release date and the second part wasmostlywritten before the 3Below Season 2 release date, so canon divergence is inevitable.Expect aimless fluffy nonsense because that's what this is.





	1. Prologue and Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> The main character is an OC, the LI is Señor Uhl (my super Gay & Stressed™ version), cameos from a bunch of different characters (look out for them, they might be hiding), not to mention that there’s lang stuff (both conlangs & RL langs; translations/authorial intent provided), LGBTQ+ stuff (because let’s be real, we’re unlikely to get actual solid representation on that front), Disability stuff (but not on the forefront other than MCs situation), and adult content (like hook up apps, laundry, and bureaucracy; sex is definitely there but it fades to black because that’s not what this is about)

**_**Sunday, June 25 — Prologue** _ **

Sam lay in the bed of a man he knew only as PhantomMentos, still basking in the glow of an evening well spent. He had about another half hour before he’d be expected to leave, and Mr. Mentos was choosing to spend that time in the shower. He pulled out his phone from his pile of clothes by the bed and opened up his preferred dating application, ‘eL app’. It was technically eL<3 [eLove] but everyone just called it ‘eL app’. He decided to bother his favourite chat friend. Despite having never met in person, or even knowing each other’s names or vocations, they had really hit it off. It was an accident at first. HoneyGolden had merely wanted to ask Sam if he’d run into some bad apples when using the app and their conversation had never truly ended. That had been over a year ago.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:28 p.m - Hey, how’re you feeling today? «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:28 p.m - What a coincidence. I was just about to ask you the same. :bear smiley face: «  
  
Sam smiled to himself, and took a selfie. It wasn’t indecent but definitely flirty.  
  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:29 p.m - [Image 471.jpg] On the tail end of a date. :kitty winky face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:30 p.m - You are absolutely shameless. Also you’re bordering pretty close to breaking my ‘no unsolicited lewd images’ rule. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:31 p.m - I’m not being lewd, I’m tastefully nude. You could put me on a charity calendar with playful old ladies, it’d be fine. «  
  
Sam giggled at the thought of being randomly put in a charity calendar and checked to see if his date was coming back. He was not. Sam wondered if he should be checking on him but decided the guy probably wanted a moment to himself.  
  
» HoneyGolden - 10:31 p.m - Will he call you back? Or will you? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:32 p.m - I doubt it, honey. :kitty crying face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:33 p.m - What did he do? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:34 p.m - I won’t go into details honey. You know how it is. :kitty frowny face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:34 p.m - Fair enough. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:35 p.m - This is probably a bad time. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:36 p.m - But something’s been weighing on me since… the other week. Longer actually, but recently more so. «

Sam frowned, they’d had conversations that started in much the same way before and they never ended well.  
  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:37 p.m - Are you thinking about getting back into the game again? «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:37 p.m - Yes. Yes that’s exactly what I’m thinking. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:38 p.m - You’ll take care of yourself right? I worry about you, you know. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:39 p.m - You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve been talking to someone for a while now and I think he’s a decent, considerate person. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I wouldn’t mind getting to know him more. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:40 p.m - Actually I’m positive I’d regret it if I don’t get to know him more. A lot more, if you understand me. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:40 p.m - Aw, good for you honey. :rainbow heart: «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:41 p.m - He seems really cute as well, I bet his smile looks amazing in person. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:42 p.m - I’m just not sure he’ll like me the same way? What if I’m not his type? What if he was just flirting to be nice? :bear sad face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 10:42 p.m - You’ll never know if you don’t ask, honey. Why not ask him out for drinks, no pressure? «  
  
The bathroom door opened and his date stood there wearing an open bathrobe and a towel thrown over his shoulder. He rolled his eyes at Sam on his phone, “Are you _still_  here?”  
Sam wriggled his foot, the cuff linking him to the bedpost made a metallic clatter, “Couldn’t find the key, could I?”  
Mentos snatched a key from the bedroom drawer and passive aggressively unlocked Sam’s ankles, “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”  
Sam grinned, “You think I’m pretty?”  
“Don’t push it,” the man threw Sam’s clothes into his lap, “Hurry up, it’s nearly midnight.”  
With a huff, Sam slipped on his pants and grabbed his boots from the floor, “I’m going, I’m going. You know most guys give me a tea or something before I go?”  
“No they don’t,” Mentos snapped.  
Sam sighed, annoyed the man was refusing his hints, “No, they don’t,” his phone beeped happily, alerting him to incoming messages.  
Mentos looked at the phone on the bed and for a second Sam was worried he was going to snatch it, “You got a message.”  
“I’ll look at it when I’m out the door,” Sam replied, lacing his final boot, “And you needn’t make that face at me.”  
The man did indeed continue to make that face at Sam, it was something between disgust and impatience, “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“I didn’t ask," Sam shrugged, "But I would like t——”  
“It’s not you, okay!” Mentos snapped, “It just… feels like I’m cheating, you know?”  
Sam frowned, “I thought you said _she_  left you?”  
“She did!” for a second Mentos looked like he was going to cry, “I’m sorry, I made a mistake. We can’t do this again.”  
Sam turned to look at the man fully and sighed, “If you don’t want to hook up again, that’s fine. But I’m always around if you want to talk.”  
“Get out,” Mentos replied bitterly.

***

Sam took a deep breath of the night air, and tried to collect his thoughts. Mentos was clearly going through some things, he certainly wasn’t like that on the first part of their date. But there wasn’t much he could do about it if he refused to talk. He pulled out his phone again to check to see if there were warning signs in their conversations earlier.  
“No - no…, Mentos no,” Sam said to himself as he realised the man had blocked him, there was definitely nothing he could do about it now. He groaned and remembered the conversation he was having with HoneyGolden.

» HoneyGolden - 10:44 p.m - Okay, here goes nothing. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:45 p.m - I know I said I would never do this but I’ve been putting this off for months now. «  
» HoneyGolden - 10:46 p.m - I’d like to meet you. I’d like to meet you in person. Would you consider going out for drinks with me this Friday night? Around eight? No pressure? «

Sam yelled into the dark, sleepy street. A few dogs joined him. How long had it been? The poor guy was probably still waiting. He typed his response frantically.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:15 p.m - I’D LOVE TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU :kitty heart eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:15 p.m - So sorry to leave you hanging. Date kicked me out of the house. It was his house, no harm done. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:15 p.m - Do you know Anaomi’s? It’s in town, not far from the cinema. You can meet me there. :winky face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 11:16 p.m - I know the place. But if all goes well I was hoping to take you somewhere more discreet afterwards, is that okay? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:17 p.m - More than okay. :rainbow heart: «

 

* * *

**_**Friday, June 30** _ **

Sam looked at his phone to check his messages, tutting at the lack of responses. His date was late. A small number of patrons mingled in the shadows of the dimly lit bar. He sighed. Using the selfie mode on his phone he checked to see if his khol was still in place and spied someone opening the front entrance out of the corner of his eye. This stranger was handsome enough, although he shifted around awkwardly like he was afraid to be recognised. Sam smiled to himself and sent a winky face emoji to HoneyGolden’s account. After a moment the handsome stranger nervously patted his pocket and pulled out his phone. He blushed. Sam watched him carefully until they eventually made eye contact, not missing the opportunity to flash him a cheeky wink. The handsome stranger took a deep breath and slid into the seat across from him.  
“Hi handsome,” Sam purred, seeing no point in subtlety.  
“I… you are… uh,” the stranger leaned in conspiratorially, “DreamBoy.dtf?”  
Sam smirked, it was always fun to see full grown men say whatever silly username he was using out loud, the accent was a bit of surprise, but he made the decision to ignore it, “Please call me Sam, HoneyGolden.”  
His date coughed, “Actually it’s Johannes.”  
Sam flashed his date the sauciest of smiles, “Pleased to meet you in the flesh, Johannes.”  
Johannes pulled at the collar of his generic blue shirt nervously, “Did you want another drink?”  
“Oh there’s really no need,” Sam looked casually at the empty glass of water by his arm, ice already melting in the summer heat.  
“No, no I insist,” Johannes looked almost hurt.  
Sam smiled sheepishly, “No I mean, water is free here. Although I appreciate the gesture.”  
“Oh?” Johannes frowned, “You just drink water?”  
Sam shrugged, “Obviously not __just__  water, but nothing alcoholic I’m afraid.”  
“Yes, you mentioned you were a teetotaller before,” Johannes nodded.  
“Well once upon a time I used to drink like a sailor’s fish and it was glorious, but I don’t do that these days, it’s for… medical reasons,” Sam sighed.  
“Oh,” Johannes pulled at his collar again, “You don’t just drink water though. I’m sure they do virgin cocktails.”  
“Sure, why not. If you tell the pretty red haired lady it’s for Sam, she’ll know what to make. Name’s Ana, we go way back,” Sam spun the melted ice in the glass, smiling to himself.  
“Way back?” Johannes turned to look at her out of curiosity.  
“Sure!” Sam stood up and held out his black top, “Her wife gave me this shirt when she got her boob job and it didn’t fit.”  
Johannes looked Sam up and down, probably thinking he was being subtle, “Oh… wife, of course.”  
Sam caught his eye on its way back up and stuck a silly pose before he sat back down.  
“You look very cute, yes,” Johannes nodded approvingly but not without a degree of self-consciousness.  
Sam beamed, “I wasn’t fishing, but I’ll take it,” he paused thinking for a second, “Of course you look very cute too. I wasn’t quite sure what to imagine, but this－” Sam waved his hand in Johannes’s direction, “－is a bit of a surprise.”  
Johannes’s eyebrows rose, “Is that bad?”  
“You hid your age, gender expression, __and__ fitness level on your profile,” Sam smirked, “Other than being a white guy I had no idea what you looked like. For the last year or so in my head I’ve been talking to a cartoon bear.”  
“It was a default icon,” Johannes shrugged.  
“I had no idea you could bench press me if you wanted,” Sam flexed his own humble muscles, “For the record, that sounds hot as fuck, so please feel free to try me out,” he grinned devilishly.  
Blushing slightly, Johannes stood up and slide out of the booth, “I’ll get us that drink now, ja?”  
Sam watched him walk off into the shadows only to reappear at the bar, illuminated by gaudy rainbow lights. Johannes chatted with his friend Ana as she poured him two drinks. Sam was certain Ana was warning him to be nice to her friend. He had to laugh.

Johannes promptly made his way back, and handed Sam a tall glass of what was mostly mango juice on the rocks. He himself took a sip out of what appeared to be a light ale.  
“I’ve decided I like Ana,” Johannes nodded.  
Sam chuckled, “Of course you do. She’s blunt in all the best ways.”  
Johannes seemed to relax a little, “Have you had a good day? I need to talk about something that doesn’t include words like _criteria_ and _performance_ ,” he rubbed his temple and groaned.  
“Me? I don’t know, my day is the same is any other I suppose,” Sam wasn’t sure how much he should reveal, knowing full well how off putting the truth could be, “How long do you have to yourself then?”  
Johannes chewed his bottom lip, “Until next Monday, where I am up for review. I need a distraction.”  
“Oh is that why you wanted to meet up after over a full year of chatting off and on?” Sam wondered.  
The handsome blond paused to think for a moment, “A whim actually.”  
“A whim,” Sam repeated, “It that really all it took? You must have something in mind, right?”  
Johannes blushed, “Well, I’m normally fine just, you know, being on my own,” he took a deep gulp from his ale, “But the longer you spend in your head the more you wonder if you’re just being a stubborn old fool.”  
Sam nodded understandingly, a stubborn old fool himself, “Loneliness makes fools of us all.”  
Johannes finished his ale in one final, sulky knock back but otherwise said nothing.  
Sam reached out and touched Johannes on the hand, if only for a second, “I can help with that in a number of ways,” he purred.  
Johannes flinched and pulled his hand away, “Preferably _without_ an audience,” he muttered.  
“Aw come on, everyone here understands discretion,” Sam laughed.  
“It’s just a personal preference,” Johannes straightened the collar of his shirt like a cat who just fell out of a window, “Nothing to do with anyone else.”  
Sam nodded solemnly, “Ah I see, a lot of people here are the same.”  
Johannes looked at his watch and sighed, “When you’ve finished your… whatever that is, how about we go somewhere where there _isn’t_  an audience?”  
“Oh of course,” Sam took another sip from his drink, “Have you got anywhere in mind?”  
“It’s risky but do you know the lookout? There’s a lot of private areas there,” Johannes gestured vaguely with his hands, “If you know where to go.”  
Sam smirked, “I like the way you think. A romantic picnic under starlight, no one but the trees to watch us as we whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears.”  
“Ah,” Johannes smiled bashfully, “Something like that.”

***

Sam sat in Johannes’s truck, politely trying to hide the sharp pain exploding like a thousand daggers behind his eyes. Johannes had been telling him about the truck, how she’d survived a near death experience or something like it. Ordinarily Sam would have found this anthropomorphism endearing, but he was struggling to stay in the here and now. If he was lucky, Johannes wouldn’t notice anything was amiss, and their date could continue without any interruption.  
“I said, ‘I hope there hasn’t been a misunderstanding’, just want to make sure we’re on the same page?” Johannes repeated.  
“Huh?” Sam squinted trying to stay in the present, “You said we were going to the lookout didn’t you?”  
“Well yes of course, but you _do_ understand we’re not going to be eating a picnic under the stars,” Johannes flashed Sam a wry smirk.  
“Honey, I’m DreamBoy.dtf, renowned fucker of man, you’re not leading me astray,” Sam managed to form his thoughts into a complete sentence despite his glitching brain.

_~ There was an explosion of light, and then an eternity of darkness. When he could see again, the town stood before them in flames, debris fell from the sky like shining meteors. He stood in the middle of the road, and noticed a car bent around a tree. His heart froze and he raced to the door to try and pull out any survivors. With all his strength he managed to pull off the twisted car door and landed on his tailbone into the tarmac. Forcing himself to get up, he crawled toward the car again and let his hands wander across the driver, the body was cold and wet, and a branch penetrated crudely through the windshield and into the drivers throat. He recoiled, wiping his sticky hands on his shirt. It was then he noticed the metal sheet that had sliced into the roof of the car, making it look monstrously shark-like against the flames of the world around him. He sobbed. There was no one. The grief shook him and left him helpless. He could see no way to stop the onslaught the sky delivered. There was no form. No power. He let his body drift away, like sand held out to the breeze. He dove and twisted between the trees, heading to the town below. He could not help. He could not help but someone had to. They had to. ~_

Sam blinked and his eyes darted back and forth, unable to tell where he was or if he was in danger. He tried to calm himself down. He was in a truck. A handsome man was driving. What was his name? Honey… no, Johannes. They were headed to the look out. He was safe. His head was on fire, but he was safe. Someone sighed. He was vaguely aware it was himself.  
“You nodded off for a second there, are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Johannes didn’t seem to have realised what had happened, but was evidently aware enough to be mildly concerned.  
“Oh, uh… yes, of course, I uh, cars do that to me sometimes,” Sam could still feel the grief deep in his chest, he wanted to sob.  
Johannes parked the truck a safe distance away from the lookout, and turned to Sam frowning, “If you need to, I can take you to the hospital. And if you want we don’t have to do this. We can stop if you want at any time.”  
“No hospitals. No police,” Sam insisted groggily, “I’m fine, it’s okay, just give me a minute to come back to reality.”

Johannes nodded and undid his seat belt, leaning back to appreciate the view of their sleepy town in the summer night. Sam did the same, concentrating on grounding himself in the moment. It was humid. His clothes clung to him uncomfortably. He opened the truck door to let in any wafts of breeze. In truth he didn’t live far from there. The truck was new to him, although not new itself, but everything else felt like home. He turned to look at Johannes who himself turned away awkwardly, apparently caught out staring.  
“Do you think people could see us out here?” Johannes wondered out loud.  
“Maybe. I don’t see any other cars though. I think it’s just us,” Sam checked behind them, just in case.  
Johannes snatched out his hand and gave Sam’s a squeeze, “Thank goodness.”  
Sam leaned towards him, trying to ignore the pain, and kissed him tenderly on the mouth, “Is this okay?”  
“Please,” Johannes let his cheek trace Sam’s jaw from ear to chin, “Let’s not canoodle in my Susannah. She’s just had a service.”  
Johannes tore himself away and hopped out of the truck, taking the time to open the passenger’s side to let Sam out.

 

* * *

**_**Saturday, July 1** _ **

Sam lay on the pull-out bed Ana and her wife graciously loaned him for the week. He looked at his phone, the noise from the bar below seeming a mile away. Johannes wasn’t online. That probably was to be expected. Sam wondered what he’d say.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 01:18 a.m - Hey had a lot of fun tonight, let’s do it again sometime right? :winky face: «

He locked the phone and let it fall beside him. Burying his face in his hands he growled in frustration and unlocked the phone.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 01:20 a.m - Oh and btw good luck on your work thing, I’m sure you’ll ace it! :thumbs up: «

He locked the phone again and put it in the charger, trying to ignore the deep, heavy feeling in his stomach that felt a lot like guilt. There was a lot he should have told Johannes but he had no idea how the man would take it when he found out. There were things even Ana and Naomi didn’t know. It would be hard to explain some of things he held close to his chest, but still, the ache persisted.

***

Daylight shone on Sam’s face and he stirred. He had not slept well. Fire had rained from the skies for him once again and he had been too anxious to relax. Stretching out an arm, he reached for his phone to check the time. It was 1.30 pm. Of course it was. Curious he checked his eL app to see if Johannes had responded.  
  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 01:20 a.m - Oh and btw good luck on your work thing, I’m sure you’ll ace it! :thumbs up: «  
» HoneyGolden - seen at 6:42 a.m «

Sam groaned. He knew the man was a morning person, but he was expecting something more… final. The fact he hadn’t blocked him was a good sign. Of course they had been talking online for a year at that point, Sam was under the impression that a blocking would be some kind social faux pas. But he hadn’t actually responded at all. Not even sent a generic smiley face emoji. He lay in bed for another half hour, going over the night before in his head. It had gone well hadn’t it? He was pretty sure it went well. Both of them had been very courteous and considerate. Both of them had been into the shenanigans that went down. Both had left with a smile on their face. But there was this nagging feeling in his stomach telling him he should be ashamed. For lying. But he hadn’t lied. He just… skirted around the truth like he was on rollerblades and it was the 90s again. He wondered if he ate something the feeling would go away. He dragged himself out of bed and put on a fresh pair of clothes. By the time he made his way down stairs he was beginning to feel more himself.

Ana was in the kitchen washing dishes. She handed Sam a bowl of salad that had been saved from their lunch. Joyous music played as Naomi scrubbed the tables in the bar in front of them, visible through the tinted glass. She was wearing a yellow dress with a wide skirt and made a point of spinning to each table like it was a dance. It was hard to dislike Naomi, she had an infectious delight in life that she wove into the universe like it was her purpose. Creatures like Sam had no choice but to be drawn in, intoxicated by her gravitational pull. It was easy to just feed from her exuberance and ignore one’s own problems.  
“You look shit, what’s the matter?” Ana wondered, wiping her face and leaving a streak of suds.  
Sam sighed, “I had two seizures last night. Plus the date. I’m totally wiped.”  
Ana raised an eyebrow, slightly concerned, “Grand Mal?”  
“No of course not,” Sam crushed a cherry tomato in his jaw, “But date didn’t seem to realise. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not. That he didn’t realise, I mean.”  
Ana laughed, “Your little fucking hot potato didn’t even notice?”  
Sam rolled his eyes, “It was in the car. He thought I nodded off for a second.”  
“What did you do?” Ana stopped scrubbing.  
“Well, I just let him think what he wanted. If I told him I’d suddenly be a glass orchid and the date would be over,” Sam sighed, they had had this conversation every time.  
Ana made a disapproving noise, “Fuck, I think I’d still want to be told.”  
“No offence but you have a __lot__  more going for you than I do. Also did you __see__  him? No way was I going to throw that away,” Sam couldn’t roll his eyes enough.  
Ana nodded, “Yeah yeah, we all know you’re a shallow useless bitch. But to be honest, he just looked like any other guy to me.”  
Sam pretended to gasp, “Are you serious? I mean I know you’re a lesbian, but surely you can tell when a tightly wound spring walks in the door.”  
“A tightly wound spring?” Ana tilted her head like clarity would come with a change of literal perspective.  
“You know,” Sam waved his hands, or as much as is possible with a fork in one and a bowl of half eaten salad in the other, “All repression and too much self-control. When they’re pushed to breaking point all that energy and sexuality comes bursting out,” he paused dramatically, “They’re __good__.”  
Ana coughed, “Wow, that’s way more fucking graphic than I needed,” she paused thoughtfully, “Although, tightly wound springs tend to fly off.”  
Sam pouted, thinking of 6:42 a.m.  
“Oh shit, I know that face,” Ana sighed, “Did he block you?”  
“No,” Sam sighed, “I did get left on read but he’s always busy. It might not mean anything.”  
Ana laughed, “At least you’re back to being a person again. We don’t want a repeat of __May__.”  
Sam paused, he’d never properly explained why he’d disappeared, “I had a lover die, Ana. I needed time to myself.”  
“A lover?” Ana frowned, “You mean like a boyfriend? A boyfriend you were in love with?”  
“A boyfriend?” Sam thought critically, his Ashinerin would’ve hated to have been called that but a dead man couldn’t complain, “Yeah sure. He was the most important person in my life.”  
“Then why is this the _first_  I’m hearing of him?” Ana wondered incredulously.  
Sam hesitated, he wasn’t exactly sure she’d want the truth in this matter, “It was mostly long distance. He was abroad a lot for… work reasons,” he shrugged, “Our relationship was complicated. He didn’t want other people knowing he was associated with me.”  
“Sounds like a dick move, if you ask me,” Ana’s frown intensified.  
Sam shrugged again, "It doesn’t matter, he’s dead now."  
Ana looked at him critically, “You seem pretty fucking cool about it now.”  
“I knew it was going to happen eventually,” Sam pouted, “I’m trying to move forward.”  
“Hence all these dates?” Ana gestured at Sam with a sponge, “You’re trying to rebound as hard as you can. Very mature.”  
“I’m not on the _rebound_ , Ana,” Sam rolled his eyes, “I always have at least two people on the go.”  
“Look, honestly I don’t fucking care,” Ana sighed, “I’m not trying to rule your life or anything, I’m just concerned as a friend.”  
Sam smiled at her reassuringly, “I appreciate it, really. I’m lucky you give a shit about my ridiculous life. Even if I do chose to ignore _all_ of your advise.”


	2. Vampires and Fries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam goes on a second date and ends up getting mistaken for a vampire by a couple of meddling, yet familiar kids.

**_**Friday, July 7** _ **

It was a hot afternoon. Sam sprawled on the grass in the shade of a tree. He had left his belongings in a hidden box, and put his phone on the portable charger within. There was nobody around so there was no reason to be in human form, and on such a day it would be foolish to waste it on anything other than a cat. He dozed in and out of consciousness, switching between sleeping and purring, enjoying the intoxicating heat. With a start he was awoken. A bird? A distant car? He strained his ears to find the location of the sound. It was coming from his box. He slinked off toward the box and changed into his human form behind some bushes. With a practiced swipe he opened the box and put his clothes back on. Naked men in the middle of the woods tended to arouse suspicion and it was worth the annoyance of getting dressed. His phone buzzed. Twice. Three times. Sam grabbed it and nearly threw it away in shock.

» HoneyGolden - 3:52 p.m - Okay. «  
» HoneyGolden - 3:53 p.m - I’m serious. «  
» HoneyGolden - 3:55 p.m - How do you feel about this evening? «  
» HoneyGolden - 3:56 p.m - Same place? «  
» HoneyGolden - 3:58 p.m - Don’t ask me how work has been. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:02 p.m - The review was more intense than I was expecting. A lot of he said she saids. A lot of paperwork. A lot of scrutiny. I was expecting a couple hours. It’s been all week! :bear shocked face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:03 p.m - I just want to sit with you and eat garbage food. No hooking up. No talking. Please get back to me as soon as you see this. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:03 p.m - Sure! Meet me at the lookout, I’ll be waiting. What time should I expect you? «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:04 p.m - My best estimate is 6. Maybe 6:30. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:04 p.m - Hey, Johannes? «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:05 p.m - Yes? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:05 p.m - About your work, you’ll come out on top, you hear me? :rainbow heart: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:07 p.m - Thank you, Sam. «

Sam held his phone to his chest and beamed. It was too late to bother changing. There was no way he could make it to Ana and Naomi’s and back in time. He put his phone back in the charger and dug around for some shoes, singing love songs to himself in a language long forgotten.

***

Sam lay on the park bench near the lookout, the sun was getting lower and casting a romantic light onto the town below. He pulled out his phone.

» HoneyGolden - 6:13 p.m - Waiting in line for fries, is this acceptable? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:15 p.m - Sure thing, honey. :thumbs up: «  
  
With a deep breath he gathered the will to sit up and smooth out his clothes as much as possible. He had to hope he was at least half way presentable. The deep growl of an engine purred in the distance and he watched Johannes pull up his truck.  
  
Sam sprung up to meet him, and walked over to the parked truck, “It’s good to see you again.”  
“What? Oh yes of course,” Johannes seemed distracted and handed him a box of hot fries, “I got us both a drink, only I panicked and got you the juice as well as the water,” he stuck the three bottles under his arm while locking the doors.  
Sam laughed as he sat down on the bench and handed Johannes the fries, who in turn handed him a bottle of water and another smaller bottle of something called ’Tropical Fruit Smash’.  
Johannes opened the box of fries and ate a single fry, “Oh dear,” he grimaced, “I won’t be going back there again.”  
Sam took a small handful of fries and gulped them down greedily, “Food is food,” he shrugged.  
The two sat in silence, slowly making their way through the mediocre fries. Sam didn’t want to stare but Johannes seemed exhausted. He opened the water and took a series of deep gulps until the plastic crackled from the compression.  
Johannes stared at him in amazement, “Good thing I got you the two drinks!”  
“I’ve been here all day,” Sam explained, “I like to wander the woods when I don’t have anything better to do.”  
Johannes sighed enviously, “I would give __anything__  to be able to that instead of… bureaucracy,” he spat the last word as though it were acid.  
Sam looked away, embarrassed to admit the troubles of his own life, “If you’ve got some time we could fit in a short walk before nightfall.”  
“Hmmm,” Johannes thought for moment, “I think I’m happy just sitting here with you.”

Johannes let Sam finish the fries while he drunk his bottled water. They sat for a moment, looking up at the sky, just enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company. Sam smiled contentedly, not wanting the moment to end. Eventually he gave up and put the empty box in a nearby bin. By the time he got back Johannes had sprawled out on the bench, his head hanging off the edge, watching the town below. Sam nudged him gently, just to let him know he was there. Johannes didn’t move beyond lifting his head for a second to see who it was. Sam decided to take a risk and gingerly sat upon the man’s lap. Other than a soft grunt there was no response. Taking this as a good sign, Sam put his hand on Johannes’s shoulders and carefully lay forward until their chests were pressed together. After some clumsy fumbling Johannes took Sam’s hand and squeezed it. Sam hazarded nuzzling into the man’s throat.

Johannes lifted his head up so they were facing each other, nearly nose to nose, “No hooking up, remember?”  
“I know," Sam sighed, “I was just caught up in the moment.”  
“It’s a good moment,” Johannes kissed him sweetly on the cheek.  
Sam stared at him in shock, blushing furiously, “A - a very good moment.”  
Johannes winced, “But it’s getting very uncomfortable. Please let me sit up before my back breaks in half,” he groaned.  
“Oh of course,” Sam stood up and helped Johannes back into an upright position.  
Johannes massaged his neck and the small of his spine, “Clearly not getting any younger,” he groaned.  
“Such a pity,” Sam pretended to be disappointed, “If only you could be ageless like myself.”  
“Ha - ha very funny,” Johannes rolled his eyes.  
Sam picked up the tropical fruit smash and opened it, smirking at Johannes, “At least you’re considerate for an old man.”  
“Hey!” Johannes pouted.  
“I’m only teasing,” Sam took a sip off the fruit juice, “So how long until you leave me? Today I mean.”  
Johannes paused to look at his watch and groaned, “Argh, I forgot I still have paperwork that needs done. So much paperwork,” he despaired.  
Sam took a large gulp of the juice, “So you’ll be leaving soon?”  
“Sorry about this,” Johannes drew himself up.  
“Wait,” Sam asked, before chugging the rest of the juice and letting the bottle fall to the ground.  
“If I wait I’ll end up staying another hour,” Johannes made his way back to his truck, “And I can’t afford that.”  
“No I mean, well,” Sam half ran to catch up with him, “I like you, a lot,” he paused suddenly aware he was blushing, “Do you like me? Shit, that makes me sound like a teenager. But, do you though?”  
Johannes opened the door to his truck, apparently trying to ignore the fact he was blushing as well, “Well, yes.”  
“I want to see you again. I want us to be at least friends,” Sam took a step closer, perhaps even too close.  
Johannes looked down at him, completely unable to look him in the eye, “This is embarrassing but,” he frowned, “And don’t think I’m ashamed, but I’m not…,” he trailed off, “I’m not _out_ out. I don’t even do _this_  often. You’re the first in… a while.”  
“I understand that,” Sam sighed, “I totally respect that. I know what it is to keep a secret, but I…,” he stopped suddenly at a loss for words.  
Johannes placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “I don’t want us to stop meeting,” he said.  
“Then give me your phone,” Sam asked.  
“My phone…?” Johannes took out his phone and handed it to Sam.  
“Thanks,” Sam replied as he immediately went into his contacts and saved his own number.  
“What are you doing?” Johannes seemed confused and more than a little anxious.  
Sam handed him back his phone, “Look in your contacts, I gave you my number. It’s under Sam Tir. Send me a text or call me or something and I’ll have your number.”  
“Oh, of course,” Johannes went into his contacts and found the name, he paused for a second and then showed Sam he’d sent him a smiley face emoji.  
“I won’t keep you any longer,” Sam gestured at the truck, “Wait actually, I’ve changed my mind, there’s one more thing before you go.”  
Johannes looked at Sam confused before being met with an earnest kiss. He nodded for a second, not knowing what else to do and then hopped in the driver’s seat, “So I’ll see you around?” he asked, blushing to his ears.  
“You know how to find me,” Sam grinned and got out of his way, watching him take off and disappear into the growing darkness.

***

Sam took out his phone and put it in the portable charger in his latest secret box. He felt uneasy and was eager to shed his human form into something easier to hide in. Kicking off his shoes, he started to undress and put away the rest of his things.

 _~ There was an explosion of light, and then an eternity of darkness. Even before his vision returned he knew he was trapped. He was stuck in his true form, if it could even be called as such. An incorporeal wisp. Nothing but shadows and light. And yet, he was trapped. No matter how hard he tried could not pass the barrier that contained him. Across from him he could see vast vats filled with clear fluid. Some of these vats were empty. One contained a handsome figure. Sam knew deep down it was Johannes. He seemed to be waking up, twisting, choking. He looked at Sam and began beating on the barrier. Something dripped from the top of the vat. From the inside, a dark thick fluid took over like an oil spill. Johannes beat the barrier harder, panicking. Sam tried to change into something big, something strong, but still he was stuck. It was hopeless. A small child crept in from the shadows and began to frantically press buttons on a nearby panel. There was an explosion, shouting, but most importantly the vat containing Johannes opened. He fell out limply, the veins on his temple a striking bolt of darkness. Sam was afraid. ~_

Sam gasped, his chest felt as though it was being crushed, eyes darting in every direction to try and make sense of reality. His arms were tied behind him. Someone was standing on him. Another was reading something out loud. Chanting. What language was he supposed to be speaking.  
“Daeni washani!” he begged, barely knowing what he was saying.  
[ _Translation from Arabic: Leave me alone!_ ]  
The taller human standing on him said something, he sounded afraid. The other human read even faster.  
“Je ne suis pas une menace! ¡Ningún peligro!” Sam promised, panic making his already throbbing headache lightning behind his eyes.  
[ _Translation from French: I’m not a threat to you! / Translation from Spanish: No danger!_ ]  
“See! I told you he’s speaking in tongues!” the taller human appeared to be holding a baseball bat, but something gleamed by the light of the smaller human’s torch.  
“Get back foul demon! Leave our teacher alone!” the smaller human shrieked.  
Sam took a long look at both of them in amazement. They were children. For a second he thought he’d been cornered by hunters from times of yore. But children he could handle. Children tended not to be believed.  
The taller human pressed the baseball bat to Sam’s throat, “We know what you’re up to vampire! We’re not gonna let you creepers get away with it any longer!”  
“I…?” Sam didn’t know what to say, “But you’re children?”  
The smaller human tried to draw himself up to his full height, “We may be teens but we know the truth about creepers. Trolls, goblins, changelings, aliens, vampires, you name it we’ve fought it.”  
“Aliens?” Sam remembered the visions he had, the fire from the sky, being captive in mysterious vats, “Oh I see,” he thought for a moment, “Why do you think I’m a vampire of all things?”  
“We have proof!” the taller child gestured to the smaller one.  
The smaller child held out his phone and played a video of a cat in the forest running into the bushes, it disappeared for a second and then a naked Sam appeared and reached into a box and pulled out a phone, “Gotcha!”  
Sam felt cold, it wasn’t just because he’d been caught out, or that minors had video footage of him naked but also… he became aware he was wet, “Why am I wet? I mean, really wet?”  
“Holy water,” the smaller child beamed.  
“How did you get _that_ much holy water?” Sam didn’t know whether to be impressed or disturbed.  
The smaller of the children reached down, picked up something and threw at Sam’s face, it landed with a wet thud, “Bible.”  
“A bible. Of course. You know that isn’t  _actually_ holy right? And besides I don’t believe in any gods. You’d have better luck with a dictionary,” Sam should’ve known they’d been using children’s logic, “And what god is the baseball bat evoking?”  
“It’s a cross,” The taller child replied, pushing the bat down harder, “It’s made of silver. I stole it from my mother’s kitchen.”  
Sam sighed, “I honestly don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here. Why did you decide I’m a vampire? You don’t have any actual proof, do you?”  
“Do too! The video!” the smaller child exclaimed, “I’ve had my eye on you for months. You’re always around here. This box is where you keep your things when you turn into animals. Sometimes you go further into the woods and speak with trolls.”  
“Shit,” Sam didn’t know how much to trust them, but this child seemed to be the same as the one in his vision, “I live here. I’ve been minding my own business. I haven’t hurt anyone. Just let me go.”  
“You nearly did! We saw you with our Spanish teacher!” the taller child exclaimed.  
“No - no he got a promotion. He’s the interim principal now remember? Because our other two disappeared remember? They promoted Mrs. Evans too,”  
“But I was taking his Spanish classes?” the taller child seemed confused.  
“Our school is a mess, don’t question it,” the smaller child groaned.  
“Your… Spanish teacher slash principal,” Sam was suddenly more and more liking the idea of being a vampire, “Oh boy.”  
“Yeah! You had him under your spell and you were going to feed off him, but he broke your spell. We saw it!” the smaller child was very adamant with this belief.  
“Wait,” the taller child seemed to be thinking, “Hand me his phone.”  
The smaller child handed him Sam’s phone which had mercifully escaped the bible water, “I mean it’s just a phone I don’t know what you expect to find.”  
“No don’t!” Sam struggled under the taller child and managed to knock him off, although the boy remained standing, focused on the phone for an agonisingly long period of time.  
The taller child messed around on the screen, and looked at his smaller friend, “I think we can strike a deal.”  
“What do you mean, deal? You don’t strike deals with vampires!” the smaller child seemed outraged.  
The taller child looked down at Sam, “If you promise you’ll stop feeding off humans, we’ll untie you and leave you alone.”  
Sam was confused, why would this child continue the charade when he had to have seen the iconic eL app logo, “Promise me that you’ll delete the video and speak of this to no one. No. One,” he should’ve been angry but fear kept flooding to the surface.  
“I promise. No one needs to know about your business, Mr. Vampire sir,” the taller child was speaking in a very careful tone, he had to know.  
“I promise I won’t feed off the blood of the innocents,” Sam swore, going along with it.  
“What are you doing?!” the smaller child stage whispered, “He’s going to kill us!”  
The taller child untied Sam and handed him back his phone, despite the smaller child’s protest, “I’m sorry to disturb you, Mr. Vampire sir.”  
Sam opened his phone and noticed the taller child had left a note open for him.

» won’t out either of you. friend don’t get it but I do. both just gay not vampires. woops so so v sorry - queer kid «  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief and nodded at the taller child. It was hard to see but the child seemed to be appropriately sheepish.  
“You’re going to take the word of a vampire?” the smaller child seemed utterly ignorant of the pact being made.  
The taller child shrugged, “I think… he might be a good vampire. A _kinda_ good vampire. He could’ve killed us already if he wanted to, but he didn’t.”  
“Thank you strange children who should be at home playing video games,” Sam decided to roll with it, “Besides, how do you know your teacher slash principal isn’t _also_ a vampire?”  
The smaller child gasped, “Of course! I knew it!”  
Sam nodded at the taller child, “But since I’m saturated in your bible water I’m kind of desperate to change into something more comfortable. If you close your eyes for a full two minutes I’ll let you see my true form as long as you don’t record me in any way.”  
  
The older child seemed to be reconsidering a few things, but obeyed along with the smaller child. Sam dashed behind the bushes and stripped off the rest of his clothes, and draped them to dry. He put his phone in the box and let his physical body turn to dust, returning to his incorporeal self. The children opened their eyes and gasped when they saw him. He dashed between the trees and made a line towards the mostly night sky. The smaller child chased after him gleefully but the taller one stood there, his mouth agape. The fact they didn’t turn and flee was odd. Perhaps there was truth in them knowing all about the other creatures. But that didn’t matter. He only needed to plant the seed of doubt in the taller child’s mind to make him less likely to out Johannes. Even if it meant outing himself as decidedly… not human.

 

* * *

**_**Saturday, July 8** _ **

It was probably the wrong time but after hours of moral crisis, Sam came to the conclusion that Johannes had to be told of the incident. He decided against texting since it was more traceable than using the app. Or at least, he thought it was.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:01 a.m - Hey, Johannes? If I woke you up go back to sleep, I just need to tell you something before I forget the details. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:06 a.m - So after you left I was walking around in the forest behind our spot, just enjoying the night air. The next thing I know I’m tied up and there’s these kids trying to exorcise me. They were literally chanting and one of them had a baseball bat with a silver cross glued to it or something. Also they drenched me in a bucket of water with a bible in it. It seems they’d been stalking me for some time. Thought I was a vampire? But that’s not what I’m telling you this for. The thing is they saw us together. Demanded I stop hurting their teacher/principal? They also took my phone and one of the kids recognised this app. He may have gone through our conversation. He also left a message on my notes. I tried my best to resolve the situation. I’m sorry. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:08 a.m - [screenshot 151.jpg] «

Sam lay back on the cool grass, with his phone in his hand. He was exhausted. He couldn’t sleep. Not after everything that had happened. Fortunately he’d only had the one vision. At some point he was going to have to go back to Ana and Naomi’s to recharge the portable phone charger but part of him wanted to retreat into the soil and be done with it. His phone buzzed in his hand. It buzzed again.

» HoneyGolden - 4:32 a.m - Are you serious! «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:33 a.m - Call the police! «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:34 a.m - Are you hurt? Did they hurt you? Where are you? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:36 a.m - Yes I’m serious. NO POLICE NEVER POLICE! They shocked me so much I had a seizure. That’s how they managed to overcome me. I’m fine though, sudden shocks and emotions are sometimes triggers for me. Definitely not a grand mal though so don’t worry. Also I like you a lot but I don’t trust you enough to not call the police so I won’t tell you where I am. :kitty side eye: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:37 a.m - Why no police? The police are for situations like this. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:38 a.m - I don’t want to disclose my reasons but please just trust me. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:39 a.m - Did you get a good look of them? You said one was male. Was he a little fat red headed kid? I bet it was him. He has a surprising criminal streak that kid. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:40 a.m - No it was too dark. And to be clear I don’t hold anything against them. They were playing some game of Nancy Drew and it got out of hand. I’m more concerned about how one of your students can potentially out you. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:41 a.m - This isn’t a cute misunderstanding. They assaulted you. Who cares about my job in comparison? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:42 a.m - The queer kid. He seemed to understand what they’d done. He seemed sorry. I trust him to explain to the other why they need to stop playing that game. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:43 a.m - I’m so furious I’m going to have to get up now. :bear angry face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:44 a.m - I’m sorry Johannes. I totally fucked this up and we just shared phone numbers too. :kitty sad face:«  
» HoneyGolden - 5:10 a.m - Oh wonderful! I just broke a plate. I have a feeling today is going to be a really bad day. :bear angry face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:12 a.m - I will understand if this was a deal breaker. :kitty crying face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 5:13 a.m - I don’t actually care about the plate. I’m just in a bad mood. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:14 a.m - But what if you get outed? «  
» HoneyGolden - 5:15 a.m - Obviously I prefer my personal life separate from my career right now, but to be clear, I don’t think you’re the guilty party here. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:16 a.m - Thank you. I feel terrible about all this. Now I know what your job is I feel like I owe you at least one secret. «  
» HoneyGolden - 5:17 a.m - No secrets. Just promise you won’t turn it into a joke. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:18 a.m - I promise, honey. «  
» HoneyGolden - 5:19 a.m - Gracias. Also I’m sorry if I was weird yesterday. I was having a bad day, but I really enjoyed your company. Even if I didn’t show it very well. :rolls eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:20 a.m - You showed it plenty, honey. :kitty heart eyes: «

  
Sam worried he was falling hard. It was a problem. He was not exactly what your average human man looked for and he knew it. The guilt weighed heavily in his chest. He let himself focus on his breathing. Allowing time to pass. The sun began to rise, casting warm light across the town.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 5:58 a.m - Hey look outside. «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:00 a.m - I am. It’s pretty. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:01 a.m - I would love to kiss you under a sky like this. :kitty kissy face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:05 a.m - Such a romantic. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:06 a.m - Would you expect anything else from me? «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:09 a.m - Well I could but I try to be a gentleman. :bear winky face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:12 a.m - Also before I forget, next time we hook up we should probably find somewhere more private. If there’s a next time. Totally open to suggestions, just remember my home is out of the question as always. «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:12 a.m - Yeah I’m thinking. I’ll get back to you when I have some ideas. «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:13 a.m - :bear shocked face: Wait those boys didn’t see us that other night in the woods, did they? You know our first date where we… :bear winky face: :eggplant: :lick: :kitty winky face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:13 a.m - I feel like if they had, they would’ve called the vampire hunt off before now out of sheer embarrassment. I mean they’re teenagers, not 5. So no. Blessedly no. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:14am - Although I remember it more like :bear blushing face: :eggplant: :lick: :kitty heart eyes: «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:14 a.m - :bear side eye: «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:14 a.m - :face palm: «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:15 a.m - You like teasing me don’t you. :bear side eye: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:15 a.m - :kitty winky face: I really do. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:16 a.m - Plus I’ve never known you to use either the :eggplant: or :lick: emojis and it was cute and made me giggle. «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:16 a.m - I didn’t have a reason to before now. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 6:17 a.m - :kitty angry face: Shit! 2% :low battery: If I stop being shamelessly gay with you assume my phone died. «  
» HoneyGolden - 6:17 a.m - :bear sad face: Okay fine. I have things to do soon any way. «

Sam turned off his phone and groaned. He was a lost cause. Ana and Naomi would probably have to knock some sense into him later. But he still had to get there. He gathered his things into his gym bag and slung it over his shoulder. It was going to be a long, hot walk.  


***

By the time Sam had made it to Ana and Naomi’s bar, showered and gotten changed, had a nap and then something to eat, it was approaching dusk. He stepped out into the street determined to have a good time. Dusk was a good time. People still roamed the streets, and the traffic was still busy with people returning home from work, or just stopping into the shops to get one or two things. He walked cheerfully down a couple blocks and found himself staring at a handsome well dressed blond man talking seriously with an older woman with a shock of silver hair and mauve suit. Johannes didn’t seem to notice Sam standing in the middle of his path. Sam forgot to move out of the way.

Inevitably Johannes knocked into his shoulder and turned around angrily, “Hey watch it, y——,” he paused dead in his tracks, overcome with horror.  
Sam bowed his head apologetically, giving Johannes the chance to not recognise him with company, “Sorry.”  
Johannes shot a glance across at the woman waiting for him to return to their discussion and then back at Sam, “I uh—”  
“What’s the matter?” the woman wondered impatiently.  
“I won’t be a minute,  Ms. Lee,” Johannes reassured the woman and turned back to Sam, “Are you sure you’re okay?”  
Sam squinted critically, “You just bumped into me, it’s not a big deal.”  
“No, I mean—” Johannes face contorted as he struggled to find the least incriminating words, “— the children.”  
“Oh!” Sam smiled cheerfully, “I’m fine, really. You don’t need to worry about me.”  
Johannes frowned, “Oh good! I ah, are you free next weekend?” he asked, his voice dropping low.  
“Sure?” Sam replied matching his tone, it was a bold faced lie but he was intrigued where this was going.  
“Excelente! I’ll speak with you later then,” Johannes smiled awkwardly and continued on with his probable co-worker.  
Sam watched them leave, amused by his fumbling. After he lost sight of the two, he continued on his journey to nowhere, musing as to what Johannes could possibly have meant.

***

After nearly an hour of aimless wandering, Sam found himself at the public library. He stood at the entrance enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of the evening. To his surprise his phone rang. It was Johannes.

“Hi honey, hope I didn’t put you in too awkward a position?” Sam purred.  
Johannes coughed, “Ja - ja, well I must admit you caught me by surprise. It took awhile to shake off Ms. Lee, she’s the president of the board of education so I had to be _polite_. She seems to be under the impression you’re an ex-student?”  
Sam laughed, “I guarantee I’m far too old to have ever been your student, honey.”  
“I should _hope_  so,” Johannes coughed again awkwardly, “About that weekend. I need to go out of town for a training event, it’s not too far and the usual person I share with had to back out last minute. I was wondering if you’d like to come with me?”  
Sam held his breath for a moment to stop himself from cheering, “Oh? Yeah you know that sounds fun. I’m just a little confused how I can come without outing you by association?”  
“Yeah, yeah I know,” Johannes sighed, “I would have to leave to go to the training thing each day, and I’d basically be dumping you at the hotel room until I get back again in the evening. I’d make sure you had plenty of food and drink obviously, and you could watch cable, there’s also the internet. I’m not really selling it very well, am I?”  
“And when you come back we’d eat take out and have fantastic sex, that’s what you’re saying right?” Sam could practically hear Johannes blushing on the other side of the phone.  
“That was the idea,” Johannes replied.  
“Won’t your co-workers get suspicious if they’re staying at the same hotel as us?” Sam would’ve given anything to see his face.  
Johannes swore in German, “I’ll think of something.”  
“I’m sure you will. For you I’ll even wear my straightest clothes,” Sam laughed.  
“That isn’t… how _dare_  you?” Johannes sounded genuinely insulted for a second, “It wouldn’t be fair to expect you to do that. _I_  don’t expect that.”  
“Good,” Sam agreed, “I was only joking but I appreciate the thought.”  
“So you _do_  want to come?” Johannes asked for clarification.  
Sam had to stop himself from making a lewd joke, “Of course I want to come with you on your boring training thing for the weekend and stay in the hotel room watching cable, eating garbage, and having you to myself all night long, honey.”  
Johannes breathed a sigh of relief, “Gracias, cariño. We can arrange the finer details later,” he hung up.  
Sam fist pumped into the air, “Third date! Hotel! ¡Cariño! Sár! Tan tienar dó im! Eu gonax víyen yeyien ò, yeñiala ò ih!” he paused to grin to himself saucily, “Teshiyi im ñámine ris, gwína ò.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Yes! This man is mine! But I won’t just fuck him, I’ll make love to him. Under my careful touch he will bloom._ ]  
“Hey speak _American_ , bud,” a random pedestrian scoffed, judging Sam despite not knowing what language he had been speaking in the first place.  
Sam squinted angrily at the man, “Fuck off, matraga genágeroda!”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: … rude person who is extremely displeasing to the senses._ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't actually create a whole arse conlang for this silly fluffy fic, but I did recycle one I came up with for a dnd campaign.


	3. Roadtrips and Hotels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole lot of cute romantical stuff happens and Sam begins to question his priorities.

**_**Friday, July 14** _ **

Sam looked at Johannes under the light of the setting sun, his hair shining like molten gold. They had been on the road for only half an hour but an influx of traffic promised a slow trip. Johannes had packed a picnic dinner and its presence tortured Sam as it sat on his lap. He tried not to think of it.  
“I’m sorry about this,” Johannes rolled his eyes, gesturing at the traffic.  
“Why? This is nice,” Sam took a swig from his extra large water bottle, “How do the kids say it? Chill? Yes, it’s chill.”  
Johannes grimaced, “You won’t be saying that after two hours, cariño.”  
Sam chuckled, “Is that a promise?”  
“Maybe it is, dreamboy,” Johannes flashed him a wry smirk.  
Sam nudged his shoulder playfully, “I’ll hold you to that, honey.”  
The two men paused to consider their near futures greedily. Sam’s lap beckoned, “So uh…,” Sam decided to take a chance, “If you haven’t noticed the sun is setting.”  
“So?” Johannes seemed nonplussed.  
“So how are you planning to eat in the dark while driving?” Sam laced his hunger with concern.  
  
Johannes nodded solemnly, “You make for a good point. Get me a sandwich please, I cut them into tiny triangles.”  
Sam fished around and pulled out a lunch box filled with triangle sandwiches, carefully unwrapping a couple and handing him one. Sam took a bite out of his. It was ham and cheese. The two made their way through the box, both grateful he’d decided to forego any egg options.  
“You’re smiling,” Johannes noted as Sam packed away all the plastic wrap back into the box.  
“Yeah,” Sam nodded serenely, “I think I’m happy.”  
“They were just sandwiches, Sam,” Johannes laughed.  
Sam closed the lunchbox with a click, “You’ll probably think I’m being silly, but being able to eat with someone is always a treat. _Especially_  a handsome man like yourself.”  
“Eating alone does get tiresome,” Johannes admitted solemnly, choosing to ignore the last comment.  
Sam leant over and kissed Johannes on the cheek.

***

Sam waited in the truck while Johannes collected the key for their room. It was satisfactorily dark, and there was no one around to see him. Johannes returned, key in hand and unlocked the door to their room. Sam slung the strap of his gym bag over his shoulder and wedged the box with their food under his arm. He slid onto the gravel and made his way into the room. Dumping the bags beside the bed he lay down and stared at the ceiling thoughtfully. Johannes returned with his things and closed the door behind them.  
“So uh, before we get down to it, I have a question?” Sam sat up to look at Johannes.  
Johannes looked down at him, unbuttoning his shirt, “¿Que?”  
“You said your usual person had to cancel?” Sam decided he may as well remove his shirt as well.  
“Yeah, he had family stuff or something,” Johannes unbuckled his belt.  
“I can’t help noticing that there’s only one bed?“ Sam patted the bed helpfully.  
“What? Oh, yeah I got them to change it when you agreed to come,” Johannes sat on the bed next to him.  
Sam thought for a moment, “Yeah that makes sense,” he laughed, “For a second there I thought you were fucking your teacher buddy.”  
Johannes shuddered, “I would rather die,” he paused his thought to remove his shoes, “He’s _very_  straight.”  
“Lucky neither of us are the remotest bit heterosexual,” Sam edged in close, his hands a mere inch away from Johannes’s fly.  
“Wait a minute,” Johannes guided his hands away back to where they came from, “I’m going to have a shower first.”  
“Wouldn’t you rather one _after_?” Sam wondered watching Johannes head to the en-suite.  
Johannes turned around, “I like to feel clean.”

***

Sam stumbled out of the shower, his head starting to hurt from the telenovela playing loudly in the hotel room and dried himself with the complimentary towel. Technically he had no need to bathe, but the sensation of water on his skin was a timeless pleasure he appreciated on a deep spiritual level. He smoothed down his hair, trying to avoid the post-shower fluff, and wrapped the towel around his waist. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself for the onslaught of noise pollution, he opened the door.

Johannes lay on the bed, dressed in a matching set of champagne silk pyjamas with a cursive J on the front breast pocket. He was smirking cheekily, tv remote in hand.  
“What the fuck? Is the noise? About?” Sam yelled above the din of the television.  
Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Johannes turned the television onto mute, the unambiguous sounds of their neighbours amorous endeavours filling the air, “I’m sorry, cariño,” he managed to get out before dissolving into unrestrained giggling.  
With great effort Sam attempted to sit calmly on the bed and try to ignore how one of their neighbours was _clearly_ faking it, he was unsuccessful, “Do you think they know?” he giggled, tears streaming from his eyes.  
“Yes! I banged on the wall and told them I could hear,” Johannes replied, trying to compose himself, “They told me to mind my own business!”  
“Do you know them?” Sam wondered, still giggling.  
“I hope not!” Johannes made a face at the thought of them being work colleagues.  
Sam grabbed the remote, flicking until he got to the weather channel, and turned the sound up to something manageable, but private, “Classical music isn’t terribly imaginative but it’ll have to do.”

 

* * *

**_**Saturday, July 15** _ **

It was early morning but Sam couldn’t sleep. Despite being no stranger to the beds of many, it had been a __very__  long time since he’d been expected to sleep with someone physically next to him. He strongly suspected Johannes was also lying awake, thinking the exact same thing. Sam smiled to himself. He snuggled deeper under the cotton sheets, remembering what they had done together a few hours prior. It had been well worth the painfully long drive, if only for the sight of Johannes dissolving into giggles. He muffled a laugh into his hands, unable to stop himself.  
“You’re laughing about the straight people again aren’t you?” Johannes asked drowsily.  
“I can’t help it,” Sam giggled, “She was so _obviously_  faking.”  
“Get some sleep before they hear you,” Johannes mumbled.  
Sam snuggled into Johannes’s broad back, rubbing his cheek on fancy silk pyjamas, “Mmm, if you say so, honey,” he purred, “ _You_  weren’t faking were you?”  
Johannes giggle-snorted, “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.”

***

_~ The darkness engulfed him like a blanket of void. His ears bled from a noise too high to hear in a human form, and the air around him crackled with electricity. Sam was vaguely aware he was floating but had no way of knowing in which direction. He tried to scream but his body was dying too fast. He fell to ash. Time tore at his soul, pulling him in every direction. He fought it. He fought it with everything he had. He fought. He was losing. Spark of life beginning to fade, everything he was sundered into the abyss. ~_

Sam sat up, gasping, hands shaking. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear. He patted his body frantically, desperate to reassure himself that his vision had not come to be. Eventually, his senses returned, and he was able to assess where he was. It was still dark, but the room was illuminated by a light across the street. It was an unfamiliar room, though the layout betrayed it as belonging to a hotel. There was someone with him. He struggled against the pain to remember who this was. Half asleep a strong arm reached out and a fumbling hand took hold of his, squeezing it tightly. Sam sighed, relieved. Johannes. This was Johannes. He settled back down, still gasping, and unwilling to let go of the hand.

***

There was the general sound of someone moving around, and Sam realised he was awake. He remembered the night before and snuggled deeper into the sheets. The door clicked shut and Sam was overcome with disappointment. He had hoped he’d at least be able to tell Johannes goodbye before he left. He had almost fallen back asleep when the door opened once again. He pulled himself up and rubbed his eyes drowsily. It was significantly earlier than his natural waking time of… not morning, but he’d be damned if he didn’t see Johannes off after being given a second chance.  
“Buenos días, cariño. I brought you pancakes,” Johannes beamed as he handed Sam a Styrofoam container, and sat on the bed next to him, “There’s some fruit too.”  
Sam opened the container and found a moderate helping of pancakes with a generous helping of berries and summer fruits, “Oh wow, you really didn’t need to go to the trouble,” he took a bite to be polite but found it to be too perfect to stop at one.  
“Auntie made it special. The rest of the hotel is having toast and cereal for breakfast,” Johannes smiled at Sam, watching him eat.  
“Wait, Auntie?” Sam asked between bites, “Whose Auntie?”  
Johannes made an awkward face, “Well, she’s no one’s auntie actually, but she absolutely insists everyone calls her Auntie. She runs the hotel with her sister.”  
“You asked her to make _me_  breakfast?” Sam asked incredulously, “Does she know I’m a man?”  
“I uh,” Johannes paused, “I should hope so. Oh, I see! Well, Auntie’s known about me for years. Since before I stopped telling people about… things.”  
Sam beamed at the man knowingly, “Let me guess, mother hen sort?”  
“You could say that,” Johannes conceded, “You’ll probably meet her at some point. You can judge for yourself.”  
“I look forward to meeting this Auntie,” Sam decided this was probably about as close as he was going to get to meeting the man’s mother.  
Johannes groaned, “I’m sorry but I need to get going. I doubt I’ll get enough time to come back for lunch but I’ll bring you back dinner. Text me if you feel like anything specific.”  
Sam carefully put the pancakes down on the bedside drawers and stood up, “If you’re leaving let me say goodbye,” he threw his arms around Johannes’s shoulders and kissed him.  
Johannes kissed him back for a moment, taking the opportunity for a sneaky butt squeeze, but reluctantly stood up, “Sorry but I really have to go.”  
“Okay, if you must,” Sam sighed, and sat back on the bed.  
  
He watched Johannes grab his briefcase and walk out the door. Sam flicked on the television and returned to his pancakes sulkily. Television was never really his thing but he always found it fascinating how quickly technology progressed. He finished his breakfast flicking through channels looking for something to grab his attention. Eventually he settled on an animal documentary show aimed at children.

***

_~ He was in a rainforest, and the moist air clung to him like mist. Before him stood an ancient temple. Ruins. Whatever had been carved into the stone had been lost to time. This place felt familiar but Baktraga had no memories of ever being there. He ran a hand along an ancient groove, and ventured inside. It was difficult to squeeze past the crumbling framework but eventually made his way to the centre chamber. The rainforest had made its claim even this deep within the temple, vines choking the stones and bones scattered on the floor, green from moss. There was… a feeling. Something else hung in the air, following him just out of sight. He reassured the entity he was kin, using their own language. Finally they revealed themselves, a creature with a heart of light, and a train of dark energy like a halo of weightless sand. They danced around him playfully, curiously, weaving around his body, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Baktraga removed his clothes, one by one, and placed them on what had once been a throne. His kin followed his movements, their halo forming the echo of a human body. Baktraga let his human form fall away, and danced around his kin, each one daring the other to be the one to initiate. They did not speak because each knew words would soon be redundant. They danced closer and closer, their energy licking each other like flames. It was unclear who made the first contact, but perhaps it did not matter. Baktraga was inside his kin, Úshiar, who in turn was inside Baktraga. And like that, Baktraga was whole. Úshiar was whole. The breadth of their long years enfolded between them like a flower unto the sun. ~_

Sam gasped, and tried to anchor himself in the here and now. Where was he? He looked around, vision slowly coming back. A hotel room. He looked down, gazing at his naked body trying to remember what he was. Human. Yes, this was a human form. His name was… Baktraga, no Sam. He was here because of someone, a human, a man, he was… beautiful, he was… Johannes. He pawed at his face clumsily, aware he was crying. He was so sure he had just had another vision but he just couldn’t recall what it entailed. But his heart ached. He was so lost. So broken. So alone. His mind went to faces he would never see again, faces he would forget. He let his human form fall away and sulked in the confines of the mattress for a long time.

***

Eventually, Sam came back to the surface and formed his human body once again. Mostly because the television had since switched to something even more loud and obnoxious. Sam turned the television off, pulled his gym bag onto the bed and rummaged around, taking out some clothes and his phone. He dressed quickly, putting on only underwear, shorts and a t-shirt. Pausing for a moment he pulled out a small pencil case and took it into the bathroom, taking the time to wash his face, fix his hair, and line his eyes with khol. He then returned to the bed and remade it, at least so it looked like he made the effort.  
Sam turned on his phone, and began to film himself, “Gégasur tafulais bák ona yi ih… Èmar tagwi ih?” he said in his first language.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: So I had another one of those visions again… I think?_ ]  
“Groku lerí saineh íkataiya, íbra ih. Dakátaiya ih yi taposhi les taona, eu tan - tan ta nágeroda,” it was probably foolish to be recording anything at all but Sam liked to journal his condition enough to risk having someone stumble upon the incomprehensible logs.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t know what it means when I can’t remember them afterwards. It reminds me of when I join with someone but it’s - it’s different._ ]  
Sam paused, his face falling with sorrow, “Takain talekain les dó saye ih taona, egasur ganish Ashinerin… danais… otan… Gonax iles ashi.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I wish I could talk about this with someone but since Ashinerin… well he’s… gone now, I have no one._ ]  
He looked out the window thoughtfully, “Magaran nasur, otan tienar. Gúla miráviya tienar. Èmar gonax grok yisa gashel ò? Èmar geshel ò?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: This new man, he’s human. So beautifully human. There’s no way he’d ever? Would he?_ ]  
Sam stopped recording, aware there was someone at the door. He got up and tentatively opened it, putting his phone in his pocket, “Uh, hello?”  
A disgruntled young woman stood holding another Styrofoam container, “Yeah whatever, Auntie said to give you this.”  
Sam took the container and opened it carefully, “Oh it’s… more food,” he paused, “How do I pay for this?”  
“What?” the young woman scoffed, rolling her eyes, “You’ve _already_ paid dude, food is included in the initial cost.”  
“Oh neat!” Sam was relieved.  
“Uh-huh,” the young woman nodded, “Enjoy your meal and/or vloging mister,” she turned around and walked away, presumably to do more interesting things.  
He closed the door and returned to the bed with his lunch, feeling more than a little bit overwhelmed. It was rare he got a chance to eat two meals in a day. With his non-existent income it seemed such a waste to spend on food he didn’t technically need to survive. Sam took a bite of the warm chicken salad and decided it was worth whatever Johannes had paid. He turned the television back on and flicked channels until he got to something playing music videos.

***

Sam woke up, vaguely aware that something had touched him with the gentlest of pats. He opened his eyes blearily and saw Johannes sitting next to him. They shared a smile.  
“I hope you didn’t die of boredom all day?” Johannes asked, opening a selection tray of California rolls.  
“No, today was good,” Sam sat up and took a roll gingerly, “I spent the whole time wishing you were here though.”  
Johannes frowned, “I did the same thing,” he took a roll and ate it quickly, “It was very hard to concentrate knowing you were here.”  
“I made the mistake of listening to love songs,” Sam sighed wistfully, “Which made everything so much worse.”  
Johannes laughed, “Oh dear, cariño,” he reached down by the side of the bed and pulled up his briefcase, “At least you can sit next to me while I work on my presentation for tomorrow.”  
Sam pouted, “You have _more_  work to do?”  
“I’m afraid so,“ Johannes nodded sadly, “At the very least I need the topic and outline completed before we can get to more _interesting_  things,” he took another roll and chewed on it thoughtfully.  
“What’s it for?” Sam wondered, watching the man take out his modest laptop and boot it up, “The presentation, I mean.”  
Johannes frowned, “The theme is ’The Importance of Diversity and Inclusion in the Education System’. We’re supposed to relate it to our own lived experiences. I’m having trouble thinking of something I can speak about without, you know, choosing the obvious.”  
Sam finished his second roll, watching Johannes critically, “The obvious being too easy?”  
“What, no?” Johannes shot him a confused look, “The obvious being too personal, obviously.”  
“Oh I see,” Sam raised a brow in amusement, “So when _you_  say the obvious you mean you being gay, not the _actual_  obvious being that you’re a literal immigrant?”  
Johannes smiled at Sam slightly too aggressively, “Ach, ich bin ein Dummkopf.“  
[ _Translation from German: Ah, I am a blockhead._ ]  
“I wouldn’t say that,“ Sam smirked, “I’d say you’re just really gay.“  
“Teasing me won’t get me writing faster,” Johannes replied, trying to stay focused on the task ahead.  
Sam took the last roll and turned it thoughtfully between his fingers, “I’ll try and behave myself,” he promised.  
“Don’t worry, these things never take too long,” Johannes reassured him, typing away onto the laptop that seemed tiny in comparison.  
“Oh hey, is ‘Uhl’ really your name?” Sam exclaimed despite himself, “You didn’t strike me as the monosyllabic type.”  
Johannes raised an eyebrow in his general direction, “What’s wrong with my name?”  
Sam beamed back at him, “Nothing, it's just that you never told me your surname before.”  
“And have you do the google on me? No gracias, niemals,” Johannes grunted, not without humour.  
A thought occurred to Sam, he pulled out his phone and logged onto the hotel’s wifi, heading straight to the google app.  
“Hey!” Johannes snapped defensively, “That doesn’t mean you can do it now.”  
“You did the google on me, didn’t you?” Sam winked playfully, “I just wanted to see what came up.”  
“Nothing,” Johannes replied a little too quickly, “According to the internet, you do not in fact exist.”  
Sam wondered if that would be enough to raise suspicion, “Were you disappointed?”  
Johannes frowned as he typed furiously for a couple minutes, “I was curious, that’s all.”  
“So do you think I’m hiding something?” Sam had to test the waters, his paranoia getting the better of him.  
“Wouldn’t make you special if you were,” Johannes replied.  
Sam sank back down into the bed, looking up at the ceiling and listening to the sound of Johannes typing, “I’m not a normal person, you know that right?” he asked after agonising over the question for what felt like an hour.  
“Yeah, I know, I mean,” Johannes paused, and looked down at Sam concerned, “I didn’t mean to _insult_ you.”  
“I know you didn’t,” Sam smiled sadly, “I just want you to know tha－－,” he caught himself before it was too late, “The things you don’t know about me, it’s not because I don’t trust you. I just don’t think you want to get caught up in… what I have going on.”  
Johannes stared at Sam, momentarily speechless, “Are you in some kind of trouble?” he asked at last.  
Sam chuckled, the man had absolutely no way of knowing his real name actually meant something like ‘trouble’, “I’m perfectly safe, honey. Don’t worry about me, I’m sick but I’m certainly not going to die.”  
“You’re sick?” Johannes asked, his face suddenly a picture of guilt and foregone conclusions.  
“No - no - no - no - no - no, don’t look at me like that,” Sam frowned, “I’m sick but I’m not made of glass. I’m also not contagious, if you were worried about _that_.”  
“Good then,” Johannes replied, seemingly not knowing what else to say, “I’m glad you told me,” he returned to his typing and frantic clicking.  
Sam was angry and couldn’t figure out why. What was wrong with him? He nearly told this man what he was, like a fool. A thought struck him and weighed him down like an anchor. It was exactly like him to fall for someone entirely too soon. And Johannes was probably under the impression what they had was a strictly no-strings-attached casual thing. He sighed, frustrated with himself.  
“I’m nearly finished, Sam,” Johannes reassured him, not breaking from his typing, “If you have a shower now I should be done by the time you come out.”

Anticipation filled Sam’s heart and for a second he held his breath. Trying to maintain the illusion of coolness, he sat up and took off his shirt. He stood up and made his way to the en-suite, slipping off his shorts and underwear as effortlessly as he could manage. Johannes didn’t look up, but he bit his lip regardless. Sam closed the door behind him, because what he was about to do would surely be a turn off for an unsuspecting human. In the privacy of the tiny bathroom, he let his human form fall away and sat in the air for a moment, before rebuilding it again. Completely renewed, he turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower. Although it was unnecessary, he covered himself with soap, and washed his hair with the tiny shampoo provided. Johannes liked cleanliness after all. He grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, and brushed his teeth. For a moment he lost himself in the sound of the water and the feel of it against his skin. The sensation coaxed him to relinquish his human form once again but he resisted. Satisfied that any further actions would be over doing it, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Drying himself on the complementary towel, he fought himself to not reline his eyes. Vanity losing out, he wrapped the towel around his waist, and stepped out into the hotel room, still damp and hair fluffy like a baby bird.  
Johannes gestured to the laptop which was conspicuous in its absence, “See? I am done,” the man beamed.  
“I should hope not,” Sam replied cheekily, “I was counting on you giving that honour to me.”  
Johannes chuckled, “Ah - ha, you are being saucy,” he began unbuttoning his shirt, a smile glued to his face, “But I will allow it, because no one is here to see how hard you make me blush.”  
Sam lay out on the bed next to him, posing with an arm behind his head, “Oh, you’ll allow it, will you?”  
“In fact, I think I’ll let you be saucy for as long as you can manage,” Johannes put his shirt on a coat hanger and removed his trousers.  
“Oh but I could be saucy for hours—” Sam paused to watch Johannes do some last minute tidying before heading off to the shower, “— days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries,“ he winked, making Johannes blush intensely, “Millions of years, no, billions! Stars could be born and die and I will always be saucy.”  
“I sincerely believe that,” Johannes laughed at Sam’s playful boasts as he shut himself off in the shower.  
Sam took a moment to open the top drawers on each of the bedside drawers, for future convenience. Laying back down, he closed his eyes, meditating to the distant sound of the water. The water eventually stopped but Sam was too far lost in himself to think to open his eyes. He became aware of Johannes climbing on top of him and gently touching his face.  
“You didn’t fall asleep, did you?” Johannes asked, almost whispering.  
Sam opened his eyes, blushing to find his face so close to his own, “I was meditating.”  
“Oh good,” Johannes smiled, relieved, “Oh uh, by the way, I only paid for the room for two nights, so you’ll need to be ready to leave by eleven in the morning.”  
“Okay, if you say so,” Sam had to laugh at the man’s timing.  
“I finish at around seven in the evening though,” Johannes tried to shrug but it didn’t translate in his position, “Auntie suggested you spend the rest of the day with her. You don’t have to, of course, but it seems the easiest way to do things.”  
Sam’s face lit up, “I get to hang with your auntie? I’d love to!”  
Johannes kissed him, relieved, “I’m glad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to any one listening along with text to speech technology, German and Spanish words are... not great with those things as they're only programmed to read (1) one language in a sitting, but Mahomai is bound to be a train wreck in all language settings.


	4. Auntie and Dorothy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waffles are eaten and Sam learns a bit about Johannes's backstory.

**_**Sunday, July 16** _ **

Sam lay awake, listening to Johannes snoring softly in his sleep, the gentle breeze of the air conditioning providing a soft soothing hum. Johannes had fallen asleep before he’d gotten a chance to dress, so they both lay naked under a sheet, legs intertwined. A hand curled possessively around Sam’s stomach as though he were afraid he would leave in the night. Sam tried desperately to ignore the tug that pulled at his heart. The annoying little niggle that made him want to risk everything, just so he could be seen.

***

_~ It was impossibly black in the flooded caverns. There was not so much an absence of light as a soul sucking void. It seemed impossible that anything could survive down there. Few would realise it had once been home to a thriving underground settlement for hundreds of years. Sam had had to completely forego all physical forms, needing the awareness of his true incorporeal self to navigate through the watery black ruins. It was a difficult journey. He had never joined with anyone welcome in the city, relying on the hearsay for the item he sought. It was a foolish, dangerous mission. As he made his way down a sunken pit a clawing terror gripped him. Something magic was close. A twisted echo of something like himself. An artefact like the one that ripped at his soul, pulling him to times he did not belong. He gazed down upon it. The remains of her voice clung to it like cobwebs. Laughter. Manic and desperate. There was something like a bolt of lightning, and agony tore through him. White hot searing pain dragging him backwards into nothingness. ~_

His eyes snapped open, blinking wildly until his vision returned. Sam found himself face to face with a handsome blond man, sleeping beside him, the dawn’s light casting them both in shadow. Sam automatically jumped, trying to remember who he was.  
The man yawned and ran a hand down Sam’s shoulder, “Is it morning already?”  
“Morning, yeah,” Sam squinted, worried he still couldn’t remember his name.  
“Are you okay?” the man wondered, as he noted Sam’s expression.  
“I uh,” Sam frowned, “I woke up wrong.”  
The man kissed him sleepily, “What’s wrong?”  
And like that Sam melted, the memories of the night before flooding back, “Johannes,” he sighed to himself in relief.  
“Yes?” Johannes asked, concern and confusion clouding his expression.  
Sam pulled himself up and rubbed his eyes, “I’m sorry about that, I had a nightmare that’s all,” he pouted, “It wasn’t fun, and now my head hurts.”  
Johannes yawned and sat up, “Do you _always_  sleep badly?”  
“This is my normal, honey. Don’t worry about it,” Sam kissed Johannes on the cheek.  
“So uh…,” Johannes smiled dreamily to himself, “Last night was nice.”  
Sam snuggled up to him, smiling through his aching head, “Yeah it was.”  
“I don’t normally,” Johannes made a vague gesture with his hands, “You know? Fall asleep straight after.”  
“I thought you earned it to be honest,” Sam admitted, “You worked really hard all day, why shouldn’t you get to have a good sleep after fucking.”  
Johannes blushed, “You don’t think it was rude?”  
“Rude?” Sam laughed, and then kissed him, “Rude would be staying here with me and to hell with your work.”  
Johannes kissed him back, and then tore himself away, “Ah, I can see you’re going to be a bad influence, cariño,” he stood up and stretched, “I need to get ready.”  
Sam bit his lip, appreciating the contours of the man’s body dramatically lit from the rising sun, “I know you have a strict no photographs policy but you look particularly beautiful this morning.”  
Johannes paused, apparently overcome with shyness, “You’re just saying that to get me back into bed,” he scoffed, avoiding eye contact.  
“I was merely regretting the waste of it all,” Sam smiled warmly, “A moment’s beauty lost to time, its only hope to become a treasured memory until even that’s forgotten.”  
Johannes frowned critically, “I think that’s too deep for before breakfast,” he walked to the bathroom and washed his face in the basin.  
“Sorry honey,” Sam chuckled, “I’m just really gay for nude men backlit by natural lighting.”  
“I wasn’t complaining,” Johannes explained as he paused for a moment to shave a portion of his face, “I just didn’t know how to top that.”  
Sam giggled on the bed, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”  
  
Johannes eventually returned, putting on underwear and getting straight to pressing a fresh shirt and trousers. Sam watched him with interest, the concept of ironing being a new and exotic wonder. He watched Johannes finish getting dressed.  
“If you’re staying up maybe you’d like to come with me for breakfast? Auntie will have something put aside for us and I get to introduce you to her,” Johannes hinted, knotting his tie.  
“Oh!” Sam realised what the man was saying and struggled into the first outfit he could come up with, “I hope she likes me,” he said, running to the bathroom to fix his hair.  
“Auntie likes everyone,” Johannes thought for a moment, “It’s her best and worst personality trait.”  
Sam looked at himself critically in the mirror and decided it was probably worth the effort to shave, “Are you going to be comfortable being seen with me?”  
“You’re not a monster, Sam,” Johannes tutted, putting away his things into his overnight bag.  
Sam smirked at himself in the mirror, “No I mean, when was the last time you introduced a guy to someone with them __knowing__  you were fucking that guy?”  
“Ah,” Johannes groaned, “I admit it’s been a while, but it’s not a problem with Auntie.”  
“Do you know if any co-workers are staying here?” Sam asked, nearly cutting himself from rushing.  
“There are a few from other schools,” Johannes replied.  
Sam finished up, washing the blade, and quickly whipped out his toothbrush and toothpaste, “So it’s not a big deal if they see me with you?” he asked before brushing.  
Johannes paused, thinking for a moment, “No, probably not. They don’t really know me, and it’s not your problem to worry about either.”  
Sam spat into the basin and rinsed his toothbrush, “I’m not worrying, just trying to be respectful of your boundaries.”  
“Sweet but unnecessary,” Johannes sounded distracted, “Uh… Sam?”  
“Yeah?“ Sam collected his toiletries and walked back into the hotel room.  
Johannes was standing beside the bed, a bottle of lube in his hand, “Was this yours or mine?”  
Sam opened the top drawer of his bedside drawer and pulled out another more expensive bottle, “This is definitely not mine,” he threw it at Johannes.  
“Okay, I definitely thought we were using mine last night. I’m sorry but it looks like you’re out,” Johannes threw the empty bottle in the bin.  
“So?” Sam shrugged, “I’ll get more later. What’re you doing tidying up that stuff anyway, I’ll do it once you’re gone,” he yawned, not used to being awake that early in the morning.  
“Yeah but you’ll do it wrong,” Johannes replied sulkily, “Wait, I mean… I have a system okay? If you don’t follow the system you won’t be able to fit everything in,” he at least had the grace to seem apologetic about his pernicketiness.  
Sam laughed and sat on the bed, “Fine,” he lay down, “Just let me know when it’s time to go get food.”  
Johannes fussed about for another five minutes, eventually nudging Sam who was lying with his eyes closed on the bed, “Come on sleepy head, time to meet Auntie.”  
“Kiss me first,” Sam grinned cheekily.  
“Fine,” Johannes pulled Sam closer, and kissed him passionately for slightly longer than necessary.

***

Johannes guided Sam through the hotel parking lot to an older building. A few people wandered into what seemed to be a small dining hall but Johannes entered a door to the side. It turned out to be the hotel’s kitchen. A small elderly woman with a severe hair cut and sour expression sat at a table around the back, watching the small television as she ate. She didn’t seem to notice either of the men approaching.  
“My boys!” a voice sung out from somewhere in the kitchen and Sam spun around to face a small round elderly woman with white bobbed hair, and a bright smile full of rainbows.  
“Hallo, Auntie,” Johannes gestured at Sam, “This is Sam, I told you about him.”  
Sam beamed, “Auntie! I’m so glad I get to actually meet you!”  
Auntie wiped her hands on her novelty donkey apron and shook Sam’s hand with the firm sturdy grip of a business woman, “You’re nothing like I imagined!” she laughed, “Johannes talks about you like you’re a refined man of the world, but here you are, a scrawny runt wearing jorts and leather boots in summer!”  
“You’re everything I imagined,” Sam beamed, not even flinching at being roasted by an elderly woman wearing a Shrek-themed apron.  
“Come on, sit down. I made you breakfast,” she took the two men to the table around the back, “This is my sister, ignore her, she’s always grumpy. Dorothy, you remember Johannes right? This is Sam, they’re dating. Isn’t that cute?”  
Dorothy rolled her eyes, “Calm down, Beatrice, no need to be a weirdo,” she turned to Sam and Johannes, “Good morning, pleased to meet you Sam. Ignore my sister, she’s always like this.”  
Johannes sat down and nodded curtly, “Buenos días, Dorothy.”  
Sam sat down next to Johannes and beamed at the woman, “Good morning, Dorothy.”  
Auntie returned to the table and dished out a fine breakfast of a waffles, berries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce, “Now I know what you’re going to say Johannes, and you can just suck it up. A single fancy breakfast isn’t going to ruin your health now, is it?”  
Johannes looked as though he was considering talking back but decided against it, “If you say so Auntie,” the man sighed.  
“Thank you, Auntie,” Sam beamed at the woman, “Your kindness is appreciated.”  
“Aw, aren’t you the sweetest thing!“ Auntie beamed back, “Eat as much as you like, goodness knows you need fattening up.”  
Dorothy rolled her eyes noisily, and went back to finishing her cereal, “They’re grown men, you don’t need to spoil them like sick children.”  
“Nonsense,” Auntie scoffed, “Everyone likes to be spoiled,” she sat next to her sister, facing the two men, “So how did you two meet?”  
“Uh,” Johannes blushed and tried to be preoccupied with a sliced strawberry, “The internet.”  
“Oh so how does that work?” Auntie seemed genuinely interested but also completely clueless.  
“It’s a dating app,” Sam replied, “You write about who you are and what you’re into, and if someone is after the same thing, you begin a conversation.”  
“Is that how it works? You make it sound so impersonal,” Auntie frowned, evidently having feelings about such pragmatic approach.  
“We spoke for over a year before we met up,” Johannes reassured her.  
“He shared pictures of his cat when she had kittens!” Sam regretted not having his phone on him so he could share the photos.  
Dorothy perked up, “Missy? How’s she doing? She _knows_  she’s only supposed to be an indoor cat.”  
“I know, I’m sorry. She’s a very wilful lady and she’ll be tamed by no one,” Johannes frowned apologetically.  
“You know Missy?” Sam asked Dorothy out of curiosity.  
“Of course I do, she’s _my_ cat,” Dorothy paused for a moment, “In theory any way.”  
Sam squinted for a second, thinking critically, “So does that mean?”  
“Yes,” Johannes sighed, “Dorothy is my land lady.”  
“Neat!” Sam returned to eating his breakfast.  
Auntie looked at the two men thoughtfully, “So have you been together long?”  
Johannes chewed, pondering for a moment, “I’m not sure we’re together _now,_ but we had our first date nearly a month ago.”  
“How can you not be sure?” Auntie seemed confused at the concept.  
“Beatrice!” Dorothy snapped, “Mind your own business!”  
“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude,” Auntie shrugged, “It’s just been so long since, well, since I was out there. It seems so long ago.”  
“No it’s okay Auntie,” Johannes replied, “I know what you mean.”  
  
The sisters sat watching the two men eat, all four of them awkwardly silent. It was a strange atmosphere to Sam. He had such little firsthand experience with family life he didn’t quite know what he was supposed to do.  
“Would your sister approve of Sam?” Auntie mused, her tone clearly not meant to be insulting.  
“Oh? Ah hmm…,” Johannes paused to think, “I couldn’t say if Lilli would understand him, but approve? Yes, I think so.”  
“You need to send me photos of her baby,” Auntie sulked, “I feel weird asking her to send them.”  
“That’s because she’s never met you, you goose,” Dorothy rolled her eyes, “You should learn how to use the facebook, it was designed for nosy weirdos like you.”  
“Yeah but I want _real_  photos, printed and glossy you know?” Auntie gazed forlornly at fridge, its face empty other than the hundreds of novelty magnets and family photos arranged in no particular order.  
Johannes laughed good-naturedly, “I’ll send you some for Christmas then, okay Auntie?”  
Sam beamed at him, “You send her things for Christmas? That’s so cute!”  
“Well, nothing excessive,” Johannes played with the cuffs on his sleeves, evidently embarrassed to be caught out being sentimental, “Just a card, and some small tokens, you know?”  
“Johannes is a good boy, he remembers Auntie every year,” Auntie beamed proudly.  
Sam finished the last bite of his waffles, “Thank you for the breakfast Auntie, it was delicious!”  
“Aren’t you sweet,” Auntie collected the plates and danced with them back to the kitchen.  
Johannes groaned, “I better go get my things together. Are you coming with me, Sam?” he stood up and politely tucked his chair back in place.  
“Oh of course,” Sam did the same, yawning, “I need to lie down for a bit.”  
Auntie buzzed back to follow them out of the kitchen, “I’ll see you later then, boys. Johannes, are you going out with your friends for the traditional dinner, or will you be coming back here?“  
“I wouldn’t call them friends Auntie, but yeah I’ll be joining them for the traditional dinner at the tavern,” Johannes smiled awkwardly.  
“Aw, it’s a pity,” Auntie frowned, “Sam, I suppose you’ll be joining the ol’ bat and myself for dinner then?”  
“Yes, absolutely Auntie, I’m looking forward to it!” Sam grinned at her, pretending not to notice the judgement she was sending in Johannes’s direction.  
“I’ll come and collect you before lunch then, sweetheart,” Auntie nodded, “Unless you bring your key to the front desk yourself. Then the real fun will begin.”  
  
Johannes put his arm around Sam, escorting him out the building into the parking lot before Auntie could guilt him for leaving Sam all day, “So what do you think of Auntie?” he asked, once they were in the privacy of their hotel room.  
“I like her. I’m very glad you have someone like her and her sister in your life,” Sam kissed him on the cheek, making him blush.  
Johannes coughed awkwardly, “Uh, yeah I agree.”  
Sam sat on the bed and watched him pack away the rest of his things and double check to ensure he had everything he needed in his briefcase, “I hope your presentation goes well,” Sam thought for a moment and corrected himself, “No, I’m _sure_  your presentation will go well.”  
Johannes flashed him a confident smile, “I know it will,” and turned to head for the door.  
“Wait!” Sam jumped up and wrapped his arms around the man’s neck, “Thank you for inviting me. I’ve had a wonderful time, and I’m not just talking about the sex,” he kissed him, “Also you need to give me the key or Auntie will kill you.”  
“Oh right, yeah I forgot,” Johannes pulled a card out of his wallet and handed it to Sam, “Here,” he paused, self-conscious, “Also, thank you. I normally hate these trips but having you here has made me feel… uh hmm, you know, some things.”  
Sam kissed him one more time and watched him walk out the door, before collapsing backwards on the bed.

***

_~ Sam sat in front of the library, watching the people walking about their business. By all appearances nothing was unusual in the slightest. Overburdened business women hurriedly weaved through the streets holding phones to their faces, children dragged on their parents arms trying to dash across the road and into the park. But Sam was not just watching his eyes and listening with his ears, he felt with his soul and knew that not all was what it seemed. For reasons he could not explain, the energy of humans was scant to be found. Sam was going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did. ~_

Sam opened his eyes widely, his head darting from side to side until his senses returned. He winced, the alarm on his phone firing bullets of pain into his skull. Groaning, he rolled over and picked it up.  
“Give key to Auntie Beatrice - ten min,” he read impassively before realising what the words meant, “Oh shit! Fuck - fuck - fuck!” he scrambled about the room, gathering the last of his and Johannes’s things and piling them up by the door.  
There was a polite knock on the door, “Coo-ee! I’ve come for my key?”  
Sam opened the door sheepishly, “Fancy seeing you here?” he tried to pretend he wasn’t still panting from his mad dash.  
“I know, it’s so unexpected isn’t it?” she laughed, opening the door wider and wheeled in her janitorial accoutrement, “Don’t mind me, this is just a quick once over before I send one of the girls in with a vacuum cleaner and fresh bedding.”  
“Oh… what do you do?” Sam felt his eyes dart instinctively towards the little bin in the corner.  
“Bins, wipe surfaces, spray shower and toilet,” Auntie counted on her fingers absently.  
“I can help!” Sam declared enthusiastically, deciding it was his best chance to protect Johannes’s pride, “I help out Ana and Naomi at the bar all the time!”  
Auntie put on a pair of rubber gloves, “Ana and Naomi?”  
“Oh, uh, they run the local gay bar? Anaomi’s? It's a relatively small place, but it's the only one in Arcadia, maybe you’ve heard of it, I don’t know,” Sam rambled grabbing the spare pair of gloves from the trolley.  
Auntie laughed, “No, it’s not really my scene,” she clapped her gloved hands together, “Right! Where do you want to start?”  
“Uh,” Sam looked around the room, “How about I do everything and you sit and we can talk about Johannes behind his back? You know, in a friendly way, nothing mean.”  
“Okay, the friendly gossip I can do, but you can’t get rid of me that easily, sweetheart,” Auntie laughed, “How about I start on the bins and you start spraying everything with the appropriate cleaner?”  
“But we didn’t… empty the bins…,” Sam caught himself blushing on Johannes’s behalf.  
Auntie snorted, “Sweetheart, I’ve worked at this hotel for the past twenty five years, I guarantee there’s nothing there I haven’t seen a million times before,” she wrinkled her nose, eyes twinkling, “It’s cute you’re shy though,” she nimbly dodged past Sam and snatched up the bin bag, expertly tying it into a knot and tossing it in the larger bin in the trolley.  
“I’m not shy,” Sam laughed, “I have the footage to prove it,” he frowned, “But he is, uh, about that sort of thing.”  
“Mmm, yes he is rather,” she tossed Sam a bottle of antibacterial bathroom spray, “Wait, what’s all this about ‘footage’, young man?” Auntie raised an eyebrow at him knowingly.  
“Oh ah… ha, if we have time maybe I can show you later,” Sam coughed, “I will need time to make sure you don’t see anything _too_  naughty.”  
Auntie took to the entertainment unit with a light spritzing, “So you make pornography, huh?”  
Sam murdered the en-suite in a shower of chemicals, “Uh not exactly? I’m part of this club and we sometimes do shows and uh…,” his face fell when he remembered why he stopped going, “I don’t think I’ll be back again.”  
“Why’s that?” Auntie asked, genuinely disappointed for Sam.  
“The person I was going for died, I really don’t want to talk about him,” Sam couldn’t begin to describe the train wreck that was their relationship to an old lady, he forced himself to perk up, “I’m going to miss all the singing, dancing and showmanship though, it’s a special feeling when you have the crowd eating out of your hands.”  
“Aw, what a pity for you,” Auntie replied sympathetically.  
“So how did you meet Johannes? You seem like an unlikely pair,” Sam asked, desperate to change the subject.  
“Oh I…,” Auntie grew thoughtful for a moment, “It was years ago. He was staying the night for a job interview and I had only recently bought the old dump from the previous manager. I hadn’t fixed it up then, so there was a bunch of unsavory sorts. I received a complaint that there was a ruckus in the parking lot, and found the kid fighting with another young man who was high or drunk or something, I’m not sure. But after I flashed a torch in his face he ran off, leaving me to deal with the mess he made of young Johannes.”  
“Why were they fighting?” Sam had a suspicion he knew, but he didn’t want to assume.  
“Well, Johannes was just defending himself, it wasn’t his fault the other young man thought he was－” Auntie frowned disapprovingly into the mid-distance, “－unwelcome.”  
“I’m starting to see the picture,” Sam groaned.  
Auntie sighed, “It was seventeen years ago, you know what it was like then. Anyway, I got him talking as I dragged him to the hospital, and the poor kid was new in the country, all by himself, with no family to speak of. And, well I felt bad for him of course.”  
“He never speaks of family,“ Sam frowned, “I only learned he had a sister this morning.”  
“He likes you, he wants you to think the world of him!“ Auntie reminded him, “Who wants to impress their date by bringing up their family baggage?”  
“I suppose so,” Sam shrugged, returning to the hotel room, bottle in hand, “But when we started talking it was under the assumption we would never meet in person. You know like penpals? He only really started considering it a couple months ago.”  
“Oh come on, he’s proud, he wants to impress everyone,” Auntie smiled kindly at Sam, busy wiping the countertop of a bedside drawer.  
“Why won’t he tell me about his family?” Sam switched sprays and got to work on the other bedside drawer.  
Auntie stood with her hands on her hips, “Well, I suppose he’ll assume I told you even if I don’t, so hopefully he won’t mind,” she returned to the bedside drawers, checking for anything left behind, “They were… not good parents and he cut off contact years ago. It caused a big rift in the family. Johannes and his sister on one side, and everyone else on the other.”  
“That must be terrible,” Sam frowned, trying to imagine it, “I can’t even envision it. What's the point of having kids if you're going to drive them away?”  
“Ah, I bet you have wonderful parents who love you dearly,” Auntie tilted her head, imagining Sam’s fictitious family.  
Sam hated to be the one to burst her bubble, “I don’t have parents. Never did. It was always just me.”  
“Dear child, how did you survive?” Auntie gasped, her bubble ruined.  
“I did perfectly fine. I’m very resilient and resourceful and a fast learner,” Sam puffed his chest up theatrically with undeserved pride.  
Auntie nodded sadly, “But would you wish that life on a child?”  
Sam frowned, he didn’t actually remember his childhood, or if indeed he ever had one in the sense humans would understand it, “A child should always have someone who has their back,” he conceded, “But blood means shit when it comes down to it.”  
“Ah… it’s true,” Auntie sighed, “A mother isn’t without her own sins,” they stood for a second contemplating the injustices in the world, “Anyway!” Auntie dragged them out of the moment like a champ, “I think we’re about done here. Why don’t you take your things to the backroom? You remember where it is don’t you?”  
“Oh sure, but who do I give the key to?” Sam took off his gloves and put them back where they came from.  
Auntie took off a glove and made a beckoning gesture with her hand, “I’ll take it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally figuring out how the html works.


	5. Peter and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam learns about Auntie's secret, and Johannes confesses his confliction.

**_Sunday, July 16_  
**   
The kitchen bustled with energy as the staff finished preparing the day’s lunch for the hotel patrons. Sam was alone as Dorothy was busy at the front desk dealing with the hotel’s comings and goings, and Auntie herself was overseeing the preparations in the dining hall. A considerate kitchen hand had given Sam a tall glass of water with a novelty curly straw, which he sipped as he scrolled through over a year’s worth of the private chat he had with Johannes. In hindsight a lot of things about the man made a lot more sense. Such as why he felt the need to keep quiet about his origin and career. They didn't exactly live in a large town, and there could only have been one Austrian teaching Spanish to high school students. Of the things the man had shared over their long chat, many of them seemed somehow more personal than they had before. Johannes probably wished he had never said any those of things, now more than ever. Of course Sam would never use those things against him, but Johannes had to at least be mentally preparing for a future where he would. Conversely, Sam wished he had said more about himself. If not about his magical state of being, then at least that he had no job, address or documentation to his name. The more he associated with the man, the more awkward it became. At least after the vampire incident he probably knew Sam had seizures, but judging from his non-reactions he probably didn’t realise exactly how many, or what they looked like when he was having them.

He sighed, getting to a selfie Sam had shared months ago. It was hard to look at, knowing it had been taken by his Ashinerin, a man he probably should have had hated. The man had technically ruined his life to use him as a power-grab. Turned him into the living embodiment of the Heart of Janus. His own personal pet seer. He had joined with Sam on countless occasions to search the depth of his memories, digging deeper and more aggressively every time. But joining wasn’t one sided. Although he had objectively been a despicable, petty creature, a pawn for his own masters to misuse and discard, Sam had come to know everything about him. He had seen inside Ashinerin’s every last lost hope and despair, every pathetic grab for validation snatched away, time and time again. By the end he had been all too eager to throw away his life, as they all had, groomed to be the perfect pawns from the beginning. They didn’t even have real names. Sam had called him Ashinerin, not out of affection, but out of a sense the man should have at least something of his own. It was probably good that he eventually died, Sam was never going to voluntarily give up on the pathetic creature. Despite everything, part of him was grateful for being broken. Thirty years prior, Ashinerin had sent him to live in California to spy on the headquarters of his little cult. He was given a new name. Sam Tir. Everything Sam was in the present, he owed to that dead man. That Ashinerin had felt the same way about his masters was a deeply depressing thing.

A young woman elbowed her way passed Sam and plonked herself down on the couch. Sam recognised her as the disgruntled youth who had delivered his lunch the day before. She turned her head to look at Sam and made a disgusted noise with her throat.  
“Eugh,” she groaned, “It’s you. Don’t tell Auntie I’m here okay, dude? I just needed to get off my feet for a second, that’s all.”  
Sam shrugged, not caring one way or the other, “If you say so.”  
The young woman slouched, her spine resting on the seat of the couch, “I guess you’re like… a relative or something?”  
“Oh wow, no,” Sam had to think what he should’ve been calling himself, “I’m a family friend.”  
“So _like_ a relative,” the young woman squinted, not seeing the difference.  
“My name’s Sam by the way,” Sam decided he may as well introduce himself.  
“Cool, my name’s Candi,” Candi nodded nonchalantly, “I work here now.”  
Sam smiled wryly, “I assumed that. Is this a summer job?”  
Candi grimaced, “Ew, does it show?”  
“Youth?“ Sam laughed, “I guess it does.”  
“Seventeen isn’t that young,” Candi insisted, a faded lock of blue hair escaping her messy bun.  
Sam looked at the child and sighed, “I suppose it feels like that when you’re young.”  
The youth frowned, “What are you like, twenty eight?”  
“Not quite right but close enough,” Sam conceded.  
“So what’re you doing?” Candi wondered, massaging her shoulders with her hand.  
“Feeling sorry for myself,” Sam admitted, “You know that thing when you go over old messages and it hits you just how much your life sucks? That.”  
“Oh man, dude, why?” Candi groaned, knowing exactly what he was talking about.  
“Nostalgia I guess,” Sam sighed, “And I wanted to find a specific photo.”  
“Eugh was it like, one of those group shots where the gangs all together only you all hate each other now?” Candi speculated.  
“No - no it was a photo a… boyfriend took of me at a party,” Sam shrugged, “But he’s dead now, so—”  
Candi nodded understandingly, “Yeah that’s rough,” she tilted her head, “Was he sick?”  
“No he…,” Sam stopped, remembering the deep recesses of the man’s mind, “Yeah, yeah he was sick.”  
“Dude, I’m sorry. I’ve never had a datefriend die on me like that but like, ouch,” Candi frowned sympathetically.  
“Candice!” a voice yelled behind Sam, it was Auntie.  
Candi leapt up to attention, “Sorry Auntie, I was just——”  
“You can slack off in your own time! This is the real world where you have stick to your shift in order to get money in order to live. That’s how it works, Candice!” Auntie nagged.  
“Yeah yeah I know, Capitalism sucks,” Candi sighed, “I was just keeping your friend company because he was all alone.”  
“Oh yeah, I’m sorry Auntie. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have asked her to hang out with me when she was still on the clock,” Sam lied, deciding Candi seemed a decent enough kid.  
Auntie tutted, “Okay fine, I’ll pretend to believe you, but get back in there Candice! I didn’t hire extra summer staff to be personally run off my feet while you all get to slack off in the backroom,” she pointed towards the kitchen exit.  
“Yes ma’am… I mean yes Auntie,” Candi replied curtly and ran off back to the dining hall.  
Auntie sat down next to Sam and sighed, “Sorry about that but the kids won’t learn if you don’t teach them,“ she looked at him and the phone he was still holding, “Texting your man, huh?”  
“No I was going over our conversation,” Sam held the phone to show her the photo, “See? Footage.”  
Auntie took the phone in her hand to get a better look, “Oh my, you look very—” she made a face trying to think of a positive thing to say, “—rock and roll.”  
Sam had to grin, “Thanks.”  
“I don’t think I’ve ever worn that much make up in my life,” Auntie handed the phone back to Sam.  
“Sometimes I like to put in a little extra effort,” Sam went to his gallery, trying to find family friendly things to share.  
Auntie got up and walked to the fridge in the backroom, “I’ve given up on that kind of thing,” she sighed, pulling out a couple green plastic containers, “As a single working woman, you don’t get much time or energy to waste on looking pretty.”  
“It’s not a waste if it makes you feel special,” Sam said, watching the woman buzz around preparing a salad from items she had in the fridge.  
“What’s the point if you’ve got no one to look special for?” Auntie frowned at the salad, “Do you eat ham?”  
“Yeah, I’ll eat just about anything, Auntie. My only dietary requirement is that it’s food,” Sam replied, “And even then, it’s flexible.”  
“Oh aren’t you easy to please?” Auntie sung, delighted to be given free reign.  
“Who cares if you have anyone to look special for though? The only important person is you,” Sam couldn’t let her comment slide.  
Auntie spun around to raise a bemused eyebrow in Sam’s direction, “Don’t let Dorothy catch you saying that, she already thinks I think the world revolves around me.”  
Sam shrugged, “So? Home’s gotta revolve around the hearth after all.”  
Auntie beamed so brightly at Sam he wondered if literal rainbows would manifest between them, “I will have to remember that,” she returned to the small kitchen counter. She fussed around for a couple more minutes before placing two bowls of salad on the table.  
“Thank you Auntie,” Sam grinned, feeling utterly spoiled.  
Auntie handed him a fork and drizzled a sticky red sauce over the two bowls, “It’s nothing special, but it’s made with love and that makes all the difference.”  
Sam took a bite and nodded approvingly, “Very good, definitely better than Ana or Naomi’s cooking.”  
Auntie sat across from him, putting down two glasses of lemonade, “Flatterer,” she scoffed, taking a sip, “So this Ana and Naomi, they’re your family?”  
Sam paused thoughtfully, “I don’t think they’d be offended if I said yes. Ana is like my weirdly responsible little sister and Naomi is something of a kindred spirit,” Sam held out his phone sharing a picture of the two women, “I regret I wasn’t there for their wedding. I’m told it was a very good one.”  
Auntie took hold of the phone, squinting at it, “Ah, they look so happy together. Have they got any children?”  
“No, no children. They tried but it wasn’t to be. Anaomi is their baby now,” Sam shrugged, he didn’t exactly understand the urge for parenthood but he knew it was a thing that was general considered important for humans.  
Auntie sighed, “Ah, such a pity,” she took a bite of her salad and chewed it thoughtfully, “Are their parents supportive? Of them being… married that is.”  
“It took a while but yes. Naomi’s were… confused, but she grew up in a house with unconditional love so Naomi being Naomi was never truly an issue. But Ana’s family?” Sam made a face, “It’s only recently gotten better. To be fair, a lot of their problem was they didn’t like Naomi, rather than explicit homophobia.”  
“Oh dear,” Auntie frowned, clearly deep in thought, and handed back the phone.  
“To be honest,” Sam admitted, putting his phone back in his jorts pocket, “I’m not sure why they put up with my bullshit.”  
Auntie pouted, “Oh come now, you don’t have any bullshit, look at you.”  
Sam laughed, “There are few as bullshit as me. I’m a hard guy to deal with on a long term basis.”  
“Ah I am the same,” Auntie smiled knowingly, “I am the queen of bullshit. Ask Dorothy. Ask Pete— —” her eyes widened as she heard what she said. She dashed out the other door that apparently lead to a hallway.

Sam ate his lunch awkwardly waiting for her to return. After a few minutes she did, holding the frame of a photograph as though it were worth more than its weight in diamonds. Wordlessly she handed it to Sam and sat down. It was a round young man, probably taken in the 90s judging from his haircut, standing next to a middle aged Auntie, “Who’s this?”  
Auntie sighed, “This is Peter. My son. I don’t tell many people out of shame.”  
“Oh I see,” Sam looked at the man more critically, “Why are you ashamed of him?”  
Auntie took another bite of her salad and frowned, “That’s not it. I fucked up. He doesn’t talk to me anymore.”  
“I see,” Sam turned his gaze to Auntie.  
“We had a falling out, only I didn’t realize it was happening until it was too late,” Auntie chewed her lip nervously, “He had enough of my bullshit.”  
“What happened?” Sam wondered, setting up the photo frame so Peter stood watching them both eating.  
“I was going through a difficult time. It’s hard raising a child on your own, but it was okay because my Church had my back,” she sighed mournfully, “I had no idea my son was gay.”  
“I don’t understand?” Sam looked at the photograph again as though that could fill in the gaps.  
“I had so many wrong ideas,” Auntie scoffed, “I didn’t understand what gay was. Maybe I still don’t.”  
Sam nodded, “Sometimes I forget there are religions like that. Religion and I don’t mix.”  
“I am still religious but… the letter he left me, telling me everything he couldn’t in person…,” Auntie paused bitterly, “It was a wake up call. I switched churches, sorted out my life, worked hard to give back as much as I could.”  
“But he still hasn’t gotten back in touch,” Sam sighed.  
“I tried looking for him for years but there was nothing I could do. He was on the other side of the country and didn’t want to be found,” Auntie frowned, “For a long time I didn’t talk about it.”  
“Is this why you’re so active in Johannes’s life? Does he even know?” Sam made a face.  
“It wasn’t easy for me,” Auntie pouted, “I still remember when Peter was little, he’d insist on dragging Mister Teddington with him everywhere. And how when he went to school he decided he was too old for Mister Teddington but absolutely _insisted_  I took him with me to work every day. And I did because it made him happy,” she twisted a lettuce leaf on her fork, “When I met Johannes I’d already given up finding Peter. I didn’t tell him about my son because I didn’t want him to think I was like __his__  mother. Maybe guilt had something to do with it, but well, I was determined he wasn’t going to be entirely alone. I hoped like hell that someone was doing the same for my Peter,” she shrugged, “I only got around to telling him a couple years ago.”  
“How did he take it?” Sam asked carefully.  
“Well,” Auntie chugged her lemonade like whiskey, “He didn’t say anything but I know he was disappointed.”  
“You _were_  using him in part to prove to yourself you weren’t homophobic,” Sam raised his brows in judgement.  
“Yeah I know,” Auntie laughed bitterly, “I’m not saying this as a confessional, Sam. I don’t expect to be forgiven after several hail Marys.“  
Sam continued his lunch, considering her motives, “So why are you telling me this?”  
“I…,” Auntie looked around conspiratorially, “Don’t tell him I said this but Johannes likes you a lot. Has he told you he’s in love with you yet? Because it’s plain as day that he does. Strange as it may be, he’s something like a son to me. I want you to be family as much as he does.”  
Sam nearly choked, “Auntie, you can’t say those things.”  
“Why?“ Auntie pouted, “I’m just telling the truth here.”  
“Auntie,” Sam grimaced, “I’ve not been completely honest with him. When he finds out the truth he will run. I _guarantee_  he will run.”  
“Aw, and why would you say that? Johannes thinks the world of you,” Auntie made a sympathetic face.  
“That’s my point, Auntie. I’m not exactly a catch you know,” Sam gestured vaguely with his hands, “Okay I’m a free spirit, but that can only get you so far. And my bullshit is different than your bullshit. I don’t have an estranged son, I’m...,” Sam paused, translating what he was about to say into something more believable, “I barely pass as human. I’m sick. I don’t even have a house or job because you need money and papers for that. If you saw me where I live you’d probably call the police. You wouldn’t be the first.”  
Auntie made a quiet gasp, “Sam, are you—” she leant close and whispered, “— are you illegal?”  
Sam cursed himself, he’d hoped she wouldn’t pick up on that, “Just so you know, that’s not a polite way of phrasing it. I’m a person, not a crime. But don’t tell anyone about me, Auntie. Especially Johannes.”  
“Oh of course not,” Auntie nodded reassuringly, “Do you really think he’ll run when you tell him? Johannes is a good man, he might surprise you.”  
“I’d love that but,” Sam frowned, his head suddenly hurting a lot more than it had been.

_~ Sam looked at Johannes, fighting himself to stop what he was doing, but it was no use. The words kept flowing out of him like a river into the ocean. It was dark and they were only illuminated by the light of his truck, but Sam could see Johannes eyes widen. Sam slid out of his clothes and took a deep breath. He let his human form fall into nothingness and hovered in the air gingerly. Johannes yelled as he backed away and threw himself into the truck. Sam watched him as he sped away, bitterly falling into the soil when he lost sight of him on the road. ~_

Gasping Sam flung his back and tipped back onto the floor. With his vision and hearing not fully back he could only struggle, clutching his throbbing head, in far too much pain to care about where he was. As his senses returned he found himself facing an elderly white haired woman wearing a novelty apron. Auntie.  
“Oh my god, are you okay?“ she shook him by the shoulder gently, “Your head dropped like you fell asleep and then you tumbled to the ground!”  
Sam winced, her voice was like needles through his skull, “Seizure. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”  
“Should I call an ambulance? Take you to a doctor?” Auntie was slightly panicked but she seemed to be dealing with it fine.  
“No doctors!” Sam insisted, “This is just a thing that happens to me. I’m sick, I’ve been sick for years. I’m not getting better but I’m not worse. I’ll be fine,” he put the chair back into position and sat back down at the table.  
To his surprise Auntie rustled his hair and sat back down across from her, “Johannes warned me but I’ve never seen one in action. Not one like that.”  
Sam covered his face with his hands to block out some of the light, “What did he say?”  
“Be gentle with him Auntie, he has seizures, something something epilepsy maybe?” Auntie said, apparently paraphrasing what she’d been told.  
“Oh,” Sam assumed that he had known this but he didn’t know he’d warned others about it, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, “Okay good. So you knew. I did not know that you knew.”  
“Did you not want me to know?” Auntie tilted her head quizzically, “He just wanted to make sure I’d take care of you properly.”  
Sam pouted, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, I just would’ve preferred to have been told, that’s all. Wait when did he tell you?”  
Auntie shrugged, “When he changed the booking,“ she waggled her eyebrows saucily, “You know when he changed to a room with a double bed. He may or may not have told us a great deal about you.”  
“Oh wow,” Sam was surprised to find himself blushing, “That was before I told him I was sick. He must’ve been paying attention.”

***

Sam spent the rest of the day following Auntie around the hotel and helping her do whatever errands that needed done. It was hard work for Sam, who was only used to helping out at Anaomi’s, but he was pleased to find it enjoyable work. After a long afternoon, Sam and the two sisters retired into their little apartment that sat above the old building containing the kitchen and dining hall. They had eaten takeout for dinner, mostly because it had been Dorothy’s turn to cook and she had burned whatever the charred mess had been originally. After that embarrassment Dorothy retired to her desk to work on the accounts for the evening and left Auntie and Sam to their own devices. Auntie lounged on an old recliner and was watching reruns of Friends. Sam, despite the sisters instance that he sit on the couch, lay on the carpet in front of the television.  
“Auntie?” Sam asked, holding back a yawn, “About your son? Have you tried social media?”  
Auntie frowned, “I don’t know how to use the internet very well,” she admitted.  
Dorothy scoffed from the table, “Then learn, you old bitch. It’s not that hard.”  
“Hey! I’m very busy okay?” Auntie threw a dainty doily in Dorothy’s direction.  
“I think if you want him to get in contact, you need to make it something that he’d find if he went looking. Write him an open letter, get him to send his reply to a PO Box or something. Figure out something that will work on his terms,” Sam suggested optimistically.  
“Do you think that’d work?” Auntie wondered.  
“It’s worth a try at least,” Dorothy shrugged, “I can set it all up if you want, just give me a letter by hand and I can do the rest. Facebook would be best.”  
“See?” Sam nodded, “It’s a new century, new means of communication.”  
“New ways of telling people to go fuck themselves,” Dorothy laughed.  
Auntie turned her attention to the clock by the television, “He’s late. Did he call, Sam?”  
“He sent me some texts, yeah,” Sam admitted.  
“What did he say?” Auntie wondered.  
“Ah…,” Sam pulled out his phone, “Dinner is going to be late due to reasons. I hate these things, everyone’s so fake and/or offensive. Thinking of you. Food was worth the wait. This married woman tried to stuff her number in my pocket. I don’t even know her,” his phone binged cheerfully, “Oh new message!” Sam looked at the new message, “Oh boy… I am not sharing _that_ bit, but the gist of it is that he’s heading back now and he wants a reward for committing zero murders tonight.”  
“Finally!” Auntie exclaimed, “If he wanted a reward he should have skipped the whole thing, then you would’ve had time.”  
“Beatrice!” Dorothy threw back the doily in disgust.  
Sam shrugged, “She’s right though, you gotta admit,“ a yawn escaped, “And now I’m too tired to do anything but snuggle.”  
“You can fit a lot into a snuggle though,” Auntie nodded her head as though she was imparting age old wisdom.  
“Oh my god, would you stop?” Dorothy snapped.  
Auntie rolled her eyes, “Okay fine you old maid. I’ll just go back to my Friends then won’t I?”  
Sam laughed, it was fun seeing the dynamic between the two sisters, he could only imagine what they were like when they were young. He decided to send a reply to Johannes even though he was probably already driving.

» Sam: Can’t wait to see your handsome face again :wink: «

After several minutes Sam’s phone binged cheerfully again.  
  
» Johannes: Where are you? «  
» Sam: The living room upstairs. Auntie is watching Friends so just follow the sound of entitled straight white people. «  
» Johannes: Haha thanks :thumbs up: «

There was the dull sound of someone thumping their way up the carpeted stairs and the creek of a door opening, “Sorry about the time,” Johannes said sheepishly at the door.  
“Ah it’s no problem,” Auntie sung out, “Sam makes for great company. He helped me on my rounds all day today.”  
“She means they’ve been gossiping all day,” Dorothy rolled her eyes.  
Auntie stuck out her tongue like a petulant child, “She’s just cross because she can’t play her playbox when I’m watching tv.”  
Sam stood up and made his way towards Johannes, he started to initiate a hug but then paused, remembering they had an audience. Johannes made a curt nod of approval and let Sam hug him. Sam tried to put as much affection as possible into the embrace but ended up with his head splitting from pain.

 _~ The darkness was intoxicating, inviting. Sam had never known anything like it. He had little interest in drug use after the incident, experimentation had proven that an altered mind state would trigger more painful and aggressive visions, but what he was experiencing seemed somewhat analogous to a very pleasant trip. It was strange. As an incorporeal being he did not feel much in the traditional sense but he was definitely feeling. And he was pretty certain he was not in a physical body. His senses explored deep into the darkness like a curious cephalopod. There was a sensation like white hot lightning and being torn asunder. Sam would have screamed if he were able. A trap. He had fallen into a trap. How utterly and pathetically naïve he had been. ~_

Sam blinked, he would have turned his head to figure out where he was but there was something in his way. It was relatively soft, probably something like cotton. It was warm and smelled familiar, like a human he knew personally, intimately. He tried to place the name when he realised why he couldn’t move. Someone was holding him pretty tightly.  
His ears decided to come back online, muffled words filtering through, “You must be tired, huh?” it was a pleasantly deep voice, the accent unmistakable.  
“You can let me go now,” Sam insisted into Johannes shirt.  
Johannes released the grip that had been stopping Sam from sliding to the floor, “We need to get going,” his expression was a combination of concern and disappointment.

***

It was well and truly night by the time the two were back on the road again. Sam was exhausted, unused to being human for so long, the pain from his last vision still throbbing in his skull. He sat curled up on the passenger seat, his head bouncing occasionally on the window. Johannes had been unusually quiet. For the first forty five minutes neither spoke a single word. Sam yawned, drifting off slowly to sleep. He frowned, realising he could hear a low rumbling noise. When he concentrated he realised it was German. Not technically intelligible, but still recognisable enough. Sam turned his gaze to Johannes who was muttering very quietly. He probably didn’t think Sam could hear him. Or had forgotten the times when Sam had said he was a polyglot. Sam contemplated ignoring him, of the few words he could pick up, it seemed the man was calling himself out for reasons Sam couldn’t guess.  
“Johannes, ich kann dich murmeln hören. Hast du etwas vergessen?” Sam yawned sleepily.  
[ _Translation from German: Johannes, I can hear you muttering. Have you forgotten something?_ ]  
Johannes swerved dangerously on the road for a second, cursing wildly as he tried to stay in the lane, “I thought you were sleeping,” he admitted sheepishly.  
Sam rubbed the side of his head, thankful he didn’t hit it hard, “Nope.”  
“You’re not hurt are you?” Johannes asked.  
“I’ll be fine,” Sam yawned again, “Sorry for startling you.”  
“It’s fine,“ Johannes nodded and kept his eyes on the road.  
Sam watched him frowning for a moment, “Are you… mad at me?”  
“What? No, of course not,” Johannes turned to look at him, confused.  
“So did something happen?” Sam wondered.  
“No?” Johannes turned back to the road, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
“It’s just you seem… angry,” Sam chewed his lip, pondering.  
“I’m not angry,” he paused, “Okay maybe I’m a little bit, uh… hmm…,” Johannes sighed, trailing off. Making a grumbling noise, he turned off the radio.  
Sam waited for him to say something but he remained silent, “Okay?”

 

* * *

**_**Monday, July 17** _ **  


Sam gazed out of the truck window, watching the lights flash past in front of him. The signs flashing passed told him they were approaching home. He could feel himself being lulled to sleep.  
“Okay,” Johannes began abruptly, startling Sam out of his nap, “So I’m not… good at saying what I need to say,” he admitted, desperately looking ahead, “It’s not a bad thing, but it’s not good either.”  
“I see,” Sam nodded to himself, he’d been expecting this conversation.  
“When I invited you to join me I wasn’t expecting it to be… like that,” Johannes grimaced, ever so slightly.  
Sam raised his eyebrows ever so slightly insulted, “Like _what_ , exactly?”  
“Well, okay, uh…?” Johannes cleared his throat nervously, “Do you believe in magic?”  
It took all of Sam’s willpower to not burst out laughing, “What kind of magic are we talking here?”  
“It sounds silly I know,” Johannes must’ve been thankful for the darkness that obscured his glowing cheeks, “But it’s, hmm… there’s something about you.”  
Sam’s expression froze, “There’s something about me,” he repeated, his heart beginning to race as he frantically wondered if he’d slipped up at some point and didn’t realise.  
“It’s like you put me under a spell… Eugh, that was cliché, forget I said that,” Johannes winced at himself, “But this weekend, it’s been like I’ve known you for years, I’ve _been_ with you for years. Do you have any idea ho——” he cut himself off, seemingly horrified at the words that began to pour out.  
Sam sighed, conflicting relief and concern washing over him, “I have a pretty good idea,” he said as softly as he could manage.  
“I don’t think you can?” Johannes replied, the waver in his voice so subtle that Sam nearly missed it, “I don't _do_ whatever this is. _Why_ am I do it now?”  
“I hear what you’re saying,” Sam replied, reading between the lines.  
Johannes tried to collect himself, “It’s not that I don’t like you, but I wasn't prepared to uh..., it wasn't in the plan at all,” he ended bitterly.  
“This ended up going way too fast for you, I get it,” Sam nodded sombrely, “Just tell me how you want to proceed.”  
“I just don’t know where this is going, or what I want out of… us?” Johannes admitted ruefully.  
“Look, that’s fine. When you first began chatting with me, you said… some things. Things you’ve never told anyone. You had no intention of meeting me in person so I guess you felt safe enough to do that,” Sam fidgeted with his hands, “This is just my theory here, but I think — I think this may have unintentionally created a power imbalance and made both of us more emotionally invested than otherwise would’ve happened. Which is why you’re freaking out a little here. Possibly.”  
Johannes chewed what Sam was saying in his brain, “I’m such an _idiot_!” he spat.  
“No, you’re not,” Sam wished they weren't in a moving vehicle so he could make eye contact while they spoke, “I’m merely saying that if you need this to slow down, or stop, I genuinely get why.”  
“I don’t know,” Johannes sighed, “I mean, I need to think about this.”  
“Okay,” Sam nodded.

The two sat in silence for several minutes. Johannes pondering his future, Sam fighting himself to not come clean about what he was. Who he was. The urge sat in Sam’s stomach like lead, it wasn’t fair that Johannes was conflicted about his feelings for a man he didn’t even know wasn’t human. He couldn’t bite his tongue forever. At some point Johannes needed to know the truth.  
“Johannes?” Sam asked.  
“Yes, Sam?” Johannes replied.  
“Thanks for being honest, it means a lot to me,” Sam said.

***

Sam had to open the back door to Anaomi’s with his key, his two friends having gone to bed hours before. No sensible people were awake at that hour. Johannes carried Sam’s gym bag back into the living area beyond the public toilets of the bar. Sam sat on the sofa and took a long deep breath.  
“Is that everything?” Johannes yawned.  
“Uh?” Sam fought the urge to turn into a mouse and hide under the stairs like a coward, “Would you say you’re an open-minded individual?”  
Johannes pinched the bridge of his nose, “If this is about whips and _stuff_ , no, no I am not.”  
Sam laughed nervously, “No, this really isn’t even remotely related to _stuff_. Uh,” he winced, already regretting the words he was about to say, “Do you remember our conversation last night? About me not wanting to get you involved in the bullshit that is my life? I’ve been thinking. I think it’s only right you should know. I don’t want to tell you because you will never see me the same way again, but… it’s only right. It’s not fair on you that you don’t know.”  
Johannes thought for a moment and sat down next to Sam, “Well, go on then.”  
“I… can’t, not here. It’d be easier if I just showed you, and to show you we need to not be here,” Sam found himself unable to meet Johannes’s gaze.  
“You don’t _have_ to tell me,” Johannes insisted, trying to be reassuring.  
“No, you don’t understand. The longer I go without telling you the worse it will be,” Sam bit his lip, trying to maintain composure, “I don’t want you to hate me, to not trust me, but you need to be able to see the full picture.”  
“Can you give me even a _little_ clue of what the big picture is?” Johannes ventured, gesturing with his fingers.  
Sam chewed his lip, trying to think of something that would point him in the right direction but wouldn’t leave him thinking Sam was joking, “It’s about how I’m not a bad person, but I’m bad at _being_ a person.”  
Johannes frowned, “That doesn’t help at all,” he admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl Auntie and Candi are too fun to write.


	6. Shadows and Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get dramatic when Sam confesses his true nature to Johannes.

**_**Saturday, July 22** _ **

Sam waited at the lookout, sprawled languorously on the bench where he and Johannes had shared those mediocre fries. It was midday, the sun was bright and hot, and the air hung like sticky mist. He normally preferred to sleep during these times, but it would be an absolute disaster if he confessed all to a human in the middle of the night. They’d probably need therapy for years. Even as it was, it would still be confronting to see someone you knew and cared for disappear into nothingness only to be replaced by a glowing orb with a dark misty halo. It was something even non-humans had to get used to. The memory of the vision Sam had of Johannes driving off in horror stuck in his brain like a fly in hot glue. The chances were that Johannes would never want to see or speak to him again. And if that was the case, Sam just had to accept that. Other than Ana and Naomi, he had no other ties to the town. He would find a new place to haunt. A place with new languages to learn, and more animals to become. But he would miss Johannes sorely. The chances of him accepting Sam’s nature was low. Very low. The children seemed pretty okay with it, but they were an outlier surely. The sound of a vehicle pulling up and parking made his heart sink. This was it. He hoped Johannes would find a nice human lover. Someone he could dedicate his life to, someone that made a life in the shadows seem impossible, someone who brought the best out in him.  
“Napping?” asked a voice from above, his accent unmistakable as always.  
Sam sat up and rubbed his eyes, “Just… collecting my thoughts.”  
“Why ask to meet here?” Johannes wondered, “You know, after the ‘vampire’ incident.”  
“The ‘vampire’ incident is exactly why it needs to be here,” Sam stood up and stretched his muscles, “It’s a short walk from here, but be sure to remember your way back. You may want to take off and I want you to know I absolutely won’t follow if that’s the case.”  
Johannes squinted critically, “You say that like there’s a dead body out there,” he laughed, “Or a monster!”  
Sam smiled sheepishly, “Something like that,” he shrugged, “Not the language I would use though.”

The two trekked their way up a dirt pathway and into a clearing, both of them too nervous to make much in the way of small talk. Sam took a deep breath, it smelled of home. He took Johannes up and around a particularly large tree and made an expansive, demonstrative gesture.  
“Is this it?” Johannes asked, his brows raised in slight expectation.  
“Kind of?” Sam sat on the warm grass, “I’m curious if you figured it out. Auntie was pretty sharp, and maybe she told you, even though I asked her not to.”  
Johannes leaned on the tree, opting to forgo grass stains, “Figured what out?”  
“The reason why I never wanted you to come to my house. The reason why my default meeting locations are the lookout and a gay bar,” Sam made another grand gesture around the clearing as though that would help.  
“No?” Johannes scratched his head, “I thought it was a privacy thing. I never wanted you to come to _my_  house either. It seemed perfectly reasonable?”  
“Johannes, this _is_  my home,” Sam kicked the box next to Johannes’s legs.  
“This is a clearing,” Johannes replied critically, “That is a box.”  
Sam fished around in his pocket and pulled out a key, he opened the box and pulled out a shirt, “See these are my things. I was wearing this the first time we met.”  
“You’re uh,” Johannes gestured wildly with his hands, apparently desperate to come up with the least offensive term, “Homeless? I had no idea. You look so normal?”  
Sam shrugged, “People see what they want to see. I’ve squatted before but I’d choose nature over a dilapidated house any day.”  
“Why don’t you just share the rent with a friend?” Johannes seemed to be struggling with wrapping his head around Sam’s motivations.  
“Rent? With what money? I don’t work. Who would hire someone like _me_ with no papers?” Sam gestured to his person.  
“What do you mean no papers?” Johannes asked, his voice dropped half an octave.  
“I’m not a citizen of this country. Or any country. I have no papers proving who I am. If someone were to try and have me deported they’d be in a right pickle trying to decide where to send me,” Sam laughed, “I’m not really a proper person.”  
Johannes frowned, “How did this even happen? Weren’t you born in Iran?”  
“Okay, this is where things get… fantastical,” Sam winced, “You’re probably going to think I’m insane, until it gets beyond that and you think _you’re_  insane. I just want to clarify that you are free to leave now, and I won’t follow. If you leave at all I promise I won’t follow. You won’t see me again, you won’t hear from me again. I will tell nobody about you. It will be like I never existed.”  
“That is uh,” Johannes’s eyes widened slightly with alarm, “I don’t know what that is.”  
Sam closed the lid of his box and gestured for Johannes to sit, he obliged, “This town is unusual, you’ve seen this for yourself right? I think most have, even if they dare not admit it. The shadows with eyes.”  
Johannes nodded slowly, “I’m listening.”  
Sam paused, he’d rehearsed this a million times in his head but now that he came to it, nothing seemed right, “I came to this country in a cargo ship. Nobody saw me because I didn’t want them to. Before this I was roughly in Central Asia, I say Persia because it’s easier. But country borders meant little to me. Nobody saw me, unless I wanted them to,” Sam took a deep breath, “Johannes, when you were little, very little, did you believe in the fair folk? Tooth fairies, red caps, ghosts, goblins, ghoulies, anything like that?”  
Johannes frowned, “I don’t remember, but I remember being afraid of the dark. The uh… shadows with eyes, as you say.”  
“Johannes, _I_  am a shadow with eyes,” he stopped, remembering his true form had no visible eyes to speak of, “Well, kind of, not literally. There’s no actual specific word in human languages for what I am. I go with anything and everything, it doesn’t matter.”  
Johannes laughed, “There’s no way you’re not human. You’re tugging at my leg.”  
“I meant no deception,” Sam frowned, “All I ever wanted from you is what you’d freely give.”  
Johannes stopped laughing, “You _really_ think you’re not human? Is this to do with the seizures?”  
“Yes, but not how you think,” Sam found he was making himself smaller and smaller.  
“Ah, of course, I should have known. You did say you’re sick,” Johannes sighed, “Is there medication you should be taking? Someone you should speak to?”  
Sam was appreciative that the second he suspected that Sam had mental health problems that he defaulted to concern rather than mockery or scorn, “Hear me out, Johannes. I hate hospitals, I never go to them. For good reason. But if you don’t believe me after I’ve finished showing you, then you can take me to whomever you think would help,” Sam replied, knowing full well that it would never come to that.  
Johannes sighed again, “Okay, let’s hear it.”  
“I’m a shapeshifter. I don’t steal forms, but I make my own version of a species. With my own kind of magic, obviously. I can turn into animals, non-humans, a human as you can see,” Sam fought himself to keep talking, it was too late to turn back, “My true form isn’t physical. It sort of exists between, within, eugh I’ve never found a good way to explain it. A spirit, perhaps?”  
Johannes sat for a moment, seemingly processing his thoughts to decide the correct course of action, “Can you prove it?”  
“Yeah, I can but,” Sam lowered his head, “It _will_ be confronting.”  
“Oh come on, ‘Arcadia Mania’ was last month, Sam,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever _you’re_  going to throw at me.”  
Sam took a deep breath and stood up, “I need to undress, it’s easier to find my clothes again later if they’re folded,” he kicked off his boots, and undressed, folding each article of clothing and placing them next to the box, “Okay,” Sam looked down at Johannes, “Before I continue, just remember, there’s no shame in running. I’m not violent by nature, but even those who _are_  have been disturbed by what I’m about to show you. I _know_  I’m not for everybody, especially humans. Just promise me you won’t tell other humans.”  
Johannes shrugged, “I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

Sam took a step into the clearing away from Johannes, and changed his human form into that of a stag, he jumped back instinctively as Johannes crashed to the ground swearing loudly in mangled Spanglishdeutch. He clambered back on to the box, standing on it as though height would give him an advantage. Sam took a step forward towards the man, carefully turning his head this way and that to show off his handsome antlers. Deciding it was safe, he took a couple more tentative steps and lifted his head up for the man to touch him. To his surprise Johannes did, utterly transfixed, he ran his hand across Sam’s jaw to his ear. Sam let his stag form fall away into ash and backed away again, his incorporeal form bobbing at roughly waist height. Johannes jumped back, forgetting he was standing on one of Sam’s storage boxes and crashed to the ground again. When he didn’t jump back up again, Sam made his way to Johannes to ensure he hadn’t caused some damage. He shifted into his human form again and landed roughly on top of the man.  
Johannes pushed him off instinctively, eyes glazed, “Fass mich nicht an! Du bist ein Monstrum! Ein Dämon! Eine Perversion der Natur!” he pulled himself onto his feet, “Ich hielt das für einen Scherz! Nein! Wieso tust du mir das an? Was willst du von mir?”  
[ _Translation from German: Don’t touch me! You’re a monster! A demon! A perversion of nature! I thought you were joking! No! How could you do this to me? What do you want from me?_ ]  
Sam let go of his human form once again and darted behind a nearby tree, he formed his human body once again and tentatively stepped out from behind it, “Es tut mir Leid, hast du Angst vor mir? Hier bist du sicher, Liebling. Ich will dich nicht verletzen, ich will nur dass du verstehst. I’m trying to tell you, don’t you see? You’re _so_  beautiful, and _so_  human. The melody of your soul breaks my heart with its shadows but you deserve to be happy. You trusted me with so much, please let me give you my trust in return.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m sorry, are you afraid of me? You’re safe here, darling. I don’t mean to hurt you, I just want you to understand._ ]  
“¡Para!“ Johannes held a hand out as though he were going to hit Sam, but the distance between them was too great for it to be a genuine threat, “Don’t try to _sweet talk_  me! I thought we had an _understanding_ but how can you understand _me_ when you’re a - a - a freak?”  
Sam’s body fell to ash and reappeared closer to Johannes, “Stay with me.”  
“No!” Johannes backed away.  
“Stay with me and I can show you how much I understand,” Sam repeated, knowing full well what was coming next.  
“No!” Johannes backed away again, “I can’t!” his face betrayed his confliction, “This is too much! Verzeih mir… pero no lo creo, no lo puedo creer! I didn’t sign up for this!” he continued backing away, not yet daring to turn his back on Sam.  
[ _Translation from German: Forgive me… / Translation from Spanish: but I can’t, I can’t believe it!_ ]  
“Verzeih mir, Johannes,” Sam fell to his knees in defeat, “If this is what you truly want, then I won't stand in your way.”  
[ _Translation from German: Forgive me, Johannes._ ]  
Johannes finally reached a distance he felt safe. He turned and ran, not stopping to look back. Sam watched him disappear between the trees, “There's no shame in running,” he reminded himself.

***

After waiting until sunset, Sam decided it was time. He put his clothes in the box, and pulled out the cards from his phone. Once the contents of his box were arranged to his satisfaction, he locked it, and allowed his body to change from human to squirrel. With the key in his mouth he darted up a tree and skipped from canopy to canopy until he got to a particular hollow and climbed inside. Inside the hollow was an old metal cigarillo case, it took all his squirrel strength but he managed to get it open and placed the key inside. He rested for a while and then closed the case once again. He curled into a ball and let his memories overtake him. It had been a mistake to involve himself in the human world. He would never truly belong with them. And Sam had been persistent, even pushy, he regretted not staying as the stag for longer. Johannes had been mesmerised then, but had not seemed afraid, not quite. He __had__ been receptive. Had Sam not been impatient things could have turned out very differently. But Sam had wanted to talk, to explain himself, and he couldn’t do that in such a form. It had been foolish to hope for even a second that a human would be able to see passed his true nature. He didn’t blame him of course. He knew that when he let his physical forms come undone it looked uncannily like watching someone die a horrible instant death.

 

* * *

**_**Saturday, August 5** _ **

Sam wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He spent the majority of his break from humanity incorporeal, sharing the same space as a tree. Trees were a good place to hide, they were slow, barely aware of time and space, they didn’t cause him pain. He could just be. But Sam was lonely and he longed for company. He decided it was time to check in with Ana and Naomi. He would speak with them one last time before leaving for good. They didn’t know everything about him, but they were kind and generous. They at least deserved a goodbye. He formed into an eagle and fished around the hollow of the tree, grasping the cigarillo case in his talons.

With a less than elegant landing, he ensured he wasn’t being watched and summoned his human form. Naturally the cigarillo case was easier to open with human hands, as was the lock to his box. He dressed in his last clean outfit, a pair of leggings with an oversized sleeveless shirt, and the fancy boots he had bought with his own money eight years ago. With great solemnity he packed everything he needed to return to Ana and Naomi into his gym bag. With everything on hand, he locked the box away and hid the key in a hollow under a rock he had carved. It was probably an hour or two before dawn, he mused as he began his long walk into town. If he hurried he could be back to collect the rest of his things and be out of town before evening.

***

Sam trudged down by the side of the road, skin slick with sweat. The sun had risen over an hour ago and the relative cool of darkness was quickly fading. Already the town was beginning to buzz with activity, although Ana and Naomi would no doubt still be in bed. In the park across from him a group of people were practising tai chi, a few loners were running laps, a single mother and her young child were cutting through the grass towards the public toilets. Sam made the rash decision to sit in the park watching humans go about their business. He dashed across the road, and found a spot in the shade near the restrooms, overlooking a rose garden and the senior citizens doing tai chi. A soft rainbow haloed the garden, a gift of light from the mist of the sprinkler system. He wondered to himself why he had thought he needed to continue the charade after Ashinerin’s death. He had no reason to stay in Arcadia after the Janus Order crumbled. Why he lingered was a mystery to him. Sam wanted so dearly to talk to someone who would understand, but circumstances had burned his bridges for him.  
To his surprise he fell to the ground, looking up he found an angry looking drunk glowering down at him, “Go away,” Sam spat, pulling himself to his feet.  
“S’wats inda bag, prinsuss?” the man slurred, posturing towards Sam.  
Sam was in no mood to deal with such petty annoyances, “Tiaras. Piss off!”  
“See,” the man took a step towards Sam, “Don’ lie t’me, dick suckah! I know ya got money in der!”  
Sam tried to back away, edging towards the entrance of the toilets, “Money? Are you kidding me?” he spun around and dashed for cover in a filthy cubicle.  
The man followed him, gripped him by his shoulders and pulled him out. He shoved Sam into the brick wall which Sam met with the side of his skull. His world rung and he crumpled to the ground. The man watched him attempt to drag himself away, saying something at him that Sam couldn’t understand. He was being pulled, he could feel it. He fought it with everything he had. Sam managed to drag himself to his feet and stumbled outside, the sun was so bright, he felt sick. He tried to call for help but his mouth didn’t want to work. His thoughts wove into one another until they fell away into nothing.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsure if Spanglishdeutch is a 'real' word but it's too fun to say to not use it.


	7. Baktraga and Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an unfortunate encounter, Sam and Johannes come to a sheepish truce.

**_**Saturday, August 5** _ **

_~ Darkness enveloped him in a shroud of emptiness. Agony filled every thought, every feeling. There was nothing. He was nothing. There was all and all was pain, stretched throughout eternity, pulled asunder by time. This was his end. His fate. His curse. There was nothing, and he was nothing. All there was was pain. ~_

Baktraga tried to scream but he could not move. Blinded by light, deafened by noise. He had no idea where he was. What he was. His muscles ached, and his bones groaned. His skin lit aflame by the pull of an alien force. It was wrong. He was wrong. He was broken. A weightlessness and then something harder. No, softer. He blinked and the lights behind his eyes dimmed. Shapes danced before him and sounds dug into his skull like the jaws of a dragon. He could smell a wolf, but it was wrong. Everything was wrong. He blinked again, the shapes betraying the form of some creature. Many creatures. He had seen creatures like them before, but they had been smaller, furrier, less confusing. He wondered how different their code would truly be. The broken wolf licked his arm but was quickly pulled back by the length of something attached to its neck. He tried to sit up but found his muscles collapsed under his weight. Were these creatures a threat, he wondered. He could not be certain, but he was in no position to defend himself. He couldn’t even let go of his form and sink into the soil. It was unnatural for him to be so weak. It was wrong. He was broken. He wondered if it were the creatures who broke him. One of the creatures was making noises, deep soothing noises with its throat. Speech? Was this speech? He had to try.  
“Gúl tan nanatwi,” he rasped, his throat burnt by acid, “Tan nanatwi ih. Èmar yir hátan?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: This is wrong. I am wrong. What are you all?_ ]  
The creature turned to the others, making more of its deep soothing sounds. It turned back to Baktraga and made more insistent noises.  
“Èmar igwi ih?” Baktraga was almost certain he was in danger, but why they hadn’t attacked he couldn’t know.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t understand?_ ]  
Another creature came from behind the herd, it was larger than the other and louder. Baktraga wondered if his ears were bleeding. The larger creature yelled at the others until only it, and the one pawing at whatever substance covered his body, remained. On closer inspection it appeared to be removing the thorns of brambles from his body. The two creatures spoke quietly, almost sounding like harsh wind. The larger of these creatures then turned to Baktraga and made some tentative noises.  
“Igwi ih,” Baktraga insisted, his attention torn between the two apparently benign creatures.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t understand._ ]  
The larger of the creatures seemed satisfied and threw out whatever it was he was holding. It expanded in size with a great noise and Baktraga recoiled, clawing his way backwards in fear. The other of the creatures took the object and threw it over Baktraga's lower half. He started to kick the object but stopped when he realised it was like the objects that covered his body. Strange and unnecessary, but otherwise harmless. He lay on the grass for a while, covering his eyes from the painful light of the sun. The others sat next to him on a strange object, and made their noises that Baktraga supposed was speech.  
  
Eventually, he tried to sit up and found his body did not resist. The creatures took this as their cue to take hold of Baktraga by his arms. With seemingly little effort they managed to pull him to his feet, so he was standing on two legs like the creatures. The flat object the larger creature had brought was wrapped around his shoulders, and the smaller of the creatures wrapped its arm around his arm and lead him forward. They escorted him to the strangest structure Baktraga had ever seen. It was hard and shiny, and completely unfathomable. The larger creature pulled it apart and climbed inside, putting the piece he had taken back where it came from. As Baktraga gaped the smaller creature did the same but left the piece open and made gestures with its arms.  
“Èmar igwi ih?” Baktraga persisted, until the smaller creature gently pushed him towards the huge shiny object and he realised he was supposed to climb inside.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t understand?_ ]  
He obediently obliged, watching the creature as he pulled a mysterious length of something across his chest and joined it with a small object he hadn't noticed by his hip. He jumped with a start as the creature pushed the piece of weird shiny structure he was inside back. The smaller creature then walked around the shiny structure and climbed in from the other side. The two creatures exchanged polite noises and Baktraga was alarmed to hear an enormous roar. He turned to the creature across from him who didn’t seem to notice or care. Baktraga felt his stomach churn as the scenery around them began to blur. He covered his face with his hands and endured the torture as best he could. He tried to release his physical form but could not. He felt wrong. Everything was wrong. Broken. Sideways. Inside out. Upside down. Twisted. Skewed. Wrong. Wrong. _Wrong!_  
  
_~ His body burned, falling away as charred ashes. There was no point in returning to his incorporeal form as the fire consumed him. Without form he could feel no pain from extreme heat but he still felt torn, twisted, askew. The world he knew and lived in for millennia was no more. What he would do with himself he was unsure, but part of him knew to wait. To wait for others like him. Those who needed no physical form to survive. Creatures of pure creation. Life unformed, but reflexive, ever present. ~_

Baktraga gasped, throwing his head back he bounced gently from a small soft object behind him. His head was on fire. He clawed at his skin, desperate for relief. Something touched his shoulder so softly he nearly missed it, he turned and found himself staring at the creature who had trapped him in the cage. The creature seemed to say something and reached down and took away the straps that held him down. He realised that the shiny structure had stopped moving and although he still sat inside, they were in a completely different location. While he had been surrounded by trees, such strange trees, and grass, such short grass, he now seemed to be in the middle of some strange enormous structures. Structures that dwarfed the shiny structure by far. The creature held out a hand and Baktraga let it help him out of the shiny object. The larger creature was waiting by the nearest enormous structure and said something to the other creature. The other creature replied and led him towards the larger creature. Baktraga wasn’t sure what happened but the smaller creature pressed an object into the enormous structure and part of it came away, revealing it was largely hollow inside. The two creatures entered inside and so Baktraga followed.

Inside of the enormous structure was a vast multitude of smaller objects of various sizes, shapes, textures and colours. He didn’t get a chance to gape as the smaller of the creatures lead him immediately up a strange object that seemed to function like a sharp hill or a fallen tree trunk. The creature lead him into a smaller space and got him to sit on something shiny and bright. Just about everything was shiny and bright in the interior space. The creature knelt down and turned an object and fresh clean water spilled out not far from it. Baktraga fell to his knees and reached to touch the water amazed, and was surprised to find it warm. The creature didn’t seem to approve of this and got him to sit back on the shiny bright object. It spoke to him some more in a soothing tone. Baktraga decided he liked this creature better, if only for the voice that made him feel some kind of way. He tried to let go of his form but it was no use. He was still stuck.  
“Igwi ih,” Baktraga admitted.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t understand._ ]

The creature sighed and pulled away the object it had put around his shoulders. It then got to its knees and began to pull at whatever objects were encasing his feet and calves. After much fussing and tugging, it pulled them away and Baktraga wriggled his toes furiously, as though to make up for lost time. The creature said something under its breath, so softly he had to strain to distinguish it from a sigh. It stood up slightly, hunched over him and began to pull at whatever it was that covered his chest. After a lot of fumbling it finally managed to get the object off and let it fall the ground with a wet splosh. The creature then put its hands on Baktraga’s hips and stopped. Its face was glowing a much deeper red than it had before. Without thinking he reached out a hand and touched its cheek. It was hot. The creature then stepped back, saying a lot of things rapidly and making gestures with its arms. Baktraga figured out the creature wanted him to stand, so he stood up and took a step forward.  
  
He turned his head and noticed a strange object by his face. He could see another creature, cropped somehow so he could just see its head and shoulders. It was bleeding slightly, and its eyes looked red and swollen. He reached out a hand to touch it and recoiled when he was met with something cold and hard. He pulled at the object and it came away, smaller objects hiding behind it. The world of these creatures seemed to be made of objects within objects within objects. He put it back and rested his hand on the cold surface, only then noticing his hand matched up with the hand of the creature. So it was like seeing yourself on the surface of still water, he mused. Baktraga was familiar with this, but completely mystified how the creatures managed to create an object that gave such an effect. The creature put its hands on his hips again and gently tugged on the objects that still clung to his body. Baktraga waited for it to pull the objects completely away but it made expectant nods toward him. Deciding he understood roughly what the creature was expecting, he helpfully pushed the objects down himself and let them fall to the floor with a satisfying sploosh. Baktraga breathed a sigh of relief, he did not know how the objects had come to be on his body, but they were wet and uncomfortable and he was glad to be rid of them.  
  
He turned to face the creature who was on its knees again, a hand in the water as it spilled out as though by magic. Baktraga bent over and put his hand in as well. It was warm, pleasantly so. He decided to put a foot in as well. The creature seemed to approve of this. Gingerly he stepped into the object full of the warm water and gave the creature a playful kick, splashing its face. It flashed a very angry face at him, teeth bared and brows furrowed, but it quickly faded. Standing in the water he realised that he was actually rather cold so he sat down, hoping the creature didn’t mind. It seemed to approve and stepped back, pulling something like the object it had wrapped around his shoulders around the object he sat in. Baktraga lay back, letting his head be immersed in the warm water and his legs hang over the edge. The creature spoke again, and through the water sounded very far away. It was a lulling sound. He was tired. Everything hurt. Everything was alien. Everything was confusing. Everything was wrong. Perhaps it was safe to return to normal around this creature. It had done nothing to harm him yet. In fact it seemed to want to take care of him. Perhaps it knew what he was and understood he was no threat. He let his body fall away until he was nothing but as he was born.  
  
The last thing Sam remembered he was at the park. Yet beyond all logic, he was in a bathroom. He skimmed above the surface of the water, trying to remember how he got there. He came to the conclusion he absolutely had to be human in that setting. He couldn’t risk getting discovered again. He formed his body, trying to ignore the pain that already gripped him, and curled up in the bath. It was pleasantly warm. Soothing. A familiar voice was talking on the other side of the shower curtain. A deep clawing sense of shame overcame him and he curled up even tighter, trying to squeeze the sobs building in his chest to death. Not again. Not now. Not _him_.  
“I did everything you said, Ana. If this doesn’t help I don’t know what I’ll do. Would a hospital even help? He can’t even understand a word I’m saying. He’s acting like he’s never seen anything before in his life. Is this even epilepsy? How do you know? I _am_  calm, Ana!” Johannes rambled, panic tainting his otherwise calm tone.  
There was a muffled sob and Sam was horrified that it had come from him. He covered his face, but couldn’t stop more from coming.  
Johannes sighed, “Oh Ana…, he’s crying. I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do when a grown man i—— Okay fine, you know what, I’ll ring you back,” he snapped, apparently ending the call.  
Sam winced as Johannes pulled back the shower curtain, and covered his face with his knees as well as his hands, still unable to stop the sobbing.  
“Hey,” Johannes said, his voice softer than Sam had ever heard before, “You’ll feel better soon… I hope. If not we’ll figure this out, yeah?”  
“What happened?” Sam asked from deep within his knees.  
“What did you say?” Johannes gasped.  
“What _fucking_  happened? How did I get here?” Sam spat angrily, resenting every second of humiliation, “Why are you here? You ran!”  
Johannes sighed deeply, “You - you understand me?”  
Sam turned to face him and was about to splash him before he noticed his head and shoulders were already dripping wet, “Yes!”  
“What happened to you?” Johannes wondered.  
“I don’t know, I’m sick okay?” Sam wiped his face as though that would hide the tears, “You need to tell me what happened. If I… humiliated myself or endangered anyone, I need to know.”  
“I don’t know what happened,” Johannes looked embarrassed, “Chris and I went to the park to jog. It’s a thing we do, nothing unusual. But we had only just started when we saw the policeman running after a man, we turned to see where they had run from and we found a crowd of people. You were, uh,” Johannes gestured desperately with his hands, “You were lying in the rose bushes, the sprinklers soaking you, during the seizure. It seemed like a bad one. I timed it. I uh,” he lowered his voice, “Chris wanted to call an ambulance but I talked him out of it. I remembered what you said before, about how you’d never go to the hospital. Can doctors tell you’re not human?”  
Sam shrugged, “I don’t know, but these days I don’t want to risk it.”  
“When you came to, you were weird. Really weird. It was like you were a blank slate. Only you kept saying something. ‘Mar ig we ih?’ I have no idea what language it was,” Johannes tried to repeat what he had been saying.  
Sam had to concentrate but it was clear enough, “Oh, you mean ‘Igwi ih’, or ‘Èmar igwi ih’, if it was meant as a question. ‘I don’t understand.’ I was saying I didn’t understand.”  
“But _what_  language was it?” Johannes asked, despite the situation his face was brightening with apparent lingual curiosity.  
Sam grimaced, “It was my first. ‘Mahomai Èmayonata sayi’ is for my people. If I spoke that instead of a human one, I was probably pulled back by time to a point before I’d even seen a human. If anyone asks, promise me you’ll tell them it’s some rural Persian dialect or something. Unless they actually know Persian, in which case, that excuse won’t work.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: The Language from the Soul_ ]  
“Of course,” Johannes promised, a strange look on his face.  
“I’m sorry,” Sam let his wet hair flop over his eyes, “I was selfish to try and drag you into this, you had every right to run away. Once this is over I’ll skip town. You’ll never see me again.”  
“Wait!” Johannes hissed, “I let instinct come over me. If you have a human stereotype, I bet I fell right into it.”  
“What?” Sam couldn’t believe his ears, “What are you even talking about?”  
Johannes fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his phone, “Didn’t you get my messages? I sent so many?”  
“I took the cards out of my phone. I didn’t want to be human for a while,” Sam responded flatly, exhaustion beginning to take over, “It hurt too much to see you afraid of me like that.”  
Johannes held out his phone so Sam could read it, “I was worried. I couldn’t get in contact. Even Ana and Naomi hadn’t seen or heard from you. I thought maybe…?”  
Sam wiped his hands on Johannes’s pants and took the phone, he had apparently sent him a short novels worth of apologies and confessionals, “Why would you worry about me? I _am_  an unnatural perversion after all.”  
Johannes winced, and turned away ashamed, “I regret every word.”  
Sam looked at the man, slightly satisfied to see he felt as terrible as he did, “Johannes? Where are we?”  
“We’re home, uh, my home. In my bathroom,” Johannes stammered.  
“Are we alone?” Sam handed him his phone back.  
“No, I’m pretty sure Chris is still waiting downstairs. He drove us here. Also that’s his picnic blanket on the toilet,” Johannes gestured at the generic tartan blanket.  
“Chris?” Sam found himself struggling to keep his eyes open but exhaustion dampened the shame so he embraced it.  
“A work colleague,” Johannes replied, “Well, friend. He's the one who lived with me for a couple years after his divorce.”  
Sam pulled back the curtain and stood up, leaning against the wall to balance himself, “I should probably thank him or something.”  
“No - no - no stop! Wait until I brought you a towel at least,” Johannes held out an arm in case Sam suddenly decided to streak through into the living room.  
“Johannes?” Sam forced himself to meet him in the eye, “We should talk at some point. Alone.”  
Johannes nodded solemnly, “Yeah, we really should.”

***

Sam awoke with a snort, and was delighted to find himself covered in a crisp cloud-like doona and wearing silk pyjamas. From the other side of the doona a television was blaring something sports related. Johannes and a voice Sam assumed belonged to Chris were talking about how someone’s hamstring injury must have affected their techniques. He let his head enter the world, ready to proclaim his ability to be a fully conscious person once again.  
“Ah you’re up!” Chris announced slightly too loudly.  
Sam winced, his headache not yet gone, “Chris, isn’t it?”  
“Well most people call me ‘Coach’ but I’ll let you get away with it because you don’t know me from work,” Chris beamed.  
Sam sat up, realising he had been lying on a recliner, “Thank you. I’m Sam by the way. I don’t remember if I said that before I passed out?”  
“Well I think you did, and you probably thanked me for driving you? But if you don’t remember it doesn’t count,” Chris winked awkwardly.  
“Oh, uh, well thank you then. I’m really lucky you guys stumbled upon me, I don’t always have friends looking out for me when I’m… out of sorts,” Sam smiled weakly.  
“Oh you’re awake!” Johannes nodded at Sam and handed Chris a sandwich, “Hungry?”  
Sam actually felt nauseous but he wasn’t going to let that stop him, “Yeah.”  
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” Johannes replied, mostly to himself.

Sam watched Johannes fuss around in the kitchen, he didn’t exactly have the best view due to the layout of the house, but it was enough to give his eyes something to look at other than the television or Chris eating.  
Chris looked at Sam for a moment and then back at Johannes, “So we’re still on for tomorrow right?“ he shifted uncomfortably.  
“Sure, it’s not like you’re going to fill in the forms on your own,” Johannes laughed as walked back into the living room with a plate on each hand.  
Sam took a plate and sat it on his lap, suddenly paranoid about staining the cloud-like doona, he let it fall to the floor beside him, “So this is awkward,” Sam took a bite out of the sandwich, “I don’t actually know what you know about me, Chris.”  
Chris choked on the last bite and tried to massage it down by patting his chest, “Well _I_ was told you were drinking buddies. But it seemed weird to me since he barely drinks. What’s _that_ about?“  
“He doesn’t drink either, remember? We go out and _don’t_  get blind drunk and _don’t_  need to take a cab home on a work night, remember?” Johannes filled in, ensuring Sam knew what to say.  
“Uh yeah sure,” Chris said, scowling at his work colleague’s cheek, “But I only heard about you a week ago after you got into a fight or something.”  
Sam looked at Johannes for more information before he put his foot into it, “Well…?”  
Johannes coughed awkwardly, “Yeah, I told him how you sat me down and told me how you’re uh, you know, _gay_. And how I got all defensive and shouty and stormed off.”  
Sam looked at Johannes confused, and not just because Sam thought of himself as being about as straight-passing as a rainbow-maned unicorn pulling a pastel pink float in the largest, gaudiest parade during pride month, “No, that’s not what happened! Why did you tell him it happened like that? It makes you seem like an arsehole.”  
Johannes looked at the sandwich in his hand sheepishly, “But I _was_  an… as you say.”  
“Chris, you should know that he’s lying, he’s making _himself_ seem worse to make _me_ seem better. It was my fault, entirely my fault. He acted as any reasonable person would,” Sam insisted.  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Johannes frowned.  
“Johannes, I’m sorry but I won’t stand for you making yourself seem a bigot when that clearly isn’t the case,” Sam winced at the thought, “Chris, I didn’t come out by saying I’m gay. I came out by...,” he found himself blushing, caught in the drama of the lie, “We were just talking about philosophical stuff like we normally do but I couldn’t take it anymore. I just kissed him you know, without warning or permission. Gushed about how I was in love with him and couldn’t imagine life without him. And basically acted like a complete creepy weirdo. He freaked out because of course, who wouldn’t freak out. I really acted out of line and I sincerely doubt he wants to be friends after _that_.”  
Johannes and Chris stared at Sam, both blushing furiously and completely at a loss at how to respond.  
“I - I - I,” Johannes stammered, completely breathless, “I really wish you hadn’t said that.”  
“No, I uh um…,” Chris made a strange face, looking at no one in particular, “Same thing happened to me once. When I was in college. Never spoke to him again. He was going through some things, ended up dropping out. No idea if he’s okay.”  
“Really?” Johannes gasped.  
“Shuddup about it okay, it was a long time ago,” Chris scowled defensively.  
Sam and Johannes shared a look and awkwardly tried to finish their sandwiches.  
“It’s just I’ve known you for how many years and you’ve __never__  told me this,” Johannes couldn’t help himself.  
“It’s not something I’m proud of, okay? Not because－” Chris gestured vaguely at Sam who was apparently representing general gayness, “－ but he was in a bad place and the kid trusted me, and how did I repay him? By breaking his nose. Well okay, it wasn’t broken, but I could have done and that’s the point.”  
Johannes and Sam nodded solemnly.  
“But still, you’re not like that now right? You set a good example for the kids?” Sam tried to lift the mood.  
“Oh sure I _try_ , but that doesn’t change how I _was_ an insecure jerk,” Chris grumbled earnestly.  
“Well you’ll be happy to learn that I’ve no intention of punching anyone,“ Johannes smiled reassuringly at Chris but only Sam was watching, “I’m sure there’ll be water under the bridge soon.”  
Sam smiled back at Johannes, “Yeah we’ll get over it, maybe things won’t be the same as before but maybe they’ll be more honest?”  
“Once we talk things through, of course,” Johannes nodded.  
“I’m glad to hear it,” Chris looked at his watch, “Oh shit! I’m supposed to be buying groceries with the girlfriend an _hour_  ago! That’s why I took her car this morning,” he stood up, knocking his plate to the ground, “Uh sorry, I need to go before I’m killed.”  
“Oh fine,” Johannes replied, picking the plate off the carpet, “I’ll get that picnic rug back to you cleaned as soon as possible.”  
“Oh sure whatever,” Chris paused, “Oh by the way, the boys are coming over for lunch tomorrow, we’re going to order way too much pizza because I’m going to need it after all those forms. You’re more than welcome to come too if you want, Sam,” he added just before he ran out the door and into his car like a child caught doing a prank.

Sam put his recliner back in its normal position and handed Johannes his empty plate.  
“I really wish you didn’t tell him that story,” Johannes groaned into his hands.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “You mean you’d rather he thought you’re _so_ homophobic you’d _physically_  run away when a friend tells you he’s gay?”  
“I’d rather that than him imagining us kissing!” Johannes snapped.  
Sam picked up the cloud-like doona off of the floor and folded it helpfully, “Well now as payback you have to imagine him kissing that friend of his in college.”  
Johannes groaned, “Kissing will never be the same.”  
Sam followed Johannes into the kitchen, leaving the folded doona on the couch, “Try me.”  
“Let me stack the dishwasher first, also Ana said she’d be dropping off some clothes sometime this afternoon,“ Johannes replied, smirking despite himself.  
“So you made friends with Ana, huh?” Sam grinned.  
“Let’s just say we have a mutual concern,” Johannes laughed, placing the plates and cups in the dishwasher.  
“Plaid shirts, I knew it!” Sam joked as he opened the fridge, helping himself to the jug of chilled water, “I can’t believe you told Chris that you had known me for more than three seconds and didn’t figure out I was gay. There isn’t a fibre of my being that’s straight-passing to anyone, human or otherwise, and you know it.”  
“Hey, it worked didn’t it?” Johannes presented him with a large glass, “But I’m glad you seem to be feeling better.”  
Sam poured himself a glass and finished it in one go, “It’s not a fun feeling you know. I never really got a chance to explain all this, did I?”  
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Johannes took a deep breath, “I’ve been thinking. I want you to give me another chance. I want you to try and tell me again. Everything you meant to before.”  
“Sit down, on the couch. I - I’ll, okay…,” Sam inhaled nervously, “I’ll show you what I really am again.”  
Johannes did sat down and turned off the television. Sam stood in front of him, his finger running up and down the borrowed silk pyjamas shirt. He let the shirt fall, and paused, remembering everything that happened before.  
“I promise this will be better than last time,” Johannes took has hand and squeezed it, “I know what to expect.”  
Taking a moment to ensure the curtains were closed, Sam took hold of the waistband of the silk pyjamas and pulled his pants down, “Just remember I’m not dangerous. At least, when I’m in the here and now. And I’m always me, regardless of what shape I’m in, or if I even have a shape at all.”  
Johannes nodded, “I know.”  
Sam closed his eyes and let go of his body, letting it fall away like ash. Johannes eyes widened but he stayed put, determined to prove himself. Sam drifted closer to him, dancing around his arm, his head, atop the ceiling and into the basement. He middled off in roughly the same place he started and brought his human body back again. With a gentle thud he landed before Johannes and watched him carefully.  
Johannes ran a hand up Sam’s thigh and ribs, pulling him closer as though to reassure himself that he wasn’t an hallucination, “I can’t believe you’re real.”  
“I’m real,” Sam assured him, shivering under his touch.  
“Who else knows about you?” Johannes held up his pyjamas top and handed it to Sam.  
Sam paused, “Humans? Probably only three now, not including yourself. The rest would be dead. Even most of the non-humans are probably dead now,” he pondered as he pulled on the silk shirt.  
“What non-humans?” Johannes wondered.  
“Well, mostly other shifters. They were like me, but they were made that way. A dark magic that used the shattered souls of my kin to make their kind. But most were killed, the rest of their magic undone,” Sam shrugged, “I couldn’t help them in the end.”  
“Are there many of your kind?” Johannes frowned.  
Sam pulled on the silk pants, “I don’t know. The last I met was like two centuries ago. At __least__.”  
“What were they like?” Johannes made space for Sam as he sat down.  
“Honestly I can’t remember. My kin only live in the present. Our memories are fine, but we’re not supposed to recall our entire lifespan’s worth all the time. When we meet we share memories, _that_ is when I remember everything. It’s also how we learn. But, I’m pretty sure we were lovers for a time. He left me or I left him. We grew bored I imagine.”  
“Why me?” Johannes asked, “Out of all the humans out there, why are you telling me? Why did you decide to tell me the first time?”  
Sam paused, “I don’t know. I’m broken I guess,” he relented, “There was an artefact, magical of course. Supposedly called the ‘Heart of Janus’, but I suspect this was more of a nickname. It was supposed to grant the user the ability to see into the past and future. A _human_ user. But my kin are only supposed to live in the present. We’re nearly impossible to kill… but we do have weaknesses. Time. Magic,” he scoffed, “Time magic? I didn’t stand a chance. Every time I see into the future it tears me apart, my soul has to fight to exist. In a physical form this manifests as seizures. When I see into the past I get stuck. Go back to who I was. That’s what you saw this morning. In order to get back to normal I need to discard my physical form,” he shuddered, “To be torn apart on the metaphysical level, well… it’s agony. It takes me some time to recover. I normally sleep it off. I’ll need to sleep a lot today.”  
“This is all very interesting,” Johannes was starting to look completely overwhelmed but wasn’t about to give up yet, “But again, why tell _me_?”  
Sam curled up, hiding behind his knees again, “What I’m trying to say is I’m broken. Unfixable. Living as I’ve done for centuries doesn’t work anymore. Loneliness is constant. I want to… not be that.”  
Johannes let out a deep meaningful sigh, “I’m sorry, Sam.”  
“We’re not alike, I know this,” Sam admitted, “But you chose me. You _trusted_  me. I trust you back.”  
“I think...,” Johannes began carefully, “I think we have more in common than you’re giving us credit for.”  
Sam smiled into his knees, “Minus the whole magically injured immortal thing.”  
“Well obviously,” Johannes smirked, the effect softened by his sympathetic eyes.Sam winced, failing to ignore the increasing pain bursting through his skull, “It’s not that I’m not happy to answer your questions I just… uh… argh… ne——”

_~ There was a strange sensation. Liquid. A pull. Darkness lay out before him but it was speckled with a generous splattering of stars in the night sky. It was hot. The kind of sticky hot that makes every surface unpleasant. There was a gentle rumble surrounding him and coarse sand beneath. It was not the first time Sam lay on a beach in the middle of the night, the tide lapping at his legs, gentle but ominous. No matter when he did it, he always felt at home. Timeless, liminal places anchored his soul. Something touched his hands and he remembered he was not alone, for once he was not alone. ~_

Sam jolted backwards and tried to open his eyes, fighting the urge to sleep until he at least could be assured he was safe. Johannes was sitting across from him, looking concerned. Sam realised where he was and why. He groaned.  
“Are you okay?” Johannes wondered, “Was that what I think it was?”  
“Yeah,” Sam crossed his legs under him, “It happens a lot actually.”  
Johannes frowned, “How many times have you done that and not said anything?”  
Sam shrugged and hugged his chest tightly, “Assume a lot.”  
“Why would you hide that from me?” Johannes asked, his frown getting deeper.  
“It’s unsexy and hard to explain. I’m fine really,” Sam paused, “Just a little cold, achy, tired, and my head feels like I was attacked by an overly enthusiastic acupuncturist, that’s all. Oh and also the ripples of reality are wobbling too hard.”  
Johannes laughed too loudly, “Fine,” he repeated as he shook out the cloud-like doona and threw it over Sam, “That’s cute.”  
Sam buried his face into the coolness of the crisp white cotton, “What’s cute?”  
“Hmm,“ Johannes pondered theatrically, “The idea that an immortal won’t admit to having a seizure because and I quote, ‘It’s unsexy’, seriously?”  
“You scoff but sexy is important to me. Sexy leads to sex. Sex leads to timeless pleasures. It allows me to connect with my truest self. A clawing grasp at who I used to be,” Sam replied defensively.  
“And here was me thinking you were shallow,” Johannes smirked.  
“Do you want to know what forbidden future I saw?” Sam yawned, allowing himself to snuggle under the blankets and into Johannes.  
Johannes raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean _forbidden_ future?”  
“Most of my visions are stressful, people dying,” Sam grimaced, “The last desperate acts of heroes and cowards alike. But this one was different. It was nice. You were there I think? It certainly felt like your energy. We were lying on the beach at night, where the tide meets the sand. Water lapped at our sides and the stars twinkled above us. It was beautiful. Timeless.”  
“Is that really going to happen?” Johannes wondered.  
“Probably not,” Sam paused, “At least not exactly like that. The future I glimpse into is always changing. It’s more reliable to judge a person’s true character than to predict what will _really_ happen,” Sam paused again to yawn thoughtfully, “Although sometimes I’ll see the same event over and over again. Each time a little differently but essentially the same. Like different movies based on the same book.”  
“Huh? Fascinating,” Johannes replied, seemingly considering the implications, “Have you seen me?”  
“Ah,” Sam cringed, “Yes I have. You probably won’t like what I saw though.”  
Johannes frowned, “You’ve seen me die?”  
“Unfortunately. But I’ve seen enough of your actions other times to be able to judge your character,” Sam reached forward to pat him on the shoulder, “You’re a good sort. Just don’t let spite get the better of you. It’s not a good look.”  
“Thanks?” Johannes squinted critically.

***

Sam roused from his slumber to the sounds of familiar voices talking. There was something soothing about the ambiance and he allowed himself to snuggle deeper into the cloud-like doona, half listening to their conversation, wondering drowsily when Ana had turned up.  
“I’m glad he’s back to himself again,” Ana sighed, “I’m just sorry you got caught up in all of this.”  
“There really is no need fo——” Johannes began.  
“Has he even asked how _you’re_  doing?” Ana interrupted, “Don’t get me wrong, Naomi and I consider him family, but he’s _exhausting_. It’s not even just the episodes, it’s… all of him. He seems entirely incapable of functioning like a normal human being but he’s too fucking proud to accept anything but the bare minimum of support. Like a couple months ago his boyfriend apparently died, four weeks he dropped off the face of the planet. Four weeks! We didn’t even know he _had_  a boyfriend. He just doesn’t communicate _anything_!”  
Johannes held his tongue for a moment, “I think it’s more complicated than that,” Johannes sighed, “I think he’s trying to _not_ be exhausting by keeping all the serious things to himself.”  
Ana made a frustrated groan, “Seriously though, how are you? I remember the first time I had to deal with one of Sam’s episodes. It was really scary. Fortunately Naomi knew what to do. Her grandmother had dementia which seems to be a similar thing.”  
Johannes exhaled carefully, “I’m fine now, really I am. I don’t think I’ve actually slept in three weeks, but there’s nothing new in that.”  
“Make sure you get a good night’s sleep tonight, trust me, you’ll need it,” Ana slurped loudly on what Sam assumed to be coffee.  
“If only it were that simple,” Johannes replied dryly.  
“So have you mentioned your idea to him yet? What did he think of it?” Ana wondered.  
Johannes didn’t respond for a moment, “No, I’ve decided I’m going to wait until he’s feeling better. Plus it gives me more time to think about… it.”  
“That seems fair,” Ana agreed.  
Sam wondered what they could possibly be talking about and contemplated sitting up, but the cloud-like doona smelled like Johannes and his skull still throbbed if he even thought of moving.  
“You know I used to assume that when he was offline during the day that he had some job he didn’t want to admit to. Maybe working at the makeup counter at the pharmacy or wherever kids buy cosmetics these days. It never occurred to me that he was __actually__  sleeping,” Johannes chuckled to himself.  
Ana laughed too loudly, “You know so did I. You’d think he’d at least have one sugar daddy tucked away somewhere.”  
“Don’t you pay for his phone bill and clothes and everything?” Sam could hear the raised eyebrow and playful smirk in Johannes’s voice.  
“Oh fuck!” Ana swore, “ _I’m_  the sugar daddy.”  
Sam couldn’t help but giggle a little to himself.  
Blinding light assaulted him in the face as his precious cloud-like doona was lifted away, “You little shit, how long have you been awake?” Ana asked, her face twisted from trying not to laugh.  
“Not long, Daddy,” Sam replied, trying his best to use his sexy subbing voice with a poker face.  
Johannes burst into laughter, clutching his stomach and bending over, his face contorting like a gleeful imp. Sam would’ve enjoyed the sound of it, had his skull not been splitting open like a watermelon.  
“Look what you’ve done, you’ve gone and broken him,” Ana tried to scold but the crinkles in the corner of her eyes betrayed her bemusement.  
Johannes sat up, wiping a stray tear from his eye, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why it’s so funny!”  
Sam smiled at the man through the pain, “It’s funny because I’m never going to fuck her, you know, because we look in completely different directions.”  
“Don’t explain the joke, you dork,” Ana groaned, before finishing her coffee and slamming it _gently_  onto the coffee table, “Eugh, it’s nearly time to set up for tonight,” she patted her bright orange jeans to check for her keys.  
“Oh! Yes, Ana brought your things. They’re on the table,” Johannes stood up, racing over to bring them to Sam.  
Sam took the medium sized bag and peered inside, “Oh wow this is, a lot.”  
“Yeah well, I figured if you didn’t have your travel bag it’d be missing, possibly stolen. And if your travel bag was missing, you need more than clothes. There’s underwear, socks, shirts, pants, a slip on pair of shoes, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, razor, eyeliner because I know you’d kill me otherwise, hair wax, wallet with a _modest_ amount of cash, you know the stuff you have in your bag normally?” Ana squinted, trying to remember if she missed anything out, “Oh and minus the phone, and key into the backdoor at Anaomi’s. We can sort that out later.”  
“You’re a treasure, Ana,” Sam smiled gratefully at the woman for her generosity.  
“Thanks my dude, oh and Naomi sends her love and wishes you a speedy recovery,” Ana nodded at the two men as she let herself out.  
Sam sunk back into the couch and covered himself with the cloud-like doona once again, making a low frustrated growl.  
“Are you okay, Sam?” Johannes wondered, sitting next to Sam.  
Sam growled again, more forcefully, “I am entirely undeserving of all this kindness. Especially from Ana and Naomi who have no idea what kind of freak I am.”  
Johannes tutted sympathetically, “Ah, but don’t we all feel like that, deep down?”  
“I…,” Sam sighed from under the cloud-like doona, “Perhaps you’re right.”

***

Sam sat on the couch next to Johannes who was reading a book in Spanish. It was evening and Sam was beginning to feel painfully aware that he was in the home of a man who had said he didn’t want him there many times.  
“Johannes?” Sam asked, holding back a yawn.  
“Yes?” Johannes replied, not looking up from the page.  
“What made you change your mind?” Sam pulled the cloud-like doona around him tighter, determined to treasure it always.  
“About what?” Johannes wondered, still not looking up from the book.  
“You seemed pretty sure you didn’t want any of my bullshit last time we met. What changed between then and today?” Sam almost didn’t want the answer but the thought had been echoing in his head since he came to in the bathroom.  
“I explained this in my messages,” Johannes shrugged, “You can read them properly on my phone if you want.”  
“No, I want to hear you say it,” Sam admitted.  
“Ah,” Johannes put the book down on his lap, “It’s hard to explain,” he paused thoughtfully, “I was lying in bed, remembering what you said, and what I had said. And it hit me.”  
“What hit you?” Sam asked quietly.  
“That I had heard those words before,” Johannes frowned, “I thought I had forgotten, but they were still there, buried away in the back of my brain. Remembered how it felt to hear them and had to face that I’d acted like a massive hypocrite towards you.”  
“But why would anyone say those things to you?” Sam played back the words he had said in his head, trying to imagine in what situation the human could have been called such things, “Oh,” he said as the context slipped neatly into place.  
“Yes, ‘oh’ is it,” Johannes shifted in his seat uncomfortably, “Now you understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very wordsy chapter so I'm sorry if that makes it hard to read. It was definitely fun to write though.


	8. Vampires and Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get together for pizza and the word vampire takes on a whole other meaning.

**_**Sunday, August 6** _ **

Sam awoke to the sound of clattering crockery and the general hustle and bustle of someone going about their business. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. For the first time Sam felt well enough to check out how Johannes chose to decorate his home. It was about as neat as he expected, nothing seemed overly expensive but everything was reasonably well cared for. There was something different about his home, compared to other humans of the area at least. There seemed to be no family pictures, no awkward portraits of Johannes when he was in _that_  stage of puberty, the only pictures he could see were those of Missy and Sam was fairly sure they were there for Dorothy’s sake. Sam wondered if Johannes even had any family photos, perhaps he kept everything somewhere more private, or perhaps this was something he’d thank Sam not to pry into. Sam decided it was probably the latter.  
He stood up, realising too late that he probably should have checked to see if the neighbours could see into the living room, “Good morning, honey,” Sam beamed, fishing on the cream carpet for a pair of briefs.  
“Buenos días, dreamboy,” Johannes thought for a moment and laughed, “Ha! _Dream_ boy I get it now, very funny.“  
Sam pulled on his briefs and grinned back at the man, “It’s made me laugh for the past five years.”  
“Breakfast? I have cereal or… cereal,” Johannes smiled awkwardly, “I need to get groceries.”  
Sam sat down at the dining table across from his host, “You know, if you’re low on food I can simply not eat. I don’t actually eat to live, it’s just… nice. Food is nice.”  
Johannes scoffed, and poured another bowl of cereal, “No guest of mine is going hungry.”  
“Aw,“ Sam took to the cereal and took a bite, it tasted of cereal, “Are you sure you’re okay with me staying here for a couple days? Especially after everything that’s happened?”  
Johannes nodded, “It’s the least I can do,” he paused thoughtfully, “I want us to start over, you know, as friends?”  
Sam nearly spat out his cereal, “Friends? Me?”  
“Yeah, friends,  _just_ friends,” Johannes shrugged, “You were right, we rushed things a little too fast. But I don’t want it to be like you never existed. I want to get to know you again, the real you, the real me.”  
Sam clapped dramatically, “Honey, you figured out what you want! I’m so pleased for you,” he stopped, “Oh shit, should I be wearing more than just my pants if we’re just friends now?”  
Johannes laughed, “If you want to, honestly I don’t mind either way. As long as you’d walk around in your underwear around your other friends.”  
“Ana and Naomi have seen me naked so many times it’s become something of an in-joke,” Sam paused, imagining how Chris would react if Sam was just hanging out in his underwear, “Wait, are you giving me permission to tease _your_ friends with my lack of nudity taboos?”  
Johannes smirked cheekily, “It’s payback for having to live with him for two years.”  
“That’s wicked. I’m in,“ Sam laughed, “But how’s this supposed to work? The getting to know one another thing.”  
“Oh, well I thought it’d be something like, ‘Hi, my name is Johannes Wilhelm Uhl. I’m gay but hardly anyone knows this because I was too busy focusing on my career and pretending I don’t have a personal life. to you know, actually tell people. And it’s gone on for so long that now I feel too awkward about it to bring it up. I treat my cars like pets, and secretly only really like sports so I can check out the hot players. Also I got into the habit of slipping Spanish into everyday conversations because I couldn’t afford to lose any fluency when competing against native speakers. Most people think I’m a bit weird and they’re not wrong,” he held out his hand to Sam, grinning cheekily.  
Sam took the hand and shook it, enjoying the joke, “Hi Johannes! My name is _actually_  Baktraga but I go by Sam Dana Tir when pretending to be human. I have visions all the fucking time but I can’t really tell anyone what I see because you can’t exactly go up to people saying you saw them be impaled by a tree in a car accident while the sky rained fire upon the world. I don’t really have much going for me, and I spend the majority of my time living out everyone’s secret fantasy of being a cat caught in a sunbeam. Literally everyone knows I’m weird and I’m not going to dispute it.”  
“Baktraga huh?” Johannes smiled at Sam, “It suits you.”  
“It means, ‘Dreamer who Causes Trouble’, roughly,” Sam shrugged, “Of course with a name like that I was doomed to run into the Heart of Janus eventually.”  
“Are you looking forward to, uh how does Chris put it? Hanging out with the boys over pizza?” Johannes wondered, getting up to rinse his bowl.  
Sam made a face, “Are you sure it’s okay for me to come? I’m not exactly well integrated into your friend group.”  
“What friend group?” Johannes frowned, “It’s just Chris and some kids. I’m only going because _someone_ needs to make sure he gets the form finished. It shouldn’t be weirder than hanging out with Auntie and Dorothy.”  
“Children?” Sam’s face became even more so.  
Johannes shrugged, “I know what you mean but Chris started dating a student’s mother and now it’s awkward for everyone.”  
“Is that even allowed? I thought relationships like that were frowned upon?” Sam squinted, trying to remember what little he learned from joining with those who actually had attended school.  
“It complicated. They met out of work hours and hit it off, and the faculty have been desperate since we’re criminally understaffed so…?” Johannes shrugged again.  
“Fascinating,” Sam nodded, “I never went to a school, or worked ever, so I only hear a small fraction of what really goes on.”  
Johannes laughed, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

***

Sam stood at the doorway of a gauchely decorated house, holding a six pack while Johannes rang the doorbell. There was someone shouting inside, followed by stomping towards the door. It opened.  
“Fine, _I’ll_ get the door, it’s not like I don’t already do _everything_  in thi——” the young man stopped his adolescent mumbling when his eyes met Sam, “Fuck! I mean, Mr. Vampire Sir, what the fuck?”  
“What did you say?” Johannes enunciated every word laced with indignation and accusations.  
The child shrugged, “Sorry, okay? I won’t cuss even though this _is_  my house,” he pouted.  
“Oh no,” Sam gasped, “Listen kid, just shut up right now. Vampire hunting business is no secret between us, do you understand?” he gestured wildly between Johannes and himself.  
The boy squinted, thinking for a second, his eyes widened, “Oh no, no - no - no,” his eyes darted between Sam and Johannes, “Look, I didn’t mean anything by it! It’s just a little mix-up, that’s all!”  
Johannes raised his eyebrows judgementally, “A little mix-up? I should have you _suspended_.”  
Sam laughed awkwardly, “But you won’t because humans tend to call me all sorts of things when they see me for what I am right? It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, tensions are just a little raised that’s all.”  
“That...,” Johannes began carefully looking at Sam, “That could have ended very differently if you were just human,” he turned to the boy, “Not to mention the stalking, which would be grounds for suspension alone.”  
The boy winced, “We didn’t realize _you_  were a ‘vampire’ too, Señor Uhl. Please, I won’t tell anyone, just don’t suspend me,” he used finger quotes to emphasise the word vampire, trying to make his double meaning clear.  
“Vampire?” Johannes looked at Sam critically and then at the boy, “What makes you thi—— oh, argh, a vampire, of course,” his face went on a journey of discovery, pausing only to wonder at the peak of Mount Euphemism, “Seems like we _all_  are, no?”  
The boy turned to Sam in horror, “You _told_ him?”  
Sam shrugged, “Obviously I wasn’t expecting to be invited to _your_  house for pizza. It was the only thing I could think of to prove that the police were unnecessary, that it was just an honest misunderstanding. Alright there was a baseball bat and bible water involved but other than the minor seizure you triggered there was no harm done.”  
“A what?” the boy seemed genuinely concerned, “I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”  
Sam shrugged, or at least as much as he was able with the weight of the beer weighing him down, “You weren’t to know child. If it weren’t for certain people’s _privacy_  being violated, I’d consider it an amusing story.”  
Johannes grunted disapprovingly, “I still think you should be suspended.”  
The child laughed awkwardly, “So if I refuse to let you in does that mean you have to stand there?”  
“Chris already invited us, so that vampire rule has already been fulfilled,” Sam smirked, thankful that Ana had let him watch all those old horror movies.  
“Steve, what are you doing standing by the door? Stop being rude and let them in,” Chris nagged from behind the door.  
Begrudgingly the boy stepped aside, and let the two vampires into the living room.  
  
The décor was about as typically American as Sam had been expecting. He slipped off his shoes at the door.  
“Put the beer in the fridge. It should be chilled by pizza time,” Chris gestured vaguely towards the kitchen, “I hope you’re feeling better today?”  
“Oh yeah, sure,” Sam nodded, “Not perfect but I can manage.” Sam made his way into the kitchen, noting the family photos on the wall that seemed to show Steve’s mother and father. There seemed to be no formal photos featuring Chris. It occurred to Sam that Chris had gone from living with Johannes for a couple of years, into the home of an already established family. He thought he could relate to the strange alienation this would undoubtedly cause. Sam smiled when he saw a photo of Chris and Steve’s mother held to the fridge with a magnet crafted to look a doughnut with pink icing and chocolate sprinkles.  
  
By the time Sam got back to the living room Chris and Johannes had already spread paperwork over the entire coffee table, and Steve was lying on the floor with his legs in the air, clearly bored out of his mind. Sam sat on the couch next to Johannes and tried to figure out why they needed all that paper. From what he could gather, they were trying to finish something that should’ve been completed a month ago.  
“Eugh, this is boring,” Steve groaned, “I’m going to go play Zombie Calypso or something on my PS4.”  
“Oh you play video games?” Sam wondered, genuinely intrigued, “I’ve heard they are quite amusing but I’ve never gotten the chance.”  
The boy squinted at him incredulously, “Never? Never ever?”  
“Nope, never,” Sam smiled politely.  
“Did you wanna watch me play?” Steve asked, perhaps not getting the hint as clearly as he could.  
“Am I allowed to? I mean I am a ‘vampire’ after all. Parents get strange about that kind of thing,” Sam shrugged.  
“Hey, Coach?” Steve asked in the long drawn out tone of an ever-begrudged teen, “Is it okay if I show uh, what’s your name again?”  
“Sam,” Sam replied helpfully.  
“Is it okay if I show Sam how video games work?” Steve finished.  
“Uh, what? Okay yeah sure,” Coach replied, fighting a losing battle with a table of numbers.  
“Yes!” Steve hopped to his feet and nimbly ran up the stairs, waiting at the top for Sam to catch up.

Sam followed the boy up the stairs, bemused that the child would apparently be excited to hang out with a vampire. Or perhaps it was just the video games he cared about.  
“Coach made me clean my room so there’s a floor in it now,” Steve said matter-of-factly as he opened the door that had ‘NO GROWN UPS ALLOWED’ and ‘STEVE IS NUMBER 1’ signs stuck on with slightly melting blu-tack.  
“Oh wow, it’s everything I expected,” Sam remarked carefully. The room contained a bed, poorly made, and a badly organised desk. A wardrobe was wedged into the corner, held closed by a bag of sports equipment. And an entertainment unit, discs scattered and held at odd angles behind the glass, was the main focus of the room. The television was damaged in the top corner, a baseball cap covered it as though it could obscure the cracks. On the wall was a number of sports ribbons, posters and trophies. Everything had that lingering adolescent smell of a young human who had not yet mastered the nuances of regular hygiene practices.  
“It’s pretty cool right,” Steve declared proudly without any hint of irony.  
“Oh yeah,” Sam agreed, not seeing the point in being too critical with a child, “You have a tv and everything, what more can you ask for?”  
Steve sat on the ground, turned on the television, and fished around for the controller, “I got Zombie Calypso for my birthday. I wanted Undead Redemption but this is good too.”  
Sam hazarded sitting on the bed, to his relief it was just a bed.  
“I’m trying to beat it in nightmare mode. It’s really hard. Only true gamers can play nightmare mode,“ Steve bragged, he got through the start-up menu and sat back as an extended cutscene played, “He’s not _really_  going to suspend me, is he?”  
“Not if I have anything to do with it,“ Sam nodded reassuringly, “Besides it would be hard to do without bringing everything _else_  up, and nobody wants that.”  
“Oh thank god,” the child exclaimed, pressing buttons on the controller wildly as his character tore through a crowded scene of zombies with a sharpened banana sword, “Mom would kill me if that happened. Coach too,” he paused, “I hope this game isn’t offensive. Is it offensive to vampires? Vampires _are_  undead so?”  
“I’m not actually a vampire, you know that right?” Sam laughed, “I’m more like, one of the fair folk, a friendly woodland spirit.”  
“Oh, so it’s not offensive then?” Steve wondered.  
“I don’t know if the undead have feelings towards video games, they tend to be more concerned with… other matters,” Sam shrugged, “If I meet a vampire, I’ll ask.”  
“Is Uhl _also_  a friendly woodland spirit?” the boy grimaced, “No one would ever call him friendly.”  
“You’ll have to ask him yourself. I’m not going to speak for Johannes,” Sam had decided he wasn’t going to particularly forthcoming about their relationship.  
“It’s weird that you call him that. It’s almost like he’s a real person and stuff,” Steve laughed.  
Sam squinted, “He _is_  a real person, what are you talking about?”  
Steve shrugged, “I don’t know, _everyone_ calls Señor Uhl by his surname. Even Coach calls him that, well Uhl, only students call him Señor outside of school.”  
“You’ll have to ask him about that too,” Sam replied, slowly being pulled in by the gameplay.  
“No way,” the child scoffed, “You can’t just have a _conversation_  with teachers. It’s weird. No one does that.”  
“Why? You’re having a conversation with me, isn’t that the same?” Sam wondered, genuinely confused what the difference could be.  
“No, you don’t understand. Teachers are like…, teachers give you homework and give you Fs and tell you to stop drawing dickbutts on the chair, and give you detention and stuff, and principals are even worse,” Steve made a face as his character faced off against lightning fast zombies that exploded when struck by the banana sword, “You can’t let them smell weakness.”  
“Dickbutts?” Sam asked, having no idea what the word could refer to.  
“It’s a meme,” Steve paused, remembering he was talking to an old person, “An in-joke.”  
“Oh I’ve heard of those, sometimes I have people send them to me,” Sam grinned.  
“Who? Old people don’t have memes,” Steve declared, clearly under the impression this was fact.  
“Oh you know, friends, old boyfriends, new boyfriends, that type of thing,” Sam crossed his legs.  
“So you really are a… vampire then,” the boy said, the slightest hint of amusement in his voice.  
Sam laughed, “ _That_  kind of vampire, yeah.”  
Steve went silent, whether this was either due to a particularly intense boss battle or him contemplating what Sam had said was unclear. The two sat in silence, eyes glued to the screen, as Steve’s character battled through the masses and emerged from the chaos triumphant.

_~ By the time Sam had flown to the woods it was too late. The trees blazed and crackled, sap boiling in the heat of the inferno. Smoke clouded the air in chokingly thick black blankets, billowing wildly into the sky. Someone was screaming but Sam could not find the source. He darted through the flames, immune to the heat while formless, and circled around the old lodge where he had stashed his old notebooks and records preserved in obsolete technology. The roof had collapsed, and flames danced around the old wood. The smell of plastic betrayed the loss of memories. Photos, letters, code books, everything. There was no time to waste, he turned his attention to the sounds of screaming. They were weaker now, but still felt close. His halo stretched out into the thick smoke, searching for the distinct energy of human life. With absolute urgency he dashed towards the energy and found a human curled up into the foetal position, their skin was burned and breathing weak. They had crawled up onto a collection of stones in an effort to escape the flames, but the air was unbreathable. They were all alone. They were dying. Sam knew what he had to do. ~_

Sam gasped and threw himself back instinctively. He turned his head wildly, waiting for his sense to return. Smell was the first sense. He was absolutely confident there was no fire. There was a slight sickly sweet odour of decay and human sweat. He blinked, and realised he was in a teenagers bedroom.  
“What?” Sam ventured, not sure if he was using the right language, “What time is it?”  
His teenage companion shrugged and made a non-committal noise, “I dunno,” said the vampire… child, his name was Steve.  
Sam rubbed his eyes, remembering too late he had lined his eyes that morning, “I think I need a glass of water.”  
“Oh okay, you remember the way to the kitchen right?” Steve asked, not turning his eyes away from his video game. It was a different game now. Something to do with stealing cars in a city.  
  
With a tentative step Sam stood up by and made his way out the door. The kitchen was downstairs. He wandered down and slide into the kitchen. For a second he was at a loss where to find cups but decided he should just open every door until he found something vaguely resembling a drinking vessel. Victorious, he pulled out a pink plastic cup, and filled it with tap water. It was horrendously warm. He poured himself another cup and downed it again. Amazingly it was worse the second time around. Accepting defeat, he put the plastic cup in the sink and slinked into the living room. Chris and Johannes were in varying stages of frustration, bickering over what one particular question was asking. Sam grabbed a stray sports magazine and sat next to Johannes. He made an attempt to read the articles and found himself doubting his fluency in English. Giving up, he instead decided to ogle the sportsmen and come up with elaborate backstories about their personal lives.

***

“Is that it? I am done? Am free?” Chris dared to dream as Johannes checked over the forms.  
“Hmm, wait,” Johannes hushed him as he squinted at the fine print, holding the paper out further away, “You need to put the date here,” he pointed to an empty box, “And then I need to sign it.”  
Chris snatched the paper and scrawled out the date, “Am I free _now_?”  
“Wait,“ Johannes snatched the paper back and added his signature to several boxes, on several forms, “Okay, now you are free.”  
“Yes!” Chris leapt into the air and did a fist pump.  
Johannes sorted through the papers and arranged them into two piles, he put the largest one into a cardboard box labelled ‘ɯɇorʞ ₢aÞ’ [work crap] and handed the smaller one to Chris, “Put these in a plastic envelope _now_ , and _don’t_  lose them.”  
Chris rolled his eyes, “Yeah - yeah,” he replied putting the paperwork into a plastic sleeve and took it and the box into the kitchen, muttering under his breath.

Slowly, Sam proffered the magazine to Johannes, open on a page with a spread of a particularly beautiful athlete, his knees stained with grass. Johannes smiled knowingly and turned the pages, sharing a smaller photograph of a different athlete, his white trousers so tight they left _nothing_  to the imagination. Sam grinned and took the magazine back, both sitting nonchalantly by the time Chris returned from the kitchen.  
Chris clapped his hands together, “Right! Pizza time!”  
There was a thundering noise and Steve emerged at the bottom of the staircase, “Did someone say pizza?”  
“Your friends _are_  coming right?” Chris asked the boy.  
Steve rolled his eyes, “Yeah, they texted.”  
“Good! I hope they’re not long because I medically need carbs right now,” Chris insisted, patting his pockets for his keys. He dashed out the door like a man fleeing taxes.  
Steve walked over and sat on the floor across from the two men, seemed to reconsider his options and relocated to the recliner in the full knowledge that they couldn’t care less where he sat. He groaned, “Aw man, I forgot to ask for extra garlic bread.”  
Sam laughed, “I wanted to make that joke but I couldn’t make myself do it.”  
The boy flashed Sam a wicked grin, “At least someone got it,” he pouted for a second, deep in thought, “So are you two like… dating or something?”  
Sam could feel all of Johannes’s muscles tense up next to him, “We’re just friends,” Sam replied.  
“Really? Because I could’ve sworn I saw yo——” the boy stopped himself, the threat of suspension lingering in the air.  
“Don’t,” Johannes warned, “ _My_ ‘vampire’ status is on a strictly need to know basis. And _you_ don’t need to know.”  
“Oh come on, everyone’s got the eL app. Once I saw the apple icon I knew straight away,” Steve rolled his eyes.  
“ _You_ have the eL app?” Johannes phrased it like a question, but it was more of an accusation.  
Sam frowned, “You’re _way_  too young to be putting yourself out there. Wait until you’ve graduated _at least_.”  
“Eugh,” Steve groaned, “I’m not a total idiot. I just like to… look you know? I bet you did the same when you were my age,” he squinted at the two men clearly doubting either of them could have been teenagers, “ _If_  you were my age.”  
  
The doorbell rang and Steve leapt up to answer the door. Johannes and Sam exchanged weary looks, both aware of how badly Johannes wanted that conversation to have never happened.  
“Hi, Steve! I brought the compass and hairspray like we discussed. I couldn’t find the acetone though, maybe your Mom has some? It’s a common ingredient in nail polish remover, if you didn’t know,” a small voice sung out cheerfully as he left his shoes by the door. Sam recognised it instantly.  
“Hey, so uh you probably shouldn’t talk about that when _people_  are over?” Steve hissed under his breath.  
“Why? Who is… Oh Vampire!“ the child shrieked, “Steve you _idiot_! How many times do I have to tell you, you _don’t_  let them in. You _don’t_.”  
“So it was _you_!” Johannes raised his voice, shocking the child enough that he fell back into the wall, “The accomplice!”  
“Do we really have to have this discussion _again_? You really can’t fault them for picking up that I’m not human,” Sam sighed, “The other stuff is… unfortunate but incidental.”  
“Hello Mr. Vampire,” the child nodded politely, but kept his distance.  
“Hello tiny child whose name I still have not been told,” Sam beamed, “My name is Sam, but if you want to keep calling me Mr. Vampire, please feel free. That shit is _hilarious_.”  
“His name is Elijah. He _was_  a good student,” Johannes squinted at the boy critically.  
Elijah pouted, “I prefer Eli,” he circled around the living area, careful to avoid both Señor and Mr. Vampire, and stood next to the television, “Oh! Can I ask questions? I have _so many_  questions!” he asked Sam, choosing to ignore his old Spanish teacher’s judgement.  
“Alright, let’s hear them,” Sam smiled awkwardly, hoping they didn’t have to discuss apps again.  
The smaller boy cleared his throat, and pulled out a notebook and pencil, “So, what do you eat? How do you eat? Do you sleep? Are you immune to sunlight? What about silver? Iron? Stakes? If we _had_  to kill you how would we do that? How are baby vampires made? Are you mammals or what? What is the relationship between werewolves and vampires? How long do you live? Are there different types of vampires? What does the rainbow wristband mean? Is it the same as human rainbows or does it have a different vampire meaning? Ah?” Eli paused to take a breath.  
“Wait - wait,” Sam had to stop himself from laughing, “First of all, I’m not really a vampire. There’s no direct word in human languages for what I am, but friendly woodland spirit is really working for me right now.”  
“Friendly Woodland Spirit,” the boy repeated, writing in his notebook.  
“I’m a shapeshifter, so my diet and habits depend on what form I’m in at the time,” Sam smiled awkwardly at the boy, his instincts screaming at him to shut up, “I’m not going to tell you what my weaknesses are or how I reproduce because that’s personal. There might be different types of my kin, I’m not sure. If I run into one I’ll be sure to bring it up.”  
“Neat!” Eli exclaimed cheerfully scribbling in his notebook.  
“Also I’m really old, so old I can’t remember how old I am,” Sam shrugged, “So I guess that’s a pointless distinction to make for me. And the rainbow band is a friendship bracelet. It’s the pride colours, because I’m gay.”  
Eli nodded along, “So if your true form is a spirit thingy, how does gender work? Because if you’re gay that means you know what gender is, right?”  
Sam frowned, it was a difficult subject to explain to humans, “It’s like a sound thing. Only energy. My energy resonates roughly the same way as everyone else in this room. It’s… a song, but only I can feel it.”  
“Whoa,” Eli gasped, his eyes twinkling like starlight, “So you can tell what gender someone is just being near them? That is the _coolest_  power!”  
“Not always, some people’s energy is louder than others. And it fluctuates depending on how you’re feeling,” Sam shrugged, “It’s a hard thing to read.”  
“What else can you tell?” Steve asked, “Can you tell what people are thinking?”  
Sam laughed, “I can if I join with them, but otherwise no. Joining is when I occupy the same space as a living sentient creature, our souls sort of link up. Joining is a rather inelegant term, but I’m running with it for now.”  
“Like a mindmeld!” Eli nearly did a dance, “You’re so much cooler than a vampire!”  
“Thank you!” Sam beamed, “Now you realise if what I’ve said escapes this room I’ll have to kill you, right?”  
Steve and Eli looked at each other and nodded, “Creepslayerz honor.”  
Johannes scoffed, “You shouldn’t tell them so much, they’ll start getting ideas.”  
“They have this Nancy Drew thing going on,” Sam frowned, “You can’t imagine how many visions these kids have turned up in, I’m pretty sure they have _all_  the ideas already,” he rolled his eyes.  
  
The doorbell rang once again and it was Eli’s turn to get up to answer it. He took the long way to go around, careful to avoid contact with any 'vampires', just in case.  
“Hiya Eli, I brought the rope and the hook and the rubber glo— — oh ooooh,” the third child noticed the adults too late, he laughed awkwardly, “I didn’t realise grown-ups were here.”  
“No it’s okay, they’re cool. Kinda. They know what we get up to,” Eli reassured him.  
“ _I_ would like to know what you get up to,” Johannes raised an eyebrow in preemptive disapproval.  
“Hey Toby,“ Sam beamed at the new child, “Bet you never thought you’d see _me_  in a house.”  
“Oh hey Sam!” Toby beamed back, “What _are_  you doing here? And what’s _he_  doing here?” he gestured wildly at Johannes.  
Sam shrugged, “Turns out you can make all kinds of friends hiding out in the woods.”  
“I’m sorry, you know this _child_ too?“ Johannes interrupted, apparently suspicious of some kind of child related conspiracy.  
“Oh yeah,” Toby nodded, “He helped me find a… cat, he helped me find one of Nana’s cats when she went missing. The cat. Not nana. Nana did not go missing. But he’s always out there. In the woods. Doing his thing. Not now obviously, because he’s here,” the boy rambled anxiously.  
“It’s probably best if you don’t think about it too hard,” Sam smirked, “It’s so strange that all four of you know what I am. I must be losing my touch.”  
“Wait, so you _told_  them you were a friendly you-know-what?” Toby seemed incredulous, “Everyone?  _Everyone_ everyone?”  
“Well,” Sam clapped his hands together, “First I told you, because you were _clearly_ involved in non-human business. Then I was rustled by these two but they thought I was a vampire, of _all_ things,” Sam laughed, “But last week I told Johannes because… actually you don’t need to know _why_ I told him. Just that he knows.”  
Toby looked at Johannes suspiciously, “Okay, ‘ _Your Highness_ ’, okay. But you better not go blabbing to other grown-ups.”  
“Don’t called me that,” Johannes grunted, “And I _can’t_  tell anyone else when I don’t know what the heck it is you’re all _up_  to.”  
“Uh, do you know bird-watching?” Eli asked, “We’re like creep-watchers, creepers are non-humans and magical critters, like Sam here.”  
“Oh, that sounds… dangerous?” Johannes ventured.  
“It is,” Sam frowned, “I told them to stop, but they won’t listen to _me_ apparently.”  
“We’re careful,” Eli insisted.  
“Yeah, we’re very careful,” Steve backed him up.  
“Some would say too careful,” Toby nodded, trying and failing to hide his lie in an awkward smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering if I specifically chose the name 'Johannes' because I could hear in my minds ear Toby pronouncing it as 'Your Highness'... pretty much yeah, that was at least 65% of my reasoning tbh. In the absence of a canon first name I think I'm allowed to have a little fun with it. XD


	9. Missy and Nerds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pizza party winds down, and Sam end ups agreeing to do Johannes a massive favour.

**_**Sunday, August 6** _ **

The three men and three boys sat around the coffee table eating pizza and watching ‘The Game’. Sam wasn’t sure what was happening in ‘The Game’ but occasionally the opposing teams would tackle each other to the ground, fighting over ownership of a coveted object known as ‘The Ball’. As it happened, the majority of people he’d joined with within living memory had not been big on spectator sports. Sam was slightly overwhelmed by everything that was happening. Both with ‘The Game’ and the day in general. His head rung from the shouting and cheering, and his thoughts were starting to overlap in a familiar pattern. He excused himself and headed to the kitchen, pouring himself another cup of warm water from the tap.

_~ The realm Sam knew, the realm he had always known, had a weight to it. A pull. Constant implied motion. Yet this was not that realm. Around him was stillness, a deep underlying metaphysical stillness. There was something that felt right in this realm, a timelessness, but the absence of the familiar pull was making him homesick. It was like being completely and utterly alone. He was completely and utterly alone. Unfortunately Sam could think of no way to return. And so he remained. Waiting for a chance to return home. ~_

Sam opened his eyes to darkness, his head vibrating from lightning bolts of pain. He struggled to pull himself up and realised he was lying down. His vision returned and he found himself staring at the ceiling of a kitchen. It was cool and peaceful on the ground and he could hear a ruckus nearby. He decided to stay put on the cool tiles. This was Chris’s kitchen. Steve’s? No, it was both Chris and Steve’s kitchen. He had come here for pizza. With Johannes. Yes, with Johannes.  
“Um, are you okay?” a small voice asked from above, it was Eli.  
“Don’t mind me, just lying on the kitchen floor as you do,” Sam groaned.  
The child sat next to him on the floor, “Oh yeah, totally a normal thing to do,” he laughed.  
“The others are being very loud and—” Sam gestured vaguely with his hands, “— sporty. I’m not used to being included in traditionally straight male social gatherings.”  
“Tell me about it,” the boy groaned, he pulled back the collar of his t-shirt revealing a tight binder underneath, “This is new for me too.”  
Sam nodded, “We can just lay here on the ground and perform masculinity differently huh?”  
“Is it true what you said? About everyone’s energy sounding the same?” Eli adjusted his glasses nervously.  
“Yeah but, hmm, let me try and explain it this way. We’re all playing the same song, but different parts, different instruments. Steve is like the drums, you’re like an electric keyboard, hmmm, Toby is like an electric guitar, Johannes is like—” Sam paused, savouring what he could feel of the man’s energy in other room, “Johannes is like a cello. I like to think I’m something older. A bone flute or the human vocal chords, something like that.”  
“What about Coach?” Eli wondered.  
Sam thought for a moment, “Banjo. Definitely banjo.”  
The boy giggled, “You’re weird.”  
“Yeah I know, it’s my brand,” Sam nodded sagely.  
“So whatcha doin’?” Toby asked, helping himself to a soda from the fridge.  
“Standing seemed like an unfun thing to do so I’m here,” Sam gestured at his person dramatically.  
“It’s cooler down here,” Eli explained, “Quieter.”  
“Oh okay, you know I could get you a soda. They’re chilled. I’m pretty sure we’re allowed to take them,” he pulled open the tab and took a drink, “Well it’s mine now, I’ve taken it.”  
Sam frowned, “Okay then. Soda me.”  
Eli darted into the fridge and pulled out a Sprite, handing it to Sam wordlessly, the knowing smirk on his face suggesting the pun was entirely intentional. Sam pulled the tab and took a sip, almost gagging at the overwhelming taste of sugar.  
“Are you?” Johannes peered down at him critically, “Are you lying on the floor?”  
Sam shrugged, “I had another vision, it’s loud over there.”  
Johannes tossed the empty can of cola in his hand into the small kitchen bin for recycling, “The boys aren’t bothering you are they?”  
“No, we’re just joking around, consuming carbonated beverages,” Sam took another sip, nearly spilling the contents over his shirt, “Normal boy stuff, right?”  
“On the floor,” Johannes raised his eyebrow, “In the kitchen.”  
“It’s Sprite, geddit?” Sam winked as flirtatiously as he dared.  
“It’s unhygienic,” Johannes concluded, as sternly as he could muster.  
Sam stuck out his tongue, “It seems clean enough for me.”  
“What is this? The _nerd_ corner?” Coach laughed, approaching with an empty six-pack, “I thought we were watching the game?” he noticed Sam lying on the floor, “Why’re you on the floor?”  
“He had a turn,” Johannes shrugged.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “I’ll get up if it’s going to be _that_  big of a deal. Honestly, it’s like the second I came to you all bamfed here like nosy x-men.”  
Chris squinted, “He seems lucid enough.”  
“I’m fine,” Sam grunted, “Lucid enough to take offence at being referred to in the third person,” he stood up, leaning against the counter like he’d always been there.  
“Oh good if you say so,” Chris threw the cans in the rubbish bin, and headed back to the television. The children followed him, sensing their fun would be ruined by Johannes glowering over them.  
Sam sighed, and took a deep gulp of his soda, “I don’t see what the problem was.”  
“What problem?” Johannes frowned, leaning on the counter.  
“I was just a little overwhelmed by the noise and everything,” Sam pouted, “It’s not like I was going to spend all day there.”  
“It’s just a weird thing to do, that’s all,” Johannes rolled his eyes.  
“What would a normal person do then?” Sam took another gulp of soda, wincing at the sugar burn.  
“A _normal_ person would ask if they could lie down in a dark room somewhere,” Johannes sighed.  
“But I’m a freak, you know that. It’s like the kids said, I’m a creeper. I do creepy things,” Sam swilled the soda around in the can, trying to decide whether he wanted to finish it or not.  
“You know, it’s not even a big deal, forget I even brought it up,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “And you’re not a creep.”  
Sam looked at him carefully, he knew exactly what he wanted to do but that was inappropriate for a ‘just friends’ relationship, so he was forced to stand there, consumed with intent, “You look tired.”  
“It was the paperwork,” Johannes grimaced, “And the mental gymnastics.”  
Sam nodded, “Did you want to leave?”  
“Hmm, yeah I should head back and work on making the guest room presentable. I haven’t dared to touch it since Chris left,” Johannes groaned, “But if you want to stay here longer? You seem to get along well with the kids.”  
“I get on well with most people,” Sam shrugged, “But you don’t have to fuss around the guest room. I can go back to my own home if you want.”  
Johannes made a series of faces, none of them particularly cheerful, “I want to fuss.”

***

As it happened, Johannes’s guest room turned out to be a poky loft, with scant space to fit more than a single bed, wardrobe, and several boxes. Dust and cat hair hung in the air and covered every surface with a choking grey film. A small, floofy grey cat watched over them with great interest from the window sill. Sam already knew her as Missy. Her pink diamante collar jingled playfully as she tilted her head this way and that.  
“Sorry about this, moppelchen,“ Johannes cringed as he stripped the bed of its sheets, “But I can’t have our guest sleeping on my chair,” Missy mewed in protest, “Hush you, you’ll get over it.”  
“I feel so terrible,” Sam smiled, “Forcing a young single mother out on the streets to fend for herself.”  
Johannes laughed, “She only identifies as a single mother when she has babies, don’t you moppelchen?” Missy nodded, and jumped onto the naked mattress purring, “And she’s not being forced out into the streets, she’s a free spirit like you.”  
Sam tickled behind her ear affectionately, “Are you like me, lonan im?“ he cooed shamelessly, “Èmar atan ta èmayona násor náloxi ih, lonan im?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Are you a free spirit like me, my little cat?_ ]  
Johannes smiled at Sam, “I have no idea what that means but it sounds so _pretty_  when you say it. Your voice goes all soft and singy.”  
“We’re spirit creatures of course Mahomai sounds all soft and singy,” Sam pouted, “Gúl ín datúrer leuxsta mirenar lornálorkoras ñáñiala hí. Èmar gégonax tan desábi ih, malonan im?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: We can’t all have been bestowed with great booming voices like sexy thunder. Isn’t that right, my dear cat?_ ]  
“Why do I get the feeling you’re teasing me?” Johannes laughed.  
Sam threw him a sassy wink, “Only in _complementary_  terms, tienar mirenar im,” he turned to wipe the small bedside drawer of its dust bunny collection, “I can’t believe you never got around to cleaning this room.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: ... my thunder man._ ]  
Johannes groaned, “My schedule has been unusually loaded, I was _barely_ lucky enough to find the time to spend with you,” he picked Missy up and sat her in the windowsill, she jumped down and dived into the dusty bedding on the floor, pawing at it wildly.  
Sam opened the drawer and pulled out an old baseball magazine, “Chris’s I take?”  
“Must’ve forgotten to take it with him?” Johannes shrugged, “You can throw that out, I don’t want it.”  
“Got it,” Sam threw the magazine into the bin they had dragged up from the kitchen, “I’m glad you did manage to schedule time though. I think it did us some good to put ourselves out there, even if we are just friends now.”  
Johannes turned to go through the contents of the wardrobe, “Right well, you certainly gave me a lot to think about,” he began pulling boxes out at random.  
Sam squatted on the ground and started opening the boxes, trying to ignore the cat helpfully pawing at the cardboard, “You know, I was going to leave town yesterday, before I became… indisposed. I was thinking maybe travelling to the Amazon, you know, while it still exists.”  
“There’s no shame in running,” Johannes repeated to himself quietly, “Ach! That’s what you meant!”  
Sam shrugged, “I made a mistake.”  
“You were right though,” Johannes sighed, “I would’ve have been furious if I found out later on,” he paused thoughtfully, “Maybe not the best way to do it but I can’t think of a better one.”  
“I _really_ wanted you to just accept me but,” Sam winced, “I expected you to run off. I was going to go away, and you were going to find some perfect human man who’d bring out the best in you. I thought you’d never want to even be in the same as country as me. It never occurred to me that we’d be clearing out your spare room because you felt bad about me sleeping on your recliner for one night? None of my visions gave me any indication you’d… come around.”  
Johannes nodded sagely, “Life is like that sometimes.”  
“I don’t even belong here,” Sam looked around the perfectly ordinary, unimpressive room, “This is _your_  space.”  
Johannes opened a box, “This kitchenware set can go straight to charity,” he said to himself, he sighed, “This really isn’t _my_ space. It’s been a waste of space for the last several months. But I think I can make this homier than a clearing in the woods.”  
Sam made a face, his woodland spirit insulted, “What’s wrong with my clearing?”  
“Well there’s no electricity for a start,” Johannes gestured with his hand, “You can’t wash your clothes, you can’t store all your wardrobe, there’s no bed, no bathroom, no… civilization.”  
“You know I’m not human most of the time I’m out there, right? Those things are significantly less of an issue,” Sam paused to think for a moment, “Although I hear what you’re saying. My current wardrobe situation _is_ a pain in the arse.”  
“I _thought_  you’d like another option, when you’re not staying with your friends,” Johannes shrugged, “No pressure of course.”  
Sam looked at Johannes critically, “For how long?”  
Johannes held out a football jersey that had more holes than fabric, “As long as you like. You said yourself you’ll need some time to recover.”  
Sam pouted, he still wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling but it was uncomfortable, “Johannes?”  
“Yes, Sam?” Johannes threw the football jersey in the direction of discarded magazines.  
“Would you be mad at me if I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to?” Sam looked at Missy, sitting on the windowsill daintily washing the beans of her paws.  
“No, of course not,” Johannes replied carefully.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to stay with you, it’s just…,” Sam struggled to put what he was feeling into words, “You seem to want me to be human full time for you. And that’s really quite a lot to get my head around. It’s completely against my nature.”  
Johannes made a long deep and frustrated sigh, “That really wasn’t what I was suggesting. Although maybe nothing that would damage the house? No tigers and such.”  
“So I can be non-corporeal? In your house? Just doing my thing?” Sam asked incredulously.  
“Uh? Sure, that’s what I said isn’t it?” Johannes frowned, holding out a single shoe that had seen better days as though it carried some kind of disease.  
Sam sat on the naked mattress and thought seriously for a moment, “I’ll stay on a for a couple more days. I’ll put off the Amazon. It will be _chill_.”  
Johannes smiled, “Good.”

 

* * *

**_**Sunday, August 13** _ **

Sam lay on Johannes’s couch, watching television and trying not to fall asleep. Johannes was sitting across from him on his recliner, going over an overfilled binder, although by that point in the evening it was largely to prepare his mind for the tasks for the following days ahead. It had been an interesting week for Sam, learning Johannes’s routine. A new school year was starting so Johannes had wanted to spent his free time cleaning out his kitchen, garage and basement. This was apparently traditional for him, and not wanting to feel lazy, Sam had helped out. Unsurprisingly Johannes was very particular about the way things had to be done, but Sam was a quick learner and only got grumbled at a couple times.  
“Are you feeling better now, Sam?” Johannes asked, “It’s been a whole week.”  
Sam paused to think for a moment, “I think I’m back to normal, yeah.”  
“So you’ll be going back to your hermitage soon I take it?” Johannes carefully moved a plastic sleeve decorated with several brightly coloured post-its into a different section.  
Sam sighed, he’d been dreading this question. Unlike with Ana and Naomi, in Johannes’s house he didn’t have to pretend to be human. He could talk freely without having to translate what he was wanted to say into something passably human. Admittedly Johannes had stared at him once or twice, like the time he decided to rest inside the television. And he’d laughed at things Sam didn’t think were that funny, such as when Sam remade his body with more muscle mass to help move furniture as they cleaned. But he felt a particular kind of relaxed he hadn’t felt since before he’d left his homeland. Too late Sam realised he had forgotten to respond.  
“So is that a yes then?” Johannes tried to re-stick a fallen post-it, “You _are_  welcome to stay,” his eyes darted over to Sam, but it seemed the rest of his body didn’t dare, “For however long as you like.”  
“You mean like,” Sam sat up and crossed his legs under him, “Full time?”  
Johannes shrugged, “If you like.”  
“Thank you, Johannes,” Sam frowned, feeling incredibly guilty, “Your hospitality is overwhelming.”  
Johannes struggled to pick up the fallen post-it from the side of his recliner, “But it’s not unwelcome?”  
“No, of course not,” Sam hugged his chest for moral support, “Don’t get me wrong I like it here. I’m just…, I’m hyper aware of how I’m basically just leeching off your utilities.”  
“My utilities?” Johannes repeated, squinting.  
Sam shrugged, “I’m not totally naïve. You have a job and work all the time, and I’m basically Missy 2.0. Other than my handsome face what can I possibly give that would cover your hard earned income?” his mind immediately gave him an inappropriate answer, “ _Especially_ if you just want to be friends?”  
“I won’t lie to you. I do actually have an ulterior motive,” Johannes sighed, “I work full time. More than full time. This means less time and energy to do basic things like the cleaning and the cooking. And I’m just one man. After Chris moved out it was a real struggle to keep everything respectable. If you could help out with this I’d be indebted to you.”  
“Oh so a maid?” Sam grinned cheekily, “Oder eine Hausfrau?“  
[ _Translation from German: Or a housewife?_ ]  
Johannes groaned in exasperation, “Please don’t go around telling people you’re my wife. We’re just friends for now okay? And besides, du wärst auch mein Hausmann.”  
[ _Translation from German: … you’d be my househusband._ ]   
“Das war nur ein Witz, you dork,” Sam laughed, “To be honest, I’m curious about playing house. I’ve never actually done it properly before that I know of,” Sam paused, “Scared shitless I won’t meet your standards though.”  
[ _Translation from German: It was only a joke…_ ]   
Johannes’s expression lightened up, “So you’ll consider it?”  
Sam made a show of considering it, “Hmm, would Dorothy approve? You know since I’m not on any lease or anything?”  
“Dorothy?” Johannes shrugged, “I don’t think so. She rents to me privately so I’ll speak to her about it. But as far as I’m aware all she cares about is that someone is keeping her childhood home in mint condition.”  
“Wait? Auntie and Dorothy grew up here?” Sam looked around as though noticing the house for the first time.  
“Yeah there’s still grooves in the door frame of my office and everything,” Johannes measured with his hand about roughly how tall they were.  
“Wow, that’s adorable!” Sam gushed.  
“I was incredibly lucky I was in the right place in the right time,” Johannes shrugged.  
“I wonder what your home was like then?” Sam wondered, “You know, before it was your home.”  
“Quaint, as I understand,” Johannes frowned, “But I don’t think of it as a _home_ home, it’s just a place to be when I’m not at work or running errands. Especially when it’s just me and Missy here.”  
Sam looked at Johannes critically, “Not a _home_ home?” a smirk spread across his lips as he made his decision, “Challenge accepted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up coming to the conclusion that if Coach is dog person, and Ms. Janeth is clearly a parrot person, then Uhl must be a cat person, at least kind of (it's one letter off from car so like, close, very close.)


	10. Flirting and Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam settles into domesticated life and meets several of Johannes's work friends at a barbecue.

**_**Thursday, October 26  
** _ **

Sam fussed about the stove top in the final stages of preparing dinner. He had gotten weirdly into cooking after deciding to take up Johannes's offer of becoming his informal housekeeper. That night he was making spaghetti and meatballs, not terrifically interesting, but it was an American household favourite. Sam had put in the extra effort for this particular dish for two reasons. One, he knew Johannes was relatively health conscious and that he'd only tolerate such a carbohydrate rich meal if it tasted amazing and was at least attempting to be of artisanal quality. And two, if Ana found out he messed up her family recipe she would murder him in his sleep. Sam dared to leave the stove alone for a second to let his friend know dinner would be served soon. Johannes was at his recliner on the phone with a concerned parent and didn't seem to notice him.  
“Well, yes of course Cynthia, his attendance _is_  cause for concern,” Johannes nodded as though she could see him, “But we can't ignore the fact his grades have mysteriously improved. No - no, I'm not accusing him of cheating. No seriously, I don’t think that's what's happening here,” Johannes looked up at Sam and mouthed the name Cynthia in case Sam hadn't caught it, “I think it's his friends,” Johannes paused to shrug at Sam, “No don't be silly, not like that. I think they've had a positive influence on his work ethic. Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm glad _you're_  aware of that because I didn't want t—— Oh I see. Mrs. Pepperjack is like that yes. She just has high standards that's all. I wouldn't go so far as to call her—— There's nothing wrong with being a bit strange, Cynthia. Yes, Elijah _is_  a sweet kid. No, I'm not favoring the ner—— That isn't what I was suggesting at _all_ , Cynthia,” Johannes rolled his eyes at Sam, “No one is saying you're a bad mother, Cynthia. Okay, so no one _apart_  from Mrs. Pepperjack is calling you th—— I don't get into the habit of judging—— _I_  can't say if you're wrong or not, how I could I _possibly_ know what goes on in h—— I know we're friends Cynthia, but that was a little uncalled for. I'm not being a prude, there's ethic—— Okay, that was _definitely_  uncalled for. Thank you, that's all I ask. No - no, the message to you _was_  the disciplinary action. Yes, I've been trying to tell you that for the last five minutes. Of yes of course, I'm looking forward to it. It was very generous to invite Sam as well. Yes, that's the one. I wouldn't exactly describe him as the life of the party, Cynthia. No, not for that reason. Yes, I will absolutely tell him that, it was nice catching up with you too,” Johannes hung up the phone and groaned deeply for a full thirty seconds.  
“So I take it that was Cynthia?” Sam rolled his eyes.  
“Eugh, yes. A minor issue but she always get so _defensive_ ,” Johannes shrugged, “She sends her love by the way.”  
“Aw, I've only met her three times,” Sam smiled, “Dinner's just about to go on the table. If you turn off your phone you _might_  be able to enjoy it.”  
“Assuming you followed the recipe this time,” Johannes raised his brow critically.  
“Hey! That's not fair,” Sam pouted, “I only fucked up the one time. I just accidentally dropped the salt in the broth… and then I tried to fix it by using sugar,” he returned back to the kitchen before Johannes could say something smart.     
Sam plated up the ‘artisanal’ spaghetti and meatballs and sat across from Johannes at the dining table. Johannes took a tentative bite and breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh thank god, it tastes okay.”  
“Wow thanks,” Sam smirked, taking a bite, “You have one vision while you're seasoning once and you never live it down.”  
“I'm only teasing, it actually tastes very nice,” Johannes conceded.  
“That's good to know because Ana would kill me otherwise,” Sam laughed, “Plus I spent all day reducing the sauce, cutting up vegetables _really_ tiny to put in the meatballs, reading the recipe three hundred times because Ana has weird handwriting and my memory isn't great. You know, my _whole_ day basically went into this.”  
“Oh to be able to spend an entire day fussing over a single meal,” Johannes sighed wistfully.  
“I mean I'm sure your day was a lot more interesting,” Sam gestured with his free hand, “Less peaceful though.”  
“Hmm, ja, that's one way of putting it,” Johannes smirked, “I had to deal with Margaret clashing with Ainsley again. She doesn't approve of male secretaries,” he paused, “Or people younger than herself, come to think of it."  
“Oh not _Margaret_ again,” Sam groaned, he'd heard stories about her.  
“I'm afraid so,” Johannes sighed, “Otherwise today was business as usual.”  
Sam beamed, “At least now you have a couple hours to yourse——" his face fell, “Your phone is ringing again. Don't answer it. Ring them back when you've finished your dinner. Or tomorrow.”  
Johannes pouted, “It's Chandra, we made a pact,” his face brightening up as he answered the phone, “Hallo, Chandra! What seems to be th—— Oh, yes, yes of course. I'll make note of that and we can bring it up at tomorrow's meeting. No I have the folder. I said I _have_  the folder. I took it home with me. It's in my office, yes the one in my house. There _was_ a leaflet in the pink section, yes. Oh I see, I thought it was an odd place to put it. I'll get it back you in the morning, don't worry. Oh, nothing much just eating dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs. Yes, Sam made it,” Johannes laughed, “I don't think Sam is ready to give your husband lessons. The text messages he might be able to manage though. Okay, thank you Chandra. I'll see you in the morning.”  
“At least she was short,” Sam rolled his eyes, “What did she want?”  
“She thought I told her I wanted _her_  to take the folder home, but I had said _I_ was taking it home. She had slipped in a leaflet for a charity that she needs back,” Johannes replied, “Also she wants to send her husband passive aggressive text messages to guilt him into helping out around the house more.”  
Sam laughed, “Give me his number and I'll do it. I mean it.”  
  
  


* * *

**_**Saturday, November 25** _ **

No matter how many times Sam found himself surrounded by humans he could never feel quite at home. Despite this he was actually finding Cynthia’s barbecue to be somewhat amusing. She had invited several of her friends, none of whom Sam had met before, and several of Chris's friends, all of them teachers. They had finished eating, and were sitting around the living room talking about a television show Sam hadn’t seen.  
“I don’t know,” Cynthia mused, “I don’t care about historical accuracy as long as the drama is good.”  
“What are you talking about, Cynthia? It’s not _historical_. It’s pure fantasy,” Johannes frowned, “There’s dragons, _dragons_ ,” he flashed Sam a secret knowing look.  
Chandra laughed, “True, but the human parts clearly draw on actual events and cultures. The third arc is _clearly_ inspired by the various Christian factions that sprung forth in the middle ages,” the assistant principal had been promoted roughly the same time as Johannes and the two had made a pact to support each other rather than die from imposter syndrome alone, but arguments about pop culture didn’t count.  
“Oh come on, everyone knows you only watch it to ogle all the hot topless barbarian men,” Curtis, Chandra’s banker husband, nudged his wife’s shoulder playfully.  
McKenny snorted, “I don’t know about _you_  dudes, but I only watch for that hot villain lady,” she grinned, “She could crush me whenever she wanted,” McKenny taught statistics but was also the coach for the female sports teams.  
“Mmm, yeah…,” McKenny’s wife Liz sighed happily. She was the school’s music teacher, and taught basic mathematics to the students who needed extra assistance. With the two wives being two highly visible butch lesbians they held the reputation of being the face of queerness for the school, and the faculty heads for the GSA. Sam had met McKenny on several occasions due to her friendly rivalry with Chris but had only known Liz by reputation.  
Sitting next to Sam, Malinowski raised his hand cautiously as though his opinions might be considered controversial, “I uh…, I love the sheer artistry. The recherché costumes and set designs, the refreshing dedication to immersion with the novel use of constructed languages, the references to historical events and classical literature and poetry. Of course, it significantly deviates from the plot of the book and it _does_  over indulge in the more… _primal_  aspects of entertainment,” the English teacher, Malinowski was an odd addition to the group, indeed an odd addition to any group. He was an eccentric man with an apparent love of colours and patterns as every article of clothing seemed to be fighting for dominance. It was an overwhelming aesthetic, but Malinowski was an exuberant likeable man who spoke very fast and used fun, interesting words so Sam found himself instantly endeared.  
Lenora nodded in agreement, “Oh, I know what you mean. I wish they just had stuck with consensual encounters instead of focusing on… upsetting interactions,” she was a thin, birdlike and theatrical woman, who taught algebra and was the head of the theatre club, “There’s so more to be done with _reciprocated_ romance.”  
“Romance is an overrated genre, love and sex are nothing like as depicted in popular culture,” Solak sighed, sitting on the other side of Sam, “I try to capture it but I’m afraid I’m growing bitter in my old age,” Solak was a disgustingly handsome silver fox of a man, a history teacher but also a reputable artist who showed his paintings and photographs in art galleries when he could find the time. Sam had heard of him only through Johannes who had admitted in confidence that he’d had a crush on the man for the entirety of 2013. Sam could see why.  
Sam shrugged, “I don’t know, I haven’t seen it. I tend to lose interest with straight romance regardless.”  
“There were gay characters though?” Chris said.  
“Yeah and they died, Coach,” McKenny frowned.  
Sam groaned, “How dull.”  
“If it’s any consolation, the gay characters are treated with _much_  more respect in the original text,” Malinowski offered, “If you want I could find you the book that devotes its time to their torrid love affair?”  
“Thanks for the sentiment, darling, but I have enough torrid love in my personal life to keep me going,” Sam smiled at the man politely.  
“I wish _I_ had torrid love,” Solak groaned, “I’d settle for lukewarm love if I’m being honest.”  
The single members of the group collectively sighed longingly, with the exception of Johannes who was biting his lip and trying not to make eye contact with Sam.  
“Surely _you_ don’t need to settle, Solak?” Chandra looked at the man critically, “I’m sure there’s tonnes of women out there who’d fall over themselves to even be considered.”  
“Not just women,” Sam corrected, “ _Definitely_ not just women,” he caught Johannes's eye for a second and repressed the urge to wink knowingly.  
Solak frowned, “I’ve yet to see even so much as a _hint_ of this.”  
Several members of group shared an exasperated look, “Are you fucking serious?” Sam exclaimed incredulously.  
Solak shrugged, “Ever since the divorce I’ve had tumbleweeds.”  
“I guarantee if you were on the eL app _someone_ would’ve snatched you up already,” Sam laughed, definitely talking about himself.  
“What is this eL app? I’ve heard my students joking about it but they refuse to tell me what it is,” Solak tilted his head like a confused puppy.  
McKenny and her wife burst into laughter, “Solak, you massive dork!”  
“Let the man speak,” Malinowski pouted, “My students also won’t tell me what it is.”  
Sam whipped out his phone, “Congratulations boys, you’re going to get an education,” Sam paused for a second with his hand hovering over the app icon, “Don’t worry, the irony of this statement doesn’t escape me,” he showed them the gallery of active users in the area, “Welcome to the world of queer male dating. Remember as straight guys, this isn’t your place and you absolutely must be respectful of everything you see here.”  
“Of course,” Malinowski agreed, leaning over to get a better look.  
“Everyone has a profile and you can see their icons and usernames. If you click on their icon you can see more information about who they are and who they’re into,” Sam clicked on his own profile, not entirely comfortable with potentially risking outing the other users even if most them were headless torsos or animal cartoons, “This is my profile.”  
“What does D.T.F mean?” Solak wondered.  
McKenny and her wife burst into laughter again, “Oh my god, Solak, you teach horny teenagers how can you _not_ know?”  
“Yeah, even _I_ know that,” Chris laughed.  
“I can’t know if no one tells me,” Solak rolled his eyes.  
“It means ‘down to fuck’, basically that I’m willing to hook up, no strings attached,” Sam replied.  
“Okay, then what does ‘Verse Switch’ mean?” Malinowski asked.  
McKenny and her wife were crying with laughter, “No don’t tell him, he’s too innocent.”  
“It means I’m _exceptionally_  open to new things in the bedroom, darling,” Sam explained as gently as he could.   
“Oh I see,” Malinowski blushed.  
“So what is this other section?” Solak asked, gesturing at the screen.  
“Oh, this is a neat feature. It tracks your activity with other users and you can message your favourites by clicking on the little mouth icon next to their usernames,” Sam showed them the screen hoping they didn’t recognise anyone.  
“Oh - oh, so it does! It says you viewed someone called OtterStarlet’s profile the most and everything. There’s even a little graph!” Malinowski noted, “What an extraordinary username.”  
Sam laughed nervously, trying to ignore he was starting to feel a little bit glitchy, “Yeah, extraordinary is the word.”  
“But it also says he hasn’t been online in several months?” Malinowski frowned, “What happened?”  
“Don’t ask personal questions, Malinowski,” Johannes chided, “Sam is just showing you how the app works.”  
Sam smiled gratefully at Johannes before turning back to the curious straight men, “Yeah, I’d rather not talk about dead lovers, darling.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Solak shot Malinowski a disapproving look, “And I thought divorce was bad enough.”  
“Sorry I put my foot in it again. I’m always doing this,” Malinowski grimaced apologetically.  
“No, it’s okay, darling,” Sam patted him on the shoulder, “Are you happy you know what the eL app is now?”  
Solak frowned, “I’m slightly uncomfortable the students know what it is. But it’s very interesting. There was nothing like that before I got married.”  
“I’ve given up dating,” Malinowski sighed, “If someone like you two—” he gestured wildly at Johannes and Solak, “— can’t find a girl, what hope do I have?”  
Sam laughed, “Don’t look at me, if you were even the remotest bit interested I date _any_ of you guys in a second.”  
Half a dozen men suddenly found the ceiling or their shoes the most fascinating thing in the world, and many of the women burst into laughter, “Do you really mean that?” Solak wondered, the faintest hint of curiosity in his voice.  
Sam grinned saucily, “Of course I do. I’m always up for dinner and a movie, even a platonic date sounds like a fun time,” Sam could feel Johannes's disapproval from across the room.  
Solak frowned, definitely considering Sam’s proposal, “Are you asking me out on a _platonic_  date?”  
“Uh…,” Sam realised the room was watching them both, entirely stunned, “Sure, you can tell me about art things. I may be a useless bum but I can wax poetic about beauty and the human condition for hours.”  
“Okay, I will… consider it,” Solak replied after a long period of thought.  
“Holy shit,” McKenny gasped.  
“I don’t believe this is real life,” Liz shook her head.  
“Sam, was machst du? Ich muss mit den Leuten arbeiten,” Johannes hissed, speaking very quickly, “Benimm dich.”  
[ _Translation from German: Sam, what are you doing? I have to work with these people. Behave yourself._ ]   
“Warum? Bist du etwa eifersüchtig?” Sam rolled his eyes, “Verstößt das nicht gegen die Regeln, Mr. Bossman?”  
[ _Translation from German: Why? Are you jealous? Is this against the rules, Mr. Bossman? _]__ _ ___  
Johannes paused, his finger in the air mid-accusatory gesture, “Nein, ich… es et seltsam… er ist ein Kollege… du unter meinem Dach wohnst－”  
[ _Translation from German: No, I… it’s weird… he’s a coworker… you live in my house… _]__ _ ___  
“Oh!” Malinowski exclaimed brightly, “So _that’s_ how you managed to befriend each other!”  
“How long have you known German, Sam?” Cynthia asked, evidently wanting to steer the conversation away from their bickering, “I took a bit in school but it never stuck.”  
“Oh, I uh?” Sam struggled to adjust to the whiplash of the conversation with the increasing pain, “I learned it from… I learned it… I was… he… I…”

 _~ He swam through the darkest depths of the ocean, searching, looking. Sam was not quite certain where it could have fallen but he was sure he was in the right place. With any luck the occupants would still be alive but he had no way of knowing since the damned pod blocked any of the energy he would need to sense such a thing. It was hard to see at first, the faintest light from under the sea bed. Sam dug at it carefully with his talons, the form he had chosen to search the ocean was significantly larger than the pod itself and a wrong move could have potentially crushed it. With great reverence he placed the pod into his mouth and swam for the surface, hoping he was not too late. ~_

Sam clutched his head, he nails digging into his scalp. He didn’t know where he was. He couldn’t see but he could hear the distant muffled sounds of voices. An arm held him tight from behind. Eventually people entered his vision. There were a dozen at least. All human. They looked at Sam with worried expressions. Who were these people. Johannes, yes he knew Johannes. Chris, Cynthia, Chandra… others.  
“I…? I’m sorry,” Sam winced the sound of his voice echoing in his head was torture.  
“I don’t suppose you have a dark room he can rest in for a bit?” Johannes asked Cynthia.  
“No, I’ll b——” a horrible realisation struck Sam, “I’m going to be sick,” he dashed madly up the stairs and into the bathroom. By sheer force of will he managed to contain himself until he got to the toilet bowl.  
  
After several unpleasant minutes there was a polite knock on the door, “Ich bin’s nur, Sam,”  
[ _Translation from German: It’s only me, Sam._ ]  
“Mir geht’s nicht so gut,” Sam groaned.  
[ _Translation from German: I don’t feel so good._ ]  
“Bitte, mach die Tür auf?” Johannes sighed, “I have water.”  
[ _Translation from German: Would you please open the door?_ ]  
Sam sighed and begrudgingly opened the bathroom door, “This is embarrassing, you know?” he said mournfully, sitting on the closed toilet seat.  
Johannes handed him a glass of cold water, “Do you want to go home?”  
Sam finished the drink in one gulp, carefully placed the glass on the tiles, and put his face in his hands, “It doesn’t normally hurt this much,” he winced, “But I don’t want to give up, your work friends are all cute as buttons.”  
Johannes put a hold on Sam’s shoulder, “Do you want to lie down then? The guest bedroom is just over there?” he rolled his eyes, “Maybe you want to ask Solak to join you?”  
“I’m fine here for now,” Sam looked up at Johannes bitterly, “Are you really mad at me because ich habe mit deinem Schwarm geflirtet?”  
[ _Translation from German: … I was flirting with your crush?_ ]  
“Honestly, I was expecting as much. You flirt with everyone. It’s just, es scheint ihm gefallen zu haben. Er ist bi-neugierig? Warum höre ich erst jetzt davon? Es ist nicht fair, ich bin jetzt über ihn hinweg!”  
[ _Translation from German: … he obviously enjoyed it. He’s bi-curious? Why am I only finding about now? It’s not fair, I’m over him now!_ ]  
“I wouldn’t go quite as far as… bi-neugierig,” Sam grimaced, “I don’t know why you didn’t see this coming. Er kannte du vielleicht nicht gut genug, oder vielleicht er wusste es selbst nicht?”  
[ _Translation from German: Maybe he didn’t know you well enough, or maybe he didn’t know himself?_ ]  
Johannes sighed, “Warum passiert so was immer mir? Es ist, als wäre mein Liebesleben verflucht.”  
[ _Translation from German: Why does this always happen to me? It’s like my love life is cursed._ ]  
“What, you want me to feel sorry for you? It’s not my fault du wollte ihm nicht die Wahrheit sagen,” Sam scoffed.  
[ _Translation from German: … you didn’t want to tell him the truth._ ]  
Johannes scowled, “That’s easy for _you_ to say, Sam, du flirtest mit jedem, aber versucht zu verstehen… ich bin nich wie du, ich bin nicht so gut in so was.  
[ _Translation from German: You flirt with everyone, but try to understand… I’m not like you, I’m not so good at it._ ]  
Sam looked at Johannes completely mystified, “You liar, du bist darin wirklich gut. Trust me, I know these things. I know wir uns eine Weile trennen, aber du bist mir noch genauso wichtig wie immer.”  
[ _Translation from German: You’re very good at it. … we’re on a break for now, but you’re still as important to me as you ever were._ ]  
The scowl vanished from Johannes's face and for a second he smiled before his expression turned to regret, “Ich bin noch nicht bereit für dich, es dauert, bis man durchblickt.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m not ready for you yet, it takes time to figure things out._ ]  
Sam stood up and faced Johannes, trying to ignore the pain, “Nicht hetzen, uns geht’s gut,” he hugged him for a moment, “I think I feel better now.”  
[ _Translation from German: Don’t rush, we’re fine._ ]  
Johannes laughed awkwardly, “Funny, ich fühle mich scheiße.”  
[ _Translation from German: I feel like crap._ ]  
Sam patted his arm, “The toilet is just over there.”  
“Not funny, Sam,” Johannes groaned.

*** 

Sam and Johannes stood alone in the kitchen, both leaning against the counter, and silently drinking tea and coffee respectively. The barbecue had largely wound down, and only around half of the guests remained.  Liz wandered in, obviously drunk, and grabbed another beer from the fridge. She looked at the two men and giggled to herself.  
“You’ve been holding out on me, dude,” she said to Johannes, “Housekeeperness sure got everyone fooled but _I_  saw those looks.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Johannes lied, nearly dropping his mug. He put it on the counter just in case.  
Liz giggled knowingly, “You got it _baaaaaad_ ,” she ripped the tab of the beer and downed a gulp, “Come on, you can tell ol’ Lizbean, I won’t tell a soul,” she stage whispered.  
Johannes glowered down at her, his arms folded across his chest, “Elizabeth, you’re drunk.”  
“He was… he was flirting with them just to make you jealous,” Liz smirked, waving her hand in playful accusation, “And it _woooooorked_ , didn’t it Uhl? Ha - ha, you got all defensive in German. It. Was. _Adorable_.”  
Sam couldn’t let her continue, especially when people could potentially overhear them, “Elizabeth, you’re mistaken. We’re just friends. Whatever you think you’ve seen, you’re wrong,” he stepped forward in front of Johannes territorially.  
Liz beamed at Sam, “Not only have I _seen_ , I am seeing it neua. Noew. Now.”  
“McKenny! Kindly collect your wife. She is drunk,” Johannes yelled into the living room.  
“Is she causing shit again?” McKenny called back.  
“Yeah! She’s causing shit!” Sam yelled back.  
McKenny stomped her way into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around her wife from behind, “What’re you up to now, Lizbean?”  
Liz pouted and pointed at Sam and Johannes, “They’ve been gay together, but it’s a secret so shuuuuush,” she stage whispered.  
McKenny looked up Johannes and then across at Sam and then back to Johannes again, a rictus of a smile spread across her face, “Shit! Fuck!” she paced nervously for a moment and then turned to Johannes, “Fuck! I am _so_ sorry, dude. This isn’t cool, this _really_ isn’t cool.”  
“We’re just friends, McKenny,” Johannes insisted, his case not helped by the anxiety radiating from him like a ball of electricity.  
“You saw how they looked at each other, didn’t you Suebean?” Liz sulked drunkenly, “How he ran up the stairs with water like a dooterful boyfend?”  
McKenny sighed, “I’m really sorry, she gets like this when she’s drunk. Last year she accused Rajani and Lenora of exactly the same thing. It was _embarrassing_ ,” she rolled her eyes at her wife, “Can’t take you _anywhere_ , can I Lizbean?”  
“But they’re so cuuuute together, Suebean,” Liz pouted, “Why’dey deny their undying for each other?”  
“Lizbean, you absolute doof, he’s not just some LOTE dude any more. You can’t just piss off the fucking principal, Jesus Christ,” McKenny hissed at her wife, she looked up at Johannes again and laughed awkwardly, “Ha - ha - ha I want to die…”  
“Why’d you want to want to die, Sue?” Cynthia asked, leaning on the other side of the counter.  
McKenny covered her wife’s mouth, “No reason. Just my wife is drunk and embarrassing,” she laughed awkwardly again.  
“Dyer gmay teufuder,” Liz managed to get out despite her wife’s hand.  
Cynthia squinted, trying to figure out what she said, “Huh?”  
“Aha - ha - ha she said we were being gay together,” McKenny laughed, “She was trying to make out in front of the boys. It’s embarrassing.”  
“Yeah, it was really cute,” Sam nodded in agreement, “But Liz is super drunk right now.”  
“Yeah - yeah, so I’m going to take my Lizbean home,” McKenny let go of her wife’s face to start pulling her in the direction of the door.  
“Oh dear, well I hope you both had a good time,” Cynthia replied.  
“Yeah thanks Cynthia, it was nice to catch up,” McKenny cleared her throat awkwardly, “Um… so we’re cool yeah right?” she held her closed fist out to Johannes.  
Johannes squinted down at her as though he didn’t know what she was asking, he groaned evidently figuring it out and held out a fist, “Okay fine,” he sighed as she fist-bumped him in a show of goodwill.  
“Goodbye McKenny,” Sam replied, “Sorry about your wife.”  
McKenny looked at Sam and Johannes again and groaned, “Once again, I am _so_  sorry.”  
Sam watched McKenny drag her wife out the door, and then turned to Cynthia, “So what now?”  
Cynthia sighed, “Adam has got poor Chris and Curtis cornered talking about… something nerdy, I don’t understand what it is. Chandra is on the phone to her son’s babysitter, and Lenora is outside talking to Ivan.”  
“Adam is Malinowski, right?” Sam asked, “Did you want me to, you know, intervene?”  
“Oh heavens, no,” Cynthia laughed, “Adam’s fine, he just needs someone to talk to. That’s why we invited him.”  
“Aw, that’s sweet but slightly condescending,” Sam raised an eyebrow in mild disapproval, “I did actually have something I wanted to ask him, you know?”  
Cynthia squinted at Sam, “What could you _possibly_ want to know? You have nothing in common?”  
Johannes laughed, “Believe it or not, they actually do.”  
“I wanted to ask him where he gets his suits from. His gender expression is to _die_ for,” Sam gushed.  
“Sweetie, he’s wearing a floral print bow tie, dinosaur embroidered vest, polka dot jacket and a _different_ floral print trousers,” Cynthia rolled her eyes, “That’s not a gender, it’s a _disaster_.”  
“To _die_ for, Cynthia,” Sam insisted, “You may not like it but _I_ think it’s incredible. A work of art. A bold statement against the heteronormative ideals that dictate that men must dress as blandly as possible, lest any one suspect them of being gay, or even of having a personality.”  
“Sam has strong feelings about clothes and things,” Johannes explained helpfully.  
“Uh - huh,” Cynthia replied, “I’m pretty sure we both have that same top, only mine is in lavender, so I’m not actually that surprised. I assume it’s a gay thing.”  
“It’s actually a gender non-conforming thing, Cynthia,” Sam took a sip of his tea, “Gays can and do dress like boring bankers too, you know?”  
“I don’t know what that means?” Cynthia frowned heterosexually.  
“I don’t conform to _any_ traditional gender roles, I’m just me,” Sam grinned proudly, “I like to express this visually with my clothes and body language.”  
“Yeah, I can see that,” Cynthia laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly salty that ToA has so far given us like 5 school faculty members tops (as of Strickler leaving the school is apparently being held together by 3 beans and a thumbtack) which is why I made my own damn faculty to use in this fic.


	11. Oats and Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Johannes return home from the barbecue and discuss what it's like in the workplace when aspects of your personal life and identity are highly politicised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short and fluffy chapter.

**_**Saturday, November 25**_  
**   
Johannes crashed into the couch face first, his legs bent so he fit lying down. Equally socially exhausted, Sam slid onto Johannes's recliner and curled up into the foetal position. Missy immediately ran up, across Johannes's back and leapt into the seat next to Sam.  
“Et tu, Missy?” Johannes groaned, “Me heriste los sentimientos.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: You hurt my feelings._ ]   
Sam picked her up and rubbed his cheek into hers, “She just gets worried when I leave the house. Tabra otan taeyeursta nábrogi vi. Èmar yisha kakai om lonagara náluvi, gonax yisha ò? Igwi ò, gasur tètara lonagara náluvi taeyeurta hi,” he gushed.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: She knows there’s greedy trolls around. Her broken cat friend might get eaten, mightn’t he? She doesn’t know her broken cat friend can also turn into a troll._ ]  
“She never worries about me,” Johannes moaned.  
“Yes she does,” Sam rubbed cheeks with the cat again, and let her settle on his lap, “When you’ve had a bad day she follows you around and sleeps in front of your door.”  
“Oh, I thought she was just after food,” Johannes replied.  
“No, she’s a good girl, aren’t you my darling?” Sam cooed, Missy rolled onto her back, kneading into the air with her paws, “She lost her collar again though.”  
Johannes made a deep growling noise into the couch, “I just bought her that one _three_ days ago! Where does she keep putting them?”  
“She told me she’s been using them as currency,” Sam rested his head on the arms of the recliner, too tired to be bothered sitting in a normal upright position.  
“I can never tell if you’re joking or not,” Johannes lifted his head to flash Sam a raised eyebrow.  
Sam chuckled, “I was joking. She shrugs them off because they’re itchy and the bell is dangerous in the wild.”  
“I know _that_ ,” Johannes scoffed, “But she’s not even supposed to _get_ outside.”  
“Yeah, she’s a regular Houdini,” Sam laughed.  
Johannes growled into the couch again, “I wish I was. I _knew_ it was a matter of time before Liz turned her imagination on me, and it was _almost_ as awful as I expected.”  
“McKenny was a good sport about it though,” Sam shrugged, “Pretty sure she realised there was more to Liz’s accusations than with Lenora and that other woman, but she has your back. She did the fist-bump and everything.”  
Johannes groaned, “It’s not McKenny I’m worried about.”  
“You never know, maybe Liz won’t even remember?” Sam shrugged again, “She was _pretty_ drunk.”  
“But what if she _does_ remember?” Johannes groaned, “I’m _already_ not looking forward to the end of year dinner.”  
“What’s that got to with anything?” Sam wondered.  
“It’s the same every year,” Johannes sighed, “Everyone brings their partners and we all sit around talking. I hate small talk. Someone _invariably_ asks me if I’ve found a lady friend yet. When I say no I get pity, if I say nothing they get offended, and if I avoid the question it only makes them worse. Normally I just pretend it’s fine and focus on impressing the upper management with my professional work ethic, but with Liz and her wife watching me, _knowing_ , it will be intolerable.”  
“Oh, I see,” Sam replied, “Hypothetically speaking, what would happen if you just came out and told everyone the truth? At the dinner.”  
Johannes chewed his lip thoughtfully, “Well, I’d get the pity again because ‘Aw how lonely you must be being single’, and depending in the individual, overly enthusiastic support or thinly veiled discomfort. There really isn’t a way for me to win.”  
“How complicated the human world is,” Sam sighed, “Are they likely to turn up? Could it be you’re stressing over nothing?”  
“They intentionally never miss it,” Johannes sat up and started to work a knot out of his neck, “McKenny told me one time they realize how important it is for there to be _visible_ faculty members seen at every event. An example of normalcy for the straight people, a role-model for the kids, and a gesture of solidarity for the rest of us.”    
“Do you appreciate them doing that?” Sam asked, trying to coax deeper purrs out of Missy.  
“Of course I do,” Johannes looked offended at the thought that he wouldn’t, “But the majority of our ‘out’ faculty members are female. I only know of Ainsley, and _he_ didn’t get a choice since he’s transitioning on the job.”  
Sam frowned, “So you coming out at work would be a pretty huge deal, huh?”  
“I’d no longer be just _me_ any more, I’d be ‘the gay principal’ to the whole town,” Johannes sighed, “I’m not like you, Sam. I don’t find explaining basic things to straight people even remotely amusing. I definitely don’t want them to even suspect I might be interested. I just want to do my job.”  
Sam put the cat down, and sat next to his friend, “Human society _is_ bullshit, but whatever happens, I promise I’ll _always_ see you as my best friend.”  
“That is…,” Johannes looked at Sam, his face making some kind of expression, “That is very kind of you to say.”  
“Are you hungry? I’ll get a start on dinner,” Sam stood up and made his way into the kitchen.  
  
  


* * *

**_**Saturday, January 13  
** _ **

Johannes had left early in the morning to go swimming with Chris, as was traditional for a Saturday. Left to his own devices Sam stood in the laundry sorting the dirty laundry into batches. He couldn’t explain why but he was in a good mood. Loves songs fell from his tongue, both ancient and young. Most he had no memory of learning, and the social context in many were beyond him now, but that didn't matter to him as long the melody was good. In the distance he heard the door slam shut, and Johannes walking up behind him. There was a wet slap as he dumped the contents of his gym bag into its own batch. Sam turned around, pausing his song to address his friend.  
“Have fun?” Sam asked, automatically separating the wet towel from the clothes.  
“I feel _invigorated_ ,” Johannes beamed, not just has expression but his whole soul shined like the sun.  
“You look it,” Sam flashed him a smile and turned to put the first load into the machine, returning to his place in the song.  
Johannes stepped back but remained, listening to Sam sing his declarations of love for a humble servant boy in Pahlavi, “You really _are_  magic, aren't you?” he sighed wistfully.  
Sam turned back to face him, nodding ever so slightly and a knowing smile on his face, “What is magic but the beauty of life?” he blinked, finding himself bent backwards over the washing machine being kissed by a suddenly passionate 'friend', “Johannes…, what…, I um…, yes?” Sam couldn't think beyond the smell of chlorine on his skin, in his hair, the weight pinning him down, the belt buckle pressing into his hip.  
Johannes stepped back, his glow dimming, “I'm sorry I…, I should've asked.”  
“No, I…,” Sam sat up, trying to compose himself, “I'm just gay,” he exhaled sharply, “ _Really_ gay.”  
Johannes laughed awkwardly, also trying to compose himself, “So am I.”  
Sam smiled back, equally awkward, "Does this mean you want to start dating again?"  
“I…,” Johannes made a desperate expression, "I mean yes, but don't know how to turn it off."  
“What do you mean?” Sam asked, refraining from making a joke about how good he was at turning it on.  
Johannes gestured vaguely at his person, “Me.”  
Sam frowned, “The gay?”  
“ _No_ ,” Johannes scowled in frustration, “I'm not _ashamed_  of what I am, but the idea of being openly… open about my personal life after all this time is…,” he trailed off, the soul of the man who had glowed like the sun not minutes before was quickly turning into an impenetrable black hole.  
Sam took a step closer to Johannes, “Do you understand what I am, Johannes?” Sam very gently put a hand on his shoulder.  
Johannes frowned, “You're some kind of a spirit.”  
“See the thing is, the life in you is _also_  some kind of spirit,” Sam looked into his icy blue eyes with the careful serenity of an apex predator, “I can read it, _feel_ it. When you came back from your swim, you were _so_  beautiful, _so_  bright,” he smiled wistfully, “But after you kissed me, that light vanished.”  
Johannes frowned, “What do you mean?”  
“What was going through your mind? Exactly what was it that made you kiss me again?” Sam wondered.  
Johannes crossed his arms and then uncrossed them again, “I wasn't thinking. I just… it felt right.”  
“And when you stopped?” Sam frowned, realising his question was unlikely to get a verbose response, “What did you feel?”  
Johannes's face went on a complicated, heartfelt journey, "I may have had a minor crisis, yes."  
“Do you remember that weekend we had?" Sam stood a step closer, feeling his light beginning to return.  
Johannes pouted, “I miss it. Every day I miss waking up next to you.”  
“Do you remember the drive home?” Sam smiled sadly, “You were scared shitless.”  
“No I wasn－－,” Johannes hesitated, “I was conflicted. I still _am_ conflicted.”  
“What are you thinking now?” Sam asked.  
Johannes grimaced, “That a normal person wouldn't even have this problem.”  
“So? Do you want to know what _I_  think?” Sam took another step closer, pressing his body against Johannes, “I'm thinking…, I'm thinking any intimacy between us is nobody's business but our own.”  
“That doesn't seem fair to you…,” Johannes replied, caught in Sam's attentive gaze.  
“Fuck me,” Sam nuzzled Johannes's throat, “Shine for yourself. Who cares if it's behind closed doors, if that's where you want to be.”  
“You have a way with words, cariño,” Johannes purred.  
Sam smiled smugly at him, “So I'm back to being your cariño, am I honey?”  
Johannes lifted Sam onto the lid of the washing machine, “If you're willing to put up with me.”  
“Only if you'll put up with me,” Sam smirked knowingly.  
Johannes kissed him again, several times over. A hand holding the back of Sam's head and the other searching up his oversized t-shirt, Sam's legs wrapped around his waist, “How would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?” Johannes asked, a twinkle in his eye.  
“Really? You've never let me up there before,” Sam replied, trying desperately to not get too carried away.  
“I'd take you right now,” Johannes gave him a smaller peck and stepped back, “But I have a lunch meeting with the superintendent in an hour and a half, and I'm supposed to be meeting Chandra _beforehand_.”  
Sam flattened his t-shirt back down, “The superintendent? What does he want on a _weekend_?” he sulked.  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “Oh you know how it is. You have to do a little—,” he made an obscene jerking gesture with his hand, “— to keep everyone happy.”  
“Well that would certainly keep _me_  happy over lunch,” Sam raised his eyebrows at the thought.  
Johannes laughed, “I'll have to remember that for later.” 

***

After Sam had finished getting several loads done in the machine, he decided to take a break and hang out with Missy. In the past several month he had managed to befriend her in both human and cat form. The two lay curled up on Johannes's recliner, purring atop of Sam's folded clothes. They were both awoken by the jiggle of keys, and Sam quickly scrambled back into his human form and pants. Missy ran to the window to hide under the curtains, her tail wagging in irritation.  
“Sorry I'm late, I stopped to pick up some things,” Johannes said to Sam who was still scrambling into his t-shirt, “Chandra says hello.”  
“That was nice of her,” Sam replied following Johannes into the kitchen, “I'm assuming ‘some things' are of the decidedly adult variety.”  
“Maybe…,” Johannes replied, bashfully avoiding eye contact, “But I did come across something you might find amusing,” he placed a box of roasted oats onto the kitchen counter, smirking, “Look who returned to their original design!”  
Sam picked up the box and examined it, labelled ‘Wholesome's Honey Golden Oats’, the mascot was a cute little golden bear wearing a baby blue shirt and red bow tie, “It's you!” Sam exclaimed.  
Johannes grinned, “It's me, but cuter.”  
“Arguably cuter,” Sam corrected, “I definitely know which _I_ prefer.”

***

Sam stepped into Johannes bedroom as though he were entering sacred halls. It was a humble enough room, definitely more chaotic than Sam had been expecting. It had all the hallmarks of room that hadn't been organised in a while, as though its occupant had never expected another person to witness the bedlam. A queen sized bed sat in the middle of the room with cream and white bedding, naturally flanked by bedside drawers. A wardrobe and entertainment unit faced the bed on the opposite wall, and an old dresser faced the window with crisp white curtains. Dozens of photos littered the walls, drawers and dresser, predominantly featuring a handsome blonde woman. His sister Lilli. He rarely spoke of her but Sam knew she rang at least once a month to check up on her big brother. Sam spotted his new favourite photo, a candid picture of Lilli and Johannes on her wedding day, their faces squished into unconditional and childlike happiness.  
Sam turned to Johannes who was laying on the bed, dressed in nothing but a robe, “Are you sure you're okay with me being in here?”  
“I wouldn't have invited up here if I wasn't,” Johannes scoffed.  
“When was the last time you had _anyone_  in here?” Sam wondered  
Johannes shrugged, “Dorothy, a couple years ago. Otherwise, you're the first.”  
“Are you sure it'll be okay with her watching us?” Sam couldn't see a single place for his eyes to rest other than the ceiling where Lilli's face wasn't visible.  
“They're only photographs, Sam," Johannes looked critically at Sam as though he didn't know what photos were, "Are you going to join me, or would you rather spend the night gawking at my sister?"  
Sam sat on the bed and crawled up next to Johannes, “Ú kúlañe èmayona ih am sameu, eu gwína nonánora itan im a sameu, gataha ú heras drúnata a,” he purred, untying Johannes's robe.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I won’t join with you, but I’ll pour my love into you so hard you won’t even be able to tell the difference._ ]  
“I have no idea what you just said but I’m _positive_ that was actually filthy,” Johannes smirked knowingly.  
Sam kissed him, “I said I’ll make it worth the wait.”  
Johannes kissed him back, “Not if I make it worth the wait more.”


	12. Blood and Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam answers the phone one evening and things take a turn for the worse.

**_**Wednesday, January 13** _ **

Sam lay on the couch, half asleep and watching a French documentary on Ancient Egyptian culture. It was getting very late, but Johannes was still awake, trying to figure out the solution to some work related problem on the dining table. Every surface was covered with papers, folders, and discarded coffee mugs. Occasionally Johannes would let out a frustrated grunt and Sam would hear the frantic scribbling off a man refusing to give up and go to bed.  
Sam sighed, “Go to bed, it’ll still be there in the morning, honey.”  
“It’s been ‘there in the morning’ all week, cariño,” Johannes groaned.  
“How close are you to solving it?” Sam asked, knowing the answer.  
Johannes took a sip of the coffee he made an hour ago and scowled, “Four coffees at least.”  
“If you have any more coffee you won’t be able to sleep,” Sam nagged.  
“I don’t need sleep as much I need to get this finished,” Johannes pouted.  
“If you don’t sleep you’ll get those dark circles under your eyes that you hate,” Sam gestured vaguely at his face, “And then you’ll have to use those eye masks you don’t want me to know about for some reason.”  
Johannes stood up angrily and sorted the papers into neater piles, “Muy bien, monstruo. Appeal to my vanity when you’re sitting there all immortal and perfect,” he muttered bitterly under his breath.  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Fine, you monster._ ]  
“I love you too, honey,” Sam teased, ignoring the comment about being a monster.  
Johannes pushed the piles up into the middle of the table so there’d be space to eat breakfast in the morning, “Fine, you win. I’m going for a shower.”  
Sam got up and gave him a tender kiss on his way to the stairs, “I’ll meet you in bed, Míleban náseinora im.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: … my hard working Johannes._ ]

With Johannes embarking on his pre-bed routine, Sam set about collecting all the empty mugs and rinsing them in the sink. He hummed happily to himself and stacked the mugs in the dishwasher to be washed with the morning dishes. Taking a wet sponge, he wiped down the dining table and the area in front of the coffee maker. The television was still blaring in the distance but at that point Sam just wanted to go to bed and snuggle into Johannes's shoulders. He turned it off and surveyed the room, ensuring there was nothing that needed done that couldn’t wait until morning. There was a distinct ringing sound and for a moment Sam didn’t realise what he was hearing. It was the phone. He wondered who could possibly be ringing at that time of night.  
He picked up the phone without thinking, “Hi, it’s Sam. What’s the emergency?”  
There was a long silence on the other and Sam was about to hang up, “I calling for Hans,” it sounded like an elderly voice, a woman probably, judging from her thick Austrian accent and broken English, she probably wasn’t fluent.  
“Hans?” Sam wondered, “I don’t know a——” he stopped, remembering the diminutive of Johannes, “Who are you?”  
“Please, my English bad. I want Hans?” the woman replied in a sickly sweet voice, Sam was almost certain he knew she was.  
Sam wanted to hang up immediately but he forced himself to be civil, “Nicht bis Sie mir sagen, wer sind Sie,” he insisted.  
[ _Translation from German: Not until you tell me who you are._ ]  
“Oh! Warum sprechen Sie Deutsch?” the woman sounded surprised, “Ich bin… ich bin seine Tante, ja? Bitte, meinen Neffe holen?”  
[ _Translation from German: Oh! How come you speak German? I am… I am his aunt, yes? Please, get my nephew?_ ]  
Sam was struggling to contain his anger, “Warum rufen Sie an?”  
[ _Translation from German: Why are you calling?_ ]  
“Bitte, meinen Neffe holen?” she repeated, “Es ist eine Privatangelegenheit.”  
[ _Translation from German: Please, get my nephew? It is a private matter._ ]  
“Johannes ist mein Freund. Was auch immer los ist, du kannst es mir sagen,” there was no way Sam was going to disturb him with this, he was already stressed enough.  
[ _Translation from German: Johannes is my friend. Whatever is going on, you can tell me._ ]  
The woman chuckled nervously on the other end, “Was heißt hier ‘mein Freund’, Amerikaner?”  
[ _Translation from German: What do you mean ‘my friend’, American?_ ]  
“Das geht Sie nichts an, Madam,” Sam could feel her discomfort from the other side of the world.  
[ _Translation from German: That’s none of your business, ma’am._ ]  
Sam could hear her take a deep breath on the other end of the line, “Ich warte immer noch. Bitte, meinen Neffe holen?” she repeated, her sickly sweet tone slipping slightly.  
[ _Translation from German: I’m still waiting. Please, get my nephew?_ ]  
“Ich weiß wer Sie sind, Fr. Uhl. Das lasse ich nicht zu. Sie sprechen nicht mit ihm,” Sam could almost hear the glass tinkle as the last of her veneer fell away.  
[ _Translation from German: I know who you are, Mrs. Uhl. No way, I won’t let you. You’re not speaking to him._ ]  
“Sie widern mich an, [slur redacted]!” she spat, venom lacing her every word, “Lassen Sie mich mit meinem Sohn sprechen! Was gibt Ihnen das Recht? Ich habe ihn zur Welt gebracht! Er gehört zu mir! Sie können nicht ihm nicht für immer verstecken! Nur viel Sie [profanity redacted], Sie denken, ihr könnt alles bestimmen? Es ist widerlich! Lassen Sie mich mit meinem Sohn sprechen, [multiple slurs redacted]! Er ist da! Ich weiß, dass er da ist!”   
[ _Translation from German: You disgust me, [slur redacted]! Let me speak to my son! What gives you the right? I gave birth to him! He’s mine! You can’t hide him forever! Just because you [profanity redacted], you think you can control everything? It’s disgusting! Let me speak to my son, [multiple slurs redacted]! He’s there! I know he’s there!_ ]  
Sam wanted throw the phone into a wall, “Ich liebe ihn, Fr. Uhl. Ich liebe Ihren Sohn,” he wanted to scream profanities back at her but he was forcing himself to be civil to be the bigger person, “Sie sprechen nicht mit ihm. Er verdient etwas besseres als... besseres als das.”   
[ _Translation from German: I love him, Mrs. Uhl. I love your son. You’re not speaking to him. He deserves better… better than that._ ]  
Mrs. Uhl laughed bitterly, “Was fällt dir ein, zu mir von Liebe zu reden, [slur redacted]? Du bist unfähig zu lieben! Ich muss alleine mit meinem [slur redacted] Sohn sprechen!”  
[ _Translation from German: How dare you speak to me of love, [slur redacted]? You are incapable of love. I need to speak alone with my [slur redacted] son!_ ]  
“Fick dich, was ist los mit dir?” Sam couldn’t take it any more, “Fick dich! Wie kannst du es wagen! Du ekelst mich an, Madam!”  
[ _Translation from German: Fuck you, what’s wrong with you? Fuck you! How dare you! You disgust me, ma’am!_ ]  
The old woman responded with a torrent of unrepeatable words and incoherent threats, Sam was about to hang up the phone when he realised Johannes was looking at him wearing a horrified expression, “Why are you screaming German? Who are you talking to?” he asked, he snatched the phone from Sam’s hand and his face blanched when he held it to his ear.  
“Johannes, no, just hang up,” Sam begged.  
Johannes held the mouth piece with his hand, “How did she get this number?” he gasped, he took a deep breath to compose himself and returned to the call, “Wie kannst du es wagen? Wie kannst du es wagen sowas über meinen Partner zu sagen! Wie kannst du es wagen versuche mich zu erreichen! Wer hat Ihnen diese Nummer verraten?”  
[ _Translation from German: How dare you? How dare you speak to my partner like that! How dare you try to contact me for any reason! Who gave you this number?_ ]  
Sam followed and sat next to him on the couch, “Hang up, please hang up,” he pleaded.  
“Hush!”Johannes shot him an angry scowl, “Sag was du willst, es ist mir egal. Ist mir immer noch egal. Gut. Gut. Wunderbar. Ich freue mich. Es ist mir egal. Ich kann es n—— Das ist nich—— Ich kan—— Mutter, kann ich ni—— warum n—— War—— Das ist nich—— Ich habe ni——” he fell silent, evidently giving up trying to get a word in edgewise.  
[ _Translation from German: Say what you like, I don’t care. I still don’t care. Good. Good. Wonderful. I’m pleased. I don’t care. I don’t—— It’s not—— I can’t—— Mother, I can’t—— Why can’t—— Why—— That’s not—— I haven’t——_ ]  
Johannes’s expression was wooden and cold, but the state of his soul told another story. Sam closed his eyes, feeling the anger lick against him like toxic flames. It was suffocating, twisted, coiling around him like vines choking a tree. It was pushing him, he was fighting it, trying to anchor himself in the present. He was glitching. It was too late.

_~ Sam stood at the back of the service, leaning against the wall. He disliked churches, they made it clear on no uncertain terms that folk like Sam were not welcome. But he had no choice, he would rather die than shirk this one last familial duty. A young girl ran around the memorial, still far too young to understand what was happening. A large, sombre bear wrangled her up, smiling sadly, not wanting to burst her bubble of innocence. In the front row, a smaller bear was crying into Dorothy’s shoulder. His vision blurred and Sam realised he was crying. Someone grabbed him from behind and held him tight. From the smell he knew it was Johannes. ~_

He wanted to scream. The pain licked down his nerves like icy hot flames, Sam felt for sure he could feel blood trickle down his skin. He gasped, his lungs burning. He couldn’t see. The sound of heavy breathing filled his ears but couldn’t be sure where it was coming from. He curled up, waiting, crying. Eventually he could see Johannes next to him. He was frozen in position, his head in his hands, staring ahead at nothing in particular. He was wearing silk pyjamas, black and gold, the ones Lilli had sent him for Christmas. Missy was at his feet, starring up intently. Sam wasn’t convinced time was happening. He blinked hoping reality would reassert itself into position.  
“So－” Johannes began carefully, “－my father’s dead.”  
“I’m sorry, my love,” Sam said sorrowfully.  
“I’m glad it finally happened,” Johannes replied, “I suppose this makes me a bad person.”  
“You’re not a bad person,” Sam sniffed, the grief from his vision mingling with the pain and compassion, “I promise.”  
“I’m sorry you had to met her,” Johannes said.  
Sam sighed, “Yeah, I can see why you don’t speak of her much.  
Johannes stood up and grimaced, “I uh…, I need to be alone for a while.”  
“Should I sleep in my own room tonight?” Sam asked quietly.  
“Please,” Johannes nodded, and headed back up the stairs. There was a light jingle from Missy’s collar as she followed him up.  
Sam sat in silence, staring at the phone he left on the coffee table. After a slam of the door, the sound of muffled angry late 80s to 90s music filtered down from upstairs. Sam recognised it immediately as Johannes's venting playlist. He trudged up the stairs and noticed Johannes had left Sam’s phone and charger in front of the door. He stooped down to collect them and paused to give Missy a pat.  
“Sár, gasur deñí taha ò ih, lonan im,” Sam sighed.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Yeah, he shut me out too, my little cat._ ]  
  
  


* * *

**_**Thursday, February 1** _ **

Sam lay on his bed listening to Johannes's playlist. He had heard the muffled sounds of Johannes yelling into his pillow from across the hall. He suspected neither of them were going to get any sleep that night. It was already approaching morning. There was a cheerful noise from his phone and he realised someone was sending him messages. He assumed it was a date he had arranged for the following week. He’s have to let them know he was going to cancel. He picked up the phone and tried to arrange the words he needed to say into a coherent sentence.   
  
» HoneyGolden - 4:12am - Are you still awake? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:12am - Yes, honey :sobbing: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:13am - I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. :bear sad face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:13am - I mean, my heart is breaking but it was nothing YOU did. :broken heart: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:14 a.m - I’m sorry about all this. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:15 a.m - It’s not your fault, honey. It’s not like you had a choice. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:16 a.m - She said it was a stroke in the end. He’d been in a care facility for years. She said it was my fault. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:16 a.m - :kitty angry face: :dagger: She said what? :dagger: :kitty angry face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:17 a.m - I don’t want to talk about what she said. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:18 a.m - You told her you love me. :lion heart eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:18 a.m - I do love you, honey. :rainbow heart: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:19 a.m - I love you too. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:20 a.m - Forgive me for needing space. :bear sad face: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:21 a.m - I understand completely. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:23 a.m - Thank you :rainbow heart: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:23 a.m - I don’t deserve you. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:24 a.m - :sobbing: You deserve all the love I can give and more. «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:26 a.m - It’s nearly morning. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:26 .am - Are you going to work? «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:28 a.m - I refuse to stay home and feel sorry for myself when I could be out there being productive. :robot smiley face: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:28 a.m - Besides, ignoring my problems and solving other people’s is basically the only thing I’m good at. :rolls eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:29 a.m - I’ll make you a proper cooked breakfast before you go. It’s going to be a LONG hard day. :hugs: «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:30 a.m - I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll feel very hungry. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:31 a.m - Nonsense. Your fleshy human body needs the energy. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:34 a.m - Tell me though, why here and not texting? «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:35 a.m - To be honest I wasn’t thinking, I just went into automatic. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 4:36 a.m - It kinda feels like old times. Except now I can imagine how you must look, huddled up in bed hunched over your phone, what expression you must be wearing as you’re reading this… «  
» HoneyGolden - 4:37 a.m - You’re being too romantic, my current expression is :blank face: just like old times. «

***

Sam fussed about in the kitchen worrying about Johannes. He had made him pancakes for breakfast, and although he had tried, Johannes simply hadn’t been hungry. On his way to work he’d mumbled about getting something when he was out, but Sam wasn’t born yesterday. Not only was Sam almost positive he would not have gotten himself lunch, but he was working late again, most likely on an empty stomach. He had spent the entire worrying, despite Johannes’s assurances that he was fine. There was roast beef in the oven, along with an assortment of miscellaneous vegetables, they were ready to go but Sam was waiting for Johannes to return. The phone rang and Sam assumed it was Chandra or Ainsley letting him know he was on his way.  
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked, there was a long pause on the other end of the line and Sam’s blood boiled in his veins, “Wenn du es bist, Madam, du kannst dich [profanity redacted]! Ich habe genug von Ihrem Unsinn!”  
[ _Translation from German: If that’s you again you ma’am, you can [profanity redacted]! I’ve had enough of your bullshit!_ ]  
“I… Hans, where is my Hans?” the woman sniffed, “I am sorry if I am intruding. I will go if I am unwelcome. I am knowing that my brother is very busy.”  
Sam cursed silently, “Lilli my darling, no please don’t go. I thought you were someone else.”  
Lilli sniffed again, “Please, who are you?”  
“My name is Sam, has he mentioned me?” Sam asked gently.  
“I know of a Sam,” Lilli sniffed, “The _boy_ friend, yes? He says you are a good man.”  
Sam breathed a sigh of relief, she already knew, “Are you okay, Lilli? It sounds like you’re crying?”  
Lilli let out a deep sob and then pulled herself together, “I am sorry. Please may I speak with my brother? My husband is away for business, I am… sick... again and my mother… and my mother…,” her voice trembled with barely contained tears.  
Sam groaned, “When did she call?”  
“This morning,” Lilli wailed, “How do you know?”  
“She called last night,” Sam checked on the dinner to ensure it could keep for however long the conversation was going to take, “That’s why I snapped at you just then. She said she was an aunt but I knew who she was.”  
Lilli sighed, “I am sorry, Sam. It is my fault. Little Jo visit me. Hans left when little Jo was very young. He know nothing but what mother and father told him. Wanting to learn about his big brother. I say to him Hans is a good man. I say where he lives. He is happy. Josef must have told her. Told her how to find both of us. I am so foolish.”  
“That isn’t your fault, Lilli,” Sam insisted.  
The woman laughed through her tears bitterly, “Merde! Je déteste être enceinte! Je ne dors plus, je n'arrête pas de pleurer, ou de vomir. Cette [slur redacted], c'est pas ma mère! Elle a dit que toute cette histoire, c'est de ma faute? [slur redacted]!”  
[ _Translation from French: Shit! I hate being pregnant! I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying, or puking. You know my mother is a [slur redacted]! She said everything that’s happened is all my fault?_ ]  
Sam regretted he couldn’t hug the woman, “Oui, elle aussi, je la déteste! Depuis combien de temps êtes-vous enceinte? Does Johannes know?”  
[ _Translation from French: Yeah, I hate her too! How long have you been pregnant?_ ]  
“I only find out three weeks ago. Hans is not knowing,” Lilli sighed, “Oublie que je te l'ai dit, J'ignorais que tu savais parler français. No one’s supposed to know.”   
[ _Translation from French: Forget I told you anything, I didn’t know you speak French._ ]  
“I won’t say a word,” Sam sat at the dining table and glanced at the door, “Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?”  
Lilli sobbed, “I need my brother.”  
“I know, Lilli. He’ll be home soon. He just had just to work late,” Sam was starting to feel impatient for Lilli’s sake.  
“Tell me Sam,” Lilli asked, “I never have words with a person who knows him. Is he really okay? I worry for him.”  
“You and me both,” Sam laughed, “But seriously, we take care of each other. And if something is wrong, I promise I’ll find you. You don’t need to worry.”  
“Then you are family to me, Sam,” Lilli sounded as though she truly meant it, “My _true_ family.”  
Sam deeply regretted not being able to hug her, “You’re an angel, my darling. Of course we’re family.”  
The was a click at the front door, and Johannes stomped in, clearly in a horrendous mood, “Don’t ask how today went,” he kicked off his shoes angrily, “Do not ask,” he warned.  
Sam held his hand over the phone, “Dinner’s ready but I have someone on the phone for you. You can take the call in the office, I’ll bring you your food there.”  
Johannes groaned, “Who is it this time? Chandra? Dr. Carter? Eugh, it’s not Tom is it?”  
Sam handed him the phone, “No, it’s Lilli. She needs her big brother, Johannes. She’s very upset,” Sam watched Johannes's grouchiness melt away like butter in the midday sun.  
“Lilli, was ist los? Are you okay? No - no, weine nicht, ich bin hier,” Johannes's face went wooden, “Oh. Ich verstehe. Ja, ja sie hat. Excuse me for a second, I want to ask Sam something,” he turned to Sam, “I _will_ take this in my office. What did you make?”  
[ _Translation from German: Lilli, what’s wrong? … don't cry, I’m here. I see. Yeah, yeah she did._ ]  
“Roast beef and vegetables with cracked pepper gravy,” Sam replied, “Go on, don’t worry about me,” he shooed Johannes up the stairs and went to plate up their dinner as quickly as possible.

***

Sam knocked on the door and let himself in, Johannes nodded at him and gestured at a clear spot on his desk, “I’m going to put you on speakerphone while I eat. Ist das in Ordnung?” Johannes fiddled with his phone and put it on its little stand.  
[ _Translation from German: Is that okay?_ ]  
“Don’t mind me, I’ll only be a couple seconds,” Sam said, placing the roast dinner on the desk.  
“Entschuldige, wenn ich dich störe,” Lilli sniffed, “Uh… die Zeitzonen, they make things difficult.”  
[ _Translate from German: I’m sorry if I’m intruding. … Time zones..._ ]  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “Du bist nicht, Äfflein,” he looked up at Sam incredulously, “What, am I supposed to eat with my _hands_?”  
[ _Translation from German: You’re not, little monkey._ ]  
“Oh shit!” Sam had forgotten he put the knife and fork into his pocket so he didn’t drop them on the way up, “Yes, I forgot. But first…,” he leant forward and gave Johannes a peck on the cheek.  
“Hey! Not in front of my sister,” Johannes blushed.  
“Why? She can’t see anything?” Sam smirked, handing him the cutlery.  
Lilli giggled on the other end of the line, “Hans, dein Freund ist super süß. Ich freue mich so sehr für dich. Ich weiß, wie _schwer_ es ist, einen guten Mann zu finden.”  
[ _Translation from German: Hans, your boyfriend is super cute. I’m so very happy for you. I know how difficult it is to find a good man._ ]  
Johannes smiled smugly to himself, “Ja, ich weiß. Sam ist mein eins zu einer Million, nicht wahr?”  
[ _Translation from German: Yes, I know. Sam’s my one in a million, isn’t he?_ ]  
Sam grinned back knowingly, and closed the door behind him, leaving the two siblings to catch up and hopefully do each other some good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, writing this chapter was something else, linguistically speaking;  
> me: This German seems fine, I'm sure it's fine.  
> me: *quadruple checks*  
> me: Euuugh it's not perfect but it will do. I'm sure most folks won't notice.  
> me: ABER ICH WERDE ES WISSEN!  [ _BUT I WILL KNOW!_ ] 


	13. Friends and Valentine's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes is in a foul mood, and Chandra and Coach have concerns.

**_**Tuesday, February 13  
** _ **

The last two weeks had been a tumultuous affair. Sam had tried his best to keep Johannes in good spirits, but it had proven impossible, he charged through each day like a thunderstorm. Johannes had repeatedly insisted he was fine, but it was undeniable that he’d been in a foul mood ever since the particularly odious phone call from his mother. Sam knew that there was nothing he could really do, and that Johannes probably only needed time to process the initial shock of what happened. It was the second Tuesday of the month which meant Johannes was staying back late for the Board of Education meeting at the school. Sam lay on Johannes’s recliner and tried to stay awake, waiting for his partner to return home so he sleep safely in the knowledge that he was near. There was an odd whistle from his phone and he realised someone was requesting a video call. Sam did a quick double check to ensure he was wearing clothes, and answered.  
“Hello?” Sam asked, standing up.  
“Sam, is that you? We can’t see you?” Chandra asked, “Are you holding the phone sideways?”  
“Hold up, I’m just heading to his office so I can steal the phone stand,” Sam replied, quickly making his way up the stairs.  
“He’s still at the BoE meeting right?” Coach asked.  
“Yeah, that’s right,” Sam said, putting the phone into the stand, “Can you see me now?” he asked, rearranging the set up to fit his height.  
“Yeah, we can see you,” Chandra nodded, “We were hoping to discuss something… delicate.”  
“About Uhl,” Chris clarified, hunched over next to Chandra. Even seated, he was too big to fit comfortably into shot with the petite woman in her wheelchair.  
Sam sighed, “Oh dear.”  
“You’re his friend, right? You live in his house, see him everyday?” Chandra asked carefully.  
“Yes…?” Sam found himself getting defensive.  
“So do _you_ know what the bee in his bonnet is?” Chris asked desperately, “He won’t tell _me_.”  
“Whatever it is, it’s been affecting his work. He’s been… short with the faculty, delegating a lot more to me, overall he’s been in a _very_ foul mood for the last two weeks,” Chandra paused, “If this is a long term thing it could be bad. I thought Chris might now, but he thought I would know. Obviously neither of us do. Not even Ainsley knows. It would help if we knew what was happening so we could cover his back if he needed, or otherwise call him out on his shit.”  
Sam breathed a sigh of relief, this was marginally less bad than he was expecting, “See, I’m in a slight pickle here,” he admitted, “I know _exactly_ what the problem is, but I _also_ know it’s bad enough that he doesn’t want anyone to know, even his two _other_ closest friends,” Sam nearly outed himself as considering himself more than just friends but caught himself just in time.  
Chris nodded his head, “He’s always been like that. God forbid anyone think he’s a real life human being, with like… family and stuff. Wouldn’t tell me _anything_ about his sister, even though I spoke with her on the phone.”  
“Yeah well, I won’t tell you exactly what happened but it’s definitely real life human being stuff. If you ask me, he should’ve taken a couple days off but you know him. Why deal with your problems when you can get paid to actively ignore them?” Sam rolled his eyes.  
Chandra frowned, “So he got bad news, huh? How bad?”  
“Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t want your imaginations to take over completely here but it was bad enough that he doesn’t to talk about it, even with me, and I’m uncomfortable sharing it with two of his other closest friends,” Sam nearly outed himself as classifying himself as being more than friends but managed to catch it in time.  
“Oh dear,” Chandra sighed, “Can you give us _any_ indication of when he’ll back to normal?”  
“Don’t kid yourself, he’s never been normal,” Chris laughed awkwardly, clearly trying to lift the mood but failing.  
Sam shrugged, “Hopefully soon.”  
“This is unfortunate,” Chandra sighed, “I will try to smooth things over as much as possible.”  
“I don’t think he’ll appreciate being coddled, he needs that respectful distance,” Sam frowned, fidgeting nervously with his hands.  
Chandra sighed, “Hmm, that’s true. We’ll try our best though. Thank you for your time,” she ended the call.  
Sam slumped onto Johannes's desk and groaned in frustration. 

***

There was the sound of a door slamming, followed a short while after by stomping up the staircase. Sam hadn’t realised he had fallen asleep but found himself curled up at Johannes's desk, using his arm as a pillow. He hadn’t slept well after returning to sleeping in his old room, so he wasn’t surprised to find himself randomly nodding off without expecting. The door creaked open and Johannes stood in the doorway, his hand resting on the frame with Auntie and Dorothy’s childhood heights carved into it. He looked utterly and completely exhausted.  
“Why are _you_ in here?” Johannes asked gruffly.  
Sam rubbed his eyes, “Chris and Chandra called me. I was using your stand.”  
“Chandra _and_ Chris?” Johannes narrowed his eyes, “Why?”  
“They were worried about you. Wanted to know what was up,” Sam shrugged, “They said you’ve been short with the faculty, they were worried this might be bad if it’s a long term thing.”  
“You were… _gossiping_ about me!” Johannes slammed his hand on the desk, a jar of stationary bounced onto the floor, “ _What_ did you tell them?”  
“Johannes, my love,” Sam looked up at Johannes with a hurt expression, “I would _never_ tell people personal things without your expressed permission. I merely told them that you had received some bad news and that you would appreciate some respectful distance while you figured it out on your own.”  
Johannes slumped, “I have her temper,” he said weakly, “I know I do. I should probably apologize”  
“I’m here if you want to talk,” Sam offered gently.  
“I’m going for a shower,” Johannes grunted, “I need to go to bed.”  
Sam raised an eyebrow, feeling shirked, “Fine, I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”  
“No,” Johannes walked to the door frame and stood with his back to Sam, “I was hoping you would join me?”  
“In your bed?” Sam asked, “You’ll let me snuggle you again?”  
Johannes nodded, “Snuggles only, don’t get any ideas.”

***

Sam nestled into Johannes's back gratefully, treasuring the feel of silk against his naked skin, and the mingling smells of soap and shampoo. His arm was wrapped around Johannes's chest and their legs were intertwined. Neither of the men were asleep. The moment was devoted entirely to making up for lost time.  
“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier, cariño,” Johannes said quietly, his voice not quite a whisper.  
Sam kissed his neck tenderly, “Thank you, honey.”  
“I admit I’ve not been in a good place,” Johannes explained.  
“I know, honey,” Sam kissed him again.  
Johannes sighed, “I don’t like being this angry all the time.”  
“I know you don’t, of course you don’t,” Sam replied.  
“I want to... uh... tell you, ich habe dir so viel zu sagen. Es gibt noch so viel, was du von mir nicht weißt,” Johannes admitted mournfully, “I feel like… I feel like if I told you, you would understand me better.”  
[ _Translation from German: … I have so many things to tell you. There's still so much you don't know about me._ ]  
Sam pressed his hand into Johannes's chest reassuringly, “I’m listening, tienar munámwiyi nágroxa im.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: … my sweet tempestuous man._ ]  
“It is…,” Johannes sighed and curled up tighter, “It’s very hard to _unlearn_ that it’s not okay to talk about anything.”  
“You’re not alone in this,” Sam kissed him, “It’s a sadly common problem.”  
“Liebst du mich?” Johannes asked quietly.  
[ _Translation from German: Do you love me?_ ]  
“You’re my sun,” Sam nuzzled the space behind his ear, “I live to see you shine. Vertrau mir, ich wäre nicht hier, wenn ich dich nicht lieben würde.”  
[ _Translation from German: Trust me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you._ ]  
Johannes exhaled sharply, “Ich liebe dich so sehr, aber das ist nicht genug,” he stated carefully, “Du musst verstehen, du _weißt_ , wie ich kann dich verstehen lassen,” he turned over to face Sam, “I want you to… I want you inside of me.”  
[ _Translation from German: I love you so much, but it’s not enough. I want you to understand, you know how I can make you understand._ ]  
Sam smiled wryly in the darkness, “That goes a little beyond just snuggles, meinst du nicht?”  
[ _Translation from German: ... don't you think?_ ]  
“Das habe ich _eigentlich_ nicht gemeint,” Johannes scoffed.  
[ _Translation from German: That isn't actually what I meant._ ]  
Sam reached out and stroked his hair, “Ich weiß, was du meintest, Honig,” he paused, “I just don’t think you’re ready for that right now.”  
[ _Translation from German: I know what you meant, honey._ ]  
“Warum nicht?” Johannes asked bitterly, “It’d be so much easier than trying to tell you what I’ve been trying to tell you. You’ve done it with other people. Warum nicht auch ich?”  
[ _Translation from German: Why not? … Why not me too?_ ]  
“Johannes,” Sam sighed, “You’ve never done it with anyone before, you don’t know what it’s like.”  
“I’m asking you to now,” Johannes insisted.  
“I know I’ve likened it to sex before but that was a gross oversimplification. With sex you’re mooshing your anatomy into each other, but when you’re joining with someone, your memories, your feelings, your trauma…,” Sam wasn’t sure how to put it, “… it’s not a natural state for a human to be in.”  
“I can handle it,” Johannes stated confidently.  
“Johannes, this isn’t something you can accurately judge,” Sam sighed, he wasn’t looking forward to saying what he had to say, “You said it yourself, you’ve been in a bad place. Even other humans are picking up on it. You fell to pieces over a single phone call. Don’t get me wrong, that phone call would have destroyed any one in your position, and I’m not saying any of this to make you feel like shit.”  
“It really feels like you _are_ ,” Johannes sulked in the darkness.  
“Johannes?” Sam began carefully, attempting to explain things in a way he wouldn’t take so personally, “You know when I have seizures? When my mind is sent to another time? Especially to the past, when I have no memory of what happens once I return back to my normal. Have you ever, you know? Have you ever fucked me when I’m like that? Knowing me, I probably would have asked for it.”  
Johannes sat up in disgust, “Was? Nein! How can you even _ask_ me that? I would never take advantage of your condition! Niemals!”  
[ _Translation from German: What? No! … Never!_ ]  
“That’s because it’s taboo, isn’t it?” Sam sat up to face him in the darkness, “You know I can’t properly consent in that situation, so it doesn’t matter if I ask for it or not. Because you’re a good man, and you don’t want to hurt me,” he put his hands around Johannes's shoulders, “That’s what you’re asking me to do. Bad memories are like… bubbles. Normally they hide buried in the sand of your subconscious and you really have to dig to unearth them. But as you are right now, if I were to get in there, _all_ your bad memories could come fizzing up to the surface like your mind was a carbonated beverage. It’s got nothing to do with your strength, or your worth as a person, or how much I care about you.”  
Johannes slumped, “Oh.”  
“I’m not ruling it out altogether, Míleban,” Sam took hold of his hand tenderly, “You just need to give it time.”  
“Now I feel foolish,” Johannes wriggled back into bed, defeated.  
Sam snuggled back into place, “Hush, you couldn’t have known. Don’t feel like it was wrong to ask. It’s enough tonight that you let me back in,” he squeezed Johannes hand, pressing his cheek into his shoulder.

* * *

**_**Wednesday, February 14  
** _ **

Sam awoke to the onslaught of morning light beaming down onto him from the bedroom window. He snuggled deeper into blankets, drowsily reaching out for Johannes. There was an electronic whirr from Johannes brushing his teeth in the bathroom. He sat up, realising where he was, and yawned. The bedroom was in as much mess as it had been the night previous, but in the morning light it cried out for some love. He wondered if Johannes would insulted if he tried to tidy some of the worst of it away. He would at least appreciate the DVDs to be put back in the cabinet surely.  
“Buenos días, Sam,” Johannes grunted, returning from the bathroom.  
“Good morning, Johannes,” Sam smiled sleepily, watching him start to iron his day’s clothes, “What did you want for breakfast this morning?”  
Johannes frowned, “I already made myself oatmeal.”  
“Aw,” Sam pouted, “Can I at least make you lunch to go?”  
“I made a sandwich,” Johannes shrugged, “I woke up early this morning.”  
“You’re not giving me anything to work with here,” Sam squooshed his face in his hands sleepily.  
“That was my intention,” Johannes’s mouth betrayed the smallest hint of a smirk.  
Sam frowned, “Why?”  
“I want to pay you back for being a jerk all month,” Johannes put the iron down to give Sam his full intention, “Also I’ve been planning this for awhile.”  
“Planning what?” Sam yawned, and replaced his body for a fresh one.  
Johannes looked at him as though he had forgotten what he was saying, “Um? Oh yes, do you remember last year? How we went on that trail not far from the lookout and, uh, _did_ things?”  
Sam smiled smugly to himself, “Yeah, I remember. It wasn’t far from my clearing actually.”  
“Well, I thought you might like a _real_ picnic under the stars tonight,” Johannes resumed his ironing, “You know, at your clearing?”  
“Oh?” Sam wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting but it wasn’t that, “In February?”  
“It’s Valentine’s Day, Sam,” Johannes reminded him.  
“How long have you been planning this?” Sam wondered.  
Johannes shrugged, “Since September?”  
“But we were on a break then?” Sam grinned.  
“It was a break, not a break up,” Johannes corrected, “Besides, I wanted a place where neither of us had to pretend.”  
Sam nodded, “Do you mind a short hike? I have just the place in mind. I hope you’re prepared to get your feet wet.” 

***

The two men stumbled through the thick foliage, deep within the woods above their town. It was night and Johannes was dragging the picnic basket while Sam lit the way with a torch. There was a soft gentle magic in the air, a wild magic, untainted by the hands of meddling magic users. Sam stopped, standing before a babbling brook, he waited for Johannes to stop and then turned off his torch.  
“May we pass, taeyeursta lúvinaiyata sayi?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: … trolls of the brook lit by moon beams?_ ]  
A giant troll slowly rose from the depths of the water and nodded serenely at Sam, “Baktraga,” they purred slowly in a voice not unlike a lion’s, “Baktraga good. Baktraga back.”  
Sam smiled up at the enormous troll, water spilling over him as they glowered down from above, “So I am.”  
Another larger troll emerged from the darkness, pushing his face into Johannes, sniffing, “Human,” he stated in disapproval. Johannes did his best to stand his ground, but it was difficult with a creature that would put a bull elephant to shame.  
“He’s mine,” Sam replied, getting between the other troll, “He belongs to me.”  
The smaller troll approached Johannes and made a deep rumbling noise, “Bad. Not safe. Not welcome.”  
“This place isn’t for humans,” Sam explained in a stage whisper, “It’s their sanctuary. They raise babies here.”  
Johannes groaned, “They _why_ did you bring me?”  
“They’re good, they won’t hurt you,” Sam went up to the larger troll and put a hand out in front of him, “See? He’s mine. He’s good.”  
The larger troll sniffed Sam, and nodded, “Human of Baktraga.”  
Johannes looked at the troll and then back at Sam, “What?”  
“These trolls don’t have the largest vocabulary but they understand why we smell like each other well enough,” Sam smiled a Johannes in the darkness, he turned to the smaller troll, “May we pass?”  
The smaller troll frowned, and sniffed both Sam and Johannes several times, “Baktraga safe, Baktraga not safe bad,” they insisted.  
Sam nodded, “He’s mine. He won’t bother you, we’re here for my land. I promise.”  
The smaller troll looked at the larger one, “Baktraga promise.”  
The larger troll growled deeply, although not with aggression, “Baktraga pass,” he concluded, “Human of Baktraga not welcome,” he glared down at Johannes, “Human of Baktraga pass,” he conceded begrudgingly.  
“He’s not happy I brought you here but he says we can cross the river,” Sam translated, “The other insists I keep you out of trouble.”  
“So they’ll us go?” Johannes asked.  
Sam laughed, “Of course, this is just a courtesy.”

The larger troll disappeared into the shadows and the smaller troll returned to their spot in the middle of the river. Sam turned back on his flash light and hopped on the rocks in the river until he got to the other side. He held the light out so Johannes could see the way.  
“I don’t think I’m wearing the right shoes for this,” Johannes admitted as he stepped less than confidently across the river, one rock at a time. 

***

Sam pulled a sapling aside and stepped into an untouched clearing. He took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he had been there. It hadn’t changed at all. There was a slight chill in the air but the sky overhead was clear, and they were far away enough from the town that stars shone brightly above them.  
He walked over to a large flat stone in the middle of the grassy area and climbed atop of it, “Over here!” he sung out.  
Johannes emerged from between the trees, basket still in tow, “Are we there?”  
“Hand me the basket, I’ll help you up,” Sam held out a hand expectantly.  
“Please,” Johannes said, handing over the basket, “I’m starving.”  
Sam helped him up and opened the basket, pulling out a folded blanket and shaking it out, “Go ahead.”  
Johannes groaned as he sat down and rubbed his shoulder, “Hiking is very different in the dark.”  
“That’s for sure,” Sam laughed, beginning to undress.  
“The trolls were, ah, _interesting_ ,” Johannes chuckled, taking out the food and spreading it on the blanket before them.   
“ _I_ think so,” Sam folded his clothes and lay them in a pile next to the basket, “They’re different than other trolls I’ve known. They feel like old magic.”  
Johannes laughed, “I wasn’t sure what to expect. It’s hard to know what’s myth and what’s not,” he cut himself a slice of pie.  
“Do you mind if I play for a bit?” Sam asked, “It’s been so long since I’ve had a good spot to myself like this.”  
Johannes made a dismissive gesture with his hand as he ate, “Por favor, seguir adelante, knock yourself out.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Please, go ahead..._ ] 

Sam leapt off the stone and let his body fall away like sand in the breeze. He shot up into the sky, darting this way and that. Mid-air he took various forms, free-falling, turning somersaults before darting back up again, playing with gravity itself. After a few minutes he landed into the ground in the form of a tiger and leapt into the air, batting at imaginary prey, tumbling in the grass like a playful kitten. He ran over to get a closer look at Johannes and sat, watching at a respectful distance.  
“You’re showing off, cariño,” Johannes smirked, chewing on a triangle sandwich.  
Sam turned into a human in order to speak, “No,” he began, “I’m just playing. _This_ is showing off,” he leapt into the air again and changed forms, spreading his wings out dramatically and taking off before the light of the flash light and the moon, he did a quick turn in the air and landed, changing back into human form.  
Johannes gaped at him, “Is that a _dragon_?”  
“A dragon?” Sam laughed, “No, it’s a lesser wyrm,” he let his human form fall away again and darted back onto the rock, reforming to snatch a sandwich, “A dragon would be _far_ too conspicuous.”  
Johannes scoffed, “Oh come on, what’s the difference?”  
“A couple tonnes, legs, and elemental abilities,” Sam shrugged.  
“Oh of course, qué tonta soy,” Johannes rolled his eyes.  
[ _Translation from Spanish: … how silly of me._ ]

***

Sam looked up at the stars. He was lying on his back with Johannes, holding hands. The night air was crisp and refreshing. They shared an absolute contentment with the world, their thoughts on nothing but the moment, the pure and fragile moment.  
“This is better than I imagined,” Johannes sighed happily.  
“How’s your back?” Sam asked, looking across at the man with nothing but a merely blanket between him and stone.  
Johannes groaned, “I’ll be sending the formal complaint by post.”  
“I’m sorry,” Sam frowned.  
“It was my fault,” Johannes shrugged, “Well worth the trouble though.”  
“I don’t think I’ve done anything for Valentine’s before,” Sam mused, “Not like this.”  
“No, me neither,” Johannes admitted, “My ex was never the sentimental sort.”  
Sam rolled over onto his side to face him, “From what you’ve told me of Erik, yeah I believe that.”  
“I don’t remember telling you about Erik?” Johannes turned his head to face Sam.  
“eL app,” Sam explained, “You vented about him a lot, especially after two in the morning.”  
“Oh of course,” Johannes tutted at himself, pulling out his phone, “We should head back, it’s nearly midnight.”  
Sam kissed him, pulling him close, “Muchas gracias por una velada hermosa.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Thank you very much for the beautiful evening._ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unsure if dragons *cough* draco nobilis *cough* exist in the ToA canon but they do in my fic as a (presumed) extinct species.


	14. Dates and Croquettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam hears back from an old flame, and Johannes receives some surprises from an unsurprising source.

**_**Wednesday, February 21  
** _ **

Sam sat on the floor of Johannes’s bedroom, surrounded by DVDs and boxes. He had gotten permission to clean the room on the grounds that Sam didn’t touch anything on the upper shelf of his wardrobe. The upper shelf contained a number of storage boxes, Sam wasn’t sure but if pushed, he’d say they contained something embarrassing, like toys. It wasn’t worth the violation of trust to figure out if he was right. He had already remade the bed, and got everything dirty into the laundry to be washed. But the DVDs remained from Johannes had clearly been watching when he locked himself away. Many of them were old, labelled in black handwritten ink script. They had names like ‘Lilli und César - Hochzeit - 06.04.2013’, ‘Gabrielle Tatienne Descoteaux - 02.11.16’, and ‘Ein Geschenk für Sie, großer Bruder’. It seemed they had all been sent by Lilli over the years, compensating for the distance between them. Sam made a point of putting them in their cases before all others, paranoid he would accidentally break them. He organised all the movies by genre, and when applicable series, and sat looking at the final DVD. It was completely blank, but the scratches suggested it had been watched many times. After several minutes he decided he’d leave it, and put it in a section all of its own. He noticed something shiny and gold in the back of the cabinet under the television and pulled it out. It was a glasses case. Curious he opened it up and pulled out a pair of tortoiseshell frames. He pulled out his phone and put them on, taking a selfie. He contemplated sending the photo to Johannes via text, but decided against it. To his surprise it vibrated in his hand. He wasn’t expecting any messages, and curiosity got the better of him.

» SnowflakeSucre - 11:10 a.m - :unicorn smiley face: Long time no see, boy of my dreams. :rainbow heart: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:10 a.m - :kitty shocked face: SNOWFLAKE! How are you? It’s been ages. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:11 a.m - :unicorn heart eyes: I missed you. Sorry I’ve been very busy getting top surgery, and then recovering from said surgery, and then working my ass off because I underestimated the cost of surgery. :low battery: «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:12 a.m - [img35.jpg] But look :muscle abs: it me! «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:12 a.m - :kitty heart eyes: Fuck me Snowflake, I’m so pleased for you! :rainbow heart: «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:13 a.m - :unicorn winky face: That’s actually why I’m here. You free for some :kitty booty: :eggplant: :unicorn heart eyes: sometime? «

Sam wasn’t sure how best to respond. He had discussed things with Johannes and he had said he was okay with it, but he wasn’t exactly in the best place for Sam to start testing his trust with even the most casual of hook ups.

» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:14 a.m - :kitty sad face: I’m going to be honest here. I don’t think my partner is ready for me to start fucking around. He says he’s okay with it but I haven’t actually been with anyone else since we got back together. I don’t think he can handle it right now. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:15 a.m - Oh… I didn’t even know you broke up? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:16 a.m - :otter winky face: is out of the picture, Snowflake. This is a new guy. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:16 a.m - :unicorn shocked face: Oh boy, I AM out of the loop. Sorry to hear about the ol’ :otter winky face: What’s the new guy like? :demon booty: alien booty: :lion booty: :wolf booty: ??? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:17 a.m - :kitty side eye: You’re just going through all the butt emojis. «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:17 a.m - If you must know, he uses the :bear smiley face: for himself almost exclusively. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:18 a.m - :unicorn winky face: So you’re fucking a bear huh? Good for you. Wait, what do you mean ALMOST exclusively? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:18 a.m - :kitty side eye: He’s not a bear, he just uses the theme. He thinks they’re cute or something I guess. The emojis… not the… okay maybe RL bears too. But sometimes he uses the :robot smiley face: and :lion smiley face: themes too. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:19 a.m - That’s cute. So tell me about him, is he hot, is he nice, is he rich? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:19 a.m - :kitty side eye: Yes, he’s hot, he’s nice or at least tries to be, and he’s not rich but he does okay. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:20 a.m - And why don’t you think he’ll approve of us hooking up? He knows it’s just a physical thing right? I mean I’m a happily married man here, I just want some of that sweet sweet cis :kitty booty: :eggplant: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:21 a.m - He’s been going through some personal shit. Plus he’s been single for a long time, so we’re trying to figure out how to do this ‘united unit’ thing couples do. It’s been difficult if I’m honest. I mean, other than be generally supportive I don’t know what will actually help our situation. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:21 a.m - :unicorn shocked face: Oh shit! You really do have a partner. Good for you, congrats. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:22 a.m - But speaking as a married man, the best thing you can do is keep communicating. Even weird feelings that don’t make sense. :thumbs up: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 11:23 a.m - :kitty sad face: That is exactly where the problem lies, but we’re working on it. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 11:24 a.m - In which case, I support your decision to focus on your relationship. I’ll still be here when you’re ready. :lick: «

***

It was getting late, and Sam already had dinner ready and waiting in the oven. He couldn’t be sure when Johannes would return home but Sam assumed he had enough time to take a moment for himself. He went upstairs to collect his journal from the bedside drawer in his room, padded down into the living room, sat at the dining table, and began writing. It was a special journal, one he kept records of all his recent visions in. With the invention of cloud storage, he didn’t care if the journal got lost or damaged. But the writing was for him. The ritual of writing with pen and paper, being able to look down and process the flashes of potential events that clouded his everyday. Mahomai had no formal written script, so he wrote in one he’d adapted from Ancient Persian cuneiforms centuries ago. His fingers traced the fluid script that flowed across the pages like tightly coiled vines. Some had already been fulfilled, more or less nothing like he had predicted, but most blessedly had not come to be.

There was the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway, and the jingle of keys. Johannes took his shoes off at the door and strolled over to Sam to greet him, “I’m home,” he said, leaning over him from behind, “What are you writing?”  
Sam handed him the journal, “Behold, the journal of a seer.”  
“So you’re writing about your day, huh?” Johannes asked, flicking through the pages respectfully, “Espero que nada malo.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Nothing bad I hope._ ]  
“It’s a record of my visions,” Sam shrugged, “So it’s mostly bad, I’m afraid.”  
Johannes frowned, “Ah, I see,” he held the journal out at a distance, “Is this… Arabic? Persian? It seems familiar but… what would I know?”  
Sam took the journal back, “It’s Mahomai, with a script I adapted for my own use. Only I can read it.”  
“Sometimes I think you do things like this to show off,” Johannes rolled his eyes.  
“Quite the opposite actually,” Sam sighed, “Now would you like dinner? I made a chicken and veg bake because I wasn’t sure when you were coming home. It keeps in the oven for ages.”  
Johannes nodded, “Lunch was… lacking today, I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me,” he sat in the chair next to Sam.  
Sam stood up, smirking, “Dangerous words,” he walked into the kitchen and pulled the bake out of the oven, “I’m assuming you’ll want a decent portion then,” he sung out, cutting into it with a spatula and dishing them both a plate, he seasoned and brought them into the living room, putting them on the dining table.  
Johannes took a bite and frowned, “Remind me I have to write emails before bed.”  
Sam returned to the kitchen with two glasses of chilled water, “Sure, emails. Got it,” he took a seat and began eating.  
“You said you were going to go through my things this morning?” Johannes asked, not looking up from his meal, “You didn’t find anything embarrassing, no?”  
“No, nothing like that. I’m sure it was there but I didn’t go digging,” Sam shrugged, “I did find a pair of glasses though. Tortoiseshell. Did you lose them?”  
“Ah,” Johannes made a face, “For reading,” he explained.  
“What were they doing where the DVDs live?” Sam wondered, pushing a piece of potato around his plate.  
Johannes shrugged and grimaced, “I… put them there. When you moved in.”  
“Why?” Sam couldn’t imagine his reasoning.  
“I uh,” Johannes blushed, “I didn’t want you to know about them,” he muttered hurriedly.  
“What strange insecurities you have,” Sam smirked and took a sip of water.  
“That’s easy for you to say,” Johannes pouted, “You’re not the one getting old here.”  
“You _do_ remember about my whole ‘Heart of Janus’ situation, right?” Sam laughed.  
Johannes frowned, “That’s different. You were hurt by time.”  
“Look me in the eyes and tell me ageing isn’t ‘being hurt by time,’ Johannes,” Sam looked expectantly at Johannes for a response.  
“I… wait,” Johannes paused to think critically for a moment, “I can’t argue with that,” he returned to eating.  
“In other new,” Sam began, deciding to change the subject, “I had an old fuck buddy get in contact with me again, Xander.”  
“Oh?” Johannes took a sip of water, carefully avoiding eye contact, “So you made a date?”  
“He’s been doing good, recovered from surgery, working hard to get his debt paid,” Sam smiled awkwardly, “Still happily married to his wife.”  
“Does she know about you two?” Johannes asked, clearly trying to tip-toe around a very loaded subject.  
“Of course she does,” Sam scoffed, “She knows it’s just a physical thing. Sometimes she bakes me cupcakes.”  
“Oh, cupcakes are… um,” Johannes trailed off.  
“I told him no,” Sam said quietly, “I told him I didn’t think you could handle it right now.”  
Johannes sighed, “You didn’t need to do that.”  
“Truth is, right now, I’m not sure I could handle it either,” Sam admitted, “I am… not naturally monogamous, but I _am_ intensely loyal, and I’m not at all like Erik.”  
“I didn’t mention Erik,” Johannes sulked.  
“You didn’t have to,” Sam ate a piece of chicken carefully, “Now, what did you have planned for this evening? Apart from the emails.”  
“Emails, prepare for tomorrow, long hot bath, bed,” Johannes counted on his fingers.  
“You only have hot baths on bad days,” Sam frowned.  
“There was a small explosion in the bushes near the parking lot,” Johannes groaned, “I needed to give a police statement and reassure _many_ concerned parents nothing was wrong and that children were perfectly safe.”  
“That does sound like a bad day,” Sam nodded, “Do you know what caused it?”  
“How should I know? The security cameras didn’t find anything suspicious, it just happened!” Johannes snapped, “Lo siento, lo siento, I just had to answer that question too many times.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: I’m sorry, I’m sorry…_ ]  
“You know, when shit like that happens in this town, it’s normally non-human shenanigans right?” Sam smirked.  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “You expect me to tell the police that? The parents? No way, if I don’t have the proof I’m keeping my mouth shut.”  
“A wise decision,” Sam smirked, “I’m sure whomever is responsible doesn’t deserve your consideration.”  
“Ich muss an meinen Ruf denken,” Johannes said to himself, sighing wearily, “Plus you of course.”  
[ _Translation from German: It’s my reputation I’m looking out for._ ]  
  
  


* * *

**_**Friday, February 23** _ **

Sam lay on the couch, drifting off to sleep. It was getting late in the evening but Johannes was still hard at work, listening to an audiobook on business management skills while taking notes. Sometimes Sam liked to learn things the human way, but management skills wasn’t one of those times. There was something about the narrator’s voice that was making his head vibrate with tension. He was vaguely aware of the soft jingling that indicated Missy was making her usual rounds but thought nothing of it. This was followed by the rustling of paper and the audiobook pausing mid-sentence.  
“Sam,” Johannes stage whispered, “Sam look!”  
Sam opened his eyes and saw a perfectly fat, healthy looking kitten sitting bewildered on Johannes’s lap, “Wait, where did that come from?”  
Johannes nodded, “She just dropped it on my lap and then ran off.”  
“That’s bold of her,” Sam mused, sitting up, “Doesn’t look older than a week.”  
“No, it doesn’t,” Johannes frowned, picking the kitten up with his hand, “Maybe… fetch a towel, ja?”  
Sam dashed off to the laundry and returned with a towel, “Did it pee on you?” he asked, handing it over.  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “No, but a baby is a baby,” he lay the towel out on his own lap and sat the ginger kitten on top.  
There was the tell-tale sounds of jingling and Missy returned from the basement with another kitten in her mouth, this particular kitten was less plump than the ginger one but made up for it in screams. She jumped up onto the recliner and plopped the kitten down and ran off with the air of a mother dropping her child off at daycare when she was running late for work.  
“I think she’s saying it’s your turn to babysit,” Sam laughed.  
“Why is it screaming?” Johannes asked, frowning at the writhing feline infant.  
Sam shrugged, “A baby is a baby.”  
Missy returned once again from the basement, this time carrying a silver tabby kitten and dropped it onto the towel before running off once again, the bell on her collar jingling happily.  
“This one looks like you,” Johannes chuckled, “Wait, you didn’t… uh, you _wouldn’t_ would you?” he asked, becoming increasingly horrified.  
Sam burst into laughter, “If you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, no, absolutely not. Ethics aside, I am sterile.”  
“Oh thank god,” Johannes sighed, “What do you mean sterile?”  
“It’s normal for my kin, prevents a whole manner of problems in the long run,” Sam watched Missy return with another kitten, a tiny white thing, he doubted it’d survive in the wild.  
“But you never seemed to have any… problem… in that area?” Johannes took the tiny white kitten in his hand and put it with the others on his lap.  
Sam got up and walked over to the kittens, “What, are you pregnant?” he asked cheekily.  
Johannes looked at Sam like he grew horns, “No?”  
“Then how would you know if I uh, fire blanks, as they say?” Sam lay his head on his lap, “I can’t imagine it’d make a difference to you. Did you ever even want kids?”  
“I’m already responsible for _hundreds_ of them,” Johannes replied, “Well, partially responsible. I couldn’t take any more. Why, do you?”  
Sam looked at the kittens wriggling directly in front of his face, “I don’t have the instinct to breed.”  
“They how do your people exist?” Johannes asked, saving the screaming black kitten from its doom, “Surely _someone_ is having the babies.”  
Sam sat up and looked up at Johannes with a strange expression, “Do you really want to know? Well, one day, I will produce a single offspring. I won’t have any choice in the matter. It’ll just happen.”  
“With whom?” Johannes asked.  
“Did I not tell you we’re asexual? It really seems like something I would’ve joked about by now,” Sam laughed, “But yeah, no whoms, just me.”  
“When?” Johannes wondered, rescuing the black kitten from falling to its doom yet again.  
“Hopefully no time soon,” Sam patted his knee, “I’ll get a box to put the babies in.”

***

Sam and Johannes sat around the box of happily sleeping kittens, as Missy sat watching them carefully. Although it seemed she trusted the two men fully with her babies, she wasn’t about to abandon them entirely.  
“Do you name them?” Sam wondered.  
Johannes nodded, “Ja, I have a system,” he walked over to the kitchen cabinet, pulled out a metal tin container, and then returned to Sam and the kittens.  
“What’s that for?” Sam asked, watching him open the tin.  
Johannes pulled out a die and rolled it on the coffee table, “Ha! A four!” he pulled out a small notebook from the tin, “That means food.”  
Sam took the notebook from him, “How many litters has she had exactly?” he asked, looking over the long lists of names.  
Johannes frowned, “Well, probably between eight to twelve I think? I’d need to consult Dorothy on that.”  
“And neither of you thought to get her fixed?” Sam asked, slightly horrified.  
“I tried to, many times,” Johannes shrugged, “But every time I booked an appointment I could never find her. To this day, I’ve never been able to get her in a box. Dorothy’s the same. If you think you can do better, go ahead.”  
Sam squinted at the queen, sizing her up, “I’ll give it a go.”  
“What do you think about the fat little ginger one?” Johannes mused, “It looks like a croquette, ja?”  
Sam nodded, “Hmm, yeah. A bit macabre to name them after food, but then again,” he picked the sleeping kitten up in his hands and held it to his face, “You’re so cute I could just eat you _all_ up,” he gushed, making nomming noises. Missy voiced her protestations and came running over.  
“She thinks you were serious,” Johannes laughed.  
“Ñín - ñín, lonan im,” Sam purred, “I’m not going to eat your babies, humans don’t have the same palate as trolls.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: No - no, my little cat._ ]  
“Wait,” Johannes said quietly, “Wait - wait,” he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling, “I’m sorry, it was a while ago,” he explained, apparently flicking through his gallery, “Ah - ha! Explain this, so called expert on non-human shenanigans!”  
Sam took the phone in his hand and looked at a dimly lit photograph of a chalkboard covered in cat related doodles, “I uh, well this _is_ odd,” he admitted, squinting at a couple of symbols that looked suspiciously trollish, “I might need more context though.”  
Johannes frowned, “The last thing I remembered I was in the teacher’s lounge on my break. But the next I knew I was in my classroom, the lights off, completely empty other than young Eli on my back and _that_ scrawled on the chalkboard. _Somehow_ I ended up covered in bruises. Chris and Lenora had similar experiences but ended up in the hospital for bowel obstructions. Also the previous principal, who was _fired_ might I add, was there. He said we’d drunk expired coffee that had stuff growing in it, but I didn’t believe him for a second. A number students claimed we were… high on something. Some said our eyes glowed.”  
Sam thought for a moment, piecing bits of the puzzle together, “I know the previous principal, you know. Not well, but enough to know _what_ he is. Let me think, he paused, “Changeling. Troll. Cat obsession. Bruises. Bowel obstructions. Eating weird shit. Coffee. Acting high. Glowing eyes... Uc drúnanifa!” he gasped, “ _Miráskair_ tan ashínarsta dós náishira.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Oh dark magic! Changelings are exactly that foolish._ ]  
“What? What? Tell me!” Johannes demanded.  
Sam tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I suspect you overdosed, possibly even ingested, a kind of… dark magic drug. That you’re still with us is, well it’s a miracle to be honest.”  
“I knew it!” Johannes hissed, waking the kittens, “Ach nein, schlaf weiter, kleine Kätzchen. So _he_ drugged me? Why would he do that?”  
[ _Translation from German: Oh no, go back to sleep, little kittens._ ]  
Sam shrugged, “I couldn’t say, but you _seem_ to have suffered no permanent damage.”  
“What damage would you expect?” Johannes wondered.  
“Well, you know how sometimes humans end up getting raised by animals? They’re physically human but develop… animal behaviours, it’s pretty much impossible to fully reintroduce them into human society because they’ve been hard-wired into it,” Sam gestured vaguely with his hands, “Imagine that… but trollish behaviours. It’d be a similar situation.”  
Johannes scowled, “Disgusting.”  
“It’d have changed you so much, you may as well be a different person,” Sam frowned at the concept, “It would rival what the Heart of Janus did to me.”  
Johannes grimaced, “I’d rather be dead,” he waved his hands frantically as though attempting to physically grab the words and take them back, “No - no, that wasn’t about your situation. I don’t want to lose you, please don’t leave me… but I am me, and I can _only_ be me. I’d rather _die_ than not be me.”  
“Perhaps I misspoke,” Sam looked at him carefully, “No matter how different you become in the future, you will always be you. As long as you’re true to yourself, that’s all you need to be,” he edged closer, “But don’t worry about dark magic. I will warn you if I find anything suspicious, and I will wrench the very sun from the sky to destroy anyone who even _thinks_ of hurting you.”  
“You always have such kind words,” Johannes smiled gratefully.  
Sam chuckled, “That isn’t always the case.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Coffee gets significantly more horrifying the more you think about it.


	15. Letters and Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Johannes go grocery shopping but the afternoon takes a sombre turn.

**_**Sunday, March 3  
** _ **

Sam wandered into the kitchen to rustle something up for breakfast. Johannes was already well awake, working on his muscle definition in the basement. Sam stared at the open fridge for a full minute before deciding he was just going to have toast. Yawning, he pulled the bread out of the bread box and popped a slice in the toaster. He strolled over to the box of kittens that had been placed in the laundry and checked on the babies. Missy was suckling them happily, kneading in the air with her paws. Satisfied they could wait until after Sam had finished his breakfast, he walked back into the kitchen and buttered his toast. He leant on the counter casually, going through the day’s chores in his head. The kittens box would need a fresh towel and clean water, he desperately needed to get groceries, and the bathroom needed a little elbow grease. Johannes was probably also going to take Susannah for a decent wash, and had an unnecessarily long list of things he wanted completed before Monday. He winced, realising his head was throbbing and his thoughts were beginning to weave in and out of one another.

_~ Sam footsteps echoed as he walked through the expansive halls. The walls reached up into a painted fresco of gold and blues, cracked and faded with time. Dust clung to the air, choking his breath. The lingering scent of mould and mildew. Light shone down from a broken window, painting the scene in vibrant reds and yellows. It had once been a monument to honour a human god, but the humans and their god had abandoned it long ago. It fell to ruin just as they always did. Sam turned around slowly to face his shadow, a face he had never thought to see again. But it was a trick, a cruel game at his expense. He slid off his clothes, lay them carefully on an alter, and placed his shoes on the top of the pile. His shadow watched him with interest, keeping its distance. With the deliberate, certain gait  of a man who knew he was in no true danger, he made his way to the heart of the central chamber. His shadow followed, hiding behind each pillar on its way as though Sam had not already noticed it long ago. He turned to face, bowing deeply, he let his form fall as sand to the wind, and shifted into something more befitting the grandeur of the great crumbling halls dedicated to the hubris of man. He spread his wings and beat them once, knocking the shadow to its feet. It stood up, its soul flicking angrily like fire as it faced him. ~_

He realised his knees were buckling and let himself slide to the floor. Sam’s head was pierced with a thousand needles and lungs burned. He couldn’t see but he could hear the sound of a door opening and footsteps padding toward him. Sam blinked, hoping his vision would return quickly. He looked up at Johannes who held a hand out patiently. Sam took it and pulled himself up.  
“You started early,” Johannes said, rummaging through the kitchen pantry, “Have you eaten?”  
Sam rubbed his eyes wearily, “Yeah, toast.”  
Johannes put a box of oats down on the counter and turned to look at Sam critically, “Your skin is grey, you should eat more,” he tutted.  
“No, I feel sick,” Sam pouted.  
Johannes took out the chilled water from the fridge and poured two glasses, “Hydrate,” he commanded, thrusting a glass in Sam’s face.  
“If you say, Honigbär,” Sam sulked, downing the water in a single gulp.   
“You had a bad night,” Johannes said, taking a sip of water and returning to the pantry.  
“Yeah,” Sam groaned, “Did I keep you up? I’m sorry.”  
Johannes took out a bowl and poured oats and various seeds and grains into it, “It’s fine, cariño.”  
Sam took a deep breath and tried to centre himself, “I should’ve gone to my own room.”  
“Don’t be silly,” Johannes scoffed, taking milk out of the fridge and pouring the meagre dregs over his oats, “Argh!”  
“Yeah, we need to get groceries,” Sam said, watching him top out of breakfast with tap water.  
Johannes put the bowl in the microwave and pulled out an assortment of berries from the fridge, “We’ll do that this morning.”  


***

Sam followed Johannes around the grocery aisle, shopping list on hand. It was relatively quiet for a Sunday morning, but he still noticed Johannes occasionally glancing over his shoulder just in case. Sam threw a pack of lentils into the cart, “Are you worried dass die Leute uns zusammen sehen?”  
[ _Translation from German: … that people will see us together?_ ]  
Johannes shrugged casually, “We’re buying food, besides ich bin kein Feigling, Sam.”  
[ _Translation from German: … I’m not a coward, Sam._ ]  
“Ah? Dann küss mich,” Sam teased, “Gleich jetzt und hier.”  
[ _Translation from German: Then kiss me. Right here and now._ ]  
Johannes smirked, “Stop that you, and toss me the peas.”  
Sam picked up the dried split peas, walked over to the cart and dropped them in, “Du verdirbst mir den ganzen Spaß,” he sulked.  
[ _Translation from German: You’re spoiling all my fun._ ]  
“I wouldn’t say that,” Johannes said, looking over his shoulder before pulling Sam close and kissing him on the neck.  
“I’ve changed my mind,” Sam beamed, “Schön für dich.”  
[ _Translation from German: Good for you._ ]  


***

The kitchen was in disarray as Sam and Johannes sorted through their groceries. Johannes was trying to get everything to fit into the freezer, while Sam was organising everything to get put into the pantry. The phone rang and Johannes answered it, grumbling on his way there.  
“Hi? Oh it’s you. Ja - ja, the babies are fine. Yes, even the white one. We’ve been feeding her the special mince, ja. How are you Dorothy?” Johannes leant on the kitchen counter, “Oh, I see. I suppose we could arrange that. I’ll see you in a couple hours then?” he hung up the phone and frowned, “Auntie wants us to visit as soon as possible.”  
“Did she say why?” Sam wondered, “Is she sick?”  
Johannes returned to pack the rest of things away in the freezer, “Possibly. I’m not sure. Let’s finish putting this away first or Missy will eat everything when we go.”  
Sam nodded, “Okay, I’ll hurry up.”  


***

It was mid-afternoon by the time they made it to the hotel, and the drive to make it there had been tense. Neither of them knew exactly what to expect, but were bracing themselves for the worst just in case. They found Dorothy at the front desk who then ushered them into their private living room upstairs. Auntie was sitting at the dining table looking very blanched.  
“It was good of you to come,” Auntie said, making a point of hugging them both.  
Dorothy rolled her eyes, “Maybe you can knock some sense into the old bat. Tell them why you _made_ me call them Beatrice. They drove all the way out here for your ridiculous theatrics.”  
Sam and Johannes shared a look.  
“Come, come, I’ll make everyone a coffee,” Auntie said, patting the dining table.  
“I’ll take a tea, Auntie,” Sam replied.  
“Oh yes, of course. I keep forgetting you’re English,” Auntie laughed, buzzing around the kettle, “Are you well? You look very nice Sam, it’s good to see you in proper clothes.”  
Sam looked down at his black jeans and lightweight hoodie in confusion, “Can’t complain?”  
Johannes frowned, “We’re fine, Auntie. Why did you call us though?”  
Auntie took the milk out of the fridge, “I’ll tell you once I’ve got everyone a drink.”  
“God, you’re always like this Beatrice!” Dorothy exclaimed, “They probably think you’re dying or something.”  
Auntie poured the milk into the mugs and handed them out, “Okay, just give me two seconds to put the milk away…,” she turned to put the milk in the fridge and then sat in her seat, “Okay,” she sighed, “Do you remember when you were here last July, Sam?”  
“Yes, of course I do,” Sam replied, blowing on his milky tea.  
“Well, you suggested I wrote an open letter and put it on the facebook,” Auntie explained, “I did it. With Dorothy’s help, of course.”  
“Oh, yes, I saw that,” Johannes nodded, “When you… friended me a couple months ago.”  
“Well, last week I got this in the mail,” Auntie pulled out a still sealed envelope from the pocket of her Dolly Parton apron, “I can’t bring myself to open it,” she put it on the table between them.  
“See, it’s ridiculous,” Dorothy rolled her eyes, “I don’t see why you can’t just read his damn letter, Beatrice.”  
Auntie took Johannes’s hand, much to his surprise, “Would you read it out to me, please. It would mean the world to me if you did, sweetheart.”  
“I uh?” Johannes looked at the letter and then back at Auntie, “I… okay,” he took the letter and opened it carefully, he unfurled it and read it briefly, the colour drained from his face, “Oh.”  
“What’s the matter?” Sam asked, noticing his soul retracted and coiled almost instantly.  
“I - I can’t read this,” Johannes stammered.  
“What, is it his handwriting?” Auntie wondered.  
“No! You don’t understand, I can’t read this,” Johannes insisted, “Zwing mich nicht dazu,” he added under his breath.  
[ _Translation from German: Don’t make me do it._ ]  
“Let me see,” Sam took the letter from his hands and read it over quickly, “Ah, yes. Ich verstehe was du meinst. Auntie, do you mind if I read it?”  
[ _Translation from German: I see what you mean._ ]  
“Well, no I guess not?” Auntie frowned.  
Sam turned to look at Johannes, “Du kannst gehen, wenn du willst.”  
[ _Translation from German: You can leave if you want._ ]  
Johannes shook his head, “No, I’m fine.”  
Sam took a deep breath, “Okay, let me begin. ‘Dear Mama Bea. I recently saw your open letter on social media and have spent many days conflicted over whether I should give you the satisfaction by responding. I've come to the conclusion that even though I couldn't care less if you get closure, it's something I need for myself. I do not seek reconciliation,  but I need to say my peace, again. Since I wrote you my last letter, I have grown and discovered things about myself that I didn't realise at the time. There have been things that happened I need you to know.’ Okay, that’s the first paragraph,” Sam exhaled, “This is going to be a rough read. ‘Although it has been two decades since I left you, I have not in any way been able to bring myself to forgive you for all of the hurt and suffering caused. Despite everything, I still love you. But in my heart, know that I still despise you.’ Um, okay let me just,” Sam took a sip of his tea.  
“I was expecting this,” Auntie said from behind her hands.  
“No - no, it’s not all bad Auntie,” Sam reassured her, “Okay lets continue. ‘That you have seemingly learned from your sins is a good start, but I will have to live with the effects of your so called wisdom for the rest of my life. I was hurt deeply. Perhaps more deeply than either of us will ever be able to appreciate. I tried so hard to be who you wanted me to be, and I tried so hard to get you to see that I needed you, but I failed. I didn't leave because I wanted to punish you. I didn't leave because I thought I was better than you. For however much I despise you now, believe me when I say that I despised myself more. You hurt me in many ways, but I hurt myself more deeply and more violently than you ever could dream.’ Well, okay maybe _that_ wasn’t good, but it does get better,” Sam took another deep breath and sip of tea, “Next paragraph. ‘When I left you that note, it was a lie. I had not planned to move to the east coast and change my name. But when I got to the train station I couldn't do it. I just bought a ticket and traveled for days trying to work up the courage. But I couldn't.’ Oh, oh that is… um, is everyone okay?” Sam was painfully aware of what he was reading.  
“No, but keep going,” Auntie sobbed from behind her hands, Dorothy threw her arm over her shoulder, pulling her in for a hug.  
Sam looked tentatively over at Johannes who seemed lost in his thoughts, “Okay - okay, ‘Eventually I did wind up on the east coast and took it as a sign. I won't lie and say it was easy. Life was rough when I first got here. I was desperately poor having used up most of my money on food and transport. Finding a decently paying job felt impossible. It was around this time I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. That I am still around to tell this tale is a testimony to my cowardice and spite. I was blessed to be able to find a supportive friend group who have become my family. They have been of tremendous help to me in the last few years due to reasons I will explain.’ See I told you it isn’t all bad,” Sam took another sip of tea, “Thanks for the tea, Auntie. Hmm, okay, next paragraph. Oh this is a good one. ‘You may or may not be displeased to learn that I married. I married Mr. Teddington in 2013, although we have been together since 2008.’ He makes a point of saying this isn’t his real name,” Sam laughed, “But to continue, ‘He is the most kind, considerate, and loving man I have ever met. We met at a party through a friend of a friend and the rest was history. Two years ago we had a daughter, Phoenix. I am the biological father. She was born via a surrogate, a long time friend and regular person in Phoenix's life. Enclosed is a photograph taken the day she was born, and one taken last Christmas.’ Auntie, you’re a grandmother!” Sam noted Auntie perked up.  
“Phoenix?” Auntie laughed, “Is that her real name?”  
Sam quickly reviewed the letter, “You know, I think it is. Wait, I think the photographs are still in here,” Sam opened the envelope and took out two photographs.  
The first was a lightly swaddled baby Phoenix, held in the large hairy arms of the man Sam was guessing was Mr. Teddington, he handed it to Auntie, “Oh my god, she’s perfect,” she gasped.  
Sam turned the second photograph in his hands, a round man with brown hair and luscious but neatly trimmed beard, sat on the ground of what appears to be his living room with Christmas decorations and opened presents in the background. He wore an ugly reindeer sweater, green skinny jeans, a santa hat and slippers. He supported a young toddler Phoenix's back as she tore into a gift wrapped teddy bear, both laughing, “I don’t know if this is weird of me to say but he’s cute as fuck,” Sam said, letting Johannes see before handing it over to Auntie.  
Auntie took the photo and stared at it quietly for sometime, “I never thought…,” she began, tears welling in her eyes, “Is there more to the letter?”  
“Oh yes, of course,” Sam took another sip of his tea, “Okay, next paragraph. This isn’t great news, but it’s not terrible either, ‘Soon after becoming a parent I began to fall to pieces once again. Mr. Teddington has been my rock, but it was clear there was something more wrong with me than everyone initially thought. I was diagnosed with OCD. I am currently going through weekly therapy sessions, in addition to more medication to help me be a functional human being. I suspect there might be something more going on, but that is in part what the therapy is for. I remember the things you said about mental illness when I was young, and I don't know if you still believe the same thing. But regardless, I assure you this is real, and something I struggle with on a daily basis.’ As I said, not great, but it seems like he’s doing his best.”  
Auntie took a drink of her coffee, not tearing her eyes away from the photographs, “I don’t even remember saying anything like that,” she said quietly.  
“Are you ready for the last paragraph?” Sam asked.  
Auntie nodded, “Please.”  
“Okay,” Sam took another sip of tea, “Let’s begin. ‘Regardless of my health problems, I want to assure myself that I am happy despite you. I have a loving husband, beautiful daughter, decent job, and devoted friends. Having said this, I am not opposed to receiving more letters. Phoenix is at the age where she will begin to ask questions soon and I know once she grows older she will never forgive me if I don't have at least something from you. If this is something you'd be interested in pursuing, please forward everything to the PO Box in the return address. It is not my PO Box, but it belongs to your granddaughter's biological mother. She will hand me anything you send in person. Yours sincerely, your son who was once Peter.’ Oh there’s a PS, ‘Tell Aunty Dorothy I'm sorry I never got in touch. I have nothing against her but I couldn't trust her not to tell you if I actually made contact. I made a dummy account several years ago just to follow her cat blog. I show her blog to Phoenix sometimes. She likes the videos.’ Have fun finding which one I guess,” Sam shrugged, “Oh and one more, ‘PPS. We are beginning to toilet train. Pray for us all.’ That’s it.”  
Auntie took the letter from him and dissolved into ugly tears, “Thank you.”  
Sam patted her arm gently, “It was my honour, Auntie.”  
Johannes stood up, and turned to leave the room, “Excuse me, I… muss hier raus.”  
[ _Translation from German: … need to get out of here._ ]  
Sam took a final sip of his tea and followed him out.

Johannes sat on the stairs, leaning against the wall, facing away from Sam. Gingerly, Sam sat next him and took a deep breath.  
“That was a lot,” Sam sighed, “Geht’s dir gut?”  
[ _Translation from German: Are you doing okay?_ ]  
Johannes grunted, “I’m fine.”  
“Oh really?” Sam squeezed his hand, “Because you don’t _seem_ it.”  
“I’m fine,” Johannes insisted, “Really, I’m pleased.”  
Sam rested his head on Johannes’s shoulder, “Du kannst es mir sagen, Honigbär.”  
[ _Translation from German: You can tell me, honey bear._ ]  
“I’m… well, ich bin eifersüchtig, if I’m honest,” Johannes sighed, “Sé que es una tontería.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m jealous / Translation from Spanish: I know, it’s silly._ ]  
“No, it’s not,” Sam insisted, “It makes perfect sense.”  
“No, you don’t understand,” Johannes frowned, “It’s silly because… wird sie mir _niemals_ verzeihen, egal was passiert.”  
[ _Translation from German: She’ll never forgive me, no matter what happens._ ]  
Sam squeezed his hand even tighter, “Fuck _her_ , found family is stronger than blood.”  
Johannes chuckled to himself, “Phoenix is a really queer name.”  
“Yeah, it really is,” Sam smiled, “I’m kind of jealous.”

 

* * *

**_**Sunday, 11 March  
** _ **

Sam sat with Johannes and Naomi talking at the dining table, while Ana played with the kittens in the living room. It was a spur of the moment decision to have them over for lunch, so the food they ate that meal wasn’t more than grilled chicken or vegan burger sandwiches with a basic salad side, but it wasn’t about the food. They had cheerful music playing in the background and the four were able to relax together for once.  
“She looks cute, doesn’t she?” Naomi smiled to herself watching her wife playing peek-a-boo with the black kitten that had earned the name ‘Liquorice’ for her strong personality and colouring.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her play like that before,” Sam admitted, “It’s a little bit disarming.”  
“Much like seeing you act like a normal human,” Naomi replied knowingly, taking a sip of her chamomile tea.  
“Hey!” Sam exclaimed, “I’ve never acted normal a day in my life.”  
“I know,” Naomi’s broad grin could light up the heavens, “This is the closest I’ve seen you come to it.”  
“I’ve been training him,” Johannes laughed.  
Sam struck a cute pose with his hands under his chin like a proud child, “I’m almost fully domesticated now!” he joked.  
Naomi rolled her eyes, “Never mind, he’s back again,” she laughed before turning her attention to Johannes, “You know I don’t think we’ve actually spoken properly? I know we’ve met and all but I only really know you through what Ana’s told me.”  
“Oh?” Johannes made a face, “I think you’re right.”  
“When I was in High School, it really sucked. They wanted me to conform and I was having none of that,” Naomi frowned, “I hope things are better for the kids like me now.”  
Johannes nodded, “I know what you mean. It’s definitely better than when I was a teenager, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.”  
“You know, in addition to the bar, I’m involved in the running of a local organization called the ‘Rainbow Community Center’, also known as the RCC,” Naomi explained, “Many of our members grew up in this area and we’d be happy to set up a round-table with your relevant faculty members, including your GSA representatives, to consult over what improvements might look like. There’s no rush of course, just an option for the future.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Johannes had the awkward smile of a man who’d be offered similar proposals many, many times before, “If you have a card or pamphlet on hand, I’ll definitely pass that on to McKenny.”  
“His preferred GSA faculty head,” Sam explained.  
“Why preferred?” Naomi wondered.  
“Because the _other_  faculty head, her wife Liz, got drunk and tried to out us at a barbecue to some of my coworker friends because she thought we were cute together,” Johannes sighed.  
Naomi giggled, “I mean, I’d expect better from the head of the GSA but she was right, you gotta admit.”  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “We were just friends at the time.”  
“Oh I remember that,” Naomi laughed brightly, “What was that ‘break’ even about?”  
Sam and Johannes shared a look, “Time… reasons…,” Sam tried to explain as vaguely as possible.  
Naomi laughed, her soul glowing like burning ember floating in the night sky, “Are you trying to say pacing?”  
“Oh yeah, sure, pacing,” Johannes agreed, “That’s what it was.”  
“Commitment-phobia?” Naomi added knowingly.  
“That too,” Johannes admitted.  
“Naomi?” Ana sung out from the living room floor, “Can I keep her?”  
Naomi frowned, “If the lease says we’re not allowed dogs, we sure as hell won’t be allowed cats either.”  
“But cats don’t need a yard to run around in, they just sleep and shit,” Ana whined.  
“Tell that to the landlord,” Naomi groaned, “I’d like fur babies at least as much as you but we can’t risk losing our license.”  
Ana growled on the living room floor, “Fuck! I hate being an adult sometimes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter's a lil too close to home lol


	16. Binders and Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes learns the hard way that coffee and sleep deprivation makes for spectacularly bad decisions on the job, and Sam finds that poking around the school may not have been the lark he was expecting.

**_**Wednesday, March 21  
** _ **

Sam sat on the couch, eyeing the overly packed binder on the table. Johannes had been working on it into the early hours of the morning. He had needed it for a meeting sometime that day. He hadn’t rung, but it was bugging Sam. He gave up, and decided to ring.  
“Hey, Johannes?” Sam began.  
“Sorry, you’ve reached Ainsley I’m afraid. Can I take a message, Sam?” Ainsley purred, laying on his customer service voice a little thick.  
“Fuck! He sets his phone to redirect to yours when he’s in a meeting, doesn’t he?” Sam groaned.  
Ainsley laughed on the other end, “Well, _I_  set up the redirects because I’m a good secretary, and know how to do things. I’m also very good at taking messages,” he hinted.  
“It’s not that super important meeting with the superintendent is it?” Sam eyed the ominously looming binder.  
“No, his meeting with Dr. Carter is scheduled to begin in an hour and forty five minutes. Why do you ask?” Ainsley wondered helpfully.  
“He left the binder with all the data in it on the coffee table this morning. I’m looking at it now,” Sam groaned, “He didn’t sleep much last night, if at all. I think he must have forgotten it.”  
“Ah,” Ainsley replied curtly, “Now I don’t normally offer to do this, but since you’re you, and you can’t drive. I’m going to quickly duck over and collect it.”  
“What does that mean?” Sam wondered, not knowing if he was supposed to be offended.  
“I’ll explain when I get there,” Ainsley reassured him, “But you can come with me if you want. You haven’t been to the school have you? I might be able to squeeze in a tight tour for you.”  
“Oh, are you sure? I’d love to see the place,” Sam replied, not going to admit that he had been snooping around off and on since the eighties.  


***

There was a polite knock at the door and Sam opened it. Ainsley beamed back at him cheerfully, his red hair and beard glittering in the sunlight. He adjusted his collar awkwardly, waiting to be let in.  
“The binder’s on the coffee table, as I said,” Sam stepped back and gestured into the living room, “I haven’t touched it, so if anything is missing, it’s not my fault.”  
Ainsley laughed, and picked up the binder with a heave, “We _could_ have everything available digitally, but the ol’ dinosaurs absolutely insist on their easy-to-lose-and-forget papers,” he looked around the room sniffing and then back at Sam, “Do you have cats?”  
“What? Oh yeah, sorry about that. Missy had kittens you see,” Sam explained, “You won’t happen to want one would you?”  
“No, to be honest I’m more of a dog person. It’s Xander who likes cats. Well, I suppose you already know that,” Ainsley nodded.  
“You’re friends with Xander? Married to Megan?” Sam realised he should’ve expected them to know each other.  
Ainsley flashed him a knowing smile, “Perhaps,” he looked Sam up and down, “Are you coming? Mr. Uhl, sorry, Johannes, says it’s okay. It’s technically not according to school regulations but you’d be a guest so it doesn’t matter,” he said, gesturing at Sam’s choice of clothing.  
“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Sam wondered.  
“Unless you’re teaching athletics, _male_ faculty members _must_ wear proper trousers, a belt, respectable enclosed shoes, not boots, and a neatly pressed shirt. Tie and jacket are optional of course,” Ainsley presented himself as an example with a flourish, “No fun allowed in the American education system,” he laughed.

***

Ainsley shifted awkwardly in the driver’s seat as they waited for the lights to go green. Sam sat with the binder on his lap, terrified an important document was going to fall out.  
“So uh,” Ainsley cleared his throat, “This is none of my business, and call me out if I’m stepping over the line, but you’re trying to keep your whole _thing_ on the down-low right?”  
Sam laughed, “I’ve never been down-low a day in my life.”  
“I uh,” Ainsley pressed his foot down and sped around the corner, “I meant you as in collective you.”  
Sam stopped laughing, “Oh.”  
“Obviously I’m not going to tell anyone. I mean _Jesus_. I’m just wondering how hard I should be trying to stamp out any fires if and when they arise,” Ainsley gestured vaguely with his shoulders.  
“You’re stepping over the line,” Sam frowned, “He’s just a friend letting me work as his housekeeper because it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. He gets a clean house, and I get _a_ house.”    
“Oh, I see,” Ainsley nodded his head, apparently satisfied, “It must be like that thing with Coach.”

***

Sam signed his name in the guest book, flinching slightly under Margaret’s disapproving glower, and slipped the visitors pass around his neck. The administration of Arcadia Oaks High were a catacombs of poorly thought out offices and through ways. As the school itself had outgrown the poky offices it was designed with, the original administration block had been turned into another set of classrooms. And the faculty began to move into old storerooms, and classrooms, anywhere that could fit a desk and a phone line, groaning at the seams. It was the budget. It was always the budget.  
Ainsley escorted Sam down an unassuming corridor and peered in through final door, “Damn he’s out,”  
There was something in the office, it grabbed at him, pulled him, dug into his soul like thorns. Sam hoped they wouldn’t be there long. He tried to stand as far away as possible.  
Ainsley turned around and opened the door opposite, “Hey, so uh? Have you seen the boss anywhere?”  
“The coffee machine in our lounge is broken again so he’s gone to steal some from the _teacher’s_ lounge down the hall,” a helpful voice sung from behind a tower of papers.  
“Thanks, Amber,” Ainsley beamed back cheerfully.  
“Oh is that you Ainsley? I _really_ need your ear before the superintendent gets here,” another voice sung out.  
“How long until the meeting, Louise?” Ainsley asked, expertly masking any frustrations behind a cheerful smile.  
“An hour?” Louise returned.  
“And long do you need me?” Ainsley winked at Sam, letting him know he hadn’t forgotten him.  
“Mrs. Evans wants you in an impromptu pre-meeting meeting as soon as possible,” the voice sung out apologetically, “Mr. Uhl as well, I’ve already notified him.”  
“In the boardroom, I hope,” Ainsley looked at his watch critically, “Okay, fine I’ll meet you up there in five. I just hope you appreciate how you’re asking me to leave a guest by himself here.”  
“A guest?” Louise asked, curious.  
“Oh he’s no-one, he just saved our lives today, that’s all,” Ainsley laughed, “He has the binder.”  
“What binder?” a friendly middle-aged woman with dyed blonde hair and lime green blouse peered around the door at Sam, “Oh hi! I’m Louise, have we met?”  
“Hi! I’m Sam,” Sam beamed back, “We have not,” his head was beginning to throb, he felt dizzy, he needed to get away.  
“So what do you… wait what are you doing with that binder?” Louise peered at the binder that Sam clutching desperately trying to drop anything, “Is that _the_ binder? How did _you_ get that?”  
“He’s Mr. Uhl’s housekeeper, Louise. He found it this morning,” Ainsley smiled knowingly at Sam.  
Louise frowned, “Housekeeper?”  
“It’s the twenty first century Louise, try to keep up,” Ainsley laughed.  
“Who do I give the damn binder to though?” Sam asked, the radiating magic wearing down his veneer.  
Ainsley took the binder from Sam’s aching arms, “I’ll run this up to the boardroom. If you hurry up the corridor you might catch the boss before he starts looking for me.”  
  
Sam didn’t need to be told twice, he sped his way to a safe distance, and caught his breath. He had no idea what was causing the disturbance but he was pretty sure he knew exactly who to blame.  
“Oh hi, Sam? What are you doing here? Oh, hun, you don’t look so good,” a voice asked from below, it was Chandra.  
“Johannes left the binder at home by accident. I was just dropping it off,” Sam tried to compose himself, “Ainsley mentioned a short tour but I guess that’s cancelled now.”  
“Binder? _The_ binder?” Chandra looked up at him with a hand on her chest, “The _binder_ binder?”  
“Yeah, it has data in it or something, I don’t know,” Sam shrugged.  
“Where is it now?” Chandra paced nervously, careful not to run over Sam’s toes.  
“Ainsley is taking it to the boardroom as we speak,” Sam shrugged again.  
“Oh thank god!” Chandra sighed, “I think I aged ten whole years there.”  
“He stayed up all night working on it,” Sam explained, “He wanted it to be perfect.”  
“Of _course_ he did,” Chandra rolled her eyes, “No wonder he looked like _that_ when I saw him earlier.”  
Sam frowned, “Like what?”  
“Like he had a baby at home,” Chandra paused, “Wait no, scratch that. Like he was the sole guardian of a baby at home. Curtis never looked like that for a second after I had my kiddo.”  
“Oh wow,” Sam wasn’t the least bit surprised, technically they had kittens but he knew they had nothing to do with it.  
“I suppose you to want to say hello before I drag away,” Chandra smirked, “If I know him half as well as I think I do, he’s in the teacher’s lounge scrounging coffee because ours is broken.”  
“Yeah I know, I was on my way,” Sam nodded in the direction he was headed.  
“Okay, I suppose I trust you to be brief, visitor passes aren’t for unsupervised snooping you know,” Chandra chided, “Oh and Sam? Take care of yourself okay? You don’t look so good.”  
  
Sam pushed open the door to the teacher’s lounge and found Johannes standing by the coffee machine, leg jiggling, probably already onto his third mug. Chandra had been right, he did look like he had a baby at home.  
“Ja - ja, ich weiß, ich bin ein kompletter Dummkopf,” Johannes frowned.  
[ _Translation from German: Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a total blockhead._ ]  
Sam sat on the small table and sighed, “Du arbeitest zu viel, das ist alles.”  
[ _Translation from German: You work too hard, that’s all._ ]  
“Danke, dass du auf mich aufgepasst hast. Ich verdiene dich nicht,” Johannes smiled sheepishly, “Ich schulde dir was, ich mach’s wieder gut.”  
[ _Translation from German: Thanks for looking out for me. I don’t deserve you. I owe you one, I’ll make it up to you._ ]  
Sam smirked back at him knowingly, “Und wie willst du das machen, huh? Ich habe einige Ideen, Honigbär.”  
[ _Translation from German: And how will you do that, huh? I have some ideas, honey bear._ ]  
“Flirtest du mit mir, während ich arbeite?” Johannes grinned back at him wickedly, “Sei vorsichtig, ich hatte zu viel Kaffee und zu wenig Schlaf… und du bist wirklich, wirklich süß.”  
[ _Translation from German: Are you flirting with me while I’m working? Careful, I’ve had too much coffee and too little sleep… and you’re really, really cute._ ]  
“Soll ich aufhören, mein Kaffeebär?” Sam asked playfully.  
[ _Translation from German: Do you want me to stop, my coffee bear?_ ]  
Johannes put his mug down and pulled Sam onto his feet, backing him into a wall not so obviously seen from the door, “Nicht wirklich,” he held Sam’s face in his hands and kissed him passionately.  
[ _Translation from German: Not really._ ]  
“Hiya! What ar—— oh my god,” a hapless Coach had wandered into the lounge.  
Johannes cursed himself in Spanglishdeutsch before yelling at Chris, “Verschwinden Sie von hier! Sofort raus! Gott, ich bin ein Idiot! Was ist heute nur los mit mir? Ich kann nichts richtig machen! Get out! Out!”  
[ _Translation from German: Get the hell out of here! Get out now! God, I’m an idiot! What’s wrong with me today? I can’t do anything right!_ ]  
Chris disappeared as quickly as he entered, meek as a mouse, Sam turned to Johannes, “Es ist nicht sein Fehler, es ist meine Schuld. Beruhige dich, ich rede mit ihm.”   
[ _Translation from German: It’s not his fault, I’ll take the blame. Calm down, I’ll talk to him._ ]  
Johannes sat angrily at the table and slammed his fist down, “Lass mich in Ruhe, darauf muss ich mich mental vorbereiten.”  
[ _Translation from German: Leave me alone, I need to mentally prepare myself._ ]  
Sam quickly ducked out the lounge and found Chris standing outside looking shell-shocked, “Sorry, you probably didn’t even understand any of that.”  
“No - no, I got ‘idiot’ and ‘get out,” Chris replied weakly.  
“He shouldn’t have yelled at you, but the idiot was me, definitely not you,” Sam looked at his black laced-up boots mournfully, “This is unfortunate. I can’t answer many questions, but I certainly can’t answer any here.”  
“I just wanted a glass of water,” Chris sighed.  
“He was up all night working on this folder, only he’s so sleep deprived he forgot to bring it with him, and now he’s over-caffeinated and probably running late for a meeting,” Sam explained quietly.  
“See, this is why I’m Coach,” Chris laughed feebly, “Less mental breakdowns on the job.”  
Sam sighed, “Did he ever get around to telling you what the bad news in February was?”  
Chris shrugged, “Nope.”  
Sam groaned, accepting defeat, and slid down the wall onto his haunches, “Fuck.”  
“The school is _supposed_ to be a cuss-free zone, Sam,” Chris rolled his eyes.  
The two men waited in silence, still trying to process exactly what had happened. Neither willing to talk of it explicitly. There were sounds of footsteps but Sam didn’t look up.  
“Aufstehen, du kommst mit mir,” Johannes grunted angrily, pulling Sam up by his arm, “Darüber müssen wir reden,” he turned to Chris and gestured with his finger, “I will talk with you… later.”  
[ _Translation from German: Get up, you’re coming with me. We need to talk._ ]  
Sam let Johannes lead him down the corridor, “Was wird aus deinem Meeting?”  
[ _Translation from German: What about the meeting?_ ]  
Johannes squeezed Sam’s shoulder too hard, “Lass sie wissen, dass ich komme zu spät. Today just isn’t my day.”  
[ _Translation from German: I let them know that I’ll be running late._ ]  
“Es tut mir _so_ leid, mein Honigbär,” Sam’s eyes widened when he realised where Johannes was leading him, “No - no - no - no - no, Johannes wait! Not your office, I can’t, you can’t!” the magic was screaming at him, it dug into his soul, he wanted to flee.  
[ _Translation from German: I’m so sorry, my honey bear._ ]  
Johannes growled under his breath, “Shut up. You don’t need to be dramatic. Just so you know, ich bin wütend, aber nicht mit dir. Das ist ein _Albtraum_ , aber früher oder später musste es passieren.”  
[ _Translation from German: …I’m angry, but not with you. This is a nightmare but it had to happen sooner or later._ ]  
Sam tried to pull away, already blind from pain, the magic clawing inside every fibre of his being, “Please, you don’t understand! Dafulais… danais… ísulem… dweti——”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I’m hurt by… I’m injured by… can’t see… afraid——_ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between my SO and myself Wednesday, 21 March is known as 'The Terrible No Good Bad Day' for very obvious reasons.


	17. English and Austrian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The terrible no good bad day continues as Johannes and Sam struggle with the fallout of their actions.

**_**Wednesday, March 21  
** _ **

_~ There was a sound, or perhaps a sensation, its shrill desperate shriek piercing through his soul. Time lunged its powerful hooks into Baktraga and he was helpless. He would have struggled but he was suspended, anchored to the past. He screamed but no one heard his pleas. There were no thoughts in his mind, no memories to hold on to. He was helplessly crumbling in a distant place he did not belong. ~_  
  
Darkness, then light blinded his eyes. He knew of nothing but agony, torn in so many directions by so many forces. He couldn’t comprehend them. His body trembled against his will, shivering, twitching, but yet he was unable to move. Flames danced over his skin and pokers punctured into muscles. No sound entered his ears, though he felt for certain he must have been screaming. His heart was pounding in his chest, ribs felt as though they were broken. Bile on his tongue, stomach lurching. Something was terribly wrong, indescribably wrong, and he could do nothing to defend himself. Death would have been a mercy, a blessing. He awaited his fate with grim acceptance.  
  
A new sensation, sound, a voice? It rumbled deep, but he could not understand. He blinked his eyes and colours danced and intertwined. There was no clarity but he thought perhaps he could see a figure, a face. Perhaps human but perhaps not. His thoughts bent and twisted, overlapped and collided, crashes and waves. Baktraga floated to the surface and he knew it was his name. Another sound, the same deep voice. A moan. A choke. His voice. He desperately wanted to ask the figure to help him, but dared not guess which words to use. His eyes fixed on the figure, pleading.  
“Can you hear me?” the figure asked, “Talk to me.”  
Baktraga whimpered, “What manner of curse befalls upon me?”  
“Oh thank god, you speak English,” the figure sighed, “Can you tell me your name? What year is it?”  
“What business would someone such as yourself have with such things?” Baktraga demanded, gritting his teeth through the pain.  
The figure dared to laugh, “You can’t remember but I know you, Baktraga.”  
“I find your manner of speech crude and your undeserved familiarity uncouth,” Baktraga chided, trying to let go of his human form, “You mock my intelligence.”  
“What year is it, Baktraga?” the figure repeated, slightly more insistent in tone.  
“It means naught to me what day your calendar falls upon. Your majesty marches forward but there are those defiant of her bloody grasp,” he spat, trying not to panic that his body remained.  
“My majesty?” the figure laughed, “Okay, Baktraga. Tell me of this majesty. Tell me the Century at least.”  
Baktraga tried to ignore the tears of pain that rolled down his cheeks, “It is the 19th Century of your Lord, and your Queen Victoria will meet a bitter death.”  
The figured sighed, “Thank you, that is all I needed to know,” he wiped a soft handkerchief across Baktraga’s face and throat, “But can’t you tell from my voice I’m not English?”  
“Forgive my error of judgement, if that is indeed an error of my own making. I have not spoken this particular tongue for very long at all,” Baktraga tried to sit up and failed.  
“I’m Austrian if you must know, no don’t try to sit up,” the figure put his hand over Baktraga’s chest, “My name is Johannes.”  
Baktraga let out a sob, “Assist me and I swear to repay your kindness.”  
“Do you know what happened to you?” asked Johannes the Austrian.  
“Alas, the last I remember there was a battle, rebels stolen in their youth,” Baktraga was painfully aware of the magical artefacts glowering over him, it was likely a spell had been cast to block the entry of spirit creatures such as himself, but he couldn’t admit this to the human.  
“You had a seizure, a bad one,” Johannes the Austrian took his hand, “You can trust me Baktraga, I’m not going to hurt you.”  
“Trust is a gift you have not yet earned, Austrian,” Baktraga coughed, bile still sat in his throat, “Yours is a world that has made trust more precious that the finest gems, I do not give it freely. Especially to those who speak of names they’ve not been told.”  
The Austrian nodded his head sagely, “Tell me where it hurts.”  
Baktraga sobbed again, he was in too much pain to carry on a conversation but the man was relentless, “Such agony you could never hope to imagine, the fiery pits of your hell would be as ecstasy to my broken flesh.”   
“Es tut mir weh, dich so zu sehen,” the man tutted, and rubbed his hand on Baktraga’s shoulder in an overly familiar gesture, “Poor thing.”  
“Do not mock my pain, Austrian!” Baktraga hissed through gritted teeth, “I could see fit to make a widow of your wife, your parents will weep to learn of your sudden, tragic demise. Do not fear for I would make it quick, but do not antagonise a broken man so cruelly.”  
Johannes the Austrian burst into laughter, “I have no _wife_. And my parents… well they wouldn’t weep over me.”  
“Your reaction confuses me, why would you delight in my threats?” Baktraga winced, trying to decipher the man’s meaning, “Do you doubt my abilities, my influence?”  
“No - no, it’s not that. I’m gay, uh… I don’t know what word they used in Victorian England, let me look it up,” the Austrian pulled out something from his pocket and fiddled with it for a second, through tears of pain Baktraga could see little else, “Sodo—— oh no, I'm not calling myself _that_ word,” he lowered his voice, “I desire men, I _only_ desire men, sexually and romantically, you know what I’m talking about.”  
“That you would declare such a thing so boldly is extraordinarily curious, do you not fear gaol or the persecution of your kind? There are those who have been hanged, and countless others worked to death?” Baktraga’s opinion of Johannes the Austrian increased tenfold.  
“I’ve found a way to get by,” Johannes shrugged.  
“Is that why you keep me as your prisoner, do you not understand that what is taken is never as sweet as that which is freely given?” Baktraga tried to sit up again and failed.  
“No - no Sam, you’re still weak,” the man hushed Baktraga, “But you’re not a prisoner. I’m not taking anything.”  
Baktraga winced, “Explain why you would call me Sam, for that is not my name.”  
“Consider it a… term of endearment, yes, like my friend or darling,” Johannes the Austrian replied.  
“You find yourself endeared to me? If our circumstances were different I would not consider this alarming,” Baktraga tried to wriggle away unsuccessfully.  
“It’s a pity you will forget this,” Johannes sighed, “You don’t need to try and escape, Sam. I know what you are. I know what’s happening to you. I know how to make the pain go away.”  
“Why not speak of this sooner, Austrian who finds himself endeared to me, explain how and why you know these things?” Baktraga demanded, confused and afraid.  
“You’ve forgotten but we are friends,” the Austrian paused, “More than friends, much more. You are a friendly woodland spirit and there was an accident. Magic hurt you. Something happened and your soul got pulled back in time, so you don’t remember anything recent. If you do the thing where your body turns to black sand, you’ll feel better.”  
“I don’t believe you,” Baktraga whimpered, “But if you know of magic then you must take me away from this place at once. The artefacts on your walls, they cause me such torment. Perhaps they are the reason I cannot relinquish this wretched human shell.”  
“Oh they’re not mine, they came with the office when I was promoted to interim principal,” Johannes looked up suspiciously, “But we’re in a school, I can’t take you out there in that state.”  
“So I must lie here at your mercy, doomed to suffer for the sake of propriety when you yourself are improperly dressed?” Baktraga sobbed bitterly.  
“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” the man wondered, somewhat insulted.  
“Please do not ask me for I do not know where to begin, every garment is wrong, from the cut to the fabric, and I shall not mention that you are without waistcoat, jacket and the robes befitting a headmaster,” Baktraga sniffed, “I cannot see your face from these wretched tears but I know you’re as improperly dressed as I.”  
The Austrian laughed, “Well how about I get us _both_  something to change into?” he wiped Baktraga’s face once more and went to leave the room.  
“No I beg of you!” Baktraga yelped, “You would truly leave me to suffer alone?” he whimpered.  
“I know you’re afraid Sam, and I’m sorry to leave you, but just be still and I won’t be two minutes, I promise,” the Austrian gently closed the door and Baktraga was horrified to hear the sound of a lock clicking in place.  
  
Baktraga tried to crawl towards the window, it’s breeze tantalising him toward it. With the Austrian gone it was his only means of escape. With great effort he managed to roll onto his stomach and lay gasping for breath, sobbing and trembling from pain and exhaustion. He heard the door unlock and the Austrian enter.  
“Oh great, now you’ve smeared sick into the carpet,” the man chided, his tone betraying frustration, “I told you to stay still.”  
“I care nothing for your bland inferior carpets, Austrian,” Baktraga spat, trying to ignore the bile rising in his stomach.  
“Clearly,” Johannes walked over to Baktraga, “Can you really move or were you just being stubborn?”  
Baktraga tried to get onto all fours and collapsed, “You must find my predicament amusing, Austrian,” he muttered indignantly.  
“Amusing isn’t the word I’d use,” Johannes grunted as he manhandled Baktraga onto his back, “I really wish you wouldn’t wear these boots. I know they’re part of your _look_ but it’d be so much easier for me if you wore _normal_ shoes,” he said fiddling with the laces on the boots.  
“How these garments came to be on my person I have not a clue, but I am glad they cause such annoyance, Austrian,” Baktraga growled.  
“At least we’re both cranky,” the Austrian conceded, ripping off a single boot.  
Baktraga scowled, “You presume to know how I am feeling in regards to this humiliation?”   
“No of course, but I’ll be the one who remembers it when this is over,” Johannes grunted, pulling at the laces wildly in frustration, “You know, I think I might buy you new boots with a zipper. Then I can burn these stupid things for good.”  
“There are those who worship me as a god,” Baktraga snapped, “I offer solace from the evils of the humankind, a sanctuary from shame and isolation,” he held back a sob, “That you would speak of dressing me like an overindulged child would a doll—”  
The Austrian tutted sympathetically, “This doesn’t surprise me,” he pulled the off the boot with a grunt and threw in the corner of the room in disgust, ”What clothes do you normally wear?”  
“The finest embroidered silks, flawless muslins, exquisite jewels of gold and emeralds, to gaze upon me one would mistake my continence for that of a prince,” Baktraga winced.  
“No wonder you think I’m under-dressed,” Johannes laughed, “Unfortunately the boots are the easy bit. Are you sure you can’t move?”  
Baktraga frowned, “I find myself pinned by magic and entirely at your mercy, Austrian.”  
The man groaned, and stood up, shutting the window and curtains, “I hate this part,” he muttered as he sat next to Baktraga on his haunches.  
“What part do you allude to?” Baktraga asked as Johannes pulled off the garment he could only describe as a chemise.  
Johannes the Austrian wiped the tears from Baktraga’s face and the bile from his chest, “This part,” with great effort he managed to undress and redress the paralysed shifter, “I’m not a nurse by nature,” he admitted, sounding almost as humiliated as Baktraga felt..  
“Nor I a patient,” Baktraga grimaced.  
“This will do for now at least,” the man nodded at his handy work.  
Baktraga sobbed, “Austrian, I cannot bear this formidable suffering much longer.”  
“Come on then,” Johannes the Austrian scooped Baktraga into his arms as though he weighed nothing more than a child.  
Baktraga’s stomach lurched, “I regret to inform you this wretched body’s stomach will not settle.”  
“The nurse’s office is just around the hall,” the man grunted, ”You’re going to see some more humans, they can’t know what you are, do you understand?”  
“I understand,” Baktraga whimpered, trying to contain his nausea.  
“Your name is Sam Tir. You had a seizure. This is common for you. You don’t want the hospital but if they take you there I will get you. I’m your friend. You need to sleep. Don’t say anything else, don’t switch forms if I’m not there,” Johannes managed to open the door.

***

Baktraga lay on a cot in what he was informed was the nurse’s office, drifting in and out of consciousness. A women, the presumed nurse, was in discussion with Johannes the Austrian. Both of them seemed to be particularly annoyed, but their voices were hushed so as not to disturb him. Baktraga wondered vaguely what they were saying but the conversion the Austrian had forced out of him exhausted his desire to learn more.  
  
_~ Screams echoed through Sam’s skull, the sounds of explosions and the crackle of electricity. Without his visions he could not see the danger but there was no doubt it was heading straight for him. Panicked, he tried to shift but he was stuck, trapped. With every ounce of strength he could muster he struggled, trying to break through his restraints, but it was to no use. Helpless, he resigned himself to repeatedly trying to escape his form while innocent people died, again and again and again. ~_  
  
Baktraga sobbed, the pain tearing through him like lightning. His eyes and ears were no use to him, and there was no point trying to figure out where he was. Someone stroked his forehead but they were but an echo compared the thundering bolts of that shot through his soul, torn apart by time.  
  
_~ Baktraga was no fighter but there was no hiding for this creature. At first glance this creature was a harmless child, but the more one observed it, the more horror it evoked. While Baktraga and his kin wore flesh as means to experience the physical realm, a perfect reflection of the soul, the creature was pale mockery of life. Its dimensions were humanoid, limbs slightly too long, bones the wrong shape, too many fingers, talons for feet, a thin whip like tail, a hollow torso, and entirely no face. It was small for sure, perhaps the size of a toddler, but there was no mistaking its power. Its energy was wrong, twisted, it coiled around the fabric of reality and pried it apart. Baktraga had no choice to join with it, forcefully, subjugate it for long enough for the real fighters to kill it. He did not much fancy his chances but he no choice. Two lives was a small cost to pay. Even if one was his own. ~_  
  
He cried out in pain, a deep wretched bawl. Baktraga was aware someone was watching over him but couldn’t get a good reading. He waited for his vision and hearing to return but fell asleep before that could happen.  
  
_~ Baktraga wandered the streets of the abandoned city aimlessly. It had been years since the bomb had detonated. The humans had died of course. If not immediately, then painfully, over days, possibly even weeks or months. Just about everything had died. At least in that part of the world. But life was coming back, slowly, surely. The city was green now, a lush forest, built upon the decay of human folly. Animals were creeping back. It was almost a pleasant place to be. Yet still Baktraga would have given anything for it not to be. He had always found humans to be fascinating, curious creatures. That they would cause such destruction upon themselves was a heartbreaking reality. ~_  
  
Baktraga gasped, his lungs burning, clawing for air. Someone held his hand, and he struggled to move. He didn’t know where he was and he couldn’t move. Eventually, the blinding light dulled into colours and he saw a middle aged woman sitting by the cot he lay in with a worried expression. She wore a scandalously short skirt and a masculine high collared blouse and short hair. It seemed to be that the manner of dress truly was different than what Baktraga had learned was acceptable from all other humans. Baktraga presumed she was the nurse but she looked like none he had ever heard, her vocation was hard to tell from sight alone. The memories of the Austrian came flooding back and he let out a deep sob.  
The presumed nurse sighed, “I know I was _told_ you didn’t want the hospital but you’re really starting to worry me, Sam.”  
Baktraga remembered what he was supposed to say, “I don’t want the hospital. I had a seizure. I need to sleep.”  
“You had several actually,” the nurse smiled patiently, “Do you normally have this many?”  
“This alas is common for me,” Baktraga winced as he tried to sit up, to his relief his muscles had gained some strength.  
“Do you take medication for them?” the nurse helped prop up his cot.  
Baktraga frowned, “My friend will know the answer to that question.”  
The nurse matched his frown, “I really wish he had fetched me as soon as possible. I can understand not wanting to leave you but for god’s sake cell phones exist for a reason.”  
Baktraga nodded, not wanted to betray his ignorance, “He is my friend.”  
“Do you remember what your trigger was? Maybe it was food, or lights, or maybe you were upset, anything like that?” the nurse smiled reassuringly.  
“I don’t remember,” Baktraga lied, remembering how deeply the magic had dug into him.  
The nurse frowned, “If you remember, let me know. I have to file a report as per protocol. A known trigger will help prevent future incidents, for you and others.”   
Baktraga looked at the curtains that girded his cot, blocking his view from the people he could hear outside, “Is this truly a school?”  
“Of course it is, I’m told you were here as a visitor at the request of our Principal,” the nurse smirked.  
“I was expecting black robes and a stern air from a venerable head master,” Baktraga muttered.  
The nurse laughed, “Yeah we don’t go for the black robes here but he certainly brings the _stern_ air.”  
Baktraga kicked his legs under his blankets, they felt stronger, “Would it be permissible if I were to test my ability to stand, my dear?”  
The nurse looked a bit flustered to be called my dear, “Yes of course, but you aren’t to leave my office and wander the halls, do you hear?”  
Baktraga swung his legs around and tested his weight, the nurse held his arm for support, “Such a small blessing yet I am _unimaginably_ grateful,” he sniffed, gratitude making him emotional once again.  
”You’re very well spoken, aren’t you?” the nurse noted, helping him sit back down.  
“Perhaps it is merely that others are comparatively more uncouth?” Baktraga suggested, “By which I mean of course, a perceived class distinction based on the presumed supremacy of the Queen’s Tongue?” he coughed.  
The nurse’s eyes glazed over, “Uh, yeah sure, something like that.”  
“My dear nurse, I may call you this, yes?” Baktraga smiled politely, “I find myself parched, if you have in your possession that which would quench my thirst I would be eternally grateful.”  
“Oh yes, of course, you must be dehydrated,” the nursed disappeared behind the curtain and returned with a frosted glass vessel filled with clear water.  
Baktraga took the vessel and found it wasn’t glass but a clear, rubbery substance, “My angel,” he purred, deciding remarking on the substance might out him as someone who didn’t belong, “Would you find it rude of me to ask when my friend will be returning? It is not as though I find your company distasteful, but I found myself guilty of offending him earlier and desire the chance to beg his forgiveness.”  
“You really are _very_ English aren’t you?” the nurse remarked despite herself.  
Baktraga bristled at the comparison, “If you say so, my dear.”  
“Knock - knock?” another voice said beyond the curtains, it was a man’s voice, bold and indelicate.  
The nurse retreated beyond the curtains, “Oh hi, Coach. Can I help you?”  
“Hi Rosie, I heard Sam had another turn. I came to see if he’s okay. He’s a friend of mine and I…,” the man supposedly known as Coach replied, “He’s still here isn’t he?”  
The nurse known as Rosie opened the curtain slightly, “Up for visitors?”  
Baktraga nodded, curiosity getting the better of him, wondering how many friends he had without knowing, “I am willing to entertain for a _short_ while.”  
A large man with a moustache and strange red cap ducked through the curtain and sat on a the chair next to him, he was dressed as sparingly as the others, perhaps even more so, “One hell of a day huh?”  
“Forgive my ignorance but I find myself unable to recall the events prior to my seizure,” Sam frowned, he took a sip of the chilled water, “I’m given to understand that I have been something of a nuisance to everyone I’ve encountered today.”  
The man known as Coach looked very puzzled, “Wow, you got _super_  English didn’t you?”  
“You are not the first to remark upon this,” Baktraga conceded, “If I were not in pain I would take greater offence at the comparison.”  
“D’you really not remember this morning? You know the thing we had about—” the man paused, gesturing vaguely with his hands, “— _things_ … I blundered in on?”  
“Alas, I have no such memories, I regret any distress I may have caused to any parties involved. Perhaps this was the so called trigger the nurse was trying to coax out of me, but as I cannot recall it, I would object to it being written down in any way without getting the approval of _all_ persons involved,” Baktraga shrugged, trying to hide his suspicions that if he confirmed anything it would get his Austrian friend into trouble.  
The large man grumbled under his breath, “I wish you were yourself again, it seems pointless asking you anything.”  
Baktraga pouted, “I am truly sorry I cannot be of any further assistance, my friend.”  
“It’s so weird to hear you speak like this,” the Coach squinted, “You could be possessed and I’d never know.”  
“I suppose I should offer my condolences to any poor demonic forces that may try to gain possession over this wretch of a shell,” Baktraga tried to laugh.  
“You’re okay though, right?” the Coach asked, full of pity, “You’re not in _much_ pain or anything?”  
Baktraga smiled serenely, “I am in such exquisite agony I cannot begin to describe, yet I am able to move my limbs once more and stand upon my feet, so I feel an improvement despite the pain I must endure.”  
“Oh yikes,” the Coach yelped in sympathy.  
“My other friend was of great assistance, although I am afraid I vexed him a great deal. I find myself eager to offer my sincerest apologies, if you see Johannes before I, please inform him that I desire to have words with him most urgently,” Baktraga pouted guiltily.  
The Coach nodded, his eyes glazed over, “Yeah - yeah, I have seen him but he won’t talk to me. I had to find out about all this—” he gestured at Baktraga, “—from one of the kids.”  
“Are you not _also_ his friend, or do I find myself sorely mistaken?” Baktraga frowned, worried how much he could ask without putting his friend at risk.  
The Coach sighed, “I wish I could tell you,” he groaned, “I probably should go, I have another class to get to.”  
“I ask your forgiveness for any and every one of my indiscretions,” Baktraga bowed his head politely.  
“Oh buddy no, you’re fine, don’t even worry about it,” the Coach replied, still visibly disturbed by Baktraga’s mannerisms.

***

Baktraga awoke to the sound of a deep voice above him. He opened his eyes blearily and found himself staring up a beautiful middle-aged blond man. Despite being blessed with the looks of an angel, his expression was that of weary exasperation, and his attire remained unchanged. Baktraga decided the rules of his people were surely far different to those that applied to the English soldier from whom he'd stolen the tongue. It made no difference to Baktraga, but still he found it curious.  
“Come on, it’s time to wake up,” Johannes the Austrian shook Baktraga’s shoulders very gently.  
“Austrian,” Baktraga replied, sitting up, “I hope you find yourself not too inconvenienced by my actions today, I am lead to understand that I am not in the manner those such as yourself would desire.”  
Johannes grunted, “We can talk about that after. The nurse has agreed that you are free to go. You’re going to behave yourself, aren’t you?”  
Baktraga nodded, “I have questions that are in sore need of answers, my friend.”

***

Baktraga stood in a strange room, in some ways it felt as though it functioned as a bathhouse, but it was completely unfamiliar to his eyes. Johannes his friend had led him there, and sat him on a bench.  
“We’re alone, so it’s safe to talk,” Johannes breathed a sigh of relief.  
“What is the function of this extraordinary room?” Baktraga wondered.  
The Austrian seemed to find it a somewhat unexpected question, “It’s the showers? The children bath here after gym class and sports practice.”  
“As you can imagine, I am unfamiliar with such a place,” Baktraga admitted, turning his head despite the throbbing pain.  
“That doesn’t matter,” Johannes grunted, “Take off your clothes.”  
Baktraga looked down at the strange garments on his body, “These are not my own,” he removed the undershirt and looked up at the man sitting across from him, half straddling the bench, “Perhaps you desire to kiss me, Austrian. I would not object if you did.”  
The Austrian smirked, and took the undershirt from his hands, “You stink of sick.”  
“A great pity,” Baktraga sighed as he pulled down his pantaloons, “Is there anything you desire of me?” he asked, handing the man the pantaloons.  
Johannes made a hurt expression, “Tell me something, before you forget everything. Did Coach come visit you today?”  
“He did indeed, my friend,” Baktraga held out a hand and put it on the man’s shoulder, “Perhaps if you explained what exactly happened between you both, I could be of greater comfort. I am told that I was also involved, but I have no memories of these events. I dared not ask more with the nurse so near.”  
“Ich bin ein Idiot!” the Austrian spat, “It was so careless! I don’t know what came over me, I was having a bad day, and you were being really cute and called me Kaffeebär He saw everything. I can’t even deny it, or pretend you were the initiator.”  
“What did he see?” Baktraga asked, his voice low.  
“We were kissing,” Johannes sighed, “Like rebellious teens.”  
“Will he report you?” Baktraga drew himself slightly closer, “What will happen to you here in this strange place? You must understand that your laws are a great mystery to me. I will protect you, but there is a limit to my power.”  
The Austrian’s frown broke into an expression of heartfelt appreciation, “I doubt he’ll say anything, but…,” he paused, “How would you protect me?”  
“Laws mean nothing to me. I would destroy testimony, haunt witnesses, bring the reputation of any judge into question, anything it would take. It is against my nature to kill but for you, my darling, I would tear the throats out of kings,” Baktraga whispered, meaning every word.  
Johannes the Austrian buried his head into Baktraga’s chest, “Do you mean it?”  
“I may be an immortal but I am not without compassion or a sense of what is good and just,” Baktraga purred, “It may amuse you to learn that kings make for easy targets for they are careless and keep wild animals as though they are pets.”  
“You’ve only known me for half a day,” Johannes said softly.  
“Your designations of time means nothing to me, I can feel your soul that is all I need ever require,” Baktraga ran his fingers through the man’s hair.  
“Thank you,” the man replied, lingering for a moment longer than he needed, “I needed to hear that.”    
“There are those that worship me as a god _because_  I offer solace from the evils of humankind, a sanctuary from shame and isolation,” Baktraga insisted.  
Johannes sat up and cleared his throat, “Walk into one of the cubicles and turn the knobs. The red is for hot water and the blue is for cold.”  
Baktraga stepped forward into one of the so called cubicles, and turned the knobs, he jumped back at the icy cold water pouring down from a metal object above him, frantically turning the red one until it came in a nice pleasant warm, “Such luxury,” he purred.  
“I don’t know why but it makes it easier for you to do the black sand thing,” Johannes called out above the sound of the water.  
Baktraga closed his eyes and tried to relax, the warm water pulled his body down and he felt the closest thing to pleasure as he had done all day. With a sigh of relief he let his body fall to ash, thinking of the strange Austrian man and...  
  
Sam was aware he was in a cubicle shower. The curtain wasn’t drawn and Johannes was sitting on the bench across from him, watching him with an exhausted look on his face. He formed a human body and sunk to the ground, sobbing on his hands and knees. He was in so much pain. More pain than he could ever remember. It was hard to think. To feel. His last memory was of Johannes’s anger.  
“What happened?” Sam gasped between sobs, “This hurts so much!”  
“I’m pretty sure it was my fault,” Johannes admitted, “Something about artifacts in the office?”  
Sam had a flash of the artefacts trying to sink their claws into his soul, “Did you know?” Sam tried to speak clearly but every moment and sound was like torture, “That they were magic?”  
“Of course not,” Johannes frowned.  
“Then it’s not your fault,” Sam fought the urge to thrash his body against the shower wall, “I’m so sorry. I never should have come here.”  
“Don’t,” Johannes let out a frustrated sigh, “It’s not the time.”  
“What happened?” Sam turned the hot water on a little harder, “Did anybody see anything? Did they see it happen?”  
Johannes stood by the cubicle so as to be heard above the noise of the shower, “It was just us in the office, I saw everything but uh…, it was difficult, for both of us. But don’t worry I took care of you as best I could.”  
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Sam groaned, “How far back did I go?”  
“19th Century, this time,” Johannes shook some stray droplets from his shoes, “It was… incredible. You spoke English. Different English. It was hard for me to understand you. Do you remember the 19th Century?”  
“Vaguely. Sometimes I get flashes,” he winced as a particularly aggressive bolt of lightning shot through his nerves, “But mostly it’s like a distant dream,” Sam gritted his teeth and rubbed the suspect soap over his burning skin.  
“You were incredible Sam, you said some… dark things to me,” Johannes said, watching Sam carefully.  
“What did I say?” Sam wondered.  
“It is against my nature to kill but for you, my darling, I would tear the throats out of kings,” Johannes repeated, his tone wistful.  
“You liked that, huh?” Sam smiled for a second, “I’m surprised you remember it.”  
“You said it five minutes ago,” Johannes laughed to himself, “You offered to protect me from being jailed or hanged.”  
Sam frowned, “How did that come up?”  
“I told you about what happened in the lounge, and you were worried about what would happen if he went to the police,” Johannes laughed.  
Sam’s heart sank, “It’s not funny, Johannes.”  
“You don’t need to tell _me_  that,” Johannes sighed, “It’s just you said something else, you said it twice actually,” he cleared his throat, “There are those that worship me as a god because I offer solace from the evils of humankind, a sanctuary from shame and isolation.”  
Despite the pang Sam felt another flash, “Ashinerin made a recording of me saying that. Write it down, I might be able to find it again.”  
Johannes fell silent and Sam assumed he was writing the quote down on his phone. Sam finished his shower and sat in the damp stall trying to gather the willpower to move. He heard Johannes clear his throat and felt a folded towel fall in between his shoulders. He took it wordlessly and dried himself. He wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out, collapsing on the bench. Johannes was glowering at his phone.  
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.  
“Chris,” Johannes grunted.  
Sam bowed his head, ”What did he want?”  
“He sent me a text,” Johannes sighed, and handed Sam his phone.  
  
» Coach: Friends talk to each other. - C «  
  
“Oh boy,” Sam handed the phone back, “What are you going to do?”  
Johannes made a low growl, “I haven’t decided yet.”  
“Did you want more bad news?” Sam hazarded.  
“Fine, it can’t get much worse can it?” Johannes groaned.  
“So Ainsley happened to mention Xander in passing, he refused to confirm if he meant _my_ Xander, but he later asked me how ‘on the down-low’ we were keeping our relationship. So, I’m pretty sure he’s got us _all_ figured out,” Sam frowned, “I told him I was just your housekeeper and stuff but I don’t think he believed me.”  
To Sam’s surprise Johannes let out a sigh of relief, “Oh good, that’s not so surprising. He’s been cryptically asking me for months now, I was _this_ close to telling him just so he’d stop using those confusing youth idioms.”  
“So you don’t mind him knowing so much?” Sam wondered.  
“Oh I _mind_ ,” Johannes frowned, “But I do trust him. He was the only faculty member I told about my father when it happened.”  
“Really? Because Chandra and Chris _definitely_ said Ainsley had no idea _why_ you were in such a bad mood,” Sam replied.  
“Exactly,” Johannes nodded.

***

By the time they got home Sam and Johannes were both in a foul mood again. They had argued over the radio station of all things, nerves on edge and tempers raised.  
“I can’t believe you left my boots in your office,” Sam sulked as he slammed the door behind him.  
“I’m buying you a new pair. If I have to unlace your damn boots one more time I will scream,” Johannes threw his keys angrily at the kitchen counter, they skidded and bounced on to the floor.  
“I saved up for the boots! Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to save?” Sam threw the bag containing his clothes into the laundry, it landed on the floor unceremoniously.  
“Well maybe if you worked that wouldn’t be an issue!” Johannes snapped.  
“What am I supposed to do Johannes?” Sam scowled at the man as he tore of the gym shirt he was borrowing from the lost and found bin, “What do you think would happen if Bronze Age Baktraga was unleashed onto Walmart?”  
Johannes snatched a beer from the fridge and ripped open the tab, “Work from home or something, I don’t care,” he held it away from him it frothed over.  
Sam angrily kicked off the oversized gym shorts, “So what, you want me to get a job now? Is that an order?”  
“No, I just want to buy you a new pair of boots!” Johannes made wild hand gestures in Sam’s general direction, “Do you have to do that now?”  
“They’re not mine. They’re going in the wash,” Sam threw the appropriated clothes in the direction of the laundry, they landed halfway across the living area, “Fuck!” he fell to his hands and knees in tears.  
Johannes sighed and put down his beer, “Why are you crying now?”  
“Everything hurts so much and you keep shouting at me and I fucking ruined _everything_ today,” Sam sobbed.  
“Come here,” Johannes groaned, “We’ve both had a really bad day.”  
Sam dragged himself over to Johannes, trying to stop himself from the incessant crying, “I’m never going to your work again until you remove those _fucking_  things in your office.”  
Johannes grabbed a tissues from the kitchen counter and wiped the tears from Sam’s face, “They really hurt you didn’t they?”  
“They were there to block the entry of spirit creatures like me,” Sam buried his face into Johannes shoulder, “Like a warding spell or those pest repellent things.”  
“And I dragged you in,” Johannes chided himself, pulling Sam into a hug, “Go to bed, we can deal with everything another day.”  
“What about Chris?” Sam sniffed.  
“Another day, Sam,” Johannes insisted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you remember in the Janus Order orientation video Strickler presents, when he's talking about how there's a population of 6 Billion humans, there's this red headed hipster dude in the background... Ainsley is lowkey based on that particular character design because his expression is a DELIGHT.


	18. Outing and Shouting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes discovers text formatting and gives Sam a surprise.

**_**Saturday, March 24  
** _ **

Sam awoke in Johannes’s bed alone, a pressing need screaming from his bladder. He pulled himself up and stumbled into the bathroom. As he relieved himself he tried to remember the events of the day before. He groaned. Yesterday had been an _horrendous_  day. There was an incessant high pitched ringing and at first Sam assumed it had been from pain, realising too late that it had been his phone. He looked at himself in the mirror, washing his hands, wondering absently how he’d managed to grow a modest beard overnight. It was probably magic, he shrugged, reforming his body as an alternative to shaving and brushing his teeth. He stumbled back into the bedroom and fished around for his phone, unsurprised to see he had apparently missed two calls from Chris.  
He tried to decide whether it’d be worth calling him back when it rang again, “Hey Chris, what’s up?” Sam groaned.  
“So hi,” Chris began carefully, “Slightly worried about… Uhl? Again.”  
“Is this about yesterday? Look I’m sorry, everyone was out of sorts and I just woke up so I’m not sure what’s actually happening about… things.”  
“Yesterday? What are you talking about? It’s Saturday, that was _four_  days ago Sam,” Chris replied, shocked, “Have you been sleeping for the last _three_  days?”  
“Shit!” Sam looked out the window, staring down at a weirded out eight year old holding a football with several of his friends, “What time is it?”  
“It’s like… three in the afternoon or something, it doesn’t matter,” Sam could hear Chris squinting into the phone, “Look he hasn’t spoken to me since… _then_ , and he’s turned off both his phones, and he wrote this letter on the facebook and I couldn’t really read what it said and can you just let me know he’s okay?”  
Sam’s blood ran cold, it was probably nothing but if Chris was jumping to serious conclusions it still concerned him, “I’ll try and find him,” he made his way down stairs, “It’s probably nothing. Look he’s sitting on the couch with his head in his——” Sam frowned, “Actually I’m going to call you back.”  
  
Johannes was sitting on the coach, still wearing his pyjamas, head in his hands. The curtains were still closed and the laptop that sat across from on him was the only source of light in the room. The coffee table was littered with dozens of mugs.  
Sam slid in next to the reticent man and leaned on his shoulder, “So I just woke up—” he began carefully, noting that Johannes’s hands were shaking, probably from the overdose of caffeine, “—and what’s going on?”  
“I can’t look, read the comments for me,” Johannes asked, “I have regrets,” the laptop binged helpfully.  
“Okay let’s have a look,” Sam took the laptop in his hands, he decided to read from the top, “Dear Friends, Colleagues and Family,” Sam began, “As you all know I am a private man, and prefer to keep my personal life to myself. For a long time this worked out well for me, and I was able to focus on my career. I will spare you to long story, but the short of it is that I cannot do this anymore. Some of you already know what I am about to say, but I assume at least one of you has to have figured it out on your own. You see, the truth is dot dot dot,” Sam felt his heart racing, “New paragraph, giant rainbow letters. ‘I am gay.’ Oh!” Sam’s eyes widened, “Johannes,” he breathed, “I’m so proud of you,” Sam put the laptop down and gave him the tightest hug could muster.  
“Keep reading,” Johannes pouted.  
Sam picked up the laptop again, “New paragraph. ‘I can’t really explain why I kept this to myself for so long. It was just something that seemed like a good idea at the time. I first came out as a teenager and it was not a time I care to recount. Times have changed since then, so am I hoping this gets a better reception.’ It’d better,” Sam looked across at Johannes who was sitting with arms crossed, staring into the mid-distance, “New paragraph. ‘This isn’t some kind of sob story. I don’t need anyone’s pity. Despite backing myself into this corner, I’m actually pretty happy with my life. Some of you may remember Sam Tir. We have been pretending to be friends for nearly all year. In truth, we’re in love. He’s my partner.’ Too right,” Sam smiled happily to himself, “New paragraph. ‘For the time being, I would prefer the information to be kept between us. I have tagged everyone individually at the end to make it clear who “us” is. Maybe I won’t care in the future, but I’d prefer to stay out of everyone’s gossip for now. Thank you for your time and consideration, signed Johannes W. Uhl.’ The letter format was unnecessary but a cute touch, it makes you seem super earnest and adorable,” Sam scrolled down, “Hmm, who did you tag. Me, of course, Lilli, Chris, Cynthia, Chandra, McKenny, her, her, him, _him_ , oh and hey Ana, Naomi, Auntie and Dorothy.”  
Johannes groaned, “What do the comments say? I know there’s comments, but I can’t bring myself to look.”  
“Have you been working on this thing _all_ night and day?” Sam wondered, noting the sea of mugs on the coffee table.  
“No…,”Johannes began, “But I couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t let the idea go. So I got up early to make a short one sentence PSA to Chris and it quickly got out of hand,” he rubbed his eyes wearily, “I went through so many drafts.”  
“Ironically, it seems like he’s the only one who hasn’t read the thing,” Sam laughed.  
Johannes groaned, “Yeah that’s what happens when you make rash decisions at four in the a.m.”  
“Aw, it seems to have worked out for the best though. Okay so you have some likes, some hearts, one laughing face, this is… the laughter was in regards to me I think,” Sam grimaced, “Comments…, Lilli says; ‘Good for you but I want pics of this Sam.’ She then replied to her comment saying; ‘Oh wait, I spoke to Sam. He seems nice.’ Lenora says; ‘Some of my favourite students have been LGBTQIA+ and they could always use another role model. Have you considered getting more involved in the GSA?”  
“Eugh,” Johannes groaned, ”I really don’t want students to discuss… _things_ … with students.”  
“Anyway,” Sam continued, “Ana apparently knew Lenora, and Lenora said Ana was the best Hamlet, so that’s cute. Ana also says; ‘Congratulations, Naomi owes me $20. Let me know if you get sick of the dork.’ Naomi replied too but it’s just a bunch of pride and unicorn emojis. Dorothy says; ‘I told Beatrice and she’s crying, so thanks for that, lol.’ That’s it for now for the comments. Congratulations, murder will not be necessary tonight,” Sam smiled at Johannes, “So uh, you got any photos of me on your computer I can share?”   
“In the folder on my desktop, the one labelled ‘S.T’, it’s hidden behind the note tab,” Johannes frowned.  
Sam went through the photos and found a half decent picture Johannes had taken of Sam sitting by the living room window. He sent it to Lilli as a comment, “So uh, someone was sending you direct messages. I’m almost certain he’s the one who put the spirit wards in your office.”  
Johannes groaned, “Yeah, I was testing him. I haven’t physically seen him since… hmmm… but I know someone is still using his account.”  
“Do you want me to read them to you?” Sam hazarded, dreading what the changeling had said about him.  
“Yeah, sure,” Johannes sighed.  
Sam took a deep breath, “He says; ‘Hahahahaha this is the funniest thing I’ve heard in my life. I know you’re a bit peculiar but this is really something else. Your sexuality is none of my business but is that miscreant profligate really the best you can do? I mean, do you truly know this so called “Sam Tir,” do you have any idea what you’ve signed up for?” Sam rolled his eyes, “He’s still online if you want to reply.”   
“So he knows about you, huh?” Johannes groaned, “How much does he know?”  
“He knew Ashinerin personally. I didn’t care for his circle but I was tangentially involved in it,” Sam shrugged, “Shall I say ‘Baktraga isn’t an issue’, I think that will tell him enough?”  
“Okay fine,” Johannes shrugged back.  
Sam typed his response and waited for a reply, “He says; ‘So you’ve met Baktraga. You really are peculiar,” he read, Sam rolled his eyes, “This guy can talk. Oh he’s still typing,” Sam readied his fingers, “Okay so now he says; ‘So what’s he told you?,’ Baktraga says; ‘Remove your junk from the office, Ashikrinákrisan,” Sam read his words allowed as he typed.  
“Ashikrina - what - a - now?” Johannes wondered.  
“It means, ‘Very Sharp Changeling,” Sam replied, “Sharp as in pointy, not sharp as in intelligent or stylish. Although he did pull off a turtleneck and bouffant pretty well, I’ll give him that.”  
Johannes nodded, “So your word for changeling is Ashi?” he extrapolated.  
“Yeah that’s right, ‘Ashinar’. I gave all the changelings their own names because the names they use were stolen. Also loan words aren’t allowed in my language so making up new names is what you do.”  
“Wait have you given _me_ a name?” Johannes wondered.  
Sam gave him a kiss on the cheek, “Míleban,” he purred, “It means ‘Wild Honey.”  
“ _Wild_  honey?” Johannes frowned, trying to figure out if he should have been insulted.  
“Wild as in angry or beastie,” Sam kissed him again, “It’s a term of endearment, you needn’t make that face,” Sam looked at screen again, “He says; ‘Do you expect me to waltz into the school in broad daylight?” Sam rolled his eyes, and started typing, “Baktraga says; ‘We can make arrangements for you to collect them DURING THE NIGHT at a later date. Unfortunately, your Baktraga Repellent did a number on me and I refuse to enter the school grounds until they’re removed. But if you lay a finger on him or say something out of line I’ll hunt you down and tear out your pretty eyes.”  
“Wait, give me that,” Johannes snatched the laptop out of Sam’s hands and began typing, “I’ll get back to you, but this IS me cashing in that favour you owe me, Walter,” he said out loud for Sam’s benefit, “He says; ‘Fine, but that over glorified pixie is only using you as a rebound.’ Oh that’s quite rude,” Johannes pouted.  
Sam watched him close the computer and put it back on the coffee table, “So what are you going to do now?”  
“Hmm, I think I will shower, dress and then clean up _this_  crime scene,” he shuddered.  
“How about I dress when you shower, and then I come stairs again to clean this up while you take a _much_ needed nap?”   
Johannes nodded, “That would be nice.”  
Sam picked up the phone he left beside him on the couch, “I should probably send Chris an update, I probably left him fearing the worst.”  


***

Sam sat back down on the couch, surveying the living room. It had taken some effort to get the room looking normal again and he was unreasonably proud of a job well done. Despite everything, the room maintained the lingering smell of coffee, but Sam had dug out some candles and decided to pretend they were scented. Johannes was on his recliner, an open book over his face as he lay, if not asleep, then incredibly still. Sam decided it was probably time to call back Chris.  
Chris answered his phone, “Finally, you’ve been giving me high blood pressure.”  
“Hey man, sorry for the wait, the house was in need of some love and the situation here was fine, so you needn’t worry,” Sam began, “Were you able to get through th—— Fuck! I forgot to put the phone back on the hook,” Sam interrupted himself, “Sorry - sorry. Have you read the post?”  
“Nope, I’ve been at practice for the last two hours,” Coach admitted, “I’m just sitting here with the boys waiting to get picked up,” there was a distant chorus of protests in the background, “Okay boys and _a_  girl.”  
“Students?” Sam wondered, looking over at Johannes.  
Coach laughed, “I don’t exactly pick up stray kids off the street.”  
“Can they hear me?” Sam had to ask, “Because what I am about to tell isn’t something he wants just _anyone_  knowing, especially students.”  
“Fair enough,” Chris grunted, “Okay I’m a safe distance. Hey Alex! Leave your sister alone, she’s like ten years old!” Coach yelled at one of the boys to behave, “That doesn’t mean punch your brother, Gracie!” he paused, “Okay, continue.”  
“So,” Sam found himself not really knowing where to begin, “You know how _I’m_ gay? Well, Johannes is _also_ gay. We were never ‘drinking buddies’, we were dating, uh well, are dating. That’s what this _whole_ thing has been about.”  
“Why couldn’t he just _tell_  me that? We lived together for god’s sake. Oh my god, is that what all the late night driving was about?” Chris wondered, his feelings clearly having been hurt from being left out of the loop for so long.  
“You had to have at least suspected, right?” Sam watched Johannes carefully.  
“I don’t know? He’s _European_ , how was I supposed to tell?” Chris whispered the word European like it wasn’t for the ears of innocent children.  
Sam laughed, “The teacher’s lounge though, surely?”  
Chris made a frustrated noise, “Honestly? Yeah that was kinda… out there, but I don’t understand why he’s angry at _me_. I was too busy wondering what it was I was _supposed_  to have done.”  
“I agree,” Sam admitted, “You absolutely deserve an apology for that.”  
“Thank you, Sam. At least _you’re_  a good friend,” Sam could hear Chris roll his eyes on the other side of the phone.  
“I don’t think the problem is that any one’s been a bad friend,” Sam was careful to phrase his words to not come across as too accusatory, “It’s just a difficult situation.”  
“Gracie get off the road!” Coach yelled, “Yes there’s no traffic _now_  but there will be! Thank you!” he sighed, “So what? Is it serious? Are… _you_ serious?”  
“Yeah I’m serious. Had a minor freak out in the beginning and nearly ruined everything, but I’m all good now,” Sam laughed.  
“Oh? Is that the fight where you went missing and we found you in the park?” Chris wondered.  
“You know that thing where you’re falling for someone and you’re pretty sure they’re falling for you and you freak out because you’re not good enough for them and they deserve better?” Sam shrugged even though he was on the phone, “And then you end up trying to drive them away because it seems like the best solution at the time? Yeah, it was like that.”  
“So you were _both_ lying,” Chris gasped, “How did you resolve it?”  
“We went on a break,” Sam glanced over at Johannes, almost positive he was eavesdropping, “For a while there we really _were_  just friends, but that didn’t last forever.”  
“So when did you get back together again?” Chris asked.  
“January the thirteenth, it was a Saturday,” Sam sighed wistfully, “I was doing laundry. He smelled of chlorine.”  
Johannes cleared his throat loudly, clearly expressing his disapproval of Sam sharing that detail.  
“Gracie don’t touch i—— Gracie! It’s already dead, leave it alone!” Coach yelled, “Oh wow, that must be like, what? Six months?”  
“Yeah, around that. Definitely a good call there, gave us enough time for the dust to settle and all that,” Sam smirked, tempted to throw the phone at a ‘napping’ Johannes, “Ich habe Chris am Telefon.”  
[ _Translation from German: I have Chris on the phone._ ]  
“What?” Chris asked, “Is he there? Let me speak to the jerkface.”  
Johannes took the book from his face and made a beckoning gesture with his hands, “I better get this over and done with,” he groaned.  
“He says he’ll speak with you,” Sam replied, handing over the phone.  
Johannes sighed, “Ja, fine. I’m here. Are you _happy_ now?,” he wriggled around to get more comfortable, “Look I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk, ja? We are friends,” he rolled his eyes, “What was I _supposed_ to say, Christopher? Do you have any id——” he scowled, “I’m _not_ a robot! I’m a human! I’m human!”  
Sam could only hear half of the conversation but it didn’t take much of an imagination to figure out what Chris was saying. He watched Johannes carefully, feeling the anger and frustration radiating off him like a bad smell.  
Johannes’s face blanched, “My father died, ja? He had a stroke and he died,” he stood and began anxiously pacing the floor, “No! You don’t understand. He wasn’t like _your_ father. We don’t _all_ get perfect childhoods with perfect parents, playing catch and eating hot dogs! _Ja_ , I did, for all the good _that_ did!” he spat bitterly, “ _Because_ you won’t understand! It’s so _easy_ for you and you don’t even know it! Of _course_ , I’m jealous of you! Nobody cares you’re dyslexic! You’re good with people! After your divorce you found someone else by accident! Accident!” Johannes gestured wildly with his spare hand, “Oh please! Two years is nothing! I broke up with my _last_ boyfriend in the late nineties! The _nineties_ , Christopher!” he grimaced, “I _know_ they weren’t! I really _am_ that useless! I was working, Christopher! I know that!”  
Sam got the impression that Johannes had never before mentioned any of those things out loud in his friendship with Chris. It was probably healthy to get it all out in the open but Sam was still concerned it was going to turn ugly.  
“Yes of course I’m serious! I wouldn’t have wasted my time with the facebook if I wasn’t! Of course I do!” Johannes snapped, “I try and keep Saturdays free! What? Okay fine! We’d be delighted, thank you! Yes, goodbye! I’ll see you then!” he yelled angrily, his tone not matching the words. He hung up like a man who sorely missed the luxury of furiously slamming a rotary phone into the receiver, “So we’re going on a double-date next Saturday,” he said matter-of-factly, his anger having deflated.  
“I’m sorry, what?” Sam blinked, “Where did that come from?”  
“He says I’ve been working too hard and if I don’t schedule more human time I’ll turn into an unemployed robot,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “He’s right, of course.”  
“So you’ll do it? You’ll schedule more human time?” Sam asked, “You’ll go to bed before midnight and switch to decafe?”  
Johannes scowled, “I don’t like all this being nagged at.”  
“So what? You expect me to just _watch_ as you work yourself into an early grave?” Sam asked, he voice breaking at the end, “Why do humans think flesh is weakness?”  
Johannes sighed deeply and took a seat next to Sam, “I don’t know, it’s a big problem we have as a species.”  
“It troubles me,” Sam replied sadly, “I don’t like to see you suffer. It frightens me.”  
Johannes put his hand on Sam’s arm, “I’ve made today all about me, haven’t I?”  
“You did something big today, it _should_ be all about you,” Sam smiled.  
“That doesn’t change what happened,” Johannes brushed a loose strand of hair from Sam’s face, “How _are_ you?”  
Sam frowned, “I’m tired.”  
“But you slept for days?” Johannes pulled Sam into a hug, “You scared the hell out of me. You wouldn’t wake up.”  
Sam nestled into his neck, closing his eyes and letting Johannes’s soul lick around him, “I needed rest.”  
“I’m really sorry for everything,” Johannes squeezed him tight, “I promise I’ll buy you a thousand zip-up boots.”  
  
  
****

* * *

**_**Saturday, March 30**_**  
  
Sam mingled around the shoe store not entirely satisfied with the selection on offer. Although he entirely understood Johannes’s reasons for wanting him to have newer, more accessible boots, Sam was still mad at him for ‘accidentally’ getting them mixed up in the old lost and found collection that had been donated to charity. It had taken him years to save up for those boots. It was a big deal because previously he would have just stolen them. They meant a lot to him. Johannes was standing by the window display, bored of his mind and waiting for Sam to just make a decision. Frustrated he turned the sales assistant who had just finished helping a younger mother find the correct shoe size for her daughter.  
“Hi, uh I’m looking for knee high black lace up boots _but_ with a zip on the side so they can be taken off quickly in an emergency?” Sam waved his hand to catch the assistants attention.  
The assistant turned to him and beamed, “Certainly sir— oh my god, it’s you,” the man’s expression turned to horror as he realised who had asked the question.  
Sam squinted at the man, “I’m sorry do I know you?” realisation dawned on him, “Oh! Lady my guy, how have you been? I’m so sorry I didn’t recognise you with that hair.”  
The man chuckled awkwardly, “Please, for the love of god, call me Oliver. My name is Oliver. I am wearing a name tag that says Oliver,” he hissed under his breath so the other customers wouldn’t hear, “But I’m fine. I’ve been fine.”  
“Sorry, Oliver. But you heard what I said about the boots right? Black, size eight?” Sam asked impatiently.  
Oliver sighed, “Yeah, I heard you. Same as before but less of a bitch to get on or off,” he paused to think for a second, “I think I have a couple pairs that are kind of similar, but nothing exactly,” he ran off into the back room and came back carrying a three large boxes, “Okay, so only one of these are men’s but you clearly aren’t the type to care about what the target demographic is.”  
Sam took the top box and opened, “Honestly I prefer the feet part of men’s but the lady’s give me a better shape in the calf, so it’s a compromise either way.”  
Oliver made a sharp hissing noise and spun around so his back faced the window display, “Eugh, this is the worst.”  
“What?” Sam asked slipping on a boot and trying to decide if he liked the fit, “I don’t think they’re _that_ bad?”  
“No!” Oliver hissed under his breath, “Don’t look but I think that dude looking at those sandals by the window is my old Spanish teacher.”  
Sam could barely contain his amusement, “Oh really? Was he a _good_ teacher?”  
Oliver groaned, “He was a total hardass and never gave me anything over a C+. I only _took_ the class because I had a crush on him,” he hissed desperately trying not to be heard.  
Sam tried on another boot, “So?” he asked, disapproving of the sole but liking the studs.  
“I mean,” Oliver grimaced, “It’s weird seeing your teachers being like… humans and stuff. Even when you’re a proper grown adult.”  
“Is it?” Sam wondered, fighting to get his foot into the third option, “You don’t think it’s weird to have a crush on someone you struggle to think of as human?”  
“Hey! Don’t call me out,” Oliver laughed, “I’m sure he’s just like a regular guy, with a regular wife and kids now, but you never _truly_ get over the power dynamic, you know?” he added in a low tone.  
Sam examined the boots and sighed, “I suppose these are the best overall, but I like the studs in the second pair.”  
“Why limit yourself to one?” Oliver asked encouragingly, “I’m sure you can fit _one_ extra pair into your budget.”  
“Hmm,” Sam mused thoughtfully, “I’m not sure. It’s not _my_ budget I’m breaking here,” he turned to Johannes who had moved on to frown disapprovingly at red stiletto heels, “I know you said a thousand but what about two?”  
Johannes turned around, his face skewed from thinking critically, “What’s the total?”  
“Um… I…? Uh, you know what, I just need to… check something in the back room for a second, I’ll be right with you,” Oliver stammered before dashing off to the back room, closing the door behind him. There was a muffled suppressed yell, barely audible but still very much there.  
“What’s his problem?” Johannes asked, a little taken aback.  
“We hooked up this one time a couple years ago,” Sam shrugged, “Also he recognised you from school. He’s just… having a moment right now.”  
Johannes nodded understandingly, “Ah, yes that happens sometimes. We don’t live in the largest of towns.”  
“So you’re _not_ weirded out that he just tagged us as being a couple?” Sam wondered, removing the boot still on his foot.  
“Ah, I see. That explains it,” Johannes grimaced, “I couldn’t catch what you were whispering about.”  
“Oliver was saying he took your class because he had a massive crush on you, but it sucked because you were a hardarse and expected him to learn Spanish,” Sam laughed, “Don’t tell him I said that though.”  
“Oh! _That_ Oliver,” Johannes laughed, “Teenagers are never as subtle as they think.”  
Oliver dashed back to his spot and smiled apologetically, “Sorry about that, won’t happen again. What was the question? Oh, wait don’t tell me I remember,” he squinted at the boxes stacked up on the floor, “The total comes to roughly $630, give or take a couple dollars.”  
“I’m sorry, they cost _how_ much?” Johannes asked in shock.  
“The boots you threw out cost me $875, _not_ including the travel cost to get to and from Los Angeles,” Sam replied bitterly.  
Johannes blanched, “In that case, I think I can fit $630 into our budget. Also, bitte verzeih mir, ich liebe dich… und ich mach das nie wieder,” he insisted sheepishly.  
[ _Translation from German: … forgive me, I love you… and I won’t do it again._ ]  
Sam laughed, “Okay - okay, ich nehme deine Entschuldigung an, Honigbär, they were worn out anyway.”  
[ _Translation from German: I accept your apology, honey bear…_ ]  
Oliver waited for the two men to stop talking, “Here let me box these up and walk you to the counter. Are either of you a club member?”  
“No,” Sam and Johannes chorused.  
“Would you like to be? It entitles you to an exclusive discount and newsletter? Sign up would only take a couple minutes?” Oliver asked.  
“We’re fine, it’s fine,” Sam insisted.  
“Sorry, we’re supposed to ask that. Now the total will be $636.99, how will you be paying? Oh card? Of course,” Oliver whipped out the machine and laughed sheepishly, “I hope you’ve been having a good day?”  
“We’re going on a date tonight,” Johannes smirked wickedly as he swiped his card.  
“Oh - ooh that’s… nice,” Oliver stammered awkwardly, “Sorry, that sounded rude. I’m pleased. Good for you.”  
“So what about Lady Shadows, is she making an appearance tonight?” Sam asked, “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make any shows recently.”  
Oliver looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, “Yes… I’ll be performing tonight. You’re welcome to attend, if you have time.”  
Johannes looked quizzical, “Show?”  
“Ah yeah well, fuck it,” Oliver coughed, “I’m sorry Señor Uhl. I’m _shit_ at Spanish, work as a sales assistant at Shoes Shoes Shoes, I _still_ live with my parents, can’t keep a boyfriend, and do drag on weekends as Lady Shadows, the sarcastic emo college student,” he blurted out, clearly deciding if he was to be buried alive he may as well be the one holding the shovel, “You must be so proud right?”  
Johannes carefully put the card back into his wallet, “So you think having a job, parents who still talk to you, the occasional boyfriend, and a fun, creative hobby is a _bad_ thing?”  
Oliver made a complicated expression, “There’s no good way for me to answer that.”  
“The question was rhetorical,” Johannes shrugged, “But I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. It _is_ a pity about the Spanish though.”  
“Ah, now that’s what I expected you to say,” Oliver pouted, “Either that or a joke about Lady Shadows.”  
Johannes gestured at the bag containing the boots with a puzzled expression, “Why?”  
Oliver shrugged, “I have anxiety, as is traditional for my people.”  
“I don’t understand what you mean?” Johannes frowned.  
“Because I’m a millennial,” Oliver explained.  
“Ah, of course,” Johannes nodded, “I don’t want to keep you while you’re working. But good luck tonight.”  
“Good luck on your date Señ—— actually, what’s your real name?” Oliver asked, holding out the large bag containing the two boot boxes.  
Johannes squinted, “See this is why I couldn’t grade you higher,” he sighed, “My _first_ name is Johannes.”  
Oliver handed Sam the bags, “Good luck on your date Johannes and uh… fuck, uh Sam, it was Sam,” he left the counter, walked back into the back room and turned to whomever was in there, “Hi Kiki! I’m just going to go on my break now, I need to… lie down.”  
“Oh dear, I think we broke him,” Sam laughed as they left the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah, I remember writing my own facebook post like it was yesterday, it was a terrifying, heartwarming day.


	19. Steak and Cacti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Johannes go on a double date with Chris and Cynthia.

**_**Saturday, March 30**_**  
  
The steakhouse was fairly crowded by the time Sam and Johannes had gotten there. They had apparently arrived early, and waited at the booth feeling slightly intimidated by the aggressive Americaness of it all. They had sat next to each other, rather than across, because neither particularly wanted to be trapped next to the other couple if they needed to get out in a hurry.  
“Are you still nervous?” Sam asked, sipping the complementary water with polite concern.  
Johannes grunted, “Cynthia will ask _questions_ , I just know she will.”  
“Yeah, she probably will,” Sam sighed, “Don’t worry though, I’ll change the subject if she gets too nosy. And if I don’t pick up that she’s making you uncomfortable, just say a safe word and I’ll get right on it.”  
“A safe word?” Johannes asked, brow raised.  
“A code word? I don’t know, what about ‘Traum’, does that work for you?” Sam shrugged.  
“I thought our safe word was ‘Those boots cost $875?” Johannes laughed.  
Sam smiled at him smugly, “You’re _never_ going to live that down, Honigbär.”  
“I am… aware of this,” Johannes pouted, “Oh my god he’s wearing the hat, see what did I tell you?”  
Sam looked and realised that Chris was in fact wearing a terracotta cowboy hat, with complementary cowboy boots, plaid shirt and jeans, “I’ve never been more charmed,” he smiled, waving them over.  
“How _are_ you both?” Cynthia grinned, taking her seat across from Johannes, “I haven’t gotten you together since the barbecue.”  
Chris slid in across from Sam and rolled his eyes, “Consider yourself lucky with _that_ one,” he said, waving a hand at Johannes.  
Johannes rolled his eyes and turned to Cynthia, “You know how it is, Cynthia,” he shrugged, “I don’t want to complain.”  
“A lot has happened since the barbecue,” Sam nodded sagely, overlooking the menu carefully even though he and Johannes had already made their decisions five minutes earlier.  
Johannes sighed, “Ja - ja, en verdad ha.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: It really has._ ]  
“I have a question,” Cynthia said looking over the menu, a wicked twinkle in her eyes, “It was that app, wasn’t it? The one Sam was teasing Adam and Emre with at the barbecue?”  
“Yeah, so what?” Johannes frowned.  
“I knew it!” Cynthia grinned triumphant, “Honestly, I should’ve realized the moment we met. Do you remember?” she asked Johannes, “Chris had invited me over to your place for dinner and I had gotten sauce down my blouse? I was in your bathroom trying to get the stain out of my bra? Only you didn’t know I was there because you had been in your office, and you walked in on me without a shirt on, and you looked me dead in the eye and said ‘try salt and baking soda’ and then walked away like you had better things to do. I’ve never known a man less taken by the girls in my life, didn’t even blush,” she laughed, holding ‘the girls’ in her hands like they had failed her.  
“What?” Chris asked, absolutely horrified, “You never told me that! Why did neither of you tell me that?”  
Johannes grimaced, “I have no memory of this,” he paused, “Although, that _does_ sound like me.”  
“Did you get the stain out though?” Sam asked, concerned about her brassiere.  
Cynthia sighed, “No, it was never the same again. It was the good one too, I was utterly heart broken.”  
“I can’t believe that’s how you _met_ ,” Chris groaned, “I just assumed you had staged the whole thing so you had an excuse to… uh, you know?”  
“Oh _now_ I remember,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “I heard you two head off to your bedroom and I panicked and took Susannah for a spin.”  
“He was only loaning me a shirt,” Cynthia laughed, “There wasn’t going to be any hanky _or_ panky on that bed.”  
“It doesn’t matter,” Johannes shrugged, “I drove up to the lookout and spoke to Sam for hours,” he turned to look at Sam, face brightening as he evidently realising they had been so very close to meeting that day.  
“Aw, how _romantic_ ,” Cynthia cooed, “I can just picture you up there, looking at the townscape below, whispering sweet nothings—”  
“Please don’t,” Johannes frowned, “First of all, it was on the app. Secondly, we were having a platonic discussion about what food we liked.”  
“You spoil all my fun,” Cynthia pouted.

***

The four of them sat eating their dinners. Johannes had strong-armed Sam into agreeing to a medium-rare steak with a salad side because it had seemed a waste to go to a restaurant to buy something he could’ve just made at home. Sam was only able to get halfway through the steak before he regretted the decision, there was no way he was going to be able to fit the whole thing in. He passed the time by seeing how close he could get his hand near Johannes’s thigh before anyone noticed what he was doing. Johannes shot him a disapproving glare.  
“So what did you two get up to today?” Cynthia asked between bites of her delicious looking warm salad, “Chris was with the kids today so I went out with the girls for a bit.”  
“Johannes bought me some replacement boots,” Sam smirked to himself, “Because he threw out my good ones.”  
“For the last time, it was an accident,” Johannes insisted, “And they weren’t good, they were expensive.”  
“I got ten years of continual use of them, that doesn’t count for nothing,” Sam pouted, “But I forgive you, you couldn’t have known how much I paid.”  
Johannes flashed Sam a salty smile, “Oh, that reminds me,” Johannes turned to Chris, “Do you remember one of our old students, Oliver Notaro? I saw him today. He’s doing well.”  
Chris rolled his eyes, “You can’t expect me to remember every student, Uhl.”  
“No, you must remember this one. About ten years ago, always getting dress code violations for wearing nail polish and dressing like Sam only… girlier?” Johannes gestured at Sam helpfully.  
“Oh _that_ Oliver,” Chris laughed, “We had to go to _so_ many meetings. Poor kid. What’s he doing with himself?”  
“He’s a sales assistant at Shoes Shoes Shoes and does drag shows on the weekend,” Johannes nodded in thinly veiled approval, “He’s probably on stage right now.”  
“Oh I love Ru Paul! What kind of drag show?” Cynthia beamed excitedly.  
“Oh you know, some singing, some dancing, that kind of thing,” Sam shrugged.   
“Oh wow,” Chris made a face, “Can’t say I’m surprised.”  
“I told him Sam and I had a date tonight,” Johannes said as matter-of-factly as he could manage.  
“He wished us good luck, but then he had to go lie down,” Sam laughed, “He had a crush on Johannes as a teen, and he’s been on stage with me, I guess it was all a bit much.”  
Chris groaned, “Sounds awkward.”  
Johannes grimaced, “Not as awkward as trying to teach him, but still, the first student I’ve told,” he paused, “Wait, the first student I’ve told _willingly_.”  
“Willingly?” Chris squinted, “What do you mean willingly?”  
“Steve and Eli caught us on our second date,” Johannes scowled, “Kissing.”  
“ _Our_ Steve?” Cynthia asked in disbelief, “How did that happen?”  
Sam and Johannes shared a look, “We were at the lookout eating the worst fries in town, it was just a little sweet nothings moment. We hadn’t realised there were witnesses,” Sam shrugged.  
“He didn’t _say_ anything,” Chris frowned.   
“We asked him not to,” Sam explained.  
“I can’t believe Steve found out before I did,” Chris groaned.   

***

 _~ The rain beat down on the roof of the truck like ominous drums. It was dark, very nearly nightfall, Johannes had picked Sam up late and they were on their way to a date. Sam’s blood was cold in his veins and he could not shake the feeling of icy, rattling dread. Someone was following them. No. It was no person. It was barely a monster. Sam urged Johannes to take them away from people, obediently he did so. He drove them to a spot outside of town, stopping at a figure walking passed them. It turned to them, barely a monster, crossing the road. They were frozen in fear, the wrongness that radiated from its flesh was blatant, even to a human. It encircled the truck, a long, languorous gait, and smashed through the drivers side window, pulling Johannes out with ease. Sam let go of his body and rushed to the thrall, refusing to let himself process the horror and disgust in what he was seeing. The creature turned to him, pulling him, it’s magic twisting, the wrongness bleeding. Sam was going to kill it. He was going to tear it limb from limb and devour its flesh. He was going to find its creator and do the same to them. Baktraga had had enough. ~_

Daggers split his skull and his lungs burned with a thousand flames, he gasped for air. He couldn’t remember where he was, who he was, or even what he was. He blinked, hoping for sight, but was met with nothing but a bleary grey blob of dim lights. His breath was shallow, still gasping, he held a hand to his chest and felt how fast his heart was beating. His leg was freezing. He tried to speak but he couldn’t remember which language he was supposed to be using, he knew so many, but they lay jumbled and grey in his mind.  
Someone shook him gently by the shoulder, “Sam? Sam?”  
If his name was Sam, or if that was merely a word, he didn’t know, “Sam?” he repeated.  
“Is he okay?” another person asked, “Should I get napkins?”  
He recognised the English, if not the speaker, “Where am I?” he asked feebly, “Am I Sam?”  
“It’s okay, you’re safe Sam,” the first voice said reassuringly.  
Sam blinked a couple times and was relieved to find the grey blobs formed into shapes and colours and people and faces, “Who… uh?” the man nearest him, blond with a worried expression, met his eyes and Sam melted, “Johannes,” he sighed, “I’m okay, it’s okay.”  
Johannes nodded reassuringly, “It’s okay.”  
Sam turned to Cynthia who was looking at them both with hearts in her eyes, “Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“You’re just so sweet together!” Cynthia cooed, clasping her hands together like she wanted to squeeze them both in a gigantic hug.  
Sam decided he was going to ignore the audience, “Wasn’t I… drinking?” he wondered to himself.  
“Uh yeah, you dropped your glass. It didn’t break but now there’s a puddle of ice water,” Johannes shrugged awkwardly, “Chris went to get napkins.”  
Sam patted his leg and realised why it had been so cold, “Of course I did,” he groaned.  
“These things happen,” Johannes shrugged.  
Sam held his face in his hand, his head was on fire and wanted dearly to at least rest his head on Johannes’s shoulder but he didn’t want to make him more self-conscious than he already was, “I think, uh, I think I’ll go wash my face, maybe clear my head.”  
“Yes dear, you go do that,” Cynthia replied sympathetically.  
  
Sam stood at the counter of the men’s restroom and wet his face with the water at the basin. He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He looked like shit, his skin was grey and washed out, his eyes were red, and there was an enormous wet patch on his leg that would have been much more embarrassing had it been not centred around his knee. He tried to ground himself in the moment. Country music was playing overhead, it was the sappy kind that was hard to hate but had a hollow, surrealist quality when heard in the background. It was a Spartan restroom, nothing more than a wheelchair accessible cubicle, two urinals, two sinks at the counter with a single large mirror, and against all odds… an orange plastic chair in the corner decorated with hundreds of miniature cacti and succulents on the seat and the tiles beneath. Sam turned around to give it his full attention, pondering who would have put them there and what could have possessed them to do so. There was something about it. It almost looked like a tiny garden, complete with a tiny garden path. He closed his eyes, a thought having occurred to him. He tried to focus on the energies in the room, there was himself, someone standing very close to the door on the other side, and… several smaller lifeforms in the ventilation shaft hidden under the chair.  
“Uh, I love your garden. May I take a photo?” Sam asked politely, “It’s okay. I know what you are and woodland spirits such as myself have no problems with your kin.”  
There was a gentle scurrying and a tiny pale hand emerged from the grate under the chair and made a thumbs up. Sam quickly whipped out his phone and took a photo, putting it back in his pocket in case someone came in and completely misunderstood what Sam was doing. He decided to send Johannes a message, and so pulled it out again. This was weird enough he wanted him to see, but couldn’t count on the man’s bladder to lead him to it.

» Sam: Made some friends in the bathroom. Do you want to see them? «  
» Johannes: :bear side eye: «  
» Johannes: You’re absolutely shameless, Sam. :face palm: «  
» Sam: No seriously. They’re not so much :kitty heart eyes: :bear heart eyes: or :muscle abs: :eggplant: :lick: as :old man: :cactus: :ant: «  
  
The door swung open with Johannes looking very annoyed, still holding his phone in one hand, “Old cactus ant, Sam? Old cactus ant?”  
Sam gestured dramatically to the plastic chair, “Do you like it? It’s a tiny garden.”  
“What?” Johannes asked, completely and utterly mystified, “This isn’t… normal. Why is there a tiny garden where people come to pee?”  
“I don’t know, maybe they’re weird that way?” Sam shrugged, “I can ask if you like?”  
“What?” Johannes asked again, “Ask who exactly?”  
Sam walked closer to the tiny garden and sat on the ground next to it, “So, Johannes, my partner… you understand ‘partner’ don’t you? Well, he wants to know if you get off on watching humans tinkle?”  
A tiny bearded face peered from behind the grate, and scowled, stammering angrily in a language Sam didn’t dare to learn.  
Johannes crouched down in front of Sam, “Mein Gott, ich glaube es nicht. Genau wie im Märchen. Kobolde wahr sind!” he paused, squinting at the tiny gnome, “What’s he saying?”  
[ _Translation from German: Oh my god, I don’t believe it. Just like in the fairytales. Kobolds are real!_ ]  
Sam rolled his eyes, “He says they don’t get off on tinkle, they’re here to raid the kitchens at night. The men’s room just happens to be the area with the least traffic during the day.”  
“Seems right,” Johannes nodded, “Are they dangerous?”  
“Not unless you piss them off,” Sam shrugged, “I recommend you _don’t_ piss them off.”  
Sam stood up and walked over to the counter, turning his back to the mirror, “How do you think our date is going, huh?”  
Johannes walked over to Sam and lifted him onto the counter, “Ich fühle mich sehr unbehaglich, can you tell?” he smirked.  
[ _Translation from German: I’m very uncomfortable…_ ]  
“Yeah, I can,” Sam admitted, “And I know why, you don’t need to explain yourself.”  
Johannes grimaced, “Good, because it’s embarrassing.”  
“ _You’re_ embarrassed?” Sam chuckled, “ _You’re_ not the one who forgot where he was, and what his name was, or who all these people are. And _you_ certainly didn’t spill water everywhere in the process.”  
Johannes frowned, “Aw, do you forget who we are? Is that why you always say my name like that?”  
Sam smiled to himself, “You always do something, or say something, and it all comes flooding back.”  
“What do I do?” Johannes asked, concern clouding his tone.  
“A touch, a look, a word,” Sam snatched a look at the door to ensure they were alone, other than the gnomes who presumably had better things to do, “A kiss,” he kissed Johannes lightly.  
“Good to know,” Johannes smiled smugly, “I’m glad I can be helpful.”  
“I know you’re uncomfortable with people watching, but we’re alone right now,” Sam grinned suggestively.  
“Do you think I’d be talking to you like this if people were?” Johannes laughed.  
Sam wrapped his legs around Johannes’s waist and pulled him closer, “I like the you that’s only for my eyes,” he purred, kissing him on the mouth.  
There was the sound of the door opening and a quiet, “Yep - nope,” from Chris and he left the restroom as suddenly as he entered.  
Johannes took a pronounced step back from Sam, who in turn jumped from the counter and fussed about with his arms awkwardly, “Again?” Johannes despaired.  
“Maybe we should cool it and head for dessert, huh?” Sam chuckled sheepishly.  
“I’d rather have you for dessert,” Johannes smirked.  
Sam grinned at him cheekily, “Someone’s getting bold, huh? English and everything.”

The two men shouldered their way passed a blushing Chris, and headed back to their seats. Cynthia was sitting by herself, giggling over an obscenely bright cocktail of many colours. Sam and Johannes made a silent pact to play it cool and act like nothing happened in the restroom.  
“So what happened in the restroom, huh?” Cynthia winked drunkenly.  
“Nothing,” Sam and Johannes replied in unison, unable to stop blushing.  
“Oh come on, we’re all adults here,” Cynthia pouted, “We’re all men and women of the world.”  
“Nothing happened, Cynthia,” Sam insisted, pulling out his phone, “Look, _this_ is what happened,” he showed her the photograph of the toilet garden.  
Cynthia frowned, “That’s weird but it doesn’t _prove_ anything. But the way Chris left like that and stood there like he’d seen something, and the way you two are blushing—”  
“Traum - Traum,” Johannes coughed under his breath desperately.  
Before Sam had a chance to think of how to change the subject Chris made his way back from the restroom and settled in his spot next to Cynthia, avoiding eye contact with all three of them. They sat in silence as the waiting staff delivered their desserts. Sam ate his vanilla ice cream feeling very self-conscious. Between her bites of chocolate cake Cynthia was looking at Sam and Johannes like she had broken an impossible code. Chris was shovelling his sundae into his mouth like it was his life’s mission, still avoiding eye contact and using the brim of his cowboy hat like a shield. Johannes himself hadn’t wanted dessert so he was sitting awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands under the table.  
Cynthia was the first to finish and flashed Sam a knowing smirk, “So I’ve been wondering... I mean, I know _some_ things. Enough to be curious, at least.”  
“What?” Sam asked cynically, just waiting for her to say the words he knew was coming.  
“It’s just, well you’re very uh, flamboyant aren’t you Sam?” Cynthia asked, at least having the smallest semblance of grace to know to not be blunt, “And Johannes isn’t the most… _feminine_.”  
“What’s your point?” Sam asked, his plan and back up plan already firmly set in his mind.  
“But your dynamic is curious to me,” Cynthia waved her tiny fork in a drunkenly accusative manner, ignoring Chris hissing at her to shut up, “I mean, I never noticed it before but he’s actually pretty shy, isn’t he?”  
Sam flashed Johannes a look, he was clearly blushing from thinly veiled indignation, and they shared a silent agreement that things had gone well beyond a ‘Traum’ situation, “Keine Sorge, ich mach das schon,” Sam turned back to Cynthia, “You’re walking on the eggshells of very sick chickens, Cynthia,” he warned.  
[ _Translation from German: I’ve got this, don’t worry._ ]  
“See? It’s shit like that that makes me wonder,” Cynthia paused dramatically to wave her tiny fork, “Which one of you is _really_ the top?”  
Sam saw red. He held a hand in front of Johannes to let him know that he was absolutely going to deal with it on his own, and grabbed the jug of ice water from the centre of the table, splashing its entire contents over Cynthia’s head, “ _Never_ ask that question again, ma’am.”  
Cynthia burst into uncontrollable giggles, “I deserved that, I’m sorry.”  
“Yeah, you did,” Chris grunted.  
“You absolutely did,” Johannes agreed through gritted teeth, trying to hide a wicked smirk.

***

Sam stood outside the steakhouse breathing in the coolish night air. Cynthia had gone to relieve herself after several cocktails, and Chris and Johannes were still paying for their share. It had definitely been a very human kind of day. The tiny succulent garden had come as something of a relief, a reminder that there was more to the world than the narrow rules humanity placed upon it. Chris caught sight of him and came walking over.  
“Hey, I was asking a waiter about the cactuses… cacti, cactuses?” Chris began, getting slightly caught up on the correct plural term, “You’ll never guess what he said.”  
“I don’t expect so,” Sam shrugged, “Such a curious thing to find in a restroom of all places.”  
“Well, get this, he said it was ‘Weirdo Waldo, the Steakhouse Ghost’ who puts them there,” Chris laughed, “No matter how many times they take them away, they’re right back where they started in the morning. They just accept it now. Can you imagine?”  
“Oh boy, nobody tell the media or everyone will laugh at us again,” Sam smirked, absolutely delighted to here about Weirdo Waldo.  
Chris shuddered, “Arcadia Mania.”  
“Exactly,” Sam looked up at the night sky wistfully, “I can’t remember if I mentioned it, but I love your get up this evening. Very fun.”  
“Why?” Chris asked incredulously, “Cynthia offered to pay me a hundred bucks to change into something ‘normal’, and Steve nearly pissed himself laughing after I walked out the door.”  
“Life can be so fucking miserable,” Sam sighed, “Everyone has these weird rules they want you to follow and then punish you when you don’t, or can’t. I say if you want to break the rules, if finding a little joy in what you wear makes life slightly more bearable, then fucking go for it. Congratulations on being your own man.”  
“You don’t seem to care what people say about you,” Chris mused, “You always seem to find it funny that other people don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do… or be.”  
Sam nodded sagely, “I decided long ago that the laws of ‘normal’ don’t apply to me. I do what pleases me. People can laugh all they want but they’re only rattling their own cages.”  
“You must think about this a lot,” Chris looked at Sam with a strange expression.  
“I’ve always been an outsider looking in,” Sam admitted, “I’ve accepted I’ll never fully fit in, that people will laugh or disrespect me. This isn’t to say I don’t get my feelings hurt, because I do, but I’m not going to spend my life beating myself up for existing.”  
“About Cynthia, what she said before, I don’t think she was laughing _at_ you…,” Chris trailed off.  
“Oh I know,” Sam grimaced, “I know exactly what _that_ was. It wasn’t malicious but,” Sam sighed, “Do you want me to explain why I dumped the water over her?”  
“You really don’t have to,” Chris rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry, that was rude of her.”  
“She was saying, ‘I only understand sexuality through the lens of heteronormative gender roles, but you both don’t seem to conform to what I understand of these rules so I genuinely don’t understand how you can have a balanced relationship like me and Chris.’ If she asked that as a general question I would’ve happily explained how it works, but the second she brought Johannes and how we have sex into it—” Sam scowled and made a fist with his hand, “— that’s what pissed me off.”  
“I noticed,” Chris sighed, “I don’t think I’ve _seen_ you actually angry before.”  
“I get protective of the boundaries of others,” Sam made a fist, “Wanting to keep _personal_ things sacred isn’t that unusual.”  
“I remember when I was getting divorced, it was ugly, she wanted the house and I couldn’t bear to stay there any more,” Chris said bitterly, “I didn’t have anywhere else to go, definitely didn’t have the money for it. I _had_ thought he hated me, but then he invited me into his home when I thought I had no one to turn to. I appreciated how he never asked about her, he just treated me like everything was normal. I suppose he was just treating me how he wanted to be treated.”  
“Yeah, probably,” Sam agreed, “He did the exact same thing for me.”  
“Oh wait, they’re just coming out now,” Chris noted, “Thanks for the chat, Sam. You’re like, one of the few people who actually _listens_ to what I have to say.”  
“Likewise,” Sam nodded, “Also thanks for the invite, Chris.”

Sam watched Chris walk away and chat with Johannes for a couple minutes. They shook hands, much to Johannes’s apparent confusion and parted. Johannes made his way to Sam and they walked together to Susannah who was parked across in the parking lot around the back.  
“So what was Chris saying?” Sam asked, waiting for the doors to unlock.  
“Oh uh,” Johannes tilted his head slightly, “He thanked us for joining them, and then called me a good sport.”  
“That was nice of him,” Sam nodded.  
“He also thanked me for having a word with Cynthia about what happened,” Johannes grimaced.  
“I had a word with him as well,” Sam sighed, “I’m sorry about the water but it was best I could come up with at the time. Plus I was worried if you shouted at her someone might, you know, see a principal yelling at a PTA member, rather than a friend calling out another friend.”  
“I quite understand,” Johannes nodded sombrely but broke into a smirk, “No one’s ever been a knight in white satin for me before.”  
“Do you mean a ‘white knight,’ as related to the idiom a ‘knight in shining armour,’ perhaps?” Sam wondered.  
“No - no, there was a song, it was _definitely_ knights in white satin,” Johannes was very adamant with his interpretation of the lyrics.    
“I’m pretty sure it was ‘nights’ as in night time, as in the line is about fucking on a bed with white satin sheets, but it’s a common misinterpretation,” Sam patted him on the arm.  
“My version is more romantic,” Johannes pouted.  
“Oh I quite agree,” Sam kissed him on the cheek, “But I’m happy to be your white knight _and_ give you nights in white satin,” he paused, “Well, in our case it’s white cotton polyester blend, but you know what I mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine Arcadia is full of whimsical weirdness that the locals just have to accept even if it doesn't make a lick of sense.


	20. Cake and Kin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gift arrives in the mail and sets a new development into motion.

**_**Wednesday, April 4  
** _ **

Sam lay with his eyes closed on the carpet in the living room. He had a particularly unpleasant vision and needed to recover. In a stroke of genius he had decided to take his mind of it by allowing the kittens free range of the living room, and they had chosen to play roughly over his person. Fudge, the perfectly round ginger kitten, was gnawing at his shirt, and Liquorice was playing footsie with Sam’s toes. The little white kitten, Cheesecake, was tumbling in the general vicinity of his shoulder with her sister, Jellybean. To Sam’s great annoyance the doorbell rang and he was forced to haul himself up and answer the door. He was met with a disgruntled delivery man, who wordlessly held out a hand-held machine for Sam to sign. He did so and took the delivery, which turned out to be a package sent from France. The return address confirmed it was Lilli. He bade the delivery man fair well and put the box on the dining table, away from the kittens and their destructive teeth and claws. 

***

The stove top was sizzling and bubbling away nicely when Sam heard the tell-tale sounds of Johannes arriving home after a long day at work. He took this as his cue to drain and mash the potatoes, ready to serve alongside the pork chops and green beans he had made for dinner. He ducked his head around the counter and looked at Johannes who was reading the address on the box on the dining table.  
“Just about ready to serve, honey,” Sam sung out, “Oh and by the way, another gift from your sister came today.”  
“I can see that,” Johannes replied, picking up the box and disappearing up the stairs.  
Sam took the opportunity to plate up, and waited at the dining table for Johannes to return. He took a sip of the chilled water he had flavoured with a dash of lemon juice. It wasn’t long before Johannes was back at his seat.  
“What’s the occasion?” Sam wondered politely, “For the gift I mean.”  
Johannes frowned, “Oh I uh,” he coughed, “It’s my birthday in a couple weeks. Lilli always sends me things. I expect it’s her usual gift of sleepwear from her boutique, photographs, a long letter, and maybe some books.”  
“Oh how sweet,” Sam smiled, taking his time cutting the pork into bite-sized pieces.  
“This means I’m getting old,” Johannes groaned, he took a minute to shovel mashed potato into his mouth, and then rolled his eyes, “Aren’t you going to ask how old I am?”  
Sam smirked, “Sorry, I _assumed_ that something you were delicate about, honey.”  
“It’s not fair to tease me about being human,” Johannes pouted.  
“I wasn’t teasing,” Sam laughed, “Are you doing anything for your birthday? Ana and Naomi throw little parties where we eat cake and dance like drunk old ladies.”  
Johannes sighed, “I have to work late, so I couldn’t do anything even if I wanted to.”  
“Aw, such a pity,’ Sam tutted, taking a bite, “If you had the whole day to yourself what would you do?”  
“Hmm, let me think,” Johannes frowned, cutting into his pork, “I’d go running in the morning, buy _real_ beer and an obscenely sweet chocolate cake when I’m out, come home and put those in the refrigerator—” he paused to take a bite of his dinner, “— and take you upstairs for as long as we can manage it, eat a late lunch, open the box Lilli sent me, maybe read, have a nap, and watch a film or three with you while we eat cake for dinner and I get _tipsily_ drunk before we retire for the evening.”  
Sam grinned knowingly at Johannes, “Sounds like you have it all planned out.”  
Johannes shrugged, “It’s not like it will happen.”  
“Why not? Why can’t that be your Saturday?” Sam wondered.  
“Because…,” Johannes paused, “I uh, _could_ that be my Saturday?”  
Sam took a sip of his water as though pretending to consider it, “I don’t see why not. I’d want to bake you the cake, and I’m assuming you’d want to open Lilli’s present on the actual day. Would you actually get real beer though? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you even remotely intoxicated.”  
Johannes made a face, “I gave up _real_ beer because I’m not a very _dignified_ drunk. Nobody wants to see me act inappropriately flirty and immature,” he smirked, “Well, except you.”  
“Did you really give up drinking just because it makes you act super gay in front of people?” Sam laughed.  
“Well,” Johannes frowned, “ _That_ and other sensible reasons.”  
“I think it’d be good for you to let your hair down for once,” Sam smiled.  
Johannes nodded, taking another bite of his dinner, “I’m unsurprised to hear you say that.”  
“And I’m not just saying that so you’ll ‘take me upstairs for as long as we can manage it’, you know,” Sam winked.  
“No of course not,” Johannes tried to keep a serious face but it broke into a smirk, “I’ll share the cake with you as well.”  
“What more can you ask for on a birthday?” Sam laughed.  
“So when is _your_ birthday? Do you even have one?” Johannes wondered.  
“Well, I do have a ‘birthday’ of sorts. The 15th of July, that was when I got entangled in the Heart of Janus situation,” Sam ate a forkful of green beans knowingly.  
“Why does that date seem familiar?” Johannes chewed his lip thoughtfully, “Espera un minuto, cariño, wasn’t that when we spent that weekend together at the hotel?”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Wait a minute, darling…_ ]  
Sam grinned at Johannes cheekily, “Sí, eso es correcto. I had to reschedule the small party Ana and Naomi were throwing to the Friday morning to ensure I had the weekend free.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Yeah, that’s right._ ]  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Johannes asked.  
“I wanted the weekend to be about you, not me,” Sam admitted, “I wanted to lose myself in you, to make you shine unto me like the sun.”  
“Ah of course, why am I not surprised,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “How like you.”  
“It was a very nice birthday, I have very fond memories,” Sam smiled to himself wistfully, “And I was so glad to not be alone.”  
Johannes smiled at Sam, “I have fond memories too.”  
Sam grinned back at him, distracted for a moment, “Oh shit, I completely forgot to ask. How was your day, Honigbär?”  
“Oh? Well, it was fine I suppose,” Johannes pondered thoughtfully, “Until this afternoon, it did _not_ go as planned,” he scowled, “But I don’t want to talk about it, it was irritating but nothing serious.”  
“Did you bring any work home with you?” Sam asked politely.  
“No, I did not, there’s nothing to be done until I get the report from Arnold,” Johannes sighed, “Oh, Arnold is the dean, I doubt you’ve met him,” he explained.  
“So if you’re morning was fine and your afternoon irritating,” Sam began, “How would you like for a _delightful_ evening in?”  
Johannes met his gaze across the dining table and smiled bashfully, “Yes, please.”

 

* * *

**_**Saturday, 14 April  
**_ **

It was exactly eleven in the morning when Dorothy turned up at their door, exactly the time she had said she would. Sam was going to be sad to see the babies go, but Dorothy already had homes lined up for them and they’d be much safer away from all the local Arcadian shenanigans that made their town a risky place for a domesticated animal… or any other kind of life form.  
“Good morning, Sam,” Dorothy said as Sam opened the door, “Is Johannes in?”  
“No, he’s gone out for his morning jog, but he’ll be back soon,” Sam replied, stepping aside to let her in.  
Dorothy looked around the room, “What _does_ he have against family photos in the living room?” she laughed.  
“Honestly, I have no idea,” Sam shook his head, “Would you like a tea or coffee? I just boiled the kettle.”  
“I’d love a coffee, black, two sugars,” Dorothy nodded expectantly, taking off her shoes, “The drive here was a nightmare, there was another ‘traffic incident’ on the way. It’s a good thing I decided to leave extra early this morning.”  
Sam ducked into the kitchen to make them both a drink, “Johannes warned me about your uncanny punctuality, and when I say ‘warned’ I mean he spoke of it with nothing but admiration.”  
Dorothy laughed, “He was born with a watch on his wrist, like me.”  
“So how is Auntie going with her son and granddaughter, has she heard back from them?” Sam asked, pouring hot water into their mugs.  
“Well, she’s been love-bombing young Phoenix with so many gifts,” Dorothy laughed, “But things with Peter are… okay, I’m sure they’ll get over it eventually.”   
Sam nodded, walking to the fridge, “It’s unfortunate business but I’m glad they seem to be working towards a resolution of some kind,” he took out the milk and gave himself a dash before putting it back.  
“It _is_ unfortunate isn’t it,” Dorothy sighed, taking her coffee and heading to the living room.  
Sam followed her, noting she sat on Johannes’s recliner with the air of an all-powerful queen, and relaxed with his tea on the couch across from her, “I’m assuming you’re going well?”  
Dorothy looked at him perplexed, “Yes, of course I am. It takes a lot to take this ol’ cart-horse down,” she laughed, “And you’re well too?”  
“I’m pretty well yes, thanks,” Sam smiled.  
“And what about Johannes? I haven’t heard from him since the facebook post,” Dorothy frowned.  
“He’s fine,” Sam shrugged, “He has a birthday coming up so I’m going to bake him a cake.”  
“Good for you, that’s very sweet,” Dorothy smiled, politely sipping her coffee, she looked around the room, “You seem to be keeping the house in order. Have you noticed any wear and tear?”  
“Well, the kittens have been gnawing on the furniture, but that’s nothing _you_ should get concerned over,” Sam frowned, “I can’t think of anything that needs repaired.”  
“Good. Good to hear,” Dorothy nodded, “I’ll just peek my head around each room to make sure you haven’t missed anything, is that okay?”  
“Oh sure, go ahead,” Sam shrugged.

***

Sam helped Dorothy carry the two travel boxes of kittens to the car. They mewed helplessly, having no idea how lucky they were. Sam bade them farewell, accompanied by Missy who seemed to know they were going to a better place and was desperate to shed herself of the single mother lifestyle. Before Dorothy could leave, Johannes pulled into the driveway and got out to greet her before she left.  
“Ah, Dorothy, it’s so good to see you,” Johannes shook Dorothy’s hand, “The babies weren’t any trouble I hope?” he asked, gesturing at the boxes.  
“No,” Dorothy laughed, “They must take after their fathers.”  
Johannes shot a look at Sam, “You _did_ offer her a hot coffee, I hope?”  
“Of course I did,” Sam smirked, “I’d have offered her a biscuit and everything, but _you_ banned all snacks in the house.”  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “It’s not _my_ fault I have no self-control.”  
“Yes it——” Sam laughed, “Yes it _is_. That’s exactly what those words mean.”  
“Well, if it’s all the same to you boys, I have to be going. I have a long trip ahead of me thanks to that truck spontaneously combusting on the highway,” Dorothy sighed, “It was nice seeing you and the house again though.”  
“Oh, are you leaving already?” Johannes asked.  
Dorothy laughed, “I’m not leaving the babies alone in the car, they have homes to get to.”  
“Goodbye then Dorothy,” Sam sung out, “It was nice seeing you too.”  
“Adiós then Dorothy,” Johannes nodded curtly, watching her hop in her car and drive off, he turned to Sam, “I wish you didn’t say those things about me in front of her,” he pouted.  
“Why?” Sam asked, heading indoors.  
“It’s childish,” Johannes sulked, following Sam.  
Sam closed the door behind him and sighed, “I was only making a joke out of it after you insinuated I wouldn’t have thought to give our guest a coffee.”  
“If that was a joke, I didn’t think it was very funny,” Johannes pouted.  
Sam patted him on the arm thoughtfully, “Don’t worry about it,” his face broke into a smirk, “Let me get you a snack. Oh wait, I can’t!” he giggled.  
Johannes frowned at him mirthlessly, “Not funny Sam.”

 

* * *

**_**Friday, April 20  
** _ **

Sam trudged into town with his shopping list in tow. If he was going to make a cake he wanted it to be perfect, and perfection required practice runs. He had left mid-morning so Johannes wouldn’t realise what he was doing. It was a pleasant day, and he had to admit to himself that he missed his long walks to and from town. He made his way into the grocery store and began filling his basket, he was somewhat limited to what he could carry and how much cash he had on hand, but Sam had carefully budgeted for that very reason. After pausing for several minutes over which chocolate would work best, he checked off the last item on his list and went through the check out, paying for his ingredients. He took a quick detour to sit on a park bench to enjoy the air for a moment before leaving for home and stopped in his tracks. He was a tall man, broad shoulders, beefy by anyone’s standards, and thick dark curly hair and beard, dressed in nothing more than sweatpants, a tight white t-shirt, and sandals on his feet. But Sam could barely see them because his song sung to him like a thousand choirs. The man seemed to notice Sam in turn, and made his way to him, a knowing smile on his face.  
“Tamú a ih, mahiyic. Yir tan omai nágeroda am,” the man said, his voice a deep luxuriant purr.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I feel you, kins-brother. How discordant your song is._ ]  
Sam looked up into his warm smiling face, “Tamú a ih, mahiyic. Baktraga itad, ai danais itan.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I feel you, kins-brother. I am Baktraga and I have been broken._ ]  
“Mahemálar itad, ai gasheu itan talain Mabaktraga,” Mahemálar smiled brightly, “Gaposhi shi ai gos iles bra a.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I am Mahemálar, I came here to seek out the great Baktraga. We will join and you will share your knowledge with me._ ]  
His vision blurred and Sam realised tears were streaming down his face, “Mahemálar, èmar yisha gasur gateruaí ih?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Mahemálar, what if I curse you too?_ ]  
Mahemálar wiped the tears from Sam’s cheeks tenderly, “Mahiyic im, èmar víresu tafehe gis takrí a?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My kins-brother, why do you weep?_ ]  
“Tan omai genágeroda im, ai deis ih,” Sam admitted, “Yóri tairi ales ta tienar ih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My song is so discordant, and I am ashamed. I feel as a human unto you._ ]  
Mahemálar laughed, and pulled Sam in for a tight embrace, “Yóri atan nátienar, yóri itan Baktragan náloxi, ín deis omai am.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Little Baktraga is as human as I, do not be ashamed of your song._ ]  
Sam remembered where he was and what he was doing, “Taleux takashe mañialata ih saye. Tiar tatogeu korix ahis ih,” Sam took a step back and fumbled for his phone.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I need to tell my lover about you. I want to take you home with me._ ]  
“Ic, tataha. Èmar yir otan mañialata am?” Mahemálar wondered.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Oh, (I) see. Who is your lover?_ ]  
“Otan ta tienar,” Sam replied, ordinarily Sam would text, but it was a matter of urgency considering he had perishables in his bag, “Hello? Johannes?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: He is a human._ ]  
“Is everything okay, you don’t normally ring?” Johannes replied, a minor hint of concern his otherwise conversational tone.  
“Yeah, everything is fine, but,” a thought occurred to Sam, “I’m not on speakerphone right now am I?”  
Johannes laughed, “Are you kidding, and risk Chandra hearing the _filth_ you say to me?”  
“Oh good, okay so I went into town to buy some things, right?” Sam breathed a sigh of relief, “Well, I ran into another one of my kin. His name is Mahemálar. May I please take him home with me?”  
“Ah,” Johannes replied, followed by a long silence on the other end of the line, “Ich _vermute_ , du willst mit ihm schlafen?”  
[ _Translation from German: I suppose you want to sleep with him?_ ]  
“I mean, he wants to join with me, he hasn’t mentioned _that_ , but it may very well be a thing we both want to happen,” Sam admitted.  
“Vertraust du ihm?” Johannes wondered.  
[ _Translation from German: Do you trust him?_ ]  
“Of course I do, Honigbär,” Sam scoffed, “He’s standing right here if you want to talk to him?”  
“What? No, I don’t have the time,” Johannes sighed deeply on the other end, “Okay - okay, aber nicht auf meinem Bett. We can discuss the details when I get home tonight.”  
[ _Translation from German: … but not on my bed._ ]  
“Okay, danke, ich liebe dich über alles, mein Honigbär,” Sam cooed.  
[ _Translation from German: Thank you, I love you more than anything, my honey bear._ ]  
“Ich liebe dich auch, Sam,” Johannes replied bashfully, despite Chandra not knowing German, “Viel Spaß mit deinem neuen Freund,” he hung up.  
[ _Translation from German: I love you too, Sam. Have fun with your new (boy)friend._ ]  
Sam looked up at Mahemálar who had been watching him with amusement, “Yisha tevíc iles korix a, Mahemálar. Sár, tan taleux ò”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: You may come home with me, Mahemálar. He says it’s okay._ ] 

***

Sam sat on his knees in the kitchen, putting the ingredients away in the fridge and pantry, with a bemused Mahemálar watching him from behind. He turned to face his kins-brother, still on his knees on the kitchen tiles. He was so tall, and shone so brightly, Sam wondered if he had ever personally shone like that. Mahemálar noticed him looking and squatted down in front of him, their faces touched and Sam found himself staring into his bright hazel eyes, rimmed with the thickest blackest lashes Sam had ever seen. Without thinking, Sam cupped the sides of his face within his hands and kissed him tenderly. Mahemálar smiled like a love sick puppy.  
“Èmar yir gashil timyer áishira ales ih?” Mahemálar asked, his voice barely breaking a whisper.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: What games would you play with me?_ ]  
Sam rubbed his cheek against his, the coarseness of his beard scratching against Sam’s shaven skin, “Tadas, takashe teyema abadasta ih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Stand up, I must close the curtains._ ]  
Mahemálar did as he was told and let Sam walk into the living room to give themselves some privacy. Sam closed the curtains quickly and turned to face Mahemálar. He undressed and left his clothes neat folded on the coffee table. Mahemálar did the same. Sam let his human form fall as sand to the wind. Mahemálar did the same.  
Sam encircled his kins-brother, “Yir atan viñáviya, Mahemálaran im. Yir tiar dan imes náposhi a.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: How incredibly beautiful you are, my little Mahemálar. How I long to be whole within you._ ]  
Mahemálar encircled him, his soul licking the edges of Sam’s, “Yir talain itan a hih, Baktraga ñámine im. Yir tiar dan imes náposhi a.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: How I searched for you, my gentle Baktraga. How I long to be whole within you._ ]  
Sam let his soul lick the edges of Mahemálar’s, the boundaries between them getting less and less defined, “Gahús kúlañesta im a, Mahemálar, gahús ta omai im a.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: You will hear my whispers, Mahemálar, you will know my song._ ]  
Mahemálar yielded and the two became whole. If it were possible Sam would have wept, he had not been whole for a very long time. He hadn’t realised how deeply he ached for it, how incomplete he had felt.

***

_~ The icy cold winds from the blizzard tore through the walls of the cabin as though it were nothing. Sam was in no danger of freezing to death but his small human companion would need some assistance. He searched the interior frantically, grabbing anything fabric-like he could find, and wrapped the young child in a burrito of blankets, curtains, and tablecloths. Outside the child’s parents would no doubt be desperately trudging their way up the mountain, the hidden temple their only hope. Sam hoped for all their sakes they returned triumphant, he was not particularly inclined to be a father, but he wasn’t about to abandon a child as small as that. ~_

He came to with a start, he couldn’t see, and his head throbbed like the interior of a jet engine. Sam wriggled, realising he was laying on something… someone. Who was this someone, he wondered. A hand fingered his hair and he shuddered, Mahemálar, how could he forget. He blinked, the image of the man unfolding before him.  
“Yóri drúnanifata, yóri wasta ashnashen,” Mahemálar purred tenderly, “Ín ítruai a nágeroda, Mabaktragan im, ín deis.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Such dark magic, I am sorry. You’re not broken, my dear Baktraga, don’t feel ashamed._ ]  
“Mamahemálaran im,” Sam replied hoarsely, “Ashinerin im, tan taleux ih náloxi sahih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My dear Mahemálar, I told my Ashinerin the same._ ]  
There was the tell-tale sound of keys jingling and the door opening. Johannes removed his shoes at the door and dumped a box on the dining table.  
Johannes turned around and jumped, “Mein gott! In the _living_ room?”  
Sam sat up, rubbing his head, “I’m sorry, we lost track of time. I’ll make you something to eat.”  
Mahemálar grinned at Johannes, “Hello Johannes, I am Mahemálar.”  
“Yeah, uh,” Johannes looked at Mahemálar with a perturbed expression on his face, “Hi?”

Sam got up and put his clothes back on, watching Johannes come to grips with the intimidating physical presence that was Mahemálar. He made his way to the kitchen and pulled out the rice from the pantry. Johannes followed him and poured himself a glass of cold water from the fridge. He gulped it down quickly and leant on the kitchen counter. Mahemálar darted towards him, forming a human body in the middle of the kitchen. He grinned down at Johannes who had grown rather pale.  
“Shy one, aren’t you?” Mahemálar laughed, delicately lifting Johannes’s chin up with a hand.  
Johannes’s eyes widened angrily, “Don’t touch me, I don’t even know you.”  
Mahemálar pouted, “Join with me and that won’t be a problem.”  
“Ñír, gaposhi ò sameu, ai gan draga gonágom a,” Sam insisted, “If you so much as hint at whispering I will _drive_ you away. Tan Míleban im, èmar tagwi atan?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: No, join with him and you’ll have a bigger problem. … Johannes is mine, do you understand?_ ]  
“You’re lucky, Johannes,” Mahemálar nodded approvingly, “Your Sam cares for you a great deal. _Would_ you join with me, if I asked?”  
Johannes frowned up at him, unamused, “No, of course not. I haven’t even done that with Sam yet.”  
“A pity,” Mahemálar tutted, “Would you fuck me then, if I asked?”  
Johannes’s eyes darted down and back up again like lightning, he blushed a deep crimson, “I - I - I uh—”  
“Stop teasing my partner, put some pants on, and help me cut up the vegetables,” Sam snapped, deciding he had harassed Johannes long enough.  
Mahemálar left the room to put on his pants and Johannes flashed Sam a look, “Wow, ich meine…, wow, er ist ein _großer_ Mann.”  
[ _Translation from German: Wow, I mean…, wow, he’s a big guy._ ]  
Sam laughed, “Er ist überlebensgroß, ja. Magst du ihn nicht?”  
[ _Translation from German: He’s larger than life, yes. Don’t you like him?_ ]  
Johannes made a face, “Okay, er ist gutaussehend, aber sind quasi wir immer noch Fremde,” he looked around to ensure Mahemálar wasn’t within earshot, “Hast du schon mit ihm geschlafen?”  
[ _Translation from German: Okay, he’s handsome but we’re effectively still strangers. Have you slept with him yet?_ ]  
“Nein, Honigbär. Ich habe nicht mit Mahemálar geschlafen,” Sam laughed.  
[ _Translation from German: No, honey bear. I haven’t slept with Mahemálar._ ]  
“Wieso hast du nicht?” Johannes smirked, “Es ist so eine Verschwendung.”  
[ _Translation from German: Why didn’t you? It just seems such a waste._ ]  
Mahemálar returned to the kitchen wearing his sweatpants and a grin, “I heard my name.”  
“I was just telling Johannes how we joined basically all day,” Sam explained, “Now take this knife and cut the carrots.”  
Mahemálar took the knife and started chopping, “It’s true, we did. Baktraga is teaching me about time.”

***

The three men sat around the dining table eating the dinner Sam and Mahemálar had made together. It was nothing fancy as Sam had not been expecting guests, so they ate steamed vegetables with boiled rice and leftover chicken from the night before. Johannes was still naturally awkward about having a strange, partially dressed man in his house, but he seemed to keeping his feelings to himself for Sam’s sake. Mahemálar clearly found his awkwardness amusing, and kept looking at him whenever he wasn’t looking, like a teenager with a crush.  
“Tairi datúrer èmayona ales tienar am, èmar ín a?” Mahemálar asked softly.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: You love your human, don’t you?_ ]  
“Ganish itan,” Sam replied curtly.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Of course I do._ ]  
Mahemálar shot a glance at Johannes who seemed to be trying to ignore that he was being cut out of the conversation, “Èmar yisha tan ta, víresu támu oles a?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Then why do you lie to him?_ ]  
“Tan sámu oles ih,” Sam scoffed, “Such nonsense you say.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t lie to him._ ]  
“Èmar yisha tan ta, víresu tan taleux ò a násasa?” Mahemálar wondered.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Then why do you tell him that you’re happy?_ ]  
Sam frowned at his kins-brother, “Yil itan námulas.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I’m not unhappy._ ]  
“Tan taleux ò, tan tasasa tabwikorix a,” Mahemálar looked at Sam with a concerned expression, “Eu tiar matahòsta a. Fada yóri teviera granata a, ai tevíc korix ò, ai tan tapwi oles a, is teme sá. Yil aiyasta, yóri ín _teñiala_ sá. ”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: You tell him that you like playing house, but you miss people. All day you spend alone, and then he comes home and you make yourself useful, and then you go to bed. You don’t even fuck most nights._ ]  
“Mahiyic! Tanatwi iles ayis oshita im sayi!” Sam snapped.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Kins-brother! That’s none of your business!_ ]  
“Èmar timyertienar atan, víresu ín taseir a?” Mahemálar continued, ignoring Sam’s protestations.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: If you’re playing human, why don’t you work?_ ]  
“Teyema tlasta tienarsta, tebyi gairsta hòm ih sameu, yóri yisha ín tienarta itan dó,” Sam explained.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Humans have laws, I don’t exist on their records so I cannot be a full human in that way._ ]  
“Gé tan tamíya gairsta ames ih, ganish fara tan kanákan,” Mahemálar nodded.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: But I can get you on the records, quite easily in fact._ ]  
Sam was incredulous, “Èmar yir?”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: How?_ ]  
“Gúl tan ta seinsta gis gayadasta,” Mahemálar smiled, “Tan tamíya ta ih, yóri gula grók tan a.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: It’s all numbers and paper. I can make it as though you were always there._ ]  
“Èmar ín gataha hò, tanatwi tlasta shí?” Sam wondered.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Won’t they know you broke the rules?_ ]  
“Ñír, tan tètara omairesuta shíles eñeras hih, ai víyen onadata omairesuta násainema yi,” Mahemálar explained smugly.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: No, we are naturals at tinkering with code, and binary is just another kind of code._ ]  
“What are you talking about?” Johannes asked, rolling his eyes in exasperation.  
“Computers, Mahemálar was saying he’s a natural with computers,” Sam explained.  
Johannes looked at Mahemálar doubtfully, “Are you serious? He’s not even wearing a shirt.”  
Mahemálar laughed, “Humans have such strange ideas about clothes.”  
“Mahemálar thinks he can get me on the system so I look like an active citizen,” Sam ventured, “He thinks being so socially isolated is bad for me.”  
“Don’t you like being my housekeeper, cariño?” Johannes asked, a guilty expression on his face.  
“No, I do, it’s just…,” Sam didn’t know how to explain it, “The challenge has gone for me. I can do most things without thinking now. A new challenge might be interesting.”  
Johannes nodded thoughtfully, “I understand what you’re saying, but even though I don’t _disapprove_ , I’d prefer to be left out of anything illegal.”  
“Leave it to me,” Mahemálar grinned, “I’ll keep you out of our plan.”

 

* * *

**_**Tuesday, April 24  
** _ **

Sam awoke to the sound of paper rustling, and opened his eyes. By the light from outside, he could tell it was still early morning, but Johannes was sitting up in bed wearing his reading glasses, and holding a decent wad of handsome cream stationary paper. Sam realised he was probably reading a letter as sent by his sister, Lilli. He snuggled further into the blankets and closed his eyes.  
“What does she say?” Sam wondered sleepily.  
Johannes smiled wistfully, “Sweet things. She wants to arrange a vacation so that Gabrielle can meet her uncle, but Lilli doesn’t think she’ll be able to do it in her condition. So she’s telling me all the things she wishes she could say to me in person.”  
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Sam murmured, “What time is it?”  
Johannes put down the letter to look at his alarm clock, “Ah, it’s nearly time to get up,” he rubbed his eyes wearily, knocking his glasses askew, “I suppose I should think about breakfast and things.”  
Sam pulled himself up, “And things?” he asked hopefully.  
“I meant getting dressed and going to work,” Johannes sighed, carefully folding Lilli’s letter and putting it back in its matching envelope.  
“A pity,” Sam said before kissing him briefly, “Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, mein Honigbär, now what do you want for breakfast?”  
[ _Translation from German: Happy Birthday, my honey bear…_ ]  
Johannes frowned thoughtfully, “Oatmeal will be fine, cariño,” he sighed, “I’m going to go have a quick shower, I have a _long_ day ahead of me.”  
Sam kissed him again more forcefully, “I’ll make it up to you on Saturday.”  
“I’m looking forward to it,” Johannes smirked, “But for now, I must get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: It'd be cool if Sam could interact with another one of his kind  
> me: They'd probably use Mahomai a lot when talking to each other  
> me, several hours into translating everything into Mahomai:  oh no 


	21. Queer and Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes some major changes in his life for very human reasons.

**_**Wednesday, May 9  
** _ **

It was mid-afternoon and Sam wasn’t expecting Johannes home for several hours. He sat across from Mahemálar in his room, several computers spread across his crowded bed. Mahemálar typed away happily, his head bobbing to his blaring pop music. Banned from talking, due to being too distracting to Mahemálar while he worked, Sam spent his time waiting by messaging his friend Xander on the eL app. 

» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:17 p.m -  You should see my latest boyfriend, he’s giving me ideas. :eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:18 p.m -  Do you think I could pull off a beard? I used to have one back in the day but now I don’t know. Do you think it would mess with my aesthetic? «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:18 p.m - Are you kidding me? You’d be the prettiest lil otter in town! :unicorn heart eyes: «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:19 p.m -  I don’t know if HB would approve though. :thinking: «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:19 p.m - Who cares if he approves? Be your own you, nobody else is gonna! «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:20 p.m - But please tell me about latest bf. I’m assuming he has a beard? Is he a real bear this time? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:20 p.m -  Oh yeah, he’s a ‘real’ bear this time. Well over 6 ft tall, thick dark hair and beard, thighs that could crush a man’s skull… «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:21 p.m - Nice! :top: ??? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:21 p.m -  Now why would you assume a thing like that? :kitty winky face: «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:21 p.m - Nice!!! So what does HB think about :bear booty: ? «  
» DreamBoy.dtf - 3:22 p.m -  Well, let’s just say it’s gonna take him some time to wrap his head around the concept but he does understand the appeal. Anything more than that might be too personal to share. «  
» SnowflakeSucre - 3:22 p.m - Good for you! A big improvement on a couple months ago at least. :thumbs up: «

“Aha!” Mahemálar exclaimed, causing Sam to nearly drop his phone, “I think I’m just about done.”  
“Seriously?” Sam wondered, “You tricked the government into thinking I’m a citizen and they have no idea?”  
Mahemálar nodded smugly, “They really need to update their firewalls.”  
“I don’t believe it, this is incredible,” Sam bounced on the bed with excitement, “And I can just quietly delete myself if I need to, right?”  
“Yeah, I wrote down everything you need to do here,” Mahemálar waved a small notebook in his hand, “It’s using your own script so you don’t need to worry about it getting decoded.”  
“You’re a treasure, my darling,” Sam purred.  
“What are you to do with it?” Mahemálar wondered.  
“I’m not sure. I might become a cleaner, oh or maybe a councillor, or a translator!” Sam beamed,  suddenly feeling like he could prove himself properly.  
“I couldn’t do what you do,” Mahemálar mused, “I’m happy being who I am.”  
Sam kissed him sweetly, “I know you are, and I used to be too. But the pull of the past and the future looming before you is a strangely potent motivator.”  
Mahemálar nodded like a student who hadn’t understood the question, “Yes, yes of course.”  
“You don’t feel it, it’s okay,” Sam looked at the computers scattered on his bed, “Are you done with those for now?”  
“Yes, why? Did you want me to pack them away?” Mahemálar wondered.  
“Yes, Mahemálar,” Sam grinned, “That’s what I want,” he put his phone on mute.  
Mahemálar shut down the computers obediently, put them away in their own special bags, and tucked them away next to the bed, “What now?”  
Sam kissed him again forcefully, laying him down on the bed, “Twina ih savi, blásan im, tomai ih savi, yóri omai am viñáviya sale.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Bloom for me, my flower, sing for me in your song so beautiful._ ]  
“Ic, wa - wa, sáñi,” Mahemálar laughed, “Yóri teshíyi ih náloxi, manátar im, ai yóri miráviya kataha gomai saineu am ih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Oh, ha - ha, okay. Touch me just so, my dear, and you’ll find I sing out your name quite handsomely._ ]

***

It was late at night and Sam snuggled into bed next to Johannes, who was still awake, apparently determined to read one last chapter of his book before resigning himself to sleep.  
“Sam?” Johannes asked, “Are you still awake?”  
Sam let his hands wander cheekily under the covers, giggling.  
“A simple ‘yes’ would’ve sufficed,” Johannes groaned wearily.  
“I’m sorry I may have misunderstood the question,” Sam replied, deep within the covers.  
Sam could hear Johannes’s confused expression from above, “How? Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” Johannes opened his bedside drawer and put his book away, “I’ve been thinking about your friend.”  
“Mahemálar?” Sam asked, “What about him?”  
“It’s got nothing to do with him exactly,” Johannes explained, “But hearing you talking your language with him, it’s gotten me thinking.”  
“Oh I see. What about Mahomai has you thinking?” Sam pulled himself up, his head peeking up out of the covers and the tip of his nose brushing against the cloud-like doona.  
“I want to learn some,” Johannes ruffled Sam’s hair affectionately, “If you’ll teach me, of course.”  
“Why?” Sam was puzzled, “In what situation would you rather Mahomai over a _human_ language?”  
“You mean apart from when you have an episode and know _none_ of the languages I speak?” Johannes laughed.  
“Okay - okay, that is a good point,” Sam frowned, realising that in the long run it’d be advantageous to have a way to have someone explain things to him when he was stuck in the moment, “I probably shouldn’t be teaching a human this, but since the circumstances are special, I doubt the others will find it a _massive_ problem.  
“So you’ll teach me?” Johannes asked brightly.  
“I will, but only enough to get by, and I’ll teach you using romanised script because there’s no way it’d be a good thing for you to read my vision log,” Sam relented, “Mahomai 101, you understand?”  
“I understand,” Johannes agreed, “Teach me a word. Something small,” he paused, “What about the word for ‘love’, can you tell me that?”  
“Hmm, as a noun or a verb?” Sam wondered, “And are you talking platonic or romantic love?”  
Johannes’s eyes widened excitedly, “All?”  
“Okay, here we go,” Sam sat up, clapping his hands together a couple times to wake himself properly, “The word for platonic love is ‘yian’ in its noun form, and ‘teyian’ in its active verb form. I’ll spare you how verbs work for now. The word for romantic love is ‘ñiala’ as a noun, and ‘teñiala’ in its active verb form.”  
“Yian, teyian, ñiala, teñiala,” Johannes repeated carefully, “So ‘te’ is the active verb prefix?”  
Sam nodded, “Yeah, and ‘de’ is the passive verb prefix.”  
“And ‘I love you’ would be?” Johannes ventured.  
“Oh well, you _could_ say ‘Teñiala ih a’ but it means something more like ‘I make love to you’ or ‘I’m fucking you’ and I _suspect_ you don’t mean that,” Sam laughed.  
“Well, then how would you confess your love to Mahemálar?” Johannes asked.  
“Oh okay,” Sam held Johannes’s face in his hands to set the mood, “Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im,” he purred, “A literal translation would be ‘you are whispers in my soul’ but the intent is closer to I love you.”  
Johannes frowned, “Tan… kúlaiñesta… ames… ermañona… im?” he tried each word hesitantly, stumbling but earnest.  
Sam kissed him for the effort, “Okay, very good. Now repeat after me. Tan.”  
“Tan,” Johannes repeated obediently.  
“Kúlañesta,” Sam nodded encouragingly.  
“Kúlañesta,” Johannes repeated, “Kúlañesta. Tan kúlañesta,” he added for good measure.  
“Ames,” Sam found himself smiling, it was such a novel experience to teach someone his language the human way.  
“Ames,” Johannes repeated, “Ames. Tan kúlañesta ames.”  
“Èmayona,” Sam smiled, “Èmayona. Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona,” he added helpfully.  
“Èmayona,” Johannes repeated, “Èmayona. Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona.”  
“Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im,” Sam finished.  
“Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im,” Johannes repeated, his confidence improved, “Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im.”  
Sam beamed proudly, “Very good!”  
“What does it mean though? The reason it came to be analogous to ‘I love you’ for your people?” Johannes wondered.  
“Well, when we join with someone, we can feel them within us, we can feel their thoughts, their whispers. When you you say to someone ‘you are whispers in my soul’ it implies that you’ve joined before, and that you can still feel them inside you,” Sam explained.  
“Oh I see,” Johannes nodded, “So it would be inappropriate for me to say it to you?”  
“No, don’t be silly,” Sam laughed, “You don’t need to have actually joined with someone for the love to be real.”  
“So it’s like sex then?” Johannes wondered.  
“Sex? Well, etiquette-wise sure, sex fits,” Sam shrugged, “Is that enough for tonight?”  
“Say it again,” Johannes requested, “Tan kúlañesta… ames… uh?”  
Sam edged himself a little closer and sat so his face matched up roughly with Johannes’s ear, “Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im, Míleban.”  
“Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im, Baktraga,” Johannes replied carefully.  
“Èmar yisha teñiala ih a?” Sam asked, testing Johannes’s memory.  
“Hmm,” Johannes pondered, “If I remember correctly, ‘èmar’ means a question, but what does ‘yisha’ mean?”  
“Yisha means something like ‘may’ or ‘if,’ it often fronts a request,” Sam explained.  
“So… let me think about this,” Johannes frowned thoughtfully, “Oh! How do I say yes? It’s ‘sár’ isn’t it?”  
“How do you know that?” Sam asked, “Did I tell you?”  
“You say it enough I figured it out by context,” Johannes laughed, “Sár - sár Míleban, teshyi ih, gasur teshyi ih, yori teshyi ih náloxi—” he mimicked theatrically, “I’ve heard it often enough. I understand the first bit from context.”  
Sam blushed, “I’m sorry, sometimes it just… slips out. And it’s ‘teshíyi’, ‘yóri teshíyi ih náloxi’, it means um,” he demonstrated with his hands, “It means do _that_.”  
“Well _that’s_ good to know,” Johannes replied, he cupped Sam’s face in his hands, “And it’s good to know it makes you blush just to say it.”  
“You’re teasing me,” Sam pouted before breaking into a knowing smirk, “I like it.”

 

* * *

**_**Friday, June 22  
** _ **

Much to Sam’s shock, he managed to find a job working at the front desk of Naomi’s organisation, the ‘Rainbow Community Center,’ or ‘RCC’ as it was colloquially known. It had been largely Naomi’s doing, with a little help from a reference from Auntie and Dorothy, but Sam’s happy-go-lucky demeanour and outspoken queerness had certainly played a part. It was not by any means a meaty job, just manning the desk between two to four days a week in the afternoons and some evenings. In some ways, this worked in Sam’s favour because it didn’t feel like work, it just felt like helping out family. It was the end of his first week and he sat on his swivel chair, feeling very smart and human in a shirt and bow tie, fighting the urge to message Johannes a selfie or ten. The centre was in the heart of town, nestled between the back of the town’s library, and the old parking lot to the town hall. Working with a modest budget, the exterior of the building was what would only be described as ‘unassuming’ by the most generous. Upon entry a visitor would be accosted by a shocking affront of rainbow flags, unicorn frescoes, and rows and rows of pamphlets for a number of resources and societal woes. He pulled out his phone and sent Johannes a quick reminder, just in case he had forgotten their morning’s conversation.

» Sam: Working late today remember, so don’t forget me at 8:30 p.m.  «

The bell on the door rang and a bright, youngish woman entered wearing a robin’s egg blue dress, sandals and floppy white hat. It was Naomi, beaming brightly as she approached the front desk.  
“Hey, sweetie, I just thought I’d pop in and see how you’re going,” Naomi sung out happily.  
Sam beamed back, “Naomi! What a nice surprise!”  
Naomi played with a pencil from the stationary tin next to the guest book, “What friend would I be if I didn’t make sure you’re settling in?”  
“I’m fine,” Sam laughed, “Sadie showed me the ropes you don’t need to worry.”  
Naomi flashed Sam a knowing smirk, “Oh but what friend would I be if I trusted you with Sadie?”  
Sam laughed, Sadie was a completely inoffensive woman who thought she was rebelling when she had two cookies with her morning coffee, “Don’t let her catch you saying that.”  
Naomi laughed in return, “So how long have you been on today?”  
“Oh since lunch break for the regular staff,” Sam shrugged, “So I guess four hours?”  
“And how long are you on for?” Naomi wondered, doodling butterflies in the guest book.  
“The mental illness support group is coming on at 6:30 this evening so I need to be here until Megan is ready to start,” Sam explained, “Megan says she’ll give me some counselling resources to look over, since I’m interested.”  
“Oh is counseling something you’re looking into?” Naomi wondered, drawing little mustaches on her butterflies.  
Sam shrugged, “I’m considering it yeah, it seems like a good fit, don’t you think?”  
Naomi looked at Sam seriously, “You do _seem_ to be finally working out your shit, so if you keep it up, yeah I can see that.”  
“I’m trying really hard to prove myself useful,” Sam smiled, “And I don’t really care about the money, I want to be able to meet people and actively _help_ them.”  
Naomi patted Sam on the hand, “You’ve got a good soul, don’t let burn-out destroy it, okay?”  
“Well, thanks for the sentiment but I’ve only been here a week,” Sam laughed.  
“Yes, I know that, but don’t lie to me and pretend you’re a regular _human_ ,” Naomi tutted, “I’ve seen you during your episodes remember?”  
Sam gave her a look, wondering not for the first time if she had figured it out without needing to be told, “I’ve spoken with Megan and several of the others about my… condition. They’ve promised they’ll be accommodating under the circumstances.”  
“That’s good to hear,” Naomi nodded, and looked at the glittery gold watch on her wrist, “I need to get going but don’t hesitate to call if you need me for anything. Also if any one asks after the trans women of color empowerment program, I’m working on the agenda okay? It should be done by Tuesday.”  
Sam made a note of it just in case, “Got it. Say hi Ana, right?”  
Naomi winked at him saucily, “I’ll do more than say hi, alright.”  
“I mean she _is_ your wife, I’d expect nothing less,” Sam laughed, “I meant for me, say hi to Ana for _me_.”  
“I know, Sam,” Naomi waved goodbye as she walked out the door, bell jingling behind her, nearly drowning out the sound of Sam’s phone vibrating next to the keyboard.

» Johannes: :thumbs up: See you then. Are you eating dinner there or when you get home? «  
» Sam: Home definitely. I can only manage take out so many times a week. «  
» Johannes: Leftovers? «  
» Sam: Yeah, that’s why I intentionally made extra. «  
» Johannes: Thrifty :old man: «

***

He was technically off the clock, as Megan and her group had already arrived and begun their session, but Sam sat at the front desk waiting for Johannes to collect him, watching videos on silent on his phone. Xander, Megan’s husband lay out on the couch in the waiting area, quietly reading something on his tablet. It was very still and serene. He’d never actually casually hung out with Xander before, as their relationship was largely physical in nature, but Sam was enjoying the novelty. The bell jingled, and Sam looked up to see Johannes walking towards him.  
Johannes came around the counter and kissed Sam on the mouth, “Hast du mich vermisst?”  
[ _Translation from German: Did you miss me?_ ]  
“Natürlich habe ich dich vermisst, Honigbär,” Sam beamed, “Kennst du schon, Xander?” he realised his error, “I mean, have you met Xander?” he asked gesturing towards a grinning Xander.  
[ _Translation from German: Of course I missed you, honey bear._ ]  
Johannes made the face he always made when he was caught out being gay with an audience and turned around awkwardly, “ _The_ Xander?” he asked.  
Xander put down his tablet, and walked over to Johannes, hand outstretched, “Yeah, that’s right. Pleased to meet you.”  
Johannes took Xander’s hand awkwardly like he didn’t know what else to do, “Uh, yeah, yes… pleased to meet you too.”  
“Yeah - yeah, I know,” Xander flashed Johannes a friendly grin, “It’s awkward, right?”  
“Uh, awkward yeah,” Johannes replied, his face not exactly knowing what to do with itself.  
“Ainsley isn’t going to believe I met you in person, it’s like meeting a real-life cryptid!” Xander laughed.  
Johannes shot Sam a knowing look before turning back to Xander, “I draw the line at candid photography.”  
“Oh! What a good idea!” Xander exclaimed, already pulling out his phone.  
“ _Hey_ , wait a minute,” Johannes warned as Xander took a hasty shot.  
“Yes! Perfect, it’s _barely_ recognizable as you,” Xander laughed, showing Johannes the blurry photograph.  
Johannes frowned, “Don’t do that again.”  
“If you hate it that much, you can delete if you want,” Xander offered his phone diplomatically.  
“I said _again_ ,” Johannes insisted grumpily.  
“It’s very cute watching you two interact,” Sam grinned, “Aber bist du bereit, Heim zu gehen? Es war ein langer Tag und ich muss schlafen.”  
[ _Translation from German: But are you ready to go home? It’s been a long day and I need to sleep._ ]  
Johannes nodded, “Okay, ich bring dich nach Hause. It was… good to meet you Xander, but we’re not as young as we used to be.”  
[ _Translation from German: Okay, I’ll take you home._ ]  
“Ah, pity,” Xander groaned, “I’ll catch you both later then.”

***

 _~ The timing was bad, but Sam couldn’t just ignore that Mahemálar was gone. Sam had looked everywhere but there was no denying the bond between them had been severed. He was worried, it had been many years since either of them had been tracked by hunters but that didn’t mean they were gone, only that the two spirits had been lucky. Sam had gone searching, if not for Mahemálar, then the bright one that would have sprung forth from his remains, or the monsters who had torn him asunder, preventing a bright one from taking form._

_But Sam had been spotted. He ran with every ounce of strength he had, darting and ducking through the trees in the woods. The creatures were gaining on him and he absolutely refused to lose to them. The leader snapped at his legs, tried to tackle him to the ground but what Sam lacked in speed he made up for in agility. It was unclear where they had come from, and what they were exactly, but they were pack hunters and that was all Sam needed to know. If he wasn’t already painfully late, and the beasts didn’t promise to tear him to pieces the moment he came to, Sam would have joined with the leader to examine its code and take a form such as theirs for his own. The sun was rising and the small advantage he held in the darkness was beginning to fade._

_There was a sudden drop and he tumbled down a great distance, the creatures following in kind. He shook himself to his feet and looked up, facing  three strangers he had never seen before. In no form to speak, he leapt passed them, knocking them to the ground and continued to run. Sam made it a sizeable distance before he realised the creatures had stopped their chase, and turned to learn why. He saw the creatures waiting patiently by the strangers, and realised they were trained, like a pack of hunting dogs. One of the strangers raised something in their hands, something that could only have been a weapon, and Sam bolted. He ducked through the last of the woods, terrified beyond his wits, and found himself facing the edge of a cliff, the ocean crashing dangerously below. There was a moment of intense agony, the taste of blood in his mouth, and Sam realised he had been wounded._

_With nothing left to lose, he let himself fall to the ocean’s depths, his body falling as ash to the wind. He formed another body, a different one, one specifically primed to fly above the waves and for great, great distances. It was an instinctual decision, Sam wouldn’t ordinarily have considered it wise to take that form anywhere near modern civilisation, but Sam had lived as long as he had by being very good at avoiding hunters who would use his soul as nothing more than an ingredient in magical spells and concoctions. He rose above them, beating his wings, watching the hunters and their beasts gather under him in awe. If they were looking for confirmation that they were hunting a ‘friendly woodland spirit’ they had found it. Sam rose high into the air, pushing the boundaries of breathable atmosphere, and switched into nothing more than a seagull. He dove towards the ocean and found a small number of other gulls, making a point of stirring them up to make them hard to tracked by eyes alone. They scattered, and so did Sam. He had a far more pressing engagement to be, and someone far more important to find. ~_

There was an explosion of pain and he tried to curl up but found he was somehow bound into a seated position. Furiously he blinked his eyes, desperately hoping his vision would return. He was trapped and afraid and he didn’t know if it was safe to return to his true self. His head was ringing and he realised some it had been sound, even though he was barely able to process the sensation.  
“Sam? Sam are you okay?” the voice asked, it was low and tinged with concerned.  
There was a blindingly light flash, and an agonisingly loud noise, “Malainoista,” Sam gasped, “Malainoista! Ín tos tateruaí ta malainoista ih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Hunters… hunters! Don’t let the hunters defile me._ ]  
“I don’t understand you, Sam,” the voice reminded him.  
Sam blinked and realised his vision was finally returning, he turned his head, ignoring the nausea and faced whomever was talking to him, “Hunters are bad, they hurt you, use you, end you,” he rambled, slowly remembering Johannes as he spoke.  
Johannes sighed, “You had a vision, Sam. It was _just_ a vision.”  
“I think they got Mahemálar,” Sam covered his face with his hands, “They nearly got me.”  
“You’re safe now Sam, I’m sure he’s safe too,” Johannes reassured him, “It’s okay.”  
Sam nodded to himself, “Yes - yes, it’s okay, I’m okay.”  
Johannes pulled into their driveway, and got out, stopping by Sam’s window and leant in, “Leave the stressing to me, that’s my job,” he laughed before opening the door, “You go and run yourself a nice hot bath.”  
Sam climbed out and gave him a grateful kiss, “We’re partners which mean we share our stress together.”  
“That’s one way of seeing it,” Johannes conceded, heading towards the garage door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally see Sam as being the type of person who flip-flops between vocations because he has the lust to do ALL THE THINGS.


	22. Hearts and Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes has a proposal for Sam.

**_**Saturday, July 7**_**  
  
Johannes had gone running with Chris, a ritual that almost nothing could interrupt. Sam had had a fruitful morning, it had taken him several hours but the house was as perfect as he could make it. Cleaning on Saturday mornings, singing and dancing with himself alone, had become _his_ unbreakable ritual. He lay on the couch, listening to music, half-asleep after working hard. There was a jingle of keys and Johannes returned home, beaming as bright as Sam had ever seen him. Without saying a word, he bent over to give Sam a quick kiss before running up the stairs to cool off in the shower. Sam smiled to himself happily, the exuberance the man exuded after his Saturday ritual was like the finest of drugs to creatures such as Sam. It was probably greedy of him, but he found himself grateful that Mahemálar wasn’t there to ruin the delicious moment.  
  
Johannes padded down the stairs, dressed in nothing but a light cotton robe and delivered his dirty clothes to the laundry. He sat next to Sam, beaming happily like a thousand suns.  
“Da hat jemand gute Laune,” Sam grinned.  
[ _Translation from German: Someone’s in a good mood._ ]  
Johannes kissed him playfully on the shoulder, “Vienes conmigo al cuarto,” he grinned.  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Join me in the bedroom._ ]  
“A very good mood,” Sam concluded, letting Johannes drag him up by the arm and up the stairs.  
  
Sam looked at Johannes who sat next to him, still beaming, on the bed. His robe was coming undone, and his hair was still fluffy and damp from the shower. He had closed the curtains just in case.  
“You’re shining like the sun, Míleban,” Sam purred before kissing him on the throat.  
Johannes pushed him away carefully, “Sam, just hold on a minute.”  
Sam sat back, curious, “Oh?”  
“I um, I know you’ll probably say no, but I just want to ask,” Johannes tilted his head ever so slightly, clearly expecting disappointment, “Please, would you join with me?”  
“Lass mich sehen,” Sam leant forward, practically climbing onto his lap, his eyes closed, letting Johannes’s energy surround him, “Are you sure you’re ready? I can give you a taste if you want?”  
[ _Translation from German: Let me see._ ]  
“A taste?” Johannes asked.  
“It’s a lot to have someone inside your head,” Sam smiled, “I can do something _close_ and you’ll be able to judge better. It’s only a little bit confronting if you’re not expecting it.”  
“Try me?” Johannes asked, intrigued.  
Sam let go of his human form, darting around Johannes playfully, “Èmar tan turí a, Míleban im? Gasur yil tan dó, yeñiala yisha shí. Yisha toshi _oshidó_ , gasur grótoi tan taleusavi a enerínuti.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Are you ready, my Johannes? We can fuck if this is too much. I can do that thing you’ve been too embarrassed to ask for more than once._ ]  
Johannes’s eyes widened, “Is that _in_ my head?”  
Sam reformed a human body and sat in front of him, grinning, “Yeah. It’s how Mahomai is _supposed_ to be spoken, but I can _only_ do it in Mahomai which is why you’re only hearing about it now.”  
“Right - right,” Johannes replied, “It’s not bad though? It feels kind of… tingly?”  
“Oh good!” Sam beamed, “Excellent, that’s a good sign!”  
“Was that it? The test?” Johannes seemed confused.  
Sam laughed, “I wasn’t going to get you to answer a hundred questions.”  
“So did I pass? We’re going to do this?” Johannes seemed suddenly nervous.  
Sam leant forward and kissed him, “Only if you want to. I’ll be gentle. It’s okay, I know it’s your first time.”  
Johannes pouted, “Now you’re teasing me.”  
“Only because you make it so easy,” Sam kissed him again.  
“How am I, uh,” Johannes hesitated, “What should I do?”  
“Lie down, make yourself comfortable,” Sam patted the bed, “Meditate if that helps you relax.”  
Johannes did as he was told, “For how long?”  
Sam budged closer to him, and quickly undressed, “Hush, it won’t be long,” Sam climbed on top of him, straddling his stomach, “Now before I begin I need to tell you some things. First of all, everyone reacts differently. The reaction depends on the individual, the circumstances, and what exactly happens when I’m in there. There’s no wrong reaction, _everything_ is normal.”  
Johannes nodded with his eyes closed, “What kind of reaction?”  
“Well, some people get nauseous, others get angry or upset, some giggle uncontrollably, or sob in my arms. Every now and again I’ll come across someone who also gets super horny,” Sam paused, remembering past experiences, “I can’t predict what it will be for you.”  
Johannes frowned, “What about you?”  
“Ah,” Sam sighed, “I _will_ have a seizure. It’s not normal for my kin, obviously it never happens to Mahemálar, but something I’ve learned happens to _me_ every time now. Don’t worry, unless we have a catastrophic experience it won’t be major. It won’t be that bad, Honigbär, I promise you’d need to have a lot more experience that a… uh… heart… virgin. Sorry, ‘mahonadashèmayonan’ _really_ doesn’t translate elegantly into English.”  
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Johannes pouted, “If it will hurt you I don’t have to, cariño.”  
Sam kissed him again, “You won’t be hurting me, honey, it’s nothing I don’t already deal with every day.”  
Johannes ran a hand up Sam’s thigh absently, “If you say so.”  
“Oh, and one last word of advice?” Sam put a hand on the hand on his thigh, “Be passive, as passive as you possibly can. I know it’ll be hard but you’ll have no idea what you should be doing.”  
Johannes chuckled, “You’re definitely teasing me.”  
“I’m not teasing this time,” Sam leant down, resting his head in his shoulder, “Johannes?”  
“Yes?” Johannes asked.  
“I’m going to unform and then go inside you,” Sam spoke in a voice nothing more than a hushed whisper, “This is your last chance to back out.”  
“No, do it,” Johannes paused, “Whisper in my soul.”    
Sam let go of his body and let himself fall down, _within_. Johannes’s soul licked around him, but he twisted, wriggled, and found a way.  
  
Like a dragon unfurling his wings before taking off into the night’s sky, Baktraga pulled himself together, millennia of memories and identities rushing to form his true self. His whole self. He was complete. Tentatively, tenderly, he plucked on a string on the surface.  
  
_~_ ** _ **Dreamboy.dtf was exactly like he imagined, but only also nothing like it.**_** _The man hadn’t mentioned his British accent during their extended chat. Johannes felt too awkward to bring it up, he wasn’t exactly the most American either. But Sam, of the names he was expecting Sam wasn’t it, Sam had those deep brown eyes. They bore into his very soul. And his smile, his smile could brighten the foulest of moods. His selfies, handsome as they were, had done nothing to capture how disarming it had been when Sam turned his full attention onto him. He found himself questioning if anyone had ever truly looked at him before in his life. They had gone to the woods by the lookout. They had talked some more. Settling nerves more than anything. Sam had been very… considerate, he made him feel special. His knees had not felt special. ~_  
  
Baktraga could feel Johannes come to terms with the sensation of having a memory manually triggered. He was fascinated, curious, and felt slightly exposed. But it was okay because it was his Sam. Baktraga thought he might enjoy an earlier memory. He dug deep within himself and drew them out, presenting them as a gift.  
  
_~_ ** _ **They had lived like princes.**_** _Together they had a palace buried into the stone, a temple hidden away from those who would not understand. Tramaiceu loved pretty things. He had loved Baktraga most of all. They had wanted for nothing and gave unto all those devoted who called upon them. But more humans had come. These humans had made things difficult. Baktraga and Tramaiceu were drawn out of their gilded sanctuary and faced a new world. A faster, more crowded world. Tramaiceu had been dismayed, he fled further into the wilderness to hide from the destruction. But Baktraga, he wouldn’t flee, there had been humans so full of shame, so alone, so rejected. He stayed to love them. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **It was the first time he had seen another creature like himself.**_** _He had assumed that he was the only one. But there she was, she encircled him, played with him, she had known he was young, that he was uninitiated. She joined with him, taught him the ways of their people, their language, their laws. Her name was Sálaibashimar and she was old and wise. It was she who had named him Baktraga. Baktraga was honoured. After her death, she had birthed a bright one. Baktraga had named them Úshiar and taught them everything their mother had taught him. For a while, they had been as siblings, before eventually drifting apart. ~_  
  
Something triggered within Johannes and a small memory released spontaneously. It was so small and primal, a memory of a very young child.  
  
_~ It was warm and soft. She smelled nice. He felt safe as she held him. ~_  
  
Baktraga reached near it and gently pulled at the string. A sickly sweet memory filled their hearts.  
__  
_~_ ** _ **He couldn’t remember the details but he remembered sitting in the hospital.**_** _Everyone had been so happy, so proud. Hans couldn’t figure out why. It was just a baby. He didn’t see what it had to do with him. “She’s a little girl,” they told him, “Her name is Elisabeth.” Hans thought it was a boring name. Someone had placed her on his lap, and he held her. “She looked like a monkey,” he said, “If monkeys were made of strawberry yoghurt.” The grown-ups had laughed. It wasn’t fair. She did look like a yoghurt monkey. ~_  
  
Baktraga took a moment to observe Johannes. He was aware Baktraga was there, nervous at what he could uncover, but otherwise fine. Baktraga filled him with love before delving into something deeper.  
__  
_~_ ** _ **He had been resting in the back of the cave.**_** _There had been a bustle of noise but he had ignored it, favouring to doze off once again. When he awoke he ventured forth to the mouth of the cave and was shocked to discover a new kind of creature. There was two of them, one stood on its hind legs, making a soft whistling sound with something in its hands, the other slept curled up in a nest. Baktraga approached cautiously, it was unlikely they could hurt him but the magic that coursed through their veins made him nervous. Despite the fact he was in a the form of a cave lion, the two creatures let him come quite close. The smaller of the two, a cub if ever he had seen one, let out a loud squeal and the other had come running. It growled at him, yelled, Baktraga was certain this was speech, even if it wasn’t like anything he had heard before. Baktraga had replied and the elder creature had fallen back. He shifted forms, from cave lion to bird, the cub had gone silent but the elder didn’t seem to notice. He let go of his form and darted around the elder creature curiously. It was then he had realised the elder creature was blind._ __  
__  
_He had joined with the creature. He learned of humans, of their code, of their hearts, their complex cultures and laws, their language, their faiths. His people had no strict leaders, everyone was in charge of that which pertained to their own skills and abilities. This creature, this man, he was known as Seer because even though the gods had taken his physical sight, they had granted him the ability to see beyond worlds, to see into other realms. He ushered in life, and bade it good rest. His magic had been particularly strong. He was the oldest in the group, a man of over thirty harsh winters, treasured for his knowledge, his heart. Baktraga shared with him what he knew, the Seer took it all with a great thirst. When they unjoined, Baktraga took for himself a human form, based on what lay within the Seer’s code. He showed the Seer his human form. He’d taken Baktraga in his hands, called him beautiful, divine, had shown him what it was to be human. They spoke at great length, the Seer had asked for him to stay._  
  
_The Seer’s family had not been impressed to find a stranger in their camp. They were angry the Seer had risk the life of their babe. The humans were new to him, Baktraga was new to the humans. The Seer assured them that Baktraga was no stranger, he was a spirit, a guardian, a god. Baktraga had shown them what he had said was true. The family asked him for luck, for assurance they would make it through another harsh winter. Baktraga had no ability to grant such a thing, but he promised he would do his best. They had taken him into the depths of the cave, their way lit by fire captured from the sky, they had painted him with ochre, they had made him theirs. Baktraga loved his family, he watched over them, they made his soul bright and loud. His Seer had died that winter, but he remained. For hundreds of years he remained, not understanding how long it had been. One day, the last of them died. Killed at the hands of a rival clan. The grass had burst forth from the tundra under the bright summer sun. Those humans had rejoiced. ~_  
  
Johannes had become reticent, he had known Sam was old, but it had never fully sunk in until that moment. Baktraga filled him with love. Love was his constant anchor. Another spontaneous memory triggered. As it bubbled to the surface it made all the sense in the world.  
  
_~_ ** _ **He sung when he worked.**_** _Johannes wasn’t sure if he was aware of it, but Sam sung to himself when he worked. He had a nice voice too, not the most polished, but it was earnest and pure. Somehow he had managed to hold onto songs when all other memories had faded. Johannes wasn’t an historian by any means, but something in the songs seemed older than he cared to guess. But he had been singing a modern song, a song his students had listened to religiously a couple years before. He had been singing to himself as he rinsed the dishes. He had looked up and saw Johannes watching him. He had sung at Johannes. It was cheesy, and not intended as a serious serenade, but it was in that exact moment that he had realised he was genuinely, heartbreakingly, in love. ~_  
  
Baktraga would have smiled to himself if he could, he showed Johannes some memories of how he had come to be in America. One of his own had nestled within Baktraga’s as though it had always belonged.  
  
_~_ ** _ **He was sure he had not ventured that far before.**_** _Sam had hidden within a shipping freighter as per his Ashinerin’s request. They had joined before they parted, Sam knew exactly where he was supposed to go. The voyage had been painful, he had not known how attached he had been to his land. His soul was torn as he ripped away from his anchor. As they approached landfall he left the vessel, and swum under the ocean’s bed. It had been night when he had emerged on the beach, a human form lying naked on the sand, staring up at the stars.  ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **His first day in America was like a dream.**_** _It had taken forever to get approved for a work visa, but finally his struggles seemed to be paying off. Johannes felt as though a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was free. He could start again. Admittedly, he was Jet-lagged, and starving, but nothing could bring his high spirits down._  
__  
_~_ ** _ **Baktraga couldn’t live amongst humans with such a name.**_** _He needed something more inconspicuous. He had refused to steal a name, like his Ashinerin and his kin, and so they had sat down and poured over every name, every word imaginable. They had chosen Sam, a name of darkness and heroes, but one Westerners would read as friend. It would be hard to be intimidating with a name like Sam. He chose also Dana, a reminder to keep his wits about him. And Tir. A reference to gods of language and wisdom, messenger and seer, a bright distant star of rain and fertility, a sundered god of war, a beast. An anchor to the truth. Baktraga was Sam Dana Tir, they were one and the same. ~_  
__  
_~_ ** _ **They were the first of the new land he had spoken to.**_** _The air had stunk of their claim. It was only right that he introduced himself. They had spoken a strange version of English, deceptively simple with so much weight in each word. Living away from the Heartstone had done strange things to their bodies, they were slow, careful, they pulled Sam back to a time before he known of such a thing as time. ~_  
  
Johannes was beginning to get more comfortable, learning how memories were triggered, learning how to communicate with Baktraga. He wondered about the changelings, how Sam had come into being.  
  
_~_ ** _ **He was a changeling like Ashinerin.**_** _He had not realised at first, Sam had been careful. Sam watched him from the shadows, studied the song of his soul. All changelings sung with such discordance, a plaintive cry of their corruption. Before his injury, Sam had thought the discordance curious, worrisome, but curious. Sam had since come to relate to it, it pulled at his heart, made him feel protective of the changelings. One night he had chosen to appear before this man. It was in the storage room the man had been converting into his office. He had been naturally startled, a naked stranger in ones place of work would do that. At first he mistook Sam for a sick human, but then Sam had vanished before him. The man became angry, suspicious, curious. For several nights Sam did the same. But this changeling was clever, he trapped him with his magic, and Sam had been torn to a past self. The man had been very clever, he managed to bring him back. ~_  
__  
_~_ ** _ **It had been an unassuming thing.**_** _A three-sided mirror contained within a simple iron box. Ashinerin had shown him, assured him he was strong enough. But Baktraga needed convincing. His Ashinerin did not so much love him as covet him. Baktraga was his own personal god. An insurance against those who would see him perish. But Ashinerin wasn’t satisfied, he wanted more, he always wanted more. There was always that fear, that deeply entrenched sense of inadequacy. Baktraga had seen inside his soul, his heart, he knew what darkness lay within. What desperations he would fall to. What fool would Baktraga be if he fully trusted his judgement. Time was something of a mystery to him, something he could not fully perceive. There was only what he knew, and what he did not know. And he wanted to know, he wanted to know everything._ __  
__  
_There had been such pain, such agony. Time had stretched before him and presented him with a torture he could never have imagined. When he came to he had not known who he was. He had been helpless and broken. The Heart of Janus had disappeared for it had shattered with his soul. The two had rejoined as one. He had become the Heart of Janus that his Ashinerin had wanted of him. That he suffered, that he screamed of thousands deaths, that was but a mere unfortunate side effect of his ascension. He spoke of horrible futures, he mourned a thousand times, and his Ashinerin was beside himself with glee. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had been a novel sight.**_** _Baktraga had been lazing in the sun, a pleasure he seldom refused himself. A man had been running, suitcase in hand, tie trailing behind him, hat long since lost. Baktraga watched him turn into an alleyway, a flash, and then he was in a different form. This had definitely gotten his attention. How very curious. He had followed the man, watched him change again and again. There was something about his soul that seemed familiar, but again, so very alien. He had run in front of the man, changed from cat to raven so he could see him change, as though to say “like me, you’re like me.” The man was running from someone, he squinted at Baktraga as though he thought he had been seeing things, hearing things, but continued running. Baktraga flew around him, trying to get his attention. The man had swatted him away. There was a gunshot and Baktraga was annoyed. Baktraga had turned into a wolf, wild and careful, and herded the man into the hut he had taken as his own. The man changed into his original form, or so Baktraga had thought, panting, drenched in sweat. His spectacles had steamed so he had taken them off to wipe them clean, in this moment Baktraga turned into human form and stood before the man who was agape. He had turned a gun on Baktraga, but Baktraga had seen guns before, he knew it wasn’t loaded. The man had sworn at him in a language Baktraga recognised but had not yet understood. Baktraga wanted it. Baktraga tried French, the man had squinted at him as though he almost understood, but Baktraga had used a version too old. Baktraga had tried English, and the man had sighed in relief. “What are you?” they both demanded, “What are you doing in this place?”_  
__  
_Another man had entered the hut and Baktraga vanished into the walls. This man did not have permission to gaze upon him. The shapeshifter had raised his gun at the man, a drug-dealer and a fiend. Baktraga didn’t care for human laws, but he disapproved of what that man was doing to his villagers. The man demanded that the creature return the suitcase but the shapeshifter said he’d rather die. The man had pulled out a gun, this one loaded, and turned it upon the shapeshifter. He had fired a warning shot but Baktraga had had enough. He burst from the walls as a tiger, and pinned the man to the side of the hut. He had torn his throat, then and there, a brutal death but one the man had surely deserved. He had turned, still as a tiger and padded a step toward the shapeshifter. The shapeshifter was naturally terrified, but unnaturally delighted. What was the man, this kin or cousin? Part of him had felt so familiar but there was a dark magic woven into his very soul. Baktraga had turned back into a human and introduced himself, again demanding to know what this creature was. He was still defiant, he wouldn’t tell Baktraga the truth. “An agent,” was all he had said, “A hand for someone greater than myself.”_  
__  
_Uncooperative as he was, this agent still helped Baktraga hide the body in the summer heat. The agent was unused to such weather, but he did not complain. Still Baktraga had insisted he bathe after such an unpleasant deed. This creature had looked at Baktraga with complete mystification. “Such courtesies are unnecessary, my friend,” he had insisted. But Baktraga was stubborn and persistent, the agent had taken his gift of water. It was a great annoyance to the agent when he discovered the map etched into the vase had been a fake. He had known it was ruse to store cocaine, the reason the dead man had demand the suitcase be returned. But he was looking for a temple, a ruin that supposedly lay hidden not far from the mountains. Baktraga knew of a way to find the temple. The agent had been incredulous, uneasy, but he was desperate, he could not fail once again. And so he had let Baktraga join with him, allowed him to fill with knowledge of the lands he knew best. But joining wasn’t a one-sided venture. He saw inside the heart of the creature, saw who he was, what he was. He had taken his tongues, his secrets, so many secrets. When they unjoined Baktraga had expected him to be angry, overwhelmed, not fully prepared to have given him so much. But this had not been the case. This man with his stolen name, this leashed pawn, this broken troll, he had bloomed for Baktraga like a flower shooting forth from the cracked soil after rain. ~_  
  
Johannes could tell Baktraga didn’t care to recall memories such as that, he tried to show him some of his own that would be a welcome distraction. He was clumsy, and inexperienced, but Baktraga was careful, only one of his own memories became entangled with the others.  
  
_~_ ** _ **His first pride was incredible.**_** _Vienna had come alive. Rainbows and banners covered everything. The streets were crawling with every manner of gayness. Huge burly men wearing just enough black leather to be decent. Drag queens glittered and sparkled in the daylight. Women wearing denim jackets and doc martins. Bubbly young men in feather boas, booty shorts, and gogo boots. Business men waving rainbow flags. It seemed as though every kind of person was there, protesting, celebrating, living. People were dancing, cheering. Couples hugged and kissed in the open. Growing up all forms of sexuality and public displays of affection were frowned upon. It blew Johannes’s mind to see so many people, so many ‘unrespectable’ people, be open in front each other like it was no big deal. It wasn’t a big deal. It shouldn’t have to be a big deal. He was with Erik. They were both wearing denim jackets proudly decorated with as many pride pins as they could get their hands on. Erik had kissed him in front of everyone. It was everything. ~_  
  
_~ It was beautiful, intoxicating. The tingle within his flesh, the sweat on his skin. Every gasp, groan and whimper. The way his back arched, pressing into him, hands quivering with pleasure. The love he couldn’t contain. ~_  
__  
_~_ ** _ **It had not proven to be a good evening.**_** _Johannes slouched in Susannah bemoaning his life’s choices. Cruising had been working out for him for years, but lately he’d only been able to hook up with men he’d taken an instant dislike to the moment he met them in person. He wasn’t sure what it was but it was becoming increasingly frustrating. He was flicking through various user accounts on the eL app with no particular goal in mind. He recognised a face he’d seen a hundred times before. The man had been around for at least as long as Johannes had, probably even longer. He was online. On a whim he begun a conversation with him. They had talked for nearly an hour before he realised the time and had to head back home. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **He didn’t know where they got it from.**_** _But the other boys were gathered around watching porn on the television. Hans had been dragged over to watch with them. A bonding exercise. Everyone had felt so grown-up. They had asked him which of the women he fancied. “The blonde one,” he had lied. It had made him very uncomfortable. Not just because there were women, but the way it was framed. He thought everyone looked very bored. He was hyper-aware they must have been in a studio, surrounded by cameras and crew. The others didn’t seem to notice. Surely sex was supposed to have some fire. ~_  
  
_~ Every second like decades. There was only the now. His heart pounded in his chest. The twisted sheets pressed into his front. The weight of him from above. The way his hands held him down. His hot breath on his neck. It was ecstasy, bliss.~_ __  
  
Johannes was embarrassed. He hadn’t intended for such an intimate moment to have been uncovered. In truth, neither had Baktraga. But memories like that had a habit of showing themselves. It was partly why Baktraga and his kin would never join with just anyone.  
  
_~_ ** _ **A new teacher had started at the school.**_** _He was an artist. His was name Emre Solak. He was going grey prematurely and he wore a gold wedding ring on his finger. His voice sounded like melted chocolate. His cologne smelled of musk and spices. Johannes was too awkward to start up a conversation, he could barely manage to look at him without wondering how he kissed. For a whole year this went on._  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had started as a joke.**_** _His coworker, Lawrence, had been going through a bad divorce. His soon to be ex-wife had asked to keep the house. His coworker had begrudgingly agreed to this but he was bemoaning having to live on his own again. Johannes had joked that he should move in with him, and they could be bachelors together. But he didn’t take it as a joke. Johannes felt too bad for him to correct him, and so within the month, they were living together. ~_  
  
_~ The feel of chalk as he wrote. The attentive faces as he spoke. The look of excitement when they figured something out on their own. The pride when they passed. The knowledge that he had found his place in the world. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **He had been nervous that day.**_** _Very nervous. It was always nerve-racking when he started at a new job. Orientation had went well enough, and he’d been given a short time to meet some of the other teachers. When they learned what he was teaching, they’d smiled wryly at him. Not one them said anything but he knew what they were thinking. But that day was the first he had with students, under supervision of the principal at the time. There had been snickering, jokes told under their breath, a general testing of boundaries. But Johannes wasn’t having any of it, he’d laid down the law and managed to control the class. The principal was impressed. Finally things were looking up. ~_  
  
_~ He said the words over and over again. Paid attention to the way they felt in his throat, the way he held his tongue, his lips. His voice was breaking but that didn’t matter. Th - th - th - th - thhhhhhhhh. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **The sun had already set that evening.**_** _Hans was waiting for the au pair to collect him after his violin lesson. It was just him and one other boy, waiting in the darkness. The boy went to another school, and Hans didn’t actually know much about him. He was always quiet and softly spoken. He was a better violinist than Hans by far, possibly the best in their class. His hair was brown and his face was covered in freckles. When he smiled it betrayed a wicked sense of humour. Hans edged closer to him, daring to be bold. He had very long elegant fingers, perfectly manicured. He could just imagine how they would feel against his own. The boy asked him if he had a crush on anyone at school. Hans had admitted there was someone. He asked if they were a girl. Hans felt his stomach turn knots. If. He didn’t dare answer but the boy had understood what the silence meant. “I thought so,” he said, “Me too.” Hans had never met anyone else like him. He’d heard about them, but no one ever… said it. The boy took his hand in the darkness. “Have you ever kissed a boy?” Hans had to admit he had not. “Did you want to now?” Hans couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was so shy in class. They kissed in the darkness. A short fumbling peck in secret. They never spoke of it again. ~_  
  
Johannes had triggered the memories by accident, he was alarmed, and felt guilty because Sam had urged him to be passive. Baktraga was watching over him, concerned but proud of how easily he had pulled them forward. Johannes never found it easy to talk of such things in person, but perhaps this was his natural way of communicating. It felt as though a great burden was being lifted from his shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was largely an experiment and one of the main reasons for this self-indulgent fic in the first place. It's definitely a fun way to explore backstories in a dynamic way and pushes things away from stagnant flashbacks. I might end up doing something similar in the future, but I don't know with what characters.


	23. Within and Without

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam joins with Johannes and things are never the same again.

**_**Saturday, July 7**_**  
  
Johannes had never known anything like it, and part of him felt as though he should have been terrifyied, but with Sam this was not the case. Sam was gentle enough in any occasion, but when joined Johannes learned he embodied tenderness and affection with an intensity he had never known. He wanted Sam to know, to understand. With a careful yet inexperienced pull, Johannes reached within the depths of his memories and tried to pull out the memory of events that had changed everything.  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had been a peculiar day that day.**_** _It had started out normal enough, the last day of the school year before summer break. There had been the concert for the kids. It had started well enough, about what one would expect from adolescents, but then things… fell apart. There had been a tremor earlier that morning, people thought nothing of it. Everyone assumed it was another minor quake. There had been an explosion in the sewer system underground the town. A broken main, everyone assumed. Great black smog billowed up into the air like a horrific mushroom cloud, carpeting the sky like an ominous blanket. But then there had been screaming, carnage… creatures made of stone. Johannes was convinced he had been losing his mind. He had tried to be useful, but had to abandon Susannah after a collision. So he waited in the school with everyone else._  
  
_That night he couldn’t sleep. The news was saying it was mass hysteria, but that wasn’t the case. He worried about his secret friend. His friend had let him know he was okay, and he was glad that Johannes was safe. Johannes couldn’t get him out of his head. The following two weeks were not fun. The media had gotten hold of the story and it became known as ‘The Curious Case of Arcadia’, and ‘Arcadia Mania’. The official story was that a minor earthquake had ruptured the mains and the sewer system, the from the ensuing explosion was toxic smoke, resulting in unreliable reports. There had been a skit on Saturday Night Live. It became a meme. So everyone had to carry on as normal. The damage was repaired as soon as possible, to the town, to everyone’s reputation, and to Susannah personally. He continued on with his work, trying to ensure he wasn’t ‘interim’ principal forever. He tried to get the stone creatures from his mind. The children wearing metal armour. The kobold that had spooked him as a child. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **Hans had always had trouble sleeping in the dark.**_** _When he was younger his au pairs would tolerate it, and let him sleep with the light on. But that night they were sleeping at his grandfather’s house on the farm, and he had no choice but to sleep in the dark. His Oma had given him a glass of milk and a chocolate chip cookie to help him sleep. He wasn’t hungry so he left the cookie sitting on its saucer, planning on keeping it for a morning snack. He had thought he saw movement, maybe even eyes in the shadows but didn’t dare to get up and check. At some point he rolled over, and found himself face to face with a tiny old man with a red pointed cap and white beard helping himself to his cookie. Half asleep Hans tried to shoo the old man away before realisation hit, but screamed when the little man snarled at him with viciously sharp, pointed teeth and scurried away. Every adult in the house came running  and were relieved but slightly annoyed to find out that Hans was sobbing and soaked through because he’d ‘had a nightmare’. But Hans knew he didn’t have a nightmare. He’d seen a kobold, he was sure of it. He couldn’t understand why the grown-ups wouldn’t believe him. ~_  
  
Johannes had triggered the memories intentionally. He was so proud of himself for being able to do it. He was less proud of how he had reacted as a seven year old, but that was besides the point.  
  
_~ The anger. The pain. The territorial rage. The way the metal dug into his hands as he seized it back. The way she had sobbed like he had broken her heart. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **Lilli had come to him when it happened.**_** _Hans had never been more bewildered in his life. He had never considered that such a thing would happen to his baby sister, but it stood to reason that it was going to happen one day. They never taught him much about it in school, he didn’t really know what you were supposed to do about it. There was no question of asking their mother. Hans had gone to the au pair and explained the situation. She had laughed and shooed Hans away, it was girl’s business she had said. Hans had no business knowing about such things. They had spoken about girl’s business in French with hushed whispers. Hans didn’t know French. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **It was a blessing he had been able to get time off work.**_** _Lilli had chosen to get married in the south of France, not far from her new home city of Toulouse. Her fiancé had filled the church with his family, but Lilli had only her friends. It had been an honour and a privilege to give her away, but it made him so angry. So angry that their parents wouldn’t come. So angry that her in-laws had pitied her so blatantly. Lilli wasn’t a woman to be pitied. Next to Lilli he was a pathetic mouse of a man, a coward and a fool. She was a force to be reckoned with. They would soon learn. ~_  
  
_~ The taste of roast potatoes and winter spices. The din of the extended family conversing over the Christmas dinner. That they were watching his every move like vultures, waiting for a single misstep. The way she had hugged him with every fibre of her being when nobody else was looking. ~_  
  
The memories were spontaneous, pure, each triggering the other. Johannes’s feelings for his sister were complex, love and rivalry, the deep understanding of siblings who were forced to rely on one another for comfort and company. Baktraga enveloped Johannes with love, just in case there was ever any doubt he was safe.  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had been raining earlier that day.**_** _The sky was still heavy and grey, and the ground was laced with puddles and patches of mud, but at least he wasn’t going to get wetter standing by the basketball hoop. Hans hated waiting for his au pair. She insisted on picking Lilli up from her ballet first, so he was always left waiting after piano lessons to go to violin lessons. It was tedious business. He picked up his English copy of The Hobbit and continued where he’d left off. Naturally he’d read the second German translation before, but he needed to study English as it appeared in the wild if he was ever going to be fully fluent. It would also have been nice to talk to the English exchange student. He couldn’t explain why he’d become so obsessed with him over such a short time, but never managed to gather the courage to speak with him. He wanted so badly to be his friend, but he was certain the boy didn’t even know he existed._  
  
_Some boys were shouting, profanities, hollering like catcallers. Hans had been so engrossed in the book that he hadn’t realised it had been at him and he’d lunged forward, having been jumped from behind. He tried to protect the book but this turned out to be a mistake. They’d wrenched it from his hands and were tossing between the three of them. A fourth was standing by the side, laughing. It was the English exchange student. Hans struggled to get the book back from their games but he wasn’t quite fast enough. To his dismay, one of the boys failed to catch the book properly and it bounced straight into a puddle. Hans tried to rescue it but was pushed into the water, landing on his hip. The boys screamed with laughter. Overcome with rage and humiliation, he wailed into the nearest boy, unleashing his frustrations with every punch, kick and grab. The three others joined into the fray and quickly overpowered him, pulling his head by his hair. Furiously he tried to bite them, head butt them, anything._  
  
_There was screaming, yelling, a guttural onslaught of profanities and threats in both broken English and Italian. The boys scattered to a safe distance, leaving Johannes holding his wretched book. His au pair helped him up. She was a young woman, always under-dressed, bright red lipstick and dyed blonde hair. Hans hated how she dressed. The boys catcalling not ten metres away proved his point. She escorted him towards her car, explaining why he had to be the bigger man. It wasn’t fair. Hans had to be the bigger man for everyone. The au pair took the library book from him and tutted, “Mama and Papa will being disappointment.” Hans begged for them to not be told. He was already grounded for rebelling during violin lessons the previous week._  
  
_A handsome man with perfect hair, earrings, a black leather jacket and tight high waisted jeans leant on the old Ford Taunus TC3, she was blue and rusty but still serviceable. Hans he knew the man as the au pair’s secret boyfriend. His parents didn’t want her dating at all, let alone ‘riff-raff’, but still she would leave him to watch over Hans and his younger siblings every now and again. Georg was far too young to understand, but Lilli and especially Hans appreciated the rebellion. He would often sneak a peak at the two of them together when they didn’t think any one was watching. They would smoke, and drink, and tease each other like playful children. Hans hoped so desperately that he had not seen what had happened with the book, but unfortunately he had witnessed Han’s humiliation. The handsome man smiled encouragingly at Hans and told him he did good. Hans smiled back. He felt understood. ~_  
  
The memory was presented as though on a silver platter, Johannes was getting bold. He’d never told anyone about the Hobbit. He had wanted to tell Sam about it for months. He knew Sam would appreciate the significance. It was so obvious in hindsight but young Hans had been too sheltered, too ignorant of what he was to see it.  
  
_~_ ** _ **It was dark and quiet in the living room.**_** _The only light and noise came from the television, other than his own breathing. It had started as a whim, but quickly became a ritual, every night he’d sneak into the living room after everyone else had gone to bed and watch a game his father had recorded with the VSR. It was always on mute of course, he didn’t want to wake anyone and get into trouble. He sat transfixed, waiting for the moment. He had to be quick, it was a blink and you missed it moment. Many times he’d have to rewind and try and again and again until he could capture it. The man was running, ball in hand, he turned his head behind him, hair blowing in the wind. Hans couldn’t explain it but it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He was the most beautiful person Hans had ever seen. Every night he’d sneak out of bed just to find this moment. He sit there in the silence just watching. He couldn’t explain it. He just needed to burn the memory of the moment into his eyes for all time. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **Hans had been alone in the house.**_** _It was a Saturday. His father was out working, as always. His mother was out shopping, as always. And the au pair had taken Lilli and Georg to the zoo. Hans wouldn’t have minded going, but he had homework that needed finished, and he was still grounded from picking a fight with the boy next door who had called him some… unkind things. The words had felt funny. He hadn’t fully understood what they meant, or why they clung to him like cilices, uncomfortable, shameful. He had finished his homework early, and eagerly explored the house to find mischief to get into. He found himself at the au pair’s bedroom. It was a small poky room, just across from Georg’s bedroom. He pushed the door cautiously and found it wasn’t locked. It wasn’t an organised room, not by any means. The bed was small, probably an old child’s bed. It was home to a mountain of clothes and underwear. There was a desk wedged into the corner, absolutely covered with folders, books, and papers. Next to the desk was a small vanity. It was nothing more than a side-table with a medium-sized mirror haphazardly slapped atop of it. She had the various celebrities she admired or lusted after fixed around the frame. Compared to them, Hans was an embarrassment. Although he had always been a small kid, he’d recently had a growth spurt and his gangly limbs seemed too long, and his shoulders seemed too broad for his ribcage._  
  
_Hans spilled out the pencil case containing make-up, examining each piece as though they were a work of art. Without thinking, he sorted everything into groups. She had five red lipsticks. Hans couldn’t imagine why she would need five. Admittedly, they were all slightly different shades and hues, but she would always just look like a young woman wearing red lipstick. Hans didn’t understand. Yet he couldn’t make himself put one of the lipsticks down. Its colour was slightly pink in hue, lighter than the others. It smelled faintly of cherries. It’s container, Hans didn’t know the name, was covered in a pattern of red and pink roses like wallpaper, the roses leaves were printed with gold foil. Overall, it was definitely the most beautiful of her collection. Hans couldn’t explain it, but there was something… comforting about it. Holding it in his hand, he felt like he could deal with anything, do anything. He turned around and around in his hand. He didn’t want to wear it, but deep down he knew that he needed it for some reason. Surely she wouldn’t miss one. She had so many lipsticks. Hans put the lid back on with a click and slid it into his pocket. Feeling suddenly ashamed of his actions, he tidied away her cosmetics and tried to put everything back where they came from._  
  
_The following day he had heard the au pair yelling at his baby sister, for going through her things. She wanted her lipstick back. It wasn’t just any lipstick. It was expensive. Her boyfriend had bought that lipstick. It was cowardly, but Hans couldn’t bring himself to come forward, even if Lilli was crying at the woman’s accusations. Hans couldn’t explain his motivations to himself, let alone another person. He hid the lipstick in the boot of one of his model toy trucks that were DEFINITELY NOT FOR PLAYING GEORG and tried to act that it didn’t exist. Except. Except at night when he couldn’t sleep. He’d slink across his bedroom floor, reach inside the boot, and slink back to bed. He’d turn the lipstick in his hand, clicking and unclicking the lid, thinking about how the au pair must have felt when her boyfriend gave it to her. Had he smiled, had he bought it for her right there in the store, was it gift wrapped and presented with a twinkle in his eye? ~_  
  
_~ The way the light caught the tiny metal hood when it popped up. The smooth, hard texture under his fingers. The unnecessarily detailed plastic interior. It was red. A perfectly shiny glossy red with just the hint of pink. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had been difficult but Hans had managed to smuggle the lipstick to Mureck.**_** _He had hidden it almost immediately when he got to the cottage, as soon as he was sure his grandfather had fallen asleep. For months he daren’t touch it, or even look where he had hidden it, lest his grandfather grew suspicious and went to uncover it.  It was ridiculous. Why would a boy need to have lipstick, boys weren’t supposed to have make-up. He was never going to wear it. One day, he took it out of its hiding place and went for a walk. Once he reached no place in particular, he took the lipstick in his hand and turned it over one more time. If only he were allowed to have it. With a deep sigh, he pulled his arm back and threw it as far as he could. Where it landed he was never sure. It was never there when he looked for it again. ~_  
  
Baktraga was growing more concerned, he could feel deeper memories begin to stir. They had been nestling within the place where anger met fear, a deep well of unresolved grief and pain. It would not be good if they all presented at once.  
  
_~_ ** _ **It had taken a full year before he was allowed to return to Graz.**_** _He felt as though he had been a mere foolish boy, but he had learned so much about himself and the world, he was stronger and less naïve. He felt as though he returned as a respectable young man, someone his father and grandfather would approve of. It had been difficult to return home again. The house had changed. The au pair had been replaced. Even Hans had been replaced with a new little brother, Josef. He had missed Lilli most of all, she had gotten so tall, so elf-like. Of course, Georg was being spoilt rotten, getting off with things Lilli and himself would have been surely punished for. He had inherited Hans’s collection of model cars and trucks, and had already broken half of them. It wasn’t fair. But Hans had grown accustomed to his grandfather’s Spartan lifestyle. The treats and trinkets his parents showered on their children as an alternative to human affection had come to seem so hollow. All he asked was for their respect and he did his absolute best to earn that. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **His grandfather’s cottage was a small affair.**_** _With only one bedroom, Hans was expected to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. The kitchen was small, and the refrigerator smaller. There was no television, not even a library. When Hans had visited as a small child, it had been a novel affair, but when he was expected to live there indefinitely, it was torturous. His new school was equally as humble. Hans made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t make friends. He wouldn’t distract himself with inappropriate crushes or getting into fights with the other boys. He would devote himself entirely to improving his grade and being as acceptably non-confrontational as possible. Only then would he be allowed home. Only when his grandfather was satisfied his ‘rebellious phase’ was over. ~_  


**_**~ He’d been attending university in Vienna when it happened.**_** _It was only the second funeral he’d been to in his life. It wasn’t like his Oma’s, whatever affection he had felt for the man in his childhood had long since dissolved into bitterness. The only person who cried that day was young Josef. There had been talk of what was going to happen to his cottage. An uncle wanted it. Hans’s father had wanted it sold. Hans wanted it burned to the ground. There was arguing. Hans hoped that when he died there would be no arguing. ~_  
  
_~_ ** ** _It was the first and only time he had seen his father cry._**** _It had been a long day. The family had gathered for the funeral of his grandmother and it had been a solemn, depressing affair. Hans had thought the priest had been unnecessarily cruel. Whether or not someone was going to hell was up to God, surely, but to bring into question whether or not his sweet Oma was in fiery torment during her funeral service seemed a bit too far. He wasn’t supposed to see it. He knew this. But after they had gotten home his parents had disappeared in their bedroom. He was curious about why they had been in such a hurry to lock themselves away when surely they’d want to comfort Hans and his sister, who had just lost their dearest Oma. His father was sitting on the edge of the bed, sobbing into his hands, his mother’s arms wrapped around him. Hans found this deeply and gut-wrenchingly disturbing. Never before had he seen anything as uncanny as seeing his father, his stern and emotionally distant father, in a such an intensely vulnerable moment. Hans had slinked away and never mentioned what he saw to anyone. ~_  
  
The memories bubbled up like boiling water, with each memory another clung to it like a chain. Baktraga wanted to unjoin, then and there, but Johannes begged he waited. These were what he had wanted to talk about but had never been able. This was why he held his heart so tightly.  
  
_~ Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip - drip. Splosh. Drip. Drip. Split. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip - drip. Splosh. Drip. Drip. Split. He was going to scream. ~_  
  
_~ The splinter of wood as the violin smashed into the wall. The way she had screamed at him. He wasn’t going to play any more. He wasn’t going to be played any more. The spite that overcame him and turned his heart bitter. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ ** _Lilli had sobbed when Hans had told her._**_** _Hans didn’t want to go. But his parents insisted he had to. “The city is bad for him,” they said. “Television is corrupting our child,” they said. “He’s confused,” they said. “The mountain air will be good for him,” they said. “We’ll tell people it’s for his grandfather,” they said. But it was a lie. Hans was a disruption to their otherwise perfect family. The drive to Mureck was miserable. His father had insisted he drove Hans personally. The animosity between them had already been building up for years, but they were both at breaking point. Neither spoke, they wouldn’t even look at each other. Hans spent the entire trip silently wishing there would be an accident on the road so he didn’t have to spend time with his grandfather. His grandfather wouldn’t take shit from anybody. Hans knew this. Once they got to their destination his father opened the car door, watched him carry the few personal belongings he was allowed into the living room, and then drove away. If his grandfather hadn’t been standing there, waiting for any flaw to pounce on, he would’ve burst into tears. ~_  
  
_~ It was hard to breathe with his face in the pillow, his nose was blocked from sobbing. His body ached. He knew he was going to bruise. She had touched his arm so lightly. He was so angry. So ashamed. But she loved him. He never doubted that she loved him. Nobody needed to know why the kids at school had ambushed him again. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **It was the most terrifying day of his life.**_** _He was recently back at his childhood home, having finally graduated University. Georg and Josef were out of the house, their au pair having taken them to the park. He had asked Lilli to be with him for moral support. He waited until after they had eaten, and asked his parents to join him in the living room. He sat them down. He told them the truth. They were livid. Johannes had expected as much. His mother was shouting, yelling, shaking. His father just sat there, silent, unable to look him in the eye. They were both so utterly disgusted that Johannes would put his own self interest above their hopes and dreams for him. He had yelled back, he was done with trying to live by their rules. He was never good enough for them. Nothing he did was ever quite up to their standards. Eventually his mother stormed off, and his father looked at him coldly and said, “You’re no longer welcome in this house.” Johannes didn’t care. It was the conclusion he had been expecting. He had Erik and his friends in Vienna, it was better there. ~_  
  
_~ He was in shock. The sounds of pleasure that were not his own. The way the door had been left ajar as though they never expected or cared if he saw. The realisation that he’d been played. That this had been going on the whole time. The raking sobs that seemed to come out of nowhere. The way they’d laughed at him like he had been a fool to care. The resolution that he’d never love anyone that hard again. ~_  
  
_~ He had stared at the screen for hours. The furious tick-tapping as he typed. The countless mugs of coffee. The fear he had been wrong about them all along. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t look. ~_  
  
_~ They were laughing. Cruel and immature. He clawed at his skin. Poorly concealed rage. A badly timed remark. Fists flailing. Salt on his lips. Iron on his tongue. The bitterness. The injustice. ~_  
  
_~ He tasted blood in his mouth, rage in his heart. The sound of fabric ripping. He slammed into the tarmac. His head was aching. The indignation. The frustration. The sheer and utter exhaustion. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ ** _He should have expected it._**_** _His fingers had carefully traced the contours of the man’s body captured in moment on the television screen, the curve of his waist down to his thigh, the muscles and sinews so clearly defined in his arms, the line his jaw to his ear, across his clavicle, down his chest. His breathing was shallow, and his chest was tight. He couldn’t stop what he was doing but he needed to understand. He needed to absorb the man through his eyes, his fingers, he couldn’t explain why. Something was wrong that day. He thought he saw something in the shadows. A movement. The feeling of being watched. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned around and faced a creature that caused his breath to leave his body, his blood to turn to ice in his veins. Like lightning he tried to turn the television off, but it was too late. It was far too late. His mother had seen him. It had felt as though it were in slow motion as she slapped him hard against the cheek. She wasn’t a physically violent woman. She had never once raised a hand towards him like that before. Hans was shocked, and hurt, but there was no point in trying to defend himself. She wouldn’t understand. She was going to tell his father, and he wouldn’t understand either. ~_  
  
_~ The sound of her voice after all those years. The sting of her words. The rage. The hatred. The disgust. The numbness once it was over. The way he looked at him. The shame of pushing him away. ~_  
  
_~ The smell of the woods in the air. The heat on his skin. The rising dread. The unadulterated pure fear. Words that stung. The shame of running. ~_  
  
_~ The blues. The purples. The yellows. The greens. A painted watercolour on his thigh. The way his fingers traced the circumference like stars in the sky. The shame in how he got it. ~_  
  
Johannes was panicking, for every bad memory he tried to suppress several more would take its place. They rapid-fired beyond his control, twisting, contorting, playing off one another. He was filled with shame but he refused to feel that way for things beyond his control. Baktraga filled him with love, and with everything he had, enough memories to leave him on a sweet note before they parted.  
  
_~ The way the sun beat down on him from above. He had rolled over, exposing his midsection. He was warm, and relaxed. It was bliss. Absolute bliss. ~_  
  
_~_ ** _ **He was young and full of life.**_** _Baktraga sped after his prey like a shooting star. They were lesser spirits, wild and wicked, miniature embodiments of id. They couldn’t have known why Baktraga was chasing him. Numbering in the hundreds they tried to overpower him, trick him with their nightmares, but it was no use. He took them into himself, one by one, feeding off their feral magic as though his very life depended on it. The ecstasy that followed was divine. He felt himself only so much more, oh so much more. ~_  
  
_~ The world was vast and splayed before him. A dappled expanse of unexplored realms. How many countless were staring at the same stars, feeling the same things. Although strangers, in that moment they were all one. The undefined feeling of the universe watching, uncaring. Or perhaps not. ~_  
  
_~ He dove and twisted in the water, weightless and free. Bubbles rippled against his flesh, his lungs burned. The way light dappled down from above. ~_  


He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. His vision was blurred but he didn’t care as to think why. His heart was racing, he was breathless, panting. It was unclear whether he couldn’t move, or merely lacked the will to. He blinked. He felt so empty, like a part of him was missing. He could still feel him inside, but they were echoes, whispers of a voice that had sung so loud. It was hard to remember what had happened. There had been gods, and mothers, and love. There had been so much love. And shame. Why had there been shame exactly? There was a warm touch on his arm, a hand making its way up to his cheeks. A familiar face looked down upon him, his warm brown eyes radiating such kindness and concern.  
“Ich bin hier, ich bin hier, Míleban. Das hast du gut gemacht,” Sam purred reassuringly, “There’s no wrong reaction, remember?”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m here, I’m here. You did good._ ]  
Johannes swallowed, choking on words he wasn’t sure how to say, “Do you remember what happened?”  
“For now,” Sam replied, “Do you?”  
Johannes stared at Sam, overwhelmed by all he could remember, “Yes,” he rolled over onto his side, unable to bear the beautiful brown eyes that saw through his soul for a second longer.  
“I feel your whispers inside me,” Sam snuggled in next to him, immediately assuming the role of big spoon like he always insisted, “You should be proud of how far you’ve come.”  
Johannes wasn’t sure how to respond to that, “Thank you?”  
“I knew you were holding onto something like that,” Sam nuzzled between Johannes’s shoulder blades, tickling as he always did, “You never said much but you said enough.”  
Johannes was mad at himself, he had made it seem like his childhood was nothing but bad parenting and bigotry, but his youth had been so much more than that, there were so many sweet memories that gone entirely untouched, “It wasn’t _all_ like that.”  
“Memories don’t work that way, honey. I know they don’t,” Sam chuckled, “You can’t choose what sticks or what rises to the surface, they just do.”  
“I had forgotten about the stupid lipstick,” Johannes admitted, hoping to change the subject slightly.  
“I know where you can buy ones like that,” Sam replied helpfully, “They’re not _exactly_ the same but still. You regretted throwing it away.”  
Johannes laughed, “I was just some inexperienced kid. Never even used it, just wanted something to validate my uh… difference. I replaced it with better, _gayer_ things.”  
Sam nuzzled his face into Johannes’s shoulders again, “Am _I_  your gold embossed, special edition scarlet-rose circa 1986 now?”  
Johannes thought about it, “Hey, I suppose you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is about all I have done so far. I suppose in theory I could have staggered publishing them but I wanted to get them all out of the way before the release date (and holiday season hits). I'm not technically done, but if I'm hit by a bus or something before I can release the chapters I'm working on now, it's actually not a terrible end point.


	24. Bracelets and Tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The annual faculty training conference is back again and Johannes is treating it as something of an anniversary.

**_**Saturday, July 21** _ **

It had been a long day but Johannes was glad it was nearly over. He fumbled at the door with his fancy swipe key, trying to balance his briefcase and pizza box in his other hand and arm respectively. Hearing the lock click, he barged his way in, dumping his briefcase by the door and pizza on the bed. Sam sat up, rubbing his eyes as though he had been asleep, and smiled contentedly. Johannes couldn’t believe it had already been a year since he’d finally plucked up the courage to ask Sam to spend a couple nights with him during the obligatory district faculty conference. In hindsight he probably hadn’t been wise to rush things so quickly, and at the time he absolutely had no idea Sam wasn’t human, but his memories were fond ones. Although it had originally been intimidating, Sam’s true nature had eventually come as something of a relief.  
“Good day?” Sam asked, opening the pizza box, the smell of bread and cheese filled the air.  
Johannes sat on the bed and took off his shoes, “It was okay,” he shrugged, and took a slice for himself, “How was your day?”  
“It was very nice,” Sam’s nose wrinkled as he smiled sleepily to himself, “I slept.”  
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Johannes asked between bites.  
Sam beamed at Johannes, “Of course, but don’t you worry about that.”  
“You know I always worry,” Johannes laughed.  
Sam raised an eyebrow, “Yes, but you don’t need to,” his eyes glanced down to the briefcase sitting by the door, his expression resembling one of a kicked puppy, “You don’t have more work to do, do you?”  
“Not tonight,” Johannes sighed gratefully, “I’m all yours.”  
Sam rubbed his hands together greedily, “Excellent,” he stopped to look down at his hands, evidently dismayed to realise the only thing he’d achieved was smearing pizza grease into his skin.  
Johannes took another slice of pizza, “I can’t believe it’s been a whole year,” he admitted.  
“Thank you,” Sam replied softly, “I didn’t realise how hungry I was.”  
“Oh, the sushi place was closed and—” Johannes caught Sam’s eye, “— ah, you’re not talking about the pizza.”  
Sam smiled at him with the warmth of a summer’s day, “No, I wasn’t.”  
“You always have to be so poetic with your words,” Johannes laughed.  
“Would rather I was blunt?” Sam wondered.  
“Sometimes,” Johannes admitted, “I like knowing what you’re saying.”

***

Johannes handed Sam the box of tissues to wipe his hands, and went through the pizza box into the trash outside. When he returned Sam was sitting cross-legged on the bed, shirt off, and flicking through the channels on the television.  
“Hey, Sam?” Johannes began, “Can you turn that off for a second?”  
Sam booped the remote and beamed at him, “Sure thing, what is it?”  
Johannes pulled up his briefcase and sat it next to him on the bed, “I know your ‘birthday’ was last week, and I meant to give this to you then—” he opened up the briefcase and pulled out a small gift bag and handed it Sam, “— but there was a delay at the jeweler here and I couldn’t get this before today.”  
“Oh?” Sam took the case out of the bag and opened it, “Oh! It’s a bracelet,” he pulled it out, turning it in his hands, “Seizures, periodic dementia-like symptoms, forgets English,” he read aloud, “How did you find a medical alert bracelet that had an enamel pride flag on it?”  
Johannes shrugged, “It was a custom commission, Auntie told me about him. I knew you wouldn’t want an ordinary one but it would give me peace of mind if you at least had something on you—”  
Sam discovered the tag that hung from the bracelet like a charm, “My name is Sam; if found please call my partner Johannes immediately on… oh it’s your personal cell number,” he read quietly, turning the tag in his hand.  
“I thought you’d appreciate the joke,” Johannes winced at the thought he’d over stepped some boundary, “I hope it isn’t insulting.”  
Sam shook his head, pouting slightly like he was trying not to cry, “I’m not insulted,” he insisted, “I’m just… it has your contact details, this is physical tangible proof of how much you care for me that other people will be able to read.”  
“True,” Johannes didn’t want to admit how much he’d agonised over the word partner, “And I made the decision I wanted it there. Also it comes off, so you can remove it if you want.”  
Sam hastily fastened the bracelet around his wrist, “It’s never coming off.”

***

Johannes sat on the bed in his underwear, flicking through television stations, hoping to find something that sparked his interest while waiting for Sam to return from the shower. Eventually he emerged, all fluffy hair and fresh skin, towel wrapped around his waist. He caught Johannes’s eye and smiled cheekily as he sat on the hotel bed next to him. Johannes smiled back and handed him the television remote wordlessly before heading off to the shower. He laughed as he faced the mirror and saw that Sam had written “Puns are hard on this summer’s day, so let me say I love you in a different way” in the moisture that clung to the glass, and drawn an eggplant underneath with a smiley face. He ran the hot water and kicked off his briefs, immersing himself in the downfall and letting it wash away the stresses of the day. There was a short silence coming from the hotel room, followed by the sound of what Johannes assumed would be called ‘meditation’ music. He let it drown his internal monologue, or at least actively tried. Part of him wanted to rush to return to Sam, but he forced himself to stay and get properly clean. If he needed anything in life, it was to feel clean.

Johannes stepped into the hotel bedroom once again, towel wrapped around his waist. Sam had turned off the lights, so the room was lit only by the dim lamps on the bedside drawers and the television screensaver that played to accompany Sam’s music. Sam sat on the bed, eyes closed, head held high, and legs tucked beneath him. Johannes sat next to him and gently touched Sam’s neck, curling his hand around to cup the base of his neatly cropped hairline. Sam yielded, displaying his throat in a languid, elegant gesture.  
“Teshíyi shécen im, túric òto im,” Sam whispered, “Dwina ih, eu fada omaiñialasta am sale.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: (verb) my (noun), (verb) my (noun), make me (verb), but (unknown word possibly an adverb) (noun possibly meaning love song but unsure) your (post position)_ ]  
Johannes paused to try and mentally translate what Sam was saying, “Dirty talk, huh?”  
Sam opened his eyes and smiled knowingly at him, “Sán, blásanleux, dirty talk.”  
“Uh,” Johannes had to concentrate to try and recall what little Mahomai he knew, “Blásanleux a… a le, is that right?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Talk dirty to me…_ ]  
“Ñíe,” Sam held a finger to his chin thoughtfully, “You want, ‘Taleux winata ih hih sale’, but I would let you get away with ‘Tablásanleux a le,’ you know, since you’re trying.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: No. Talk of (noun) to me. Dirty talk to me._ ]  
“Tablásanleux a le, Baktraga im,” Johannes smirked.  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Dirty talk to me, my Baktraga._ ]  
“Tos tíranta lovsta am sahih,” Sam purred, “Túshkeu shímeu tura dó im ales, takaro a nátiran ih sahih.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: open (noun) (noun) your (post position) (verb) (noun?) (verb?) that to you, (verb) you (adjective) to me._ ]  
Johannes pulled Sam closer to him and leant into his ear, “Show me.”

* * *

**_**_Sunday, July 22_ ** _ **

After rolling over, Johannes realised he’d been asleep. He’d had a dream where he was seventeen years old and trying to captain a pirate ship. His crew were all children under five, or elderly people over eighty, and yet somehow they all managed to be better pirates than him. The only person even remotely his age was his first mate Sam, who was exactly as he always was only with a majestic beard, and eyes that were windows to the ocean. At some point the ship received damage and began taking in water, so everyone had frantically found buckets and emptied the sea water back into the ocean. Only somehow the more water they emptied, the less water there was in the sea. It was a nonsense dream, and something he’d never tell a soul, but he couldn’t help wonder why his brain had chosen to give him pirates, of all things.

Sam sat up, his arms shaking as though he was shivering. Johannes turned to face him, watching him gasp for air, shaking his head, and clawing at the skin on his throat.  
Johannes pulled himself up sleepily and turned on the lamp beside him, “Sam? Sam? Hörst du mich?” he mumbled, still barely awake.  
[ _Translation from German: Can you hear me?_ ]  
Sam winced at the light and covered his eyes, the smallest of whimpers escaping his lips.  
“Wird schon, Sam,” Johannes wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling his closer, “Ich habe dich, ich habe dich.”  
[ _Translation from German: It’ll be okay, Sam. I’ve got you, I’ve got you._ ]  
Sam pawed at his face clumsily, “Wo?” he asked hoarsely, “Wer… sind?”  
[ _Translation from German: Where? Who… are?_ ]  
Johannes took ones of his hands and squeezed it, “Ich heiße Johannes, und du heißt Sam. Erinnerst du dich noch?”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m Johannes and you’re Sam. Do you remember yet?_ ]  
“Mmm,” Sam rubbed his hands, “Mein Kopf tut weh, Honigbär,” he groaned.  
[ _Translation from German: My head hurts, honey bear._ ]  
“Du solltest dich hinlegen und versuchen zu schlafen,” Johannes replied, trying not to sound too inconvenienced.  
[ _Translation from German: You should lie down and try to get some sleep._ ]  
Sam sunk down, curling into Johannes’s lap, “Es tut mir leid,” he yawned, “Schlaf weiter.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m sorry, go back to sleep._ ]  
Johannes snuggled back down and waited until Sam wrapped his arms around his waist, nuzzling his face between his shoulder blades. He took hold of Sam’s hand and held it tight, listening to his breathing as he slowly fell asleep.  


***

The tavern bustled with activity. People were coming and going, some enjoying a nice meal, others getting in some stone-faced drinking in the pleasure of their own company. Johannes sat near the head at the largest table with a number of district faculty members from the conference they’d all attended. It was a long standing tradition that they’d all meet together on the last day of the work training program at the tavern for a nice meal. There had been a delay in the kitchen, so the part was reduced to trying to pass the time by making small talk.  
“My eldest is getting married this fall,” Dr. Key explained to their end of the table, “I wish she had chosen to do this _before_ she started having kids, but there’s only so much you can do at her age,” he was the assistant superintendent and had taken over the superintendent’s role as overseer in his unexpected absence.  
“Isn’t your daughter nearly thirty?” Chandra asked carefully.  
“Yes, that’s right,” Dr. Key nodded, “Her fiancé is an anesthesiologist, they met at Stanford.”  
Chandra raised her brow disapprovingly, “I’m sure she’d appreciate you discussing her like that,” she replied into her glass, “I know I love it when _my_ parents boast about me at dinner parties.”  
Dr. Key narrowed his eyes at Chandra, “I’m not boasting, I’m just pleased she’s finally decided to do the adult thing.”  
“Adult thing?” Ms. Clark, the other assistant superintendent inquired, “I suppose you think I’m a child then, Eric?” she asked drily.  
“Well,” Dr. Key made a face like a man caught stealing food from the work fridge, “You _do_ have that porcelain doll collection _and_ dress your dogs as celebrities for your Christmas cards.”  
Some of the members of the party giggled nervously, not knowing if it were a joke, “There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies, Dr. Key,” Chandra reminded everyone.  
“I just think, after a certain age, it’s definitely odd for someone to not marry. Sure when you’re teenagers it’s fine to be girlfriend and boyfriend, but after you turn twenty four or so?” Dr. Key shrugged, “It just seems _odd_. There’s nothing stopping you from getting married, why not find someone and get on with it?”  
Several members of their group rolled their eyes at each other, “That’s an outdated expectation, Eric. I suppose you’d rather all us lady folk _retired_ to raise kids, leaving the _important_ stuff to you men, huh?” Ms. Clark cocked her head sharply, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing with the abrupt movement.  
Dr. Key looked horrified, “No! Of course not, I have no problems with women having careers,” he paused awkwardly, “I just think it’s unnatural to live alone, regardless of gender, and financially unwise to not marry your partner once after you’ve established your relationship.”  
“Really?” Ms. Clark frowned, “Okay, show of hands. Who among us are still single?”  
A couple members of the party raised their hands, Johannes debated for a moment whether he wanted to lie about his relationship status but ended up taking too long and missed his chance.  
“Don’t lie,” Ms. Clark chided, “I _know_ you’re lying Johannes. I’ve never anyone less interested in being a human being.”  
“I’m not lying, Ms. Clark,” Johannes smirked, “I _do_ have a wife.”  
“Really?” Dr. Key gasped, “Who is she?”  
Johannes’s smirk broadened, “My job, I’m married to my job.”  
The table groaned collectively, “Very funny,” Ms. Clark huffed, “So are you still single or not?”  
The smirk fell off of Johannes’s face in an instant, “Um,” he coughed, “Actually no, I’ve had a partner for several months now.”  
Dr. Key grinned at him knowingly, “What’s her name?”  
“Uh,” Johannes wasn’t sure he wanted to correct the pronoun or not, “Sam.”  
“God-freaking-dammit!” a woman exclaimed under her breath, she wasn’t from his school and he only vaguely remembered her name as something beginning with a G. Johannes only recognised her as the upsettingly persistent one who insisted on handing him her number every year.  
Ms. Clark nodded at him, impressed but so ever so slightly betrayed, “Good for you. I bet she looks like a supermodel and does charity work out of the goodness of her heart.”  
“Well,” Johannes shrugged awkwardly, “Sam _certainly_ knows how to wear clothes, and you’re almost right about the charity work, although it’s a paid position, not voluntary.”  
The table nodded approvingly. If it were an option Johannes, would’ve sooner dove out the nearest window but it was one of those bureaucratic situations where he found obfuscating preferable to being seen as aloof.  
“And it’s serious?” Ms. Clark wondered.  
“Of course we’re serious,” Johannes scoffed.  
“Are you planning on kids?” Ms. G-something asked.  
“No, we’re not,” Johannes replied curtly, resenting the line of inquiry.  
“Why not, is there something wrong with her?” Dr. Key asked conversationally.  
“If I can just say,” Chandra began, using her ‘I’m not mad but disappointed’ voice, “I think it’s _highly_ disrespectful you feel entitled to _that_ information.”  
“Thank you but I’ve got this,” Johannes smiled appreciatively at Chandra, before turning back to Dr. Key, “We’re unable to have children _biologically_ , and it’s none of your business why.”  
“Oh… I see, everything makes sense now!” Ms. G-something hissed triumphantly under breath, barely audible but Johannes could read her lips well enough.  
Dr. Key cringed, “Oh I’m sorry, do forgive me. I didn’t think there was _actually_ something wrong with her.”  
Johannes sighed wearily, “I know, and for the record I never said the issue was with Sam specifically, _or_ that it was a problem at all.”  
Dr. Key looked him up and down, not really knowing where to look, “I… see, you’re right,” he cleared his throat and turned to Ms. Clark, “So this weather, huh?”

Johannes relaxed slightly as the conversation turned away from him, and quietly drunk his glass of complementary water, wondering how much longer he had to endure such ‘pleasantries’ before it was socially acceptable to slink off home. He pulled out his phone and decided to text Sam an update.

» Johannes: Just told the upper administration about you. «  
» Sam: Oh? What did you tell them? «  
» Johannes: I told them we’d been together for several months and we’re serious. Someone asked if we plan on kids, so I told them that we’re not. And not only are we not planning on it, we couldn’t biologically make one if we wanted to. «  
» Sam: Well, surely they’d assume that considering we’re gay. «  
» Johannes: Aha well, I may have avoided all pronouns, so they think you’re a lady. It’s cowardly, but I just want to eat the dinner I already paid for and go. «  
» Sam: That’s clearly not cowardice, honey. «  
» Johannes: Lying by omission is still lying. «  
» Sam: I refuse to get into this argument again while I’m eating macaroni. «

***

With the greatest mercies of the universe, the pre-purchased dinners finally arrived at the table, and the party concerned itself with eating, drinking, and quietly judging Mrs. Archer’s orange silk blouse and pink tulle skirt with their eyes. Johannes focussed on being polite and avoiding the knowing smirks from Ms. G-something from across the table. It was obvious she figured out the reason Johannes had been avoiding gendering Sam at all, and by extension, the reason he had shirked off her repeated advances every time. But otherwise she was behaving herself, and didn’t seem to be that scandalised by the revelation. The evening wore on and after the dessert had been eaten, people began to take their leave. Chandra was one of the first to go, along with several other parents to youngish children. 

Johannes made his way to the bar and ordered himself something refreshing to drink. It was getting late but he wanted a moment to clear his head before he hit the road. A man came up behind him and ordered himself a beer, taking a seat next to Johannes. Without thinking he turned to look at the stranger and was taken aback by how handsome he was. He was tall, relatively brawny, wearing a tight white t-shirt, and fitted jeans. Johannes took a swig of his iced water and tried to avoid eye contact. Despite his best efforts Johannes couldn’t fully prevent his eyes from awkwardly glancing across, drawn to the curve of his back, the way his jeans strained against the girth of his thighs. He toyed with the idea of striking up a conversation with the man, maybe even introducing him to Sam, but Johannes wasn’t willing to even consider it with an audience. He took another swig of his water and looked at the man out of the corner of his eye, noting the five o’clock shadow spilling down his throat.  
“Hey!” it was a low voice, “Just who do you think you are?” the man turned to face Johannes, puffing up his chest, “Get yer eyes off my wife!”  
“Huh?” Johannes blinked, “I’m sorry?” he had not noticed a woman before, but there was indeed a curvaceous woman in a tight skirt was standing pretty close to the man, her back facing them both, “I - I think there’s been a misunderstanding.”  
The man raised his eyebrows incredulously, “You’re not even going to admit it? _Disgusting_.”  
Johannes sighed, “I didn’t even _see_ your wife.”  
“Then who were you looking at?” the man looked roughly in the spot where Johannes’s eyes had fallen, evidently gesturing with his hands that there was wasn’t much else for him to have looked at.  
Johannes nodded imperceptibly in his direction, “Your jeans are very tight,” he explained before downing the rest of his water, “I’ll be going now. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”  
The man glared at him horrified and watched Johannes walk away. He said something to his wife after Johannes was out of earshot but what it was, he had no idea.

***

The night was warm, and the parking lot teamed with tavern patrons and their respective vehicles. Johannes located Susannah in the darkness and fumbled for his keys. Someone approached him from behind and for a second he thought for sure the man from the bar had followed him out to cause trouble. He spun around and relaxed slightly when he saw it was Dr. Key, unmistakable for his wire frames shining in the street lights.  
“Oh, Dr. Key, I wasn’t expecting you,” Johannes leaned awkwardly against Susannah in a feigned attempt at casual sociability.  
“Hi! Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Dr. Key laughed, “But I was wondering if you would like to attend my next dinner party, with Sam of course, it’s a couples _only_ thing.”  
Johannes blinked, “Couples thing? What _kind_ of couples thing?”  
“Oh! Ha - ha, yeah I can see where you’d get the wrong impression, but it’s nothing like _that_. Just innocent time where we gather together and talk about things other than work,” it was hard to see but Johannes was certain Dr. Key was giving his best salesman grin.  
“That’s a relief!” Johannes wasn’t sure how he would’ve reacted to being legitimately asked to a swingers party but he could not have been more relieved he didn’t have to find out, “But Sam isn’t exactly like you’ve been imagining Dr. Key, I’m not sure you’d welcome him into your inner circle.”  
Dr. Key stared up at him, digesting the deliberate pronoun hanging in the air like red-penned commentary on a report paper, “Did - did I hear you correctly?”  
Johannes shrugged dramatically, “I couldn’t say, Dr. Key.”  
“Sam is a _he_?” Dr. Key gasped quietly.  
“I can confirm that, ja,” Johannes wasn’t confident Dr. Key would take things well, but he was enjoying having the upper hand, if only for a moment.  
“You’re gay?” Dr. Key stood a half step back.  
“That’s right, Dr. Key,” Johannes wasn’t sure what the half step had been about but it made him nervous.  
“Then why did you let me make a _fool_ of myself out there?” Dr. Key despaired, “Am I the _only_ one who didn’t know?”  
Johannes sighed, of course it was all about his pride, “I’ve only told Chandra at that table, I couldn’t correct you without outing myself, so I let it slide.”  
“Oh thank the lord,” Dr. Key exhaled, “But why are you keeping it under your hat? It’s not like you can get fired for it any more.”  
“I prefer to keep my personal life my own business, Dr. Key,” Johannes replied, not at all appreciating the casual way his superior had dismissed one of his deepest darkest fears as though it were a thing of the far distant past.  
“Fair enough,” Dr. Key nodded sombrely, the light from the street lights dancing on his glasses like stars, “Thank you for sparing me further embarrassment, I’m sorry I made something of an ass of myself out there. Obviously the invitation still stands for the dinner party, my brother-in-law is gay, his husband is bisexual, you won’t be the odd ones out.”  
Johannes had a vivid mental image of Sam carefully explaining how to make dental dams on the cheap to a room full of uptight, middle-aged and upper-class intellectual elite with the same wide-eyed enthusiasm he brought to every occasion, “Somehow I doubt that,” he laughed, “But I’ll ask Sam if he’s interested and let you know.”  
“Good!” Dr. Key exclaimed, “One quick question before I let you go, what’d’s he like?”  
“Well,” Johannes wasn’t sure where to begin, “Sam is a very _unique_ individual,” it felt like a disservice to Sam to leave it at that so he decided to add a little bit more, “He’s very sweet and earnest and completely unashamed to be weird. He’s also stronger and more courageous than he’ll ever let on. And he’s _smart_ , speaks _way_ more languages than me, and he’s so hands—” he stopped dead in his tracks, blushing intensely and overcome with embarrassment.  
Dr. Key chuckled to himself, “I was actually asking about what _food_ he likes, you know for the dinner party, but I’m glad to hear it.”  
“Oh,” Johannes wasn’t sure where to look, “Uh, okay, he likes everything, but he doesn’t eat much.”  
“Good to know,” Dr. Key shook Johannes firmly by the hand, “I’ll let you go, but be sure to get back to me. These things take a great deal of planning.”  
“Oh ah, of course, Dr. Key,” Johannes nodded, watching the assistant superintendent walk away.  
Dr. Key spun around, finger guns in the air, “Glad to see you’re a real human after all.”  
“Why do people keep— —” Johannes started, “Ach, never mind.”

***

After everything that had happened, all Johannes wanted to do was climb into bed with Sam and sleep for a million years. He clambered up the carpeted stairs and opened the door, bracing himself to say his fair wells before getting back on the road for the long, but not necessarily far drive back to Arcadia. Auntie, Dorothy and Sam were huddled next to each other in front of the television, conversing with a burly man via the webcam.  
“Hey! Good to see you!” Auntie beamed, “Come say hello to Robbie, Johannes!”  
Johannes made his way to the others and leaned on the sofa, “Um… hi? I’m Johannes, you’re the son-in-law, right?”  
Robbie laughed heartily, “Yeah, that’s right. Lewis is my husband.”  
“Lewis?” Johannes queried.  
“Peter’s middle name is Lewis, he’s been going by Lewis for the last twenty years,” Auntie explained.  
“Oh, I see. So what is this all about?” Johannes asked, gesturing between the three sitting on the sofa and the webcam.  
“Well, Lewis is out of the house tonight, and little Phoenix is staying at her mommy’s house for the weekend. Mama Bea and I have been planning this for a while now,” Robbie nodded approvingly at Auntie, “You and Sam being here is just a bonus.”  
“Oh? Well, thank you,” Johannes shifted awkwardly, he didn’t want to get into a long conversation, but he was intensely curious what Robbie was like as a person.  
“I’ve heard lots about you,” Robbie continued, “Good things, obviously.”  
“That’s a relief,” Johannes sighed.  
“It must be hard working in the education field,” Robbie noted, “I’d be terrified.”  
Johannes frowned, “Nothing I can’t handle.”  
“Don’t tell Lewis but I’m hoping I can convince him to let us move to California,” Robbie whispered conspiratorially despite being apparently alone in the house, “I don’t want my little Phoenix growing up in this city. It’s so miserable and… angry here. She should have a nice backyard she can run around in and a school close enough and safe enough I’d be comfortable letting her walk to and from each day with her friends,” he paused thoughtfully, “And a dog! Oh, I want to teach her how to drive and change the tires on a car. She’s a modern lady, she’ll need to know these things.”  
“He’s such a good father,” Auntie cooed softly, “I _need_ to meet him in person.”  
Robbie nodded, “I’m saving up my leave so little Phoenix and I can spend time with you as a family, maybe around Christmas,” he frowned, his shoulders slumping, “I haven’t told Lewis yet, I uh, I don’t know if he’ll want to come.”  
Auntie tsked, “Ah, don’t worry Robbie dear, he’ll come around.”  
There was a creaking noise and the sound of a door slamming shut. Robbie’s face went pale and he looked up at someone out of frame, “Good evening, darling. You’re home early.”  
The man who could only have been Lewis groaned, and collapsed onto the couch, hunched over and facing the carpet, “I don’t want to talk about it, babe,” he happened to look up and his skin went grey, “What the fuck Robbie, what the fuck?”  
“I was just having a chat with Mama Bea and Dorothy, plus two of her friends,” Lewis grimaced, “I wasn’t expecting you home until much later,” he tried to explain.  
Lewis looked at the others with a tired, hurt expression, “Mama Bea, I’m really sorry but can I just… not do this right now?”  
“No it’s fine, I’ll turn them off,” Robbie walked up to the television and squared his face in the centre of the webcam so he took up their entire screen, “Good night everyone. It was nice seeing you all, and I’m so glad I got to meet the infamous Sam from the letters—” he nodded at Johannes, “— and you too Johannes, of course. I hope I get to see you all in person, but until then, be kind and keep safe.”  
They chorused their good nights and good byes, and after some fumbling on the other side, the screen went blank. Sam stood up and went to gather the bags at the door, while Auntie and Dorothy went into the kitchen to make themselves a light supper.  
“Will you stay for coffee, my dears?” Auntie cheekily waved what could only have been the most hideous mug Johannes had seen in his life, “I have decaf,” she added as though that would sweeten the deal.  
Despite his best efforts, Johannes made a face, “No thank you, Auntie, we really need to get going.”  
Auntie pouted, “Aw, what a pity. I was going to tell all about my one and only son-in-law.”  
“I’m sure Sam can fill me in on the road,” Johannes frowned, knowing full well Sam was probably going to sleep the entire journey.  


***

Sam climbed inside the passenger side and arranged the bags on his lap and under his seat. It was a tight fit, but he never once complained. Knowing Sam, Johannes couldn’t help but wonder if it had ever even occurred to him that complaining was an option. Sam slammed the door closed and snuggled down, getting into prime napping position. Johannes leant forward and rested his forehead onto the top of the steering wheel and groaned. The previous year he had tried _so_ hard to hide his exhaustion on the drive home, but he had nerves to fuel the effort. A year later, he had nothing to prove. He allowed himself a short moment to crash. He was unsurprised to feel Sam tracing gentle circles on his back, part of him desperately wanted him to continue, to just fall asleep right there in the parking lot, but he had things to do in the morning, and a spine screaming out for the firm support of a quality mattress.  
“Tu das nicht,” Johannes sighed begrudgingly, feeling like a starving man refusing food.  
[ _Translation from German: Don’t do that._ ]  
“Geht’s dir gut?” Sam asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.  
[ _Translation from German: Are you okay?_ ]  
“No, I mean… I told Dr. Key I’m gay,” Johannes admitted.  
“Oh he wasn’t shit about it was he?” Sam asked, his voice low and suggesting that he was fully prepared to harass the man for it if given half the chance.  
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Johannes reassured him, “But he uh, he invited us to a dinner party.”  
“What’s wrong with that? You don’t want to go?” Sam asked, “Oh wait, you don’t want _me_ to go. That’s fair enough, I know I tend to be too… familiar for some people. Probably not work appropriate.”  
Johannes turned to face him, horrified he could ever think that, “No way, I always hate those things and I _refuse_ to go without you.”  
“Surely you don’t have to go if you don’t want to?” Sam asked.  
Johannes waved his hands around vaguely, “Bureaucracy,” he explained.  
“Did you want me to turn on the radio?” Sam wondered, “You know, to keep you awake?”  
“Oh fine, sure - sure,” Johannes replied, not really caring one way or the other, “I was hoping you might speak some Mahomai at me, even though I’m too tired to probably understand I want to familiarize myself with the cadence.”  
“Oh nice, so I can speak absolute filth at you and you’ll think I’m reciting poetry,” Sam laughed.  
“From what you’ve explained, your dirty talk is all flowers and singing anyway,” Johannes laughed.  
“Tan kúlañesta ames èmayona im,” Sam purred, “Blásan im, omai im.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I love you, my flower, my song._ ]  
“Blásan im, omai im,” Johannes echoed, “Ha - ha, very funny, Sam. I hope you realize I can never hear people talking about the gardening hobbies now without feeling embarrassed.”  
Sam leant over and gave him a quick peck, “Blásan im, Míleban. Yir atan diar ih.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: My flower, Johannes. How you please? me._ ]  
Johannes cleared his throat, “We uh, I should get to it.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's been over 6 months since 3below first released. I meant to wax poetic about how felt about the first season but it's been so long I feel a bit awkward about doing that now. 
> 
> Having said that, my bullet point version is basically this; 
> 
> \- I would die for those children from planet Bisexual Lighting.
> 
> \- Their proof of id is the purest thing and gives me so much joy.
> 
> \- TBH it kinda solidified that there's a mild case of unreliable narrator as characterisations seem slightly different depending on what's needed for the plot, which has been my theory for a while.
> 
> \- Uhl's character development was a delight that I honestly never imagined in my wildest dreams would happen in canon.
> 
> \- The handshaking bit was my absolute favourite and the body language of that whole scene was a piece of art. When I have a bad day, sometimes I go back and watch just that. 
> 
> \- Birdie 100% looks like Lady!Walter to me and I can't unsee that. I dig her design and I hope there's a real Birdie out there who comes back solely because I think it'd be a waste otherwise.
> 
> \- If Uhl and Lenora become a Thing (tm) I wanna say I called it. I don't feel particularly pleased about it since they've barely looked at each other in canon (if they correct this _before_ they become a thing I may change my mind.) 
> 
> \- I'm not going back to change Uhl's name to his canon one for two reasons; 1) This is an AU and I can do what I want, 2) ~~I put a lot of effort into finding a good name for him and I think Johannes Wilhelm Uhl suits his personality more than Karl Uhl, shhhhh don't shoot me.~~
> 
> \- Stuart is Boyfriend.
> 
> \- Zadra is Wife.
> 
> \- All glowy eyes = good glowy eyes.


	25. Comings and Goings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new school year is about to start but Arcadia Oaks High receives some bad news at the worst time.

**_**Tuesday, August 14**_**

The beginning of a school year was always the same. Everyone had a vested interest that everything ran seamlessly, and didn’t collectively look like the frantic and barely prepared chaotic shambling crowd they in fact were. It didn’t matter how much time they had to prepare between years, it was never ever going to be enough. The school schedules were without fail never truly finalised until the day the students received them, and even then were wont to be revised at least one more time two weeks or so into the year. A principal’s primary role was to appear as the calm and authoritative swan gliding serenely across the pond of the school year while the feats of the faculty churned wildly in the water, unseen and unappreciated by all but the swan. For most of the time this was a difficult task, but Johannes normally managed to pull it off, with if not grace, then at least a passing handwave towards respectable austerity. This was not the case with the beginning of a school year, and Johannes had no choice but to flail with the rest of the faculty, scrambling to get everything at least mostly prepared for the students in time.

The folks in the office were all hunched over their desks. It had been an old, admittedly small classroom in its previous life, and had went on to become Mr. Levit’s office. After his sudden and suspicious departure it had been converted into the assistant principal’s office, a home for not just Chandra, but the rest of the mid to low level administrative staff who had previous been crammed into the even pokier front office. In its new life the room had become the final resting place for many a folder, CD, and in recent years, USB. Great towers of paper loomed over every desk and the deep, bitter smell of coffee had absorbed into the very walls. For this reason, it had become the part of the school the students and their parents absolutely could never be allowed to see.

Johannes leant on Louise’s desk, coffee naturally on hand, and waited for her to finish her phone call. Louise was a good-natured woman, motherly with a broad, unassuming grin, who always had sweets in her desk, and for reasons beyond reason, always wore green. The conversation did not seem to be a particular cheery one, but Johannes had come in on the wrong time to catch the context. She sniffed, hung up the phone, and then blew her nose noisily on a tissue.  
“That was Nicole Perkins, she had some rather sad news,” Louise sniffled.  
“I don’t remember her,” Johannes frowned, trying to recall if he knew anyone by the name of Perkins.  
“She is Mrs. King’s daughter,” Louise’s expression betrayed a certain amount of pending weight.  
“Oh no, is she well?” Johannes asked, “She looked… fragile the last time I saw her.”  
“She’s dead, I’m afraid,” Louise sighed, “Passed away peacefully in her sleep two days ago.”  
Johannes winced, on one hand he was sad that she had died, on the other it was going to be a struggle to find a solid replacement in time, “That is very sad news,” he concluded, “I could speak with her daughter personally if you think it would help.”  
Louise waved her hand dismissively, “Nonsense, her husband and the rest of her family are taking care of things,” she pulled out a post-it note, “You and any of the faculty who might want to attend _are_ invited to the funeral. It’s a little short notice but it’s being held this Friday at two p.m. It would be good for at least one representative from the school to show their face, you know to show we actually care about our faculty and the decades Mrs. King devoted from her life.”  
Johannes grimaced, “That isn’t a good time. I will have to reschedule things,” it seemed unthinkable to him that he would miss the event, but in order to be able attend he was going to have to work extra late a couple nights.  
“I could ghost a memo out to the faculty if you’d like,” Louise added helpfully, “Maybe even organize a commemorative plaque?”  
“No, not yet,” Johannes stared deep into his coffee mug, “I want an emergency meeting with Chandra and Delia this afternoon.”  
Louise immediately opened Chandra’s schedule, “What about during your lunch break?”  
Johannes looked at his watch and groaned, “Okay, fine. I’ll find Delia and give her the news.”

* * *

**_**Friday, August 24** _ **

The young woman sat in front them, her arms crossed and her leg jiggling from nerves. She wore her hair in tight braids, a crisp white headband and white high-waisted jeans, and overall looked far too young to be a fully qualified teacher. Johannes had never seen the young teacher before, but judging from her credentials she was overqualified for the job. He took a long sip from his coffee and went over her papers, waiting for Chandra to arrive. It had been so long ago but he remembered all too well when he was trying to break into the full-time work, terrified people might find him ‘too political’ to work with children and toning himself down accordingly.  
Johannes looked at his watch and sighed, “I’m sorry Ms. Jones, Chandra did text me this morning saying she might be late,” he lied, covering for his pact-mate.  
Charlotte shot Johannes a disapproving look, “It’s just a meet and greet, surely we don’t need to wait for h— —”  
“Sorry I’m late!” Chandra sung out, wheeling herself up and balancing a box of fresh doughnuts on her lap, “Kyler had a sleepover last night and needed to be collected from the hospital this morning,” she threw her hands up in the air dismayed, “I know! Honestly, what do boys even _do_ on sleepovers, broken arms weren’t even an issue when _I_ was his age,” she thrust her hand out to the young teacher and beamed, “Hi, I’m Chandra Evans, Assistant Principal. I am _so_ sorry for keeping you waiting!”  
The young woman shook her hand and seemed to visibly relax, “Charlie, Charlie Jones. Pleased to meet you, ma’am. I’ve already been introduced to the others.”  
Chandra made a face, “Ma’am? Oh no, please if you want to be formal, Mrs. Evans will do, but it’s Chandra by preference, especially if there’s no kids listening,” she thrust out the box of doughnuts, “Donut? Please take one, I didn’t have time for breakfast and I don’t want to be the _only_ one making terrible dietary choices.”  
“Thanks ma— — Chandra,” Charlie nodded and took one, taking a tentative bite.  
Chandra grinned and made her way to a spot Johannes had saved for her, “If you’re nice I’ll you have a chocolate one,” she said to him using her ‘long suffering mother’ voice.  
“I don’t want one,” Johannes insisted, “I had a _sensible_ breakfast,” he lied, ignoring the fact he himself had downed a protein shake before rushing out the door in order to make it on time.  
Chandra took a chocolate doughnut and ate it with malicious intent, “Suit yourself then.”  
Johannes cleared his throat, he knew what she was doing and it was admirable, but it did come across as a tiny bit too unprofessional for his liking, “So Ms. Jones, the agency sent you to cover for one of our teachers, right?”  
Charlie nodded, “They didn’t tell me much, only that you were desperate for someone with my qualifications.”  
“I’m afraid that one of the most senior faculty members passed away recently,” Charlotte replied, “I’ve taken over her position as head of the math department but we still need another teacher to take over some of her classes.”  
Charlie nodded again, this time more slowly, “I’m sorry to hear that, I will do my absolute best to fill her shoes.”  
“You don’t need to be so formal,” Chandra added, as much to her fellow faculty members as to the young teacher, “We like to be a family here, we just want to get to know you. Here, let me start, I’m Chandra, as you know. I have a husband Curtis, an eleven year old son Kyler. I love carbohydrates and trashy television, and I’m always the ‘mom friend’ of every group I’m in. Tell her a bit about yourself, Uhl, in case she thinks you’re cool.”  
“I… uh… hmm,” Johannes stammered, suddenly having zero grip of himself as a person, “I’m Johannes, but the students call me Señor Uhl because I was the Spanish teacher. I uh… I was born in Graz but moved here as an adult,” he paused, not knowing what else he was willing to reveal about himself, “Chandra is a good friend of mine so she likes to tease me.”  
“He makes it so easy,” Chandra chuckled, “Come on Charlotte, your turn.”  
“Uhhh,” Charlotte frowned and clasped her spidery hands in her polka-dot skirt, “My name is Charlotte Dhalman and I’ve been working here for thirty years. I love dogs and I have a Scottish terrier named Percy. He’s my little old man, and takes himself _very_ seriously. He likes to go to the park and watch the birds and children play, but he doesn’t like to walk much himself because he’s terribly short.”  
Charlie’s eyes melted at the mention of Percy, “Oh my _god_ , you have a Scottie dog? That’s so adorable! I have a mixed terrier at home! His name is Mr. Peebody but we love him anyway. Technically he belongs to my sister, but since she had her kid Mr. Peebody has decided I’m his mother now!” she beamed happily, “Which park do you take him to? I know the city central park is popular but there’s this little one near the canals that Mr. Peebody just adores!”  
“Oh I know that one,” Charlotte replied, “I can’t say I go there often, I like to grab a coffee and cake afterwards, and that little park is only near a gas station,” she seemed to realise the conversation was going to get very off-topic, “So you live your sister? Does she work full time?”  
Charlie grimaced, “She tries to.”  
“But what happens to the little one when she’s working?” Charlotte enquired innocently.  
“What are you getting at, Charlotte?” Johannes asked gruffly, not at all approving of what came across as judgemental questioning into matters that were none of her business, “Ms. Jones, none our questions are compulsory, if you’re uncomfortable giving an answer that is perfectly fine.”  
Charlie looked between the three senior faculty members with a confused expression, “I won’t babysit when I’m working, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”  
“I was merely going to suggest the crèche down the road that offers a discount for teaching faculty,” Charlotte huffed.  
Charlie frowned, looking at though she was seriously considering it, “Is the discount 90% off?”  
“It’s 5%” Chandra replied bitterly.  
“Oh well,” Charlie shrugged, “Can’t win them all.”

***

Johannes only just had enough time to duck into his office before his next appointment began. Señora Moreno let herself in and sat in front of his desk. She shuffled through some papers and cleared her throat.  
“Good morning, Toni, did you enjoy your vacation?” Johannes asked cordially, shuffling through his own papers.  
“Eugh, don’t ask me about it,” Toni muttered bitterly, “I was working in Spanish camp the entire time and nearly had an affair with this guy called _Todd_.”  
Johannes frowned, “An affair? I thought you were single?”  
“No you don’t understand, we made out a couple times, and _then_ the ass told me he was _married_ ,” Toni rolled her eyes wearily, “And _that_ was the only good bit.”  
Johannes made an expression, having made out with a ‘Todd’ or two in his lifetime,“I’m sorry to hear that,” he overlooked the rough schedule, “You’re prepared for the first trimester I assume?”  
Toni scoffed, “For Spanish? Yes, I’m all over that. Phys-Ed I’m still trying to figure out the curriculum changes, but Chris said our whole department was struggling with it, so I don’t think it’s a _me_ problem.”  
Johannes raised his eyebrow, “It _is_ a you problem if you’re teaching it, Señora Moreno.”  
“I know - I know,” Toni sighed, “It’s just the politics are so—” she made a frustrated growling noise and mimed tearing out her hair, “I don’t understand why the higher ups keep changing what terminology and sources we’re supposed to use when they’d rather rip out their own _teeth_ than come up with a curriculum that would be actually _helpful_ to the kids.”  
“I understand your frustration, of course I do,” Johannes sighed, “But you’re not going to solve all of the problems of the industry between now and the start of the school year.”  
Toni sighed dramatically, “Okay, I hear what you’re saying. ‘Suck it up Toni, you don’t even have tenure, just be thankful you have a full time job and your kids have food in their mouths and a roof over their heads.’ You’re right, I just… I’m beginning to see why teachers like Campbell and Jennifer just don’t _try_ any more.”  
“You shouldn’t say they’re not trying,” Johannes replied, trying not to let on he knew exactly what she meant, “We have no idea what else they have going on in their lives.”  
Toni raised her brow with maximum sass, “Wow, okay, way to make _me_ seem like the judgemental one.”  
“It is my job to see things from everyone’s point of view,” Johannes explained, “Are you experiencing any other problems?”  
“Uh,” Toni’s face went blank, “I think I’m good.”  
Johannes nodded, “Very good, Señora Moreno. Gracias por verme. You can go now.”  
[ _Translation from Spanish: Thank you for seeing me._ ]  
Toni flashed him the awkward smirk of someone being spoken to in her first language by a non-native speaker, “Gracias,” she left the room unceremoniously, leaving Johannes to what was going to have to count for a break for that day.

Johannes pulled out his phone and checked his messages. There were many that needed attention but one concerned him above all others.

» Sam: FEEL not so «  
» Sam: :sick: «  
» Sam: Fuck :not amused: «  
» Sam: Staying home sorry «

Sam had sent them over the course of an hour, not long after Johannes had gotten to work. It was probably nothing major, but it would still worry him if he didn’t receive confirmation he was fine.

» Johannes: Are you okay? Do you need anything? «  
» Sam: Yeah I just got a bad vision. I don’t want to talk about what I saw. I need to sleep this off. «  
» Johannes: Take care of yourself. Have you called work? «  
» Sam: Yeah, I’m doing an extra day next week to make up for it. Naomi is going to pop around later to check up on me. Don’t worry. «  
» Johannes: Please take care of yourself, Sam. «

***

Several more meetings later, it was already approaching lunch. He still had an hour to go and was desperate to rush everything along as fast as possible. Johannes rustled his papers some more at looked at the next appointment. He had just enough time to arrange for more caffeine before he had to begin.  
Johannes flicked through the contacts on his phone until he found the right person, “Oh hi, Ainsley, I have a few minutes before my next meeting. Please bring two coffees. Strong, black, four sugars.”  
“I hear you,” Ainsley replied, “Little cake? Cookie?”  
“That won’t be necessary,” Johannes frowned, quickly going through his emails as he hung up the phone.  
He typed up a response an inquiry from a concerned parent considering enrolling their child at the last minute, counting down the seconds until he could recaffeinate. Foot steps followed and Ainsley shouldered his way in the office, a smirk on his face.  
“Here we are, enough caffeine to give an elephant a heart attack,” Ainsley sung out, handing him a mug and placing the other on the desk.  
“Thank you, Ainsley,” Johannes took a sip, scalding his tongue slightly, “That will be all.”  
Ainsley nodded and left him to his desperate indulgence.  
The door opened again, his next appointment arriving early. The teacher took a seat in front of the desk and rubbed his hands with delight.  
“Ooo!” Chris exclaimed, “You’re such a _good_ friend, I like being your friend,” he cooed.  
“What?” Johannes asked, utterly confused at the unsolicited affection.  
“You have a coffee waiting me for me!” Chris exclaimed taking a sip, he scowled, “Eugh, too much coffee, and someone forgot the milk,” he sipped it again, “Sweet though, tastes like finals.”  
“Oh, ja, yes - yes. The coffee is for you. Ainsley must have forgotten how you like it,” Johannes lied, crying internally for the caffeine he didn’t have enough time to hide.  
“Everyone makes mistakes,” Chris concluded, still drinking the coffee even though he clearly wasn’t enjoying it.  
“I hope you’re prepared for the first trimester,” Johannes said, taking a sip of his remaining indulgence.  
Chris made a deep guttural noise, “I’m almost ready, but they changed the curriculum again and I’m struggling with the font, on top of everything else,” he moaned, “I don’t understand what was wrong with the old one.”  
Johannes made a note, “I’m sorry, I thought I told the office to send you the special version. It probably got sent to someone else. I’ll you a new one with the _right_ font, and if that’s not good enough I’ll spend the weekend with you if I have to.”  
“No, thank you but it’s fine,” Chris muttered bashfully, “Cynthia’s been reading it out to me when she has time, I’m not any more behind than anyone else.”  
“Oh good,” Johannes decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, it was easy to get into big brother mode but he had a lot on his agenda as it was, “How is Cynthia? Did you enjoy your vacation?”  
Chris grinned wickedly, “Things happened, Uhl, _things_.”  
“Good things?” Johannes asked, praying to any god that would listen to not let his reply be in any way too much information.  
“I proposed,” Chris beamed, “She wants a spring wedding.”  
“Oh! Congratulations!” Johannes couldn’t be more relieved, “So the wedding will be during the spring break?”  
“Well, that’s our only real window really,” Chris shrugged, “Of course we have plenty of time for planning. I’m actually really excited because Cynthia is letting me make decisions, it’s going to be a team effort,” he grinned.  
Johannes frowned, “But you were married before?”  
“Eugh, yeah, but my ex never let me get involved in the planning. I was only supposed to turn up on the day in the clothes she picked out, and pay for everything her father wouldn’t,” Chris groaned, “In hindsight that was a _big_ red flag.”  
“Oh, of course,” Johannes sighed.  
“Also I have a favor to ask you, but I know it’s personal and you have other people to get to,” Chris took a big gulp on the coffee.  
“And a funeral,” Johannes moaned, “Mrs. King. You’ve heard, I assume.”  
Chris put the mug back on the desk and crossed his arms, “Yeah, it’s sad but that’s what happens when you get old,” the two sat in silence contemplating their own mortality for a moment, “But I should get going, I have words to shout at, and you have awkward conversations to have,” he stood up, “Oh if it’s no trouble, I’ll get back to you about the personal thing this afternoon. Or it can wait until the weekend. Eugh, it can wait until this weekend.” 

***

It was a strange funeral, Johannes mused. Completely alien to his previous experiences, which was to say had nothing of the doom and gloom he’d been emotionally preparing himself for. As it happened, Mrs. Roberta King had apparently forbidden any mention of doom or gloom, and even the wearing of black. He’d never known her very well in life but he already regretted not befriending her from the start. Her family told tales of her youth, the funny anecdotes and the normal ordinary mundane events she couldn’t have possibly predicted had a lasting effect on those around her. He wondered how he’d be remembered when his time finally came, what people would say, which people would gather. It was a dark road for his mind to have stumbled into and Johannes tried to force himself to cheer himself before returning to work. Of his colleagues, not many had come. The superintendent was unsurprisingly too busy, as was the rest of the upper administration. Chandra had been left in charge at school, and only a couple of the older teachers had decided to come. Jennifer was naturally there, as a friend to all, her attendance was the least surprising. Olivia, a woman Johannes and many others struggled to get along with, had her arm around Jennifer while stage whispering something about heaven. Although very different, they were both the sort of woman to insert themselves in other people’s lives if given half the chance. He didn’t blame the others, of course he understood their reasons, but Johannes was disappointed the younger faculty members, and come to think of it, the male ones as well, had not came to pay their last respects. It was a fate that came for them all, the least one could hope was to have made an impact on the younger generations. He thought of Sam, how many countless generations he had mourned, and in his own way, still carried with him daily. The small crowd that had gathered began to part, and Johannes realised the service had ended. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and startled him from his internal musings.  
“You’re the principal, right?” a drawn middle-aged woman asked, politely withdrawing her hand.  
“Ah?” Johannes smiled, “Ja - yeah, I’m Señor Uh— — I mean Principal Uhl,” he chuckled awkwardly, “The students call me Señor because I was the Spanish teacher.”  
“I’m Nicole Perkins, thank you for coming,” they shook hands briefly, not knowing what else to do, “My mother spoke very highly of you. Especially after you lost your s— — cool when the ‘British pric—— principal’ did such a terrible job.”  
“I had no idea,” Johannes admitted, “I thought she… disapproved of me.”  
“No - no,” Nicole laughed, “My mother was impressed with your life’s work, although she often expressed her concerns that it was at the cost of your personal life.”  
“She didn’t say that to _me_ ,” Johannes replied, feeling more than a little humbled she had noticed him enough to realise how much of a non-event his personal life had been.  
Nicole nodded imperceptibility, “She said for a man like you to be single, it had to be proof you were married to your job.”  
“I—” Johannes wasn’t sure what to say, “She said that, huh?”  
Nicole chuckled, “Would you say it was accurate?”  
Johannes cleared his throat awkwardly, “I have on occasion.”  
“If I hadn’t already married I get the feeling she’d have tried to set us up,” Nicole smirked, “But I also got the _feeling_ I was never going to be your type?”  
Johannes felt it was wrong to talk about such things at the funeral of a colleague but the light tone seemed to be giving her daughter some comfort, “That’s one way of saying it.”  
Nicole folded her arms and nodded, looking ever so slightly scandalised and impressed, “My mother had absolutely no idea and wouldn’t take a word of me suggesting _alternative_ reasons for why you might not have a _lady_ friend.”  
“Oh I see,” Johannes pulled on his collar bashfully, “That could have been put me in a… delicate situation.”  
“Oh no,” Nicole frowned, “I’m sorry it never occurred to me that you’d be keeping that quiet. I just assumed she was deliberately being an obtuse old lady.”  
Johannes waved his hand dismissively, “An honest mistake.”  
“I’m so embarrassed,” Nicole sighed, the forced cheer slipping to reveal a hollow and exhausted expression, “So uh, will you be joining us for afternoon tea at the golf club, or do you have to get back to work?”  
“Did you need me?” Johannes tried to convey wordlessly that he did actually have to get back, but if she specifically said that she needed him he’d be unable to refuse.  
“No - no, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Nicole smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes, “It’s just… I don’t want it to be over, you know?”  
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Johannes immediately wanted to kick himself over such a stock response, but he’d panicked and didn’t know what else to say.  
“This might seem like a personal question—” Nicole turned to look at the place her mother had just been buried, “— but have you lost a parent?”  
Johannes considered lying but couldn’t bring himself to do it, “My father, nearly a year ago.”  
Nicole’s expression became a picture of sympathy, “I’m sorry. Were you close?”  
“No,” Johannes frowned, not at all appreciating the line of questioning.  
“I’m sorry,” Nicole touched her arm absently, “I wonder if that makes things harder?” she mused quietly.  
Johannes thought about it, it was a hard question to answer, especially to a stranger, “It makes it different.”  
Nicole nodded sombrely, “Yeah, I suppose it would,” she paused for a moment, “Thank you for coming. The school was a big part of my mother’s life, I grew up listening to stories of everything that happened there, watching her mark homework,” she sighed wistfully, “It means the world to me that you cared enough to come.”  
“We’re family,” Johannes explained, “Of course I’m here,” he pulled his business card out of his wallet, “If you need me for anything, you know how to find me.”  
Nicole looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes, she fought them into submission and took the card, “Thank you,” she repeated.

***

Johannes sat in the driver’s seat and exhaled sharply. He knew he had to go back to work but part of him was fighting to drive off into the sunset never to be seen again. It was one of those days. He pulled out his phone and paused, Sam was probably asleep, it was possible he wouldn’t even see any messages.

» Johannes: Funeral is over. I’m heading back to work. I hope you’re feeling better soon. Did you need anything for dinner tonight? «

After a moment to wait for a possible response, he put his phone back in his pocket and started the engine. Fortunately he didn’t have much waiting for him at the school, just two more meetings with faculty and another larger one with the office staff. If he broke it down into smaller duties it didn’t seem so bad, he could be home and decompressing in the bathtub before he knew it. A polite little ring went off in his pocket a couple times and he hoped against hope that it wasn’t from work. As soon as he had parked in the parking lot, he pulled out his phone and breathed a sigh of relief.

» Sam: No, there’s enough leftovers in the fridge for tonight. Aren’t we going grocery shopping tomorrow afternoon? Anything I might think of can wait until then. «  
» Sam: How did the funeral go? Are you okay? You know I would have gone with you if you’d let me. «  
» Sam: I know I suck at the whole death thing as much as everyone else but you know I just want to be there for you. «  
» Sam: You don’t have to respond of course, but just know I’m thinking of you. «  
» Johannes: I’m fine, it was fine. «

Johannes thought for a moment and wrote a follow-up response. He frowned and re-wrote it, unhappy with how it turned out. He sighed and re-wrote it again, still unsatisfied.

» Johannes: It just wasn’t what I was expecting. «  
» Johannes: I really need to get back to work, I have a meeting in eight minutes and I need another coffee. »  
» Sam: :unamused: «  
» Johannes: I didn’t ask for your permission, Sam. «

***

It was getting late, but Johannes had one last meeting to get to before he could call it a day. It took awhile to find him, but Johannes eventually found Chris in the library surrounded by several books regarding physical education and wedding planning. In front of him was some kind tablet, that read mechanically from what seemed to be an ebook.  
Johannes cleared his throat awkwardly, “I hope this isn’t a bad time?”  
Chris jumped and then paused his tablet’s reading, “Sorry, I was trying to concentrate. But no, it’s fine, I was thinking about heading home anyway.”  
“You said earlier you had something you wanted to ask me?” Johannes reminded him.  
Chris frowned, “I thought I said I’d ask you on the weekend? It’s kind of personal.”  
Johannes gestured at all the people who weren’t there, “It’s just us Chris.”  
“Yeah but…,” Chris pouted, “I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided I’d rather ask you tomorrow.”  
Johannes sighed, “Okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the track. It’ll have to be short and sweet—” he flashed Chris a cocky grin, “— but you’re a dead man, Chris.”  
Chris shot him a defiant glare, “Nah - uh, aesthlestics man, these muscles are built for strength _and_ agility!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest... I think my line about the swan's feats is probably going to be the greatest pun I will ever write in my life and I am weirdly okay with that.


	26. Coffee and Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam drops some clues about something to come, and Chris and Johannes are just some bros being guys.

**_**Friday, August 24** _ **

After a full day of interviews, meetings, funerals, and stolen coffee, Johannes was glad to get home. He let himself in the front door and bent down to greet Missy as she came running up with her cheerful meows. He found Sam lying on the sofa with his eyes closed, blasting fiery classical music through the stereo, with his legs hanging over the edge.  
“I’m home,” Johannes announced, watching for signs Sam was even aware of his presence.  
Sam waved his arms in the air floppily, “Music is a gift,” he stated, not even bothering to open his eyes, “Literally. Freya gave it to me.”  
“Who is Freya again?” Johannes asked, only vaguely able to place a face to name.  
Sam wrinkled his face, “She’s not my niece.”  
“What?” Johannes looked down at Sam with increasing confusion.  
“I mean, she’s Ashinerin’s daughter,” Sam frowned, “I thought his music might take my mind off the visions.”  
“Freya’s human?” Johannes wondered, only vaguely curious about the changelings in general.  
“No, she’s a changeling too,” Sam nodded to himself, his eyes still closed, “I really shouldn’t get into it, the survivors want things kept hush-hush. Technically even _I’m_ not supposed to know but I’m a nosy bitch, as you know.”  
Something clicked in Johannes’s brain, “If she’s a changeling why don’t you call her _Ashi_ freya?”  
Sam chuckled, “Because fully chosen names aren’t stolen, I didn’t need to call her Ashitapáran in English.”  
“Do you feel better now?” Johannes asked, leaning on the edge of the sofa casually.  
Sam sat up and pouted, “Sort of,” he hugged himself for a second, “I had the same vision twice in a row which didn’t help,” he rolled his eyes, “I won’t bore you with the gory details,” he moved out of the way as Johannes sat next to him, “But enough about me and the changelings, what did you get up to?”  
“I don’t know if it’s a secret, but Chris is engaged,” Johannes replied, letting Sam rest his head on his shoulder.  
“That’s nice. Are you going to be the best man?” Sam asked.  
Johannes frowned and thought for a moment, “No - no, he’s going to ask a family member, I’m sure of it.”  
“Would you _like_ to be asked?” Sam wondered.  
Johannes shrugged, “It’s his decision, and I’m not family so I completely understand why he’d rather someone else.”  
Sam slid down onto his lap, making a frustrated growl on his way down, “You didn’t answer my question, Honigbär.”  
“I… uh, I wouldn’t know what to do,” Johannes admitted awkwardly.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “If _only_ there was a way to find out information easily in the comfort of your own home.”  
“Very funny, Sam,” Johannes sighed wearily.  
Sam grinned up at him cheekily, “I thought so.”  
  


* * *

**_**_Saturday, August 25_ ** _ **

Johannes woke five minutes before his alarm sounded, and he lay in bed waiting for the will to move to reach him. Sam was fast asleep, tightly hugging his pillow like a teddy bear. Like clockwork, the alarm sent bolts of tension through his nerves, and Johannes begrudgingly dragged himself out of bed. Still yawning, he padded down the stairs, into the kitchen, and made himself cereal for breakfast. He stared into his bowl blankly, running through the days plans in his head. He had Chris at the track first thing, and then a quick coffee meeting with Mr. Jones to discuss the coming school year, but he suspected was really to talk shit about the competition with Arcadia Oaks Academy. At some point he also needed to go grocery shopping with Sam, and not mention he had to work on some things that were due on Monday. Johannes sighed and rinsed out his bowl in the sink before putting it and the spoon in the dishwasher, before wandering back upstairs to finish prepping for the day.

***

It was early enough that the roads were relatively empty and the suburban town of Arcadia Oaks was saturated in a warm glow of serenity. Johannes pulled into his choice of parking spots, collected his water bottle and made his way across the park to reach the track. Chris was nowhere to be seen, so he warmed up on his own, enjoying the tranquillity of the early morning. It wasn’t long before Chris trudged his way up the track, drinking something thick and dark green from a mason jar.  
“Buenos días,” Johannes grinned aggressively, “Sleep in?”  
“Shuddup,” Chris pouted, he chugged the rest of his sludge and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm, “Let’s do this.”  
Johannes waited patiently while his friend prepped himself, surreptitiously checking the time, “So what was this about the favor?”  
“Uh,” Chris frowned, pausing between squats, “Ask me later.”  
Johannes folded his arms, “I don’t understand why you are putting it off.”  
Chris smirked to himself and then looked up, his expression the very picture of innocence, “Tell you what, if you beat me this morning, then I’ll tell you.”  
“What if I _don’t_ beat you?” Johannes wondered, resolving to thrash his track rival into the ground.  
Chris shrugged, “You owe me a coffee and cake afterwards, and _then_ I’ll tell you.”  
“Oh,” Johannes immediately made up his mind, “You’re on,” the men shook hands, both fighting for dominance, “I hope you’re ready to talk.”  
“I hope you’re ready to pay,” Chris grinned, “It’s ten laps, _and_ I get a head start because you won last time.”  
Johannes nodded, “I’m still going to beat you old man!” he yelled as Chris got into starting position.  
“Suck it Hansel, I know you’ve got a shit knee!” Chris shot back.  
“Did you just call me _Hansel_?” Johannes laughed, “And leave my knee out this!”  
Chris flashed him the middle finger and dashed down the track, yelling something indistinct as he got out of earshot. Johannes waited until he got half way around the track and then joined him. Despite their trash-talking, neither particularly cared who won their friendly competition each week. It was their quiet time where they could empty their heads and not care about the billion things they had going in their lives. Or at least, that was what it was for Johannes. He tried to keep a steady pace, just fast enough to get his heart racing without risking premature exhaustion. As he passed his seventh lap, he noticed Chris was starting to lag, and if he pushed himself just a little bit harder he could easily win the second time in a row. But if he did that, he wouldn’t have a good excuse to go out for coffee afterwards. He really wanted coffee. Good coffee. Coffee that would pulse through his veins and taste like liquid fuel. He slowed down, not enough to be obvious but just enough to stay in second place.  
“Last lap!” Chris yelled as he passed him, sweat streaming down his face.  
“I could still win, old man!” Johannes yelled, trying to sound defensive.  
Johannes waited until Chris was half way around and sped up. If he pushed himself he could make it look close. Chris was approximately three metres away. He pushed himself harder. Two metres. Chris was approaching the finishing line. One metre. Chris beat him by half a metre and stumbled several steps ahead before coming to a complete stop.  
Chris leant over his knee, breathless and wheezing, “I… told… you… so,” he gasped triumphantly, “Your trouble Uhl… is you’re stuck… with gym bunny… priorities,” he wheezed.  
Johannes laughed before chugging his water, “I… owe you… then, coach,” he replied, panting.  
“When are you free?” Chris asked after he had gotten his breath back.  
Johannes frowned, “This afternoon, at three?”  
“Deal!” Chris beamed.

***

It wasn’t unheard of for Mr. Jones to schedule short weekend meetings at the golf club. Johannes considered himself lucky he had never been pressured into actually playing the game alongside him. If he were to be pressured into holding a set of clubs, he was certain the urge would overcome him to fling them into grassy upper middle-class oblivion as some kind of act of vestigial adolescent rebellion in the pretentious face of capitalism. Which, at his age and position, would probably make him some kind of enormous hypocrite, and be extremely awkward to explain to a member of the school board. Especially if it was his clubs he was throwing. It was a blessing that Mr. Jones only ever asked to meet in the cafe area of the club, but it was only a small blessing. The cafe itself was fine, a little pretentious but most were outside of mass international chains and diners. The people, however, were borderline intolerable. They weren’t in any way overtly bigoted, but there was something about the way they walked, they talked, that felt very superficial and shallow. Johannes hoped it was his own personal bias tainting his perception, but he was raised well enough that he wouldn’t show his distaste and discomfort regardless of how he felt.

Johannes found him sitting at a table overlooking the driving range, nursing an empty plate and half-drunk glass of something that looked like water with a slice of lime. It was a Saturday, and technically he wasn’t working, but still he wore a dull, but perfectly tailored suit.  
Mr. Jones smoothed his tight salt and pepper curls, and straightened his no-nonsense grey tie, “I’m glad you could make it,” he smiled warmly, raising a hand to get Johannes’s attention.  
Johannes shook his hand firmly and took a seat across from him, “It’s a pleasure to be here,” he lied lyingly.  
“That’s why they can’t get rid of me,” Mr. Jones laughed, “There’s nothing like overpriced cheesecake to let the world know you’ve made it.”  
“Ja, ah yes, yeah,” Johannes stumbled, not really knowing what else to say, “The coffee is decent here too.”  
“If you like coffee, yeah I’ve heard that,” Mr. Jones’s eyebrow rose, “Still on the fitness train, I see.”  
Johannes shrugged, “Every little bit helps.”  
“I’m sure your partner appreciates it,” Mr. Jones added.  
“How - how did you know I have a partner?” Johannes wondered, feeling a brief moment of panic overcome him before he resolved himself to not show weakness.  
“Eric says he’s invited you to his next little get-together. It’s couples only, you know,” Mr. Jones smirked, his eyes twinkling with unambiguous charm.  
“Oh,” Johannes tried to gauge the man’s opinion of him, “I know.”  
“It’s not an orgy,” Mr. Jones laughed, “That’s why I’m not going,” his salacious grin almost rivaled Sam’s in its puckish cheek, “Relax, I’m only messing with ya, they’re just not my thing.”  
“The orgies or the parties?” Johannes wondered weakly, trying to come up with an escape plan if necessary.  
“Well, yes,” Mr. Jones replied smoothly, “Only one would lead to divorce though,” he paused for a second’s thought, “Then again… I should warn you about those parties—”  
“What about them?” Johannes asked, feeling a deep sense of regret agreeing to it in the first place.  
“Let’s just say the crew can get a little… _silly_ ,” Mr. Jones shrugged.  
The two men shared a look of mutual understanding, “Excellent,” Johannes concluded sarcastically.  
“I suppose you’re wondering why I called you in today?” Mr. Jones asked, lounging back in his ergonomic cafe chair like he owned the place.  
“I can’t lie, Mr. Jones,” Johannes admitted.  
Mr. Jones laughed, “Please call me Will, this is regarding a semi-personal matter after all.”  
“Semi-personal?” Johannes asked, slightly concerned where the conversation could be leading.  
“It can be a little bit awkward when you have a new faculty member who just _happens_ to be related to a member of the board,” Mr. Jones smiled magnanimously, “But I just want your assurance you won’t treat her any differently. I don’t want to hear about any cotton wool or kid gloves.”  
“Of course not,” Johannes replied, quietly kicking himself for not realising sooner, “Ms. Jones has an impressive resume and I’m sure she’s perfectly able to do her job _as_ good, if not better than everyone else.”  
“You better not be bootlicking,” Mr. Jones wagged his finger playfully.  
“I’m not,” Johannes felt his annoyance increase, “Ms. Jones deserves better than that.”  
“You’re right,” Mr. Jones assured him, “Good answer.”

***

Pulling out of the golf course parking lot, Johannes continued on with his regular Saturday routine. He had an hour to spare and chose to spend it cashing in on his gym membership, weekends weren’t the best time for the gym, at least during the day, but he had little choice with his schedule. Pretending to be completely alone, he went over some basics, free to let his mind wander down any whimsical tangent it desired. The hour passed disappointingly quickly but there was another thing on his agenda that he wanted to get to. It wasn’t especially important, and he probably could have found better ways to spend his money, but he always took the time out of his weekend to get to it if he could. It was a simple thing, unambiguously selfish, but he always came away feeling cleansed and refreshed.

The car wash was relatively unoccupied and he was free to run through with his radio blaring, singing happily along to songs from the mid to late eighties. If anyone heard him, they weren’t anyone he knew, and so he couldn’t care less. After Johannes was satisfied his baby was sparkling like new, he headed off back home in an excellent mood.

***

Johannes found Sam in the laundry, elbow deep in the washing machine. As soon as Johannes entered the room, he spun around and beamed like a cheeky child.  
“Magranan im, mañialan im, Míleban im,” Sam cooed, “Èmar granata námwiyi?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: My sun, my love, my Johannes. Good day?_ ]  
“Sár!” Johannes replied, extremely pleased he had pretty much understood what he had said, “Tan granata námwiyi.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Yes! (It’s) the day has been good._ ]  
“Itan a sanásasa sahih!” Sam grinned, “Did you want to see _how_ happy?” he asked wickedly.  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: I am very happy about this!_ ]  
“Not now,” Johannes chuckled, removing his t-shirt and throwing it into what he hoped was a dirty laundry basket, “I need to shower,” he stripped off the rest of his sweaty athleisure gear and made his way to the stairs.  
“Tease!” Sam called after him, giggling.

***

Johannes returned downstairs after having showered and dressed. He found Sam in the kitchen, writing on a notebook while sitting on the counter.  
“Can you think of anything for the list?” Sam asked, chewing his lip in contemplation.  
Johannes snatched the list out of hands and sighed, “The Gay Agenda, Sam?” he asked wearily.  
Sam flashed him a wicked grin, “It’s not wrong,” he added, clearly thoroughly pleased with himself.  
Johannes examined the list more thoroughly, the teacher in him slightly disapproving of the doodles on the sides, “You forgot the shampoo and toothpaste,” he said, scribbling in the additions himself, “We could also use some more soap.”  
“Are we having lunch here first?” Sam wondered.  
Johannes thought about the day’s expenses and grimaced, “Ja, lunch here.”

***

The supermarket was crowded by the time they got there, families came and went entirely in their own little worlds, pretending to ignore everyone else. Johannes pushed the shopping cart, trying to not make eye contact with the toddler who screamed across from him heading the other direction. Sam wandered several metres ahead of him, list in tow, furiously scanning the isle for the next thing on his list. Johannes scanned the assortment of tinned beans next to him for him a second, and then turned to face Sam again. He watched Sam stumble slightly and drop the shopping list to the ground. Johannes pushed the cart closer and spun it around, the handle bar facing him.  
“Are you okay?” Johannes asked, fishing on the ground for the list.  
Sam nodded and took hold of the shopping cart, using it to steady himself, “Mmm… uh… danke,” he muttered, “I was… up to the uh… lentils?”  
Johannes grabbed a bag that seemed the most familiar and threw it in, “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, trying to figure out what on Earth the creature playing a saxophone was on ‘The Gay Agenda.’  
  
Sam smiled sweetly, his nose creasing in the middle, “You got it, Honigbär.”  
He followed Sam around the store, list in tow, trying not to worry about the potential total. Johannes could have done without the crowds but it was nice to have a moment of normalcy to punctuate the week.

Sam helped Johannes put the groceries into the back of his sparkling clean Susannah, singing happily to himself under his breath in what Johannes had learned was his ‘getting things done’ tune. It was anybody’s guess how old it was, and it was quite probable Sam didn’t even realise he was doing it, but it was a sweet, happy little tune. There was something about it that was contagious.  
“I’m meeting Chris after this,” Johannes apologised, “We’re meeting for coffee.”  
“A mandate!” Sam grinned, seemingly proud of his cute little pun.  
Johannes chuckled, “Okay, a ‘man-date’ I guess.”  
“Which cafe?” Sam wondered, packing a tin of peaches into a bag.  
“The new one on Main Street,” Johannes frowned, trying to remember its name.  
“Oh the pretentious looking one with the hipsters?” Sam asked, “I heard it’s good,” he paused for a second thoughtfully, “Expensive though.”  
“Mmm,” Johannes sighed, “I can afford it.”  
“Can you?” Sam asked innocently.  
In truth Johannes probably couldn’t but for a one off event he assumed that surely it’d be fine, “I budget,” he shrugged.

***

The town mingled in the gentle heat of mid-afternoon, and Johannes weaved his way through the light crowd and found Chris sitting awkwardly at a table in front of the fancy new cafe. Johannes sat across from him and grinned.  
“Oh hi,” Chris replied sheepishly.  
“Hi,” Johannes smiled back, “Have you ordered?”  
“No, I just got here,” Chris flipped through a menu of unnecessarily fancy desserts.  
They sat in increasingly awkward silence for a moment, “Sam sends his congratulations,” Johannes said, not knowing what else to say.  
A short-haired, thoroughly bored looking waitress in a chic black uniform turned up at the table with a notebook on hand, “Are you ready to order?”  
“I’ll have the cappuccino, with a slice of the triple choc mud cake please,” Chris replied brightly.  
“Double espresso,” Johannes replied, “No dessert.”  
The waitress repeated their order and hovered over to the table nearest them.  
“You never have any fun,” Chris frowned, “A slice of cake every once and awhile isn’t going to kill you, you know bud?”  
Johannes rolled his eyes, “I just don’t want the desserts, Chris. There are better ways to have fun.”  
Chris smirked and looked like he was going to make a wry joke but thought better of it, “That’s what people who don’t know how to have fun say,” he chuckled, probably at the joke he wasn’t actually bold enough to say.  
“Ha - ha very funny, Chris,” Johannes folded his arms defensively.  
Chris crossed his arms and gestured with his eyes towards the couple sitting across from them, “ _They_ know how to have fun. Look they’re both eating giant over the top sundaes with whipped cream, hot sauce, marshmallows, cherries _and_ sprinkles.”  
“What’s your point?” Johannes huffed.  
“You don’t even _like_ sprinkles, do you?” Chris waved his hand dismissively at him like he’d committed some outrageous but inoffensive social faux pas.  
“You don’t know that,” Johannes pouted, “Just because I happen to prefer chocolate sauce—”  
The waitress returned with a coffee in each hand and a slice of cake balancing on a plate on her arm, “Cap and a triple choc mud—” she handed them over to Christ, “— and the doppio,” she sung in a carefully groomed false cheer.  
“So how’s your knee?” Chris asked sheepishly.  
“Fine,” Johannes answered, watching the waitress disappear into the depths of the cafe.  
Chris tentatively attempted to use the almost hilariously tiny fork, and shovelled a tiny fraction of the cake into his mouth and nodded approvingly, “I need to bring Cynthia here,” he said, mostly to himself.  
Johannes sipped his coffee critically, “The bitterness is a little too strong.”  
“Nothing’s ever good enough for you, is it?” Chris chided, rolling his eyes.  
“I have high standards,” Johannes pouted, “But I like it too bitter, it makes everything else sweeter in comparison.”  
Chris smirked at him, shaking his head, “You’re not even eating anything,” he took a sip of his coffee, “So I suppose I should stop procrastinating and get on with it,” he took another bite out of his cake, “Oh, you’re right it does taste sweeter!” he exclaimed, immediately getting distracted.  
“Please, you’re like a child sometimes, Chris,” Johannes smirked.  
“Okay - okay!” Chris took a deep breath, “As you know you’ve been like a brother to me these past few years, we’ve been through a lot... more than a lot, and even though you can sometimes be a complete dick, I really value your friendship.”  
“Oh uh… thank you,” Johannes muttered bashfully, “I value your friendship too.”  
“And I just want to say it’s been really nice to see you come out of your bubble in the last few months,” Chris continued with mortifying sincerity.  
Johannes sipped on his coffee, not knowing where to look, “Danke?”  
“When were living together I just sort of assumed you were… like _that_ as a person,” Chris laughed, “I’m sorry I can be really thick sometimes, it never occurred to you felt... pressured... to hide parts of yourself in your own home.”  
Johannes crossed his arms, his eyes fixed on the pavement, “I… that was my own business. It didn’t have anything to do with you.”  
“Still,” Chris continued, “It occurs to me I probably shouldn’t have gotten mad at you for not telling me sooner.”  
Johannes shrugged, “It’s complicated, you don’t have to give me the apologies speech.”  
“For what it’s worth I’m glad you found someone as willing to tolerate your shit as Sam,” Chris laughed, “I never in a million years would have thought _he_ was your type, but what would _I_ know?”  
“What did you think was my type?” Johannes asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.  
Chris chewed his cake thoughtfully, “You know… like… someone who looked more like… you?”  
“I’m a little offended,” Johannes replied.  
“No - no!” Chris looked mortified, “I meant you look _boring_ and Sam isn’t… well… he isn’t afraid to stand out in a crowd, is he?”  
Johannes nodded, “Sam likes what he likes.”  
“I think I can see what you see in him now though,” Chris admitted, stabbing a piece of strawberry with his tiny dessert fork, “I like to think that Sam and I friends now.”  
“You _are_ friends,” Johannes reassured him, thankful the conversation had steered away from himself.  
“I’ve been thinking, about the wedding I mean,” Chris mused thoughtfully, “I still need to pick a best man.”  
“What about Steve?” Johannes suggested.  
Chris nodded as though considering it, “I thought of that, but he’s giving his mom away.”  
“Don’t you have brothers? Cousins?” Johannes wondered, sipping his coffee.  
Chris frowned and shook his head, “Nah, I want to choose someone it’d mean something to. Someone who never gets to be included in family events.”  
“Who were you thinking?” Johannes asked, feeling the conversation turning towards himself again and trying not to panic.  
“Well, I actually was thinking of someone who doesn’t even have family in this country, and whatever family he does have he never actually talks about them,” Chris asked, the slightest wickedness spreading over his smirk, “Sam doesn’t have family here does he?”  
Johannes frowned, “Sam doesn’t have _any_ blood relatives,” to his surprise he felt a pang of something, perhaps jealousy or even disappointment, “He’s not joking when he says he never had any parents,” he thought about it for a moment, “If you want to ask Sam, I think he’d be a good choice actually,” he chuckled at the thought of what possible bachelor’s party Sam would rustle up, “He’d probably hire strippers and then take you all out to watch a game, no stripping involved.”  
Chris shook his head in apparent bewilderment, “Oh jeez, you’re trying to be _gracious_ , aren’t you?” he lent over the table and playfully wrapped Johannes on the head with his knuckles, “Hello? I was joking, I want _you_ you dumb lug!” he laughed.  
“Huh?” Johannes asked, rubbing his head, “But I don’t know how to _be_ a best man? I’ve never thrown a real party before.”  
Chris slapped himself in the face and groaned wearily, “For someone so smart you can be really, really dumb sometimes, you know that right?” he moaned, “You literally just came up with an idea just then!”  
“No I didn’t,” Johannes insisted.  
“Hello? Fully clothed strippers at a game?” Chris exclaimed, “Look - look,” he sat up straight and lowered his voice, getting serious, “You are like a brother to me, and I like to think you think the same thing of me. It would mean the world to me if you were best man, but if you’re against the idea that much, you don’t _have_ to accept the role.”  
Johannes crossed and uncrossed his arms, “I… thank you, I would love to.”  
Chris beamed, “Yes! I can’t wait! It’s going to be better this time around, I can already feel it.”  
“I’m happy for you,” Johannes smiled.  
“What about you and Sam, are you still going strong?” Chris wondered, finishing off the rest of his cake, “I don’t get to see you together often, and you’re not really one to talk about that stuff.”  
“We’re good,” Johannes grinned happily to himself, “Sam is good.”  
“How long has it been now?” Chris wondered.  
“Over a year, if you don’t count our break,” Johannes replied, “Sevenish months if you do.”  
“Do you think you’re going to split up?” Chris asked, stirring his cappuccino thoughtfully.  
“I hope not,” Johannes grimaced.  
“So have you thought about marriage then?” Chris sucked on his spoon.  
Johannes folded his arms again, “I… of course I have, but… I don’t think Sam is the marriage type,” he sighed.  
“What are you talking about?” Chris asked, looking concerned.  
“Well, you know he’s not exclusive, right?” Johannes explained, “I’m pretty sure it’d be selfish to—”  
“Sam cheats?” Chris looked horrified.  
“No - no,” Johannes reassured, “I’ve known the entire time, it’s fine. We had several big discussions before we’d even met in person. I’d explain everything myself but Sam does it better,” he took a sip from his coffee to try and collect his thoughts, “But he’d feel trapped in a marriage,” he didn’t want to bring the fact that Sam wasn’t a completely ‘legal’ citizen into the conversation, but it was something that was weighing on him all the same.  
“Did _he_ tell you that?” Chris wondered.  
Johannes frowned, “Not in _words_ … he did say he doesn’t _need_ marriage though.”  
“Dude, that sounds complicated,” Chris sighed, “What about you? Are _you_ the marrying kind?”  
Johannes shrugged, “It was always an option for you. For me, not so much. At some point I just accepted that wasn’t for me, and now that it _could_ be?” he sighed, “I don’t know.”  
Chris folded his arms, “You should talk about it, buddy.”  
“I thought I was?” Johannes frowned, pretending not to notice the chocolate icing that was stuck to his friend’s mustache and tormenting him like an improperly accented business name.  
“I meant with Sam,” Chris sighed, “Or maybe some kind of couples therapist, I don’t know.”  
“I don’t need therapy,” Johannes muttered.  
“You don’t _need_ coffee either but that doesn’t stop you—” Chris began, well and truly saddling up his sanctimonious high horse.  
“Stop!” Johannes held his hand out between Chris and his caffeinated ambrosia, “You don’t understand, I _need_ coffee!”  
Chris raised a critical eye brow, “You _need_ it huh? You know it’s technically not good for you.”  
“Shut up, it’s done nothing wrong,” Johannes sulked, “Why don’t you ask your cake how many calories _it_ has.”  
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a treat every now and again,” Chris sniffed, “Wait… how did we end up arguing about _this_ again?”  
“You started it,” Johannes sipped his coffee, daring Chris with his eyes to say a word.

***

It was approaching midnight but Johannes couldn’t fall asleep. Sam had curled up in a tight ball beside him, his back pressed into Johannes’s side. His mind was turning tumbles in the stillness, a pain pressed into his sternum like the gentle but crushing foot of an elephant. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t even want to think about it, but his mind wouldn’t let the subject go.  
“Sam?” Johannes asked quietly, not wanting to wake him if he slept.  
“Mmm?” Sam replied sleepily.  
“What do you think about marriage?” Johannes wondered, “Not with anyone specifically, just… in general… what do you think about the concept?”  
Sam rolled over so as to face him, “Well,” he began, rearranging his pillow, “I don’t want to disappoint you, but it’s… _weird_ to me. I don’t need a document or ceremony to prove my love to people, and my love doesn’t conform to monogamous ideals which would make it… especially awkward in your society.”  
Johannes starred up at the ceiling, despite not being able to see it in the darkness, “Ah… I thought you’d say that.”  
“Is Chris pressuring you to subscribe to heteronormative monogamous ideals against your will?” Sam yawned.  
“No - no,” Johannes thought about it, “Well maybe a little bit.”  
“Back before we hooked up, you said marriage was for other people,” Sam continued, slipping a hand up his silk pyjamas shirt and letting it rest on his stomach, “Have you changed your mind? It’s okay if you have.”  
Johannes thought for a long moment, “No, uh… I don’t know, I really don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I marathoned season 2 last night and I called it, I fucking called it... I have _feelings_ about the whole thing that I won't burden on you because it'd probs be a buzzkill in this setting and would also be a spoiler for those who haven't caught up yet but oh boy are they there. 
> 
> Also while I'm sooooo glad that we have moved passed the Battle of the Bands, it is _super_ obvious where my AU starts to diverge. I haven't got things set in stone but I'm thinking for my AU the stuff that happens in 3Below happens on a much slower timeframe since obviously my fic _barely_ touches on those events. I didn't actually... sleep last night because I was too overflowing with ideas to actually relax but I am probably going to map my ideas out today after I post this. The good news is... I might have another fic in me... the bad news is... oh god I have to _write_ that shit _as well as_ my current WIP...


	27. Flowers and Wheels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes tries to do some serious adulting at work, while Sam has other things in mind.

**_**Monday, August 27** _ **

Johannes sat at his desk, coffee in hand and groaned. The school year had started the week earlier and everyone was yet to get back into their usual routines. It was still early in the morning and he had just managed to make it out the house in time, only to be caught behind traffic as an incident involving a bakery had blocked off one of the main roads. His patience was thin, and the morning’s only saving grace was that the coffee machine in the administration’s lounge was fully functional. Ainsley let himself in the office and unceremoniously dumped a pile of paperwork on his desk.  
“Gracias,” Johannes replied wearily, “What are these?”  
Ainsley shrugged, “Chandra said they needed your superior reviewing skills.”  
Johannes frowned, “Very well,” he turned to look at the clock on his computer, “Are Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin still coming?”  
“They confirmed this morning by text,” Ainsley nodded, “And in case you’ve forgotten their daughter’s name is Sierra.”  
Johannes nodded sombrely and jotted the information down in his notes, “It was at noon, wasn’t it?”  
“That’s right, during your government mandated lunch break!” Ainsley beamed ironically.  
“It’s okay, I brought a sandwich,” Johannes shrugged, “Just… don’t tell the police,” he added cheekily.  


***

It still felt a little bit strange to supervise the teaching in a classroom. Johannes had spent the greater part of two decades teaching, and only one-ish year acting as principal. In his mind, he was still very much part of the teaching staff and he very much empathised with how terrifying and uncomfortable it could be for a teacher, especially a temp. On the other hand, it was nice to watch the students studying and any misbehaviour _not_ be his problem. Johannes had obviously never been a grandparent, but that was a close an analogy he could imagine. After he had a quiet chat with Ms. Jones in the brief minutes between classes, he tucked himself away in the back corner of the room, leaning against a cupboard because the student’s desks were just big enough for him to slip into but just small enough he needed assistance if he ever wanted to get out again. It was the kind of mistake you only make once.  


The children piled in and sat at their desks, making a show of ignoring the additional adult stashed away in the back on the classroom, but being unusually co-operative as they settled down for the period. Ms. Jones helpfully wrote her name on the whiteboard, along with the subject of the lesson, ‘How Ancient Civilizations Shaped the Modern World.’  
“Hey Kids, for those who don’t know, my name is Ms. Jones and I am taking over some of Mrs. King’s lessons,” Charlie gestured in Johannes’s general direction, “Principal Uhl is going to supervise this period, but don’t let him distract you, he’s judging _me_ not you,” she smirked nervously in his direction.  
The students groaned collectively, unfortunately already well versed in the concept.  
“In this lesson we are going to briefly touch on the primary ancient civilizations including, Greece, Rome, China, and Egypt, I should hope you are at least slightly familiar with these. If we have time we might discuss others such as Mesopotamia, the people of the Indus Valley, and maybe even Çatalhöyük and Çayönü Tepesi,” Ms. Jones addressed the class, “To start off, I wonder if anyone can tell me what they know of these civilizations?” a timid looking girl raised her hand, “Yes… uh… Emily, isn’t it?” Ms. Jones asked.  
“Emma,” Emma corrected, “Çatalhöyük is known as being one of the first known densely populated cities. Some people suspect it may have been a matriarchal society due to the domination of Mother Goddess figures on the site but that probably isn’t true.”  
Ms. Jones eye brows rose slightly, “Oh wow, very good Emma,” she turned around and wrote ‘Cities’ on the white board behind her.

Johannes watched on as the lesson continued, paying more attention to Ms. Jones’s teaching methods than the actual material she was teaching. His pocket buzzed but he chose to ignore it. It was probably a minor issue and could wait until he was done. His pocket buzzed again, several times over. Sighing, he pulled out his phone and checked his messages just to ensure it wasn’t an emergency. Despite his best efforts a blush coloured his cheeks and he was forced to wordlessly excuse himself lest the children managed to catch onto weakness. Johannes huddled outside the classroom, leaning on the wall next to a locker, and sighed.

» Sam: :wilted rose: «  
» Sam: :smirk: «  
» Sam: :tongue: «  
» Sam: :rose: «  
» Sam: :eggplant: «  
» Sam: :sweet potato: «  
» Sam: :blossom: :tulip: «  
» Sam: :rosette: :white flower: «  
» Sam: :sunflower: :bouquet: «  
» Sam: :peach: :cherries: «  
» Sam: :hot pepper: :sweat drops: «  
» Sam: !!!!!!! :open mouth: WAIT I AHVE AN IDEA :open mouth: !!!!!!!! «  
» Johannes: :expressionless: What are you doing? «  
» Johannes: I am working. You’re being inappropriate. «  
» Sam: I didn’t say a single lewd word. «  
» Johannes: I know what those emojicons mean Sam! «  
» Sam: :smirk: Who’s lewd now :honey pot:  
» Johannes: I need to get back to work. Please don’t bother me with the above again. «  
» Sam: :kissing heart: you got it :thumbs up:

Sheepishly, Johannes returned to the classroom and took his position in the back corner of the room. One or two of the students possibly smirked but that tended to be their default state of being so he opted to ignore it. The class had gotten on to the subject of agriculture and Johannes tried hard not think about Sam with his floral euphemisms who had probably been there since the very beginning of mankind.

***

Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin let themselves in and sat in front of Johannes’s desk nervously. They didn’t seem to be the richest of parents, but they definitely made up for this in earnestness. From what he had heard they were new to town, although what circumstances had led them to Arcadia had not be divulged. Their daughter Sierra sat behind them in a shiny new wheelchair. It was purple and covered in zebra stickers and she seemed rather proud of it.  
“It’s good of you to meet with us Mr. uhhh—” Mr. Baldwin squinted at the name plate on his desk, “— Señor huh? What did you do to get that title? Are you Spanish? You don’t look Spanish.”  
Mrs. Baldwin elbowed her husband sharply in the ribs and chuckled awkwardly, “Ignore my idiot, he doesn’t think before he speaks.”  
Johannes repressed a smirk in Mrs. Baldwin’s direction and shook Mr. Baldwin’s hand, “Mr. is fine, I was the Spanish _teacher_ hence the ‘Señor,’ but it is officially Principal Uhl now.”  
“It’s good to meet you _Principal_ Uhl,” Mrs. Baldwin replied, “We only saw what was on the website, it seemed fine but we had some… inquiries about the school we needed to know before we let Sierra fully enroll in your school.”  
Johannes’s attention turned to the young teen gazing up at the inoffensive trinkets Walter had left behind, “I completely understand.”  
“Sierra’s still new to the chair and we’re a little nervous about letting her go off on her own in a new town,” Mrs. Baldwin explained, “We’d rather she didn’t have to go to a—” she leant forward conspiratorially, “— ‘special’ school —” she whispered, “— but the last place we looked at only had stairs and a lift that was _broken_.”  
“Oh dear,” Johannes replied, silently judging whichever school it had been that had violated the code like that, “If you’d give me a moment I think I know just the person,” he quickly scrolled through his contacts and found the right person, who eventually answered her phone, “Hey Chandra, I have a young girl who’d like to see you in my office.”  
“Oh?” Chandra asked, clearly chewing whatever she was eating for lunch, “Just gimme a second and I’ll be over. Is it serious?”  
“No, but it’s important,” Johannes insisted, before she hung up her phone.  
“Who was that?” Mr. Baldwin asked suspiciously.  
“Mrs. Evans, the assistant principal,” Johannes explained, “She’ll be here as soon as possible.”  
“I don’t mean to be rude, but why are you bringing her into it? We booked the appointment with you,” Mrs. Baldwin demanded.  
Johannes chewed his lip, “I understand what you are saying, but we are a team. I trust Mrs. Evan’s opinion on the matter.”  
Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin shared a look, Johannes wasn’t sure what it meant, but it was definitely the kind of look you could only share after being married for over ten years.  
The door swung open, and Chandra let herself in. Although she had been silent the entire time, Sierra let out a soft gasp.  
“I love your chair!” Sierra exclaimed, clutching her hands at her breastbone.  
“Thank you!” Chandra beamed back, “Yours is a real humdinger,” she remembered herself just in time, “I’m Mrs. Evans, the assistant principal.”  
“Sierra wants to know how accessible our school _really_ is before she becomes part of our family,” Johannes explained, “These are her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin.”  
Chandra nodded, “Nice to meet you both,” she shook both of their hands, “If you’re considering enrolling your kid in our school, why don’t I show you around?”  
“We don’t want to be any trouble,” Mr. Baldwin replied cautiously.  
“Nonsense, I’d be happy to show you the school!” Chandra beamed back.  
Johannes became aware his phone was vibrating, and hoped it was at least a work related matter, “I hope you’ll let Mrs. Evans put your worries at ease,” he added, specifically talking to Sierra who looked a little bit embarrassed by the whole situation, “I know starting at a new school can be scary but I hope you’ll decide to join our little family.”  
Sierra nodded, “I hope your school doesn’t suck as much as North Cedar High.”  
Johannes met Chandra’s eye and they repressed a shared smirk, “I think you’ll find my school satisfactory,” he assured her, hoping she’d learn about the non-human shenanigans after she enrolled.  
“Uh, thank you,” Mrs. Baldwin replied, “Will you be available after?”  
Johannes made a show of looking at his watch, despite the time being irrelevant when it came to increasing his enrollment numbers, “I’m never too busy to meet with the parents,” he replied.

The Baldwin’s said their goodbyes, following Chandra out the door. With the four of them gone, Johannes was free to check his phone. He pulled it out wearily and looked at the screen.

» Sam: :rose: In your absence my mind strays to ornamentals, «  
» Sam: of tightly coiled rosebuds dripping with dew. :sweat drops: «  
» Sam: :park: Wanton sodding in the hopes of greener landscapes, «  
» Sam: a conspicuous luxury reserved for the few. :golf: «  
» Sam: :herb: The lush and verdant fronds of the versatile sword fern, «  
» Sam: showing off its root muscles as it clings to jagged slopes. :mountain: «  
» Sam: :blossom: I crave the rose-flushed, erect shrubs of deutzia, «  
» Sam: the spray of white flowers a symbol of our future hopes. :four leaf clover: «  
» Sam: :honey pot: The ethereal bouquet of honeysuckle has me yearning, «  
» Sam: begging for that moment of consummate indulgence. :butterfly: «  
» Sam: :daffodil: For you I find myself frozen within the bloom of youth, «  
» Sam: a narcissus caught gazing at not the water’s shallow depth but the sun’s exquisite wonderance. :sunrise: «  
» Sam: :sunny: Of you my incomparable gift from the heavens, «  
» Sam: I would sup on the manna of your stamen hungrily craving. :hibiscus: «  
» Sam: :cat: I am your catnip - nepetalactone my gift to you, «  
» Sam: with tenderness and delight you come for me gently purring. :kissing cat: «

Johannes stared off into the mid-distance, not entirely sure how to react. He could just imagine Sam giggling to himself as he wrote drafts of that silly poem, oh he was sure there were drafts. He was clearly so proud of his handiwork, of every cheesy line and incomprehensible metaphor.

» Johannes: :expressionless: Only you would do this to me Sam. «  
» Johannes: I don’t even know what some of those words mean. «  
» Johannes: I’m jealous of your free time. «  
» Sam: :joy: In my onion it starts out strong but wilts a bit at the end. With a bit of teasing it will perk up again. «  
» Sam: You get what I’m saying though, right? :smirk: «  
» Johannes: I know when you mention flowers and things that you’re never talking about the gardening hobbies. «  
» Sam: :wink: «  
» Johannes: When I get home, you’re not even going to let me get my shoes off, are you? «  
» Sam: Only if you’re also in the mood. It’s no fun seducing an impenetrable rock. «  
» Sam: … penetrable rocks are a completely different story. :wink: «  
» Sam: I know you’re not laughing rn but let me assure you that joke was hilarious. «  
» Johannes: I’ll take your word for it. «  
» Johannes: I’m sorry but I need to get back to work, I’ll see you when I get home. :heart: «

***

The lights were off when Johannes returned home. At first he was suspicious, but then he remembered Sam’s amorous if slightly surreal flirting and came to the conclusion he was probably setting up some kind of scene. He kicked off his shows at the door, and left his things on the kitchen table. The kitchen was likewise dark and unoccupied, with no signs of any cooking having taken place. He backed out and made his way up the stairs, half expecting a trail of rose petals or something as equally cliché. He checked his office, finding it empty and dark and unoccupied, although once he turned on the light he found his old laptop was on and a document was on his word processor with the final draft of Sam’s cheesy poem, emojis included. Johannes smirked to himself and made his way to Sam’s room, half enjoying the game and half dying from anxiety. He frowned. The room was as Sam-less as the others and he was running out of rooms. Cautiously, he opened the door to his own room and felt his heart stop. It was also dark and empty, with no signs of petals or Sam. He made his way back downstairs, trying not to panic in case he wound up looking a fool. He closed his eyes as he got to the basement, bracing himself for either option. Johannes blinked into the darkness, whatever fun he had gotten in the start had been replaced entirely with a deep sense of foreboding.

He returned to the lounge room and made to sit on his chair, discovering nearly too late the two cats curled up in a sleeping embrace. One of the cats was clearly Missy, the fur on her tummy not quite grown from the time Sam had tricked her into a box and she’d been bundled off for her hysterectomy. The other cat was surely Sam. At first glance he was completely unremarkable, but Johannes had learned to recognise his personal markings, and the subtle traits that marked him as a slightly different species.  
Johannes breathed a sigh of relief, “There you are,” he mumbled, scritching behind his ear.  
Sam shook his head sleepily, yawned, and then turned to face Johannes. His ears flattened against his head and he scrambled up the stairs, quickly disappearing as though being chased by a monster.  
“What was that about, moppelchen?” Johannes asked, slightly bewildered.  
Missy didn’t offer an explanation, choosing instead to daintily lick her fluffy grey paws.  
“I was expecting… uh—” Johannes covered Missy’s ear, “— seduction?” he called out, realising his foolishness too late as Missy was surely not a virgin.  
The hallway echoed with the words Sam didn’t sing out.  
Johannes frowned, “Did you want me to follow you?”  
Sam didn’t reply one way or another.

Johannes padded up the stairs, looking for wherever Sam could have be hiding, “I’m not really sure what you’re expecting?” he flicked on the light in Sam’s room, something hissed from behind the bed, “Oh,” he replied, Sam would never hiss at him and there could only be one reason for that reaction, “I’m sorry Sam, are you stuck?” he knelt on his knees, regretting it the second he felt the crunch, and made high-pitched chirripy noises to try and coax him.  
Sam let out what sounded the world like a deep, heartfelt sob, and then growled.

Johannes sighed and then pulled himself up on the bed. He lay out, staring at the ceiling, and closed his eyes. Sam had mentioned before that he’d occasionally get stuck in animal form, and a cat was preferable to say, a tiger, but he was not looking forward to trying to bring Sam back. Johannes groaned into his hands when he realised that he was probably going to have to give Sam, the cat, a bath. It definitely wasn’t how he envisioned the evening on the drive home. A thought occurred to him. Sam may have been stuck in cat form, but that didn’t mean he was really a cat. He was a spirit in the form of a cat, with the knowledge of everything a spirit would know. Including his language.  
Johannes pulled out his phone and scrolled through the prepared phrases Sam had written for him in advance, “Gan námwiyi, Mabaktraga. Yir gis yir… atan, tabra ih. Atan dweti… gis ítaha, tabra ih,” he said, reading as he still lay on his back on the bed.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: It’s okay, Baktraga. I know… who and what… you are. I know… you’re afraid and confused… right now. I know… everything hurts… and you can’t change back._ ]  
Sam made a strange gulping noise, and drew closer, curious but not trusting.  
Johannes frowned, “Míleban itad, atan dos sahih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I’m Johannes, you can trust me._ ]  
Sam watched him cautiously, turning his head to the side at the sound of hearing Johannes stumble his way through the pre-arranged phrases, but kept still.  
“Baktraga im, tan ñamine,” Johannes continued gently, “Tan granata, tabra ih,” he was quite proud of himself for the last bit. It was just a simple sentence but it had come from him, not Sam’s reference.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My Baktraga, be calm. It’s been a day, I know._ ]  
Sam jumped up on the bed, sitting on the edge. Watching. Waiting.  
Johannes chewed his lip thoughtfully for a moment, “Would you mind if I switched back to a language I really know?”  
Sam settled down. Still watching. Still waiting.  
“If I get up will you stay?” Johannes wondered, very gently sitting himself upright.  
Sam’s ears flattened against his head but he didn’t move.  


Johannes curled his legs under him and drew them onto the ground in slow motion. He stopped to ensure that he didn’t startle him into running off and hiding again. He tiptoed out and into the bathroom. Turning on the light, Johannes surveyed the room as though it might give him some kind of plan instead of having to come up with one himself. He filled the bath with warm water and sat on the toilet, questioning his entire life’s choices. Taking a deep breath, he turned off the tap and returned to Sam’s room with a towel on hand. Sam watched him cautiously, still on the edge of the bed. Johannes sat near him and lay down, closing his eyes as though he were about to go to sleep. Sam approached him gingerly, and lay his head on his thigh. Johannes let him rest for a few minutes, and then, very slowly, lowered the towel onto him. Sam let out a gentle ‘oof,’ but didn’t otherwise respond. Taking this as a sign to go ahead, Johannes very carefully wrapped him in the towel and held him to his chest. Sam looked up at him with a slightly judgemental expression, but then buried his head in his chest. Johannes sat with him for a while before taking him down the hall and stood at the bathroom door. Sam struggled, making strange warbling noises, and the reality of what he was doing truly hit Johannes. He wondered what had made him think that a bath would work, cats hated water.  
“Nein,” Johannes said to himself, feeling more than a little foolish, “Es muss einen besseren Weg geben.”  
[ _Translation from German: No, there must be a better way._ ]

***

Johannes made himself dinner and sat at the dining table. Next to him, Sam ate his own share of the steak, cut into tiny bit-sized pieces, served with a generous serving of gravy. He chuckled to himself, knowing full well how he would look to the outside world. Fortunately the outside world wasn’t there to share its opinion.

It wasn’t their typical after dinner routine, but Johannes sat on the sofa watching telenovela reruns in quiet near-solitude. After some pawing, mewing and a fumbled feline attempt of his own, Johannes figured out that Sam wanted wrapped up in the towel again. And so, Sam lay curled up on Johannes’s lap, happily wrapped in a towel and purring like he was trying to power the entire town on his own. Missy had disappeared, probably jealous of the attention he was showering on Sam. In truth, he hadn’t been paying attention, but the weight on Johannes’s lap disappeared, and a ball of light and ash rose to the air in front of him, blocking Johannes’s view of the television. There was a crackle of what felt like electricity under Sam’s surface, and Johannes felt his hair stand on end. He formed his human body, curled up on the ground in front of the sofa and groaned mournfully.  
“What happened?” Sam muttered, trying to pull himself up.  
“You were a cat,” Johannes explained.  
“Did I hurt you?” Sam asked, his face in his hands.  
“No,” Johannes replied, throwing the towel over his head to block out the glare of the television, “But I nearly gave you a bath.”  
Sam chuckled under the towel, “Why?”  
“I panicked,” Johannes shrugged.  
Sam groaned, “I had _plans_. I was going to be romantic.”  
“Lo siento, cariño,” Johannes frowned, “There’s still time.”  
Sam rested his chin on Johannes’s knee, looking up with his heartrendingly pathetic puppy dog eyes, “I was going to sweep you off your feet.”  
Johannes’s heart broke a little, “Come here,” he said, taking hold of Sam’s hand and gesturing for him to stand, “The flowers were cute.”  
“There were annoying,” Sam sighed, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you,” he pouted, standing in front of him, the towel sliding off his shoulder in slow motion.  
Johannes smirked to himself and scooped Sam up in his arms, resting him on Johannes’s knees, “Cute,” he insisted.  
Sam blushed, eyes wide, “Honigbär—”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missy is strong, independent kitty and free of human notions such as purity or shame.


	28. Glitter and Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an accident at home and at work, and it seems like a magical creature is responsible for both of them.

**_**Wednesday, August 29** _ **

The alarm went off at godforsaken a.m and Johannes hauled himself out of bed. He padded down the stairs, still half asleep and shouldered his way down into the basement. Turning on his radio, turned down low so as not to wake Sam, he kicked off his silk pyjamas and began his early morning warm up routine. It was hard to stay awake but muscle memory kept him going until he got halfway through his thoracic rotations and felt like a human person again. Eventually he climbed back into his pyjamas and turned off the radio, and made his way to the bathroom, grabbing a fresh towel on the way in. Allowing himself only the bare minimum of time in the shower lest the hot water lured him back into his slumber, he shaved, and gelled back his hair, before stumbling back into his bedroom. Sam was still asleep, a troubled furrow between his brows. The bedding thrown aside leaving his naked form curled up alone in the centre of the bed. Without thinking Johannes straightened out the sheets, threw the doona back into place, and returned to readying himself. He ironed his shirt and trousers, climbing into them as soon as he was done, and opened the curtains. Sam whimpered something and sat up, rubbing his eyes like the sun hurt his feelings.  
“Good morning, cariño,” Johannes beamed happily.  
“Morning, Honigbär,” Sam yawned, “Give me a second and make I’ll make you breakfast.”  
Johannes smiled and slid the ironing board back into place, “No need to rush.”  
Sam yawned again more heartily and gave Johannes a sleepy but approving smile, “You look especially pretty this morning, Honigbär,” he cooed.  
“I uh,” Johannes never knew what to say to compliments at the best of times, but early morning was particularly unfair, “Danke?”  
Sam fussed around in his bedside drawer and slipped on an emerald green microfibre jockstrap, “What’re you craving this morning? Something sweet?”  
“You’re always sweet,” Johannes replied, “But I feel like something salty this morning.”  
Sam turned around, eyebrows raised and grin spreading across his face, “Now we _are_ talking about breakfast, aren’t we?”  
“Please,” Johannes rolled his eyes, “I have only half an hour before I need to be at work.”  
“I can do a lot in half an hour,” Sam winked at him before throwing on a shirt with a cartoon of two halves of an avocado hugging, “How do you feel about fried eggs on toast?”  
Johannes squinted at Sam, not totally sure he wasn’t trying to slip one of his bizarre euphemisms over him, “Make it poached.”  
“Kinky,” Sam laughed, pulling on a pair of a pair of yoga pants.

***

Johannes buzzed around the living room, gathering his things for the day ahead, while Sam busied himself in the kitchen, singing to himself happily. After he signalled breakfast was ready, they sat at the dining table and ate in relative, but cheerful silence. Johannes couldn’t help but wonder why Sam was in such a good mood. He was normally quite happy to do his part in the mornings but Sam wasn’t a morning person and it showed. They finished up, and Johannes made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He squeezed the end of the tube onto his brush and looked up at himself in the bathroom mirror. There was something not quite right about his reflection. He turned his head this way and that until he realised what was wrong.  
“Sam! Sam, was habt ihr mit mir gemacht?” Johannes yelled, absolutely horrified.  
[ _Translation from German: Sam! Sam, what have you done to me?_ ]   
There was the sound of feet running up the stairs and Sam leaned on the doorway, eyes wide, “Was ist los? I didn’t do anything?”  
[ _Translation from German: What’s wrong?_ ]  
“Look at me!” Johannes yelled, “I can’t go out like this!”  
Sam looked him up and down, and cocked his head to the side, “Like what?”  
“I - I - I… _sparkle_ ,” Johannes stammered.  
“I don’t understand. It looks pretty?” Sam took a step closer to further examine the damage, “The gel is _supposed_ to make your hair pretty. I thought you said you liked it?”  
“On you! I liked it on you!” Johannes exclaimed, desperately wondering how much time he had left, “I look like some kind of glittering fairy, it’s ridiculous!”  
Sam’s brows rose in judgement, “Hey now, I resemble that remark,” his judgement broke into a gleeful grin, “And now, so do you!”  
“It’s not funny, Sam,” Johannes examined his watch, “I only have five minutes to spare!”  
“Bend over,” Sam replied, rubbing his hands together with intent.  
“I beg your pardon?” Johannes demanded, almost certain he had heard him wrong.  
Sam rolled his eyes, “Over the basin, you dork. I’ll wash it out for you, it’ll be quicker if I do it, since you can’t see the back of your own head.”  
“Fine,” Johannes sighed, begrudgingly tearing off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, “I don’t want turn up all wet, it’d be so unprofessional,” he explained.  
He folded his shirt and placed it on the toilet seat with his tie, and let Sam wash the abominably pretty gel from his hair. After the hairdryer had earned it price tenfold, he styled it himself, grabbing his own gel and putting Sam’s _far_ away on the ledge of the bathtub. Satisfied he looked as close to normal as he could manage, he turned to grab his shirt and tie.  
“Wait - wait, one more thing,” Sam interrupted, grabbing something from the bathroom cabinet and lifting up Johannes’s undershirt.  
“What are you doing?” Johannes asked, “Why are drawing on me with your eyeliner? Wait, is that the Mars symbol? Why are yo— —” realisation dawned, “Hey!”  
Sam grinned at him cheekily and put the cap back on the pen with a flourish, “Just in case you need it today.”  
Johannes batted him away and quickly buttoned up his shirt, “I don’t have the time for this,” he looked at his watch again, “Ach! I’m already eight minutes late! I haven’t even finished brushing my teeth yet!”

***

Johannes finished his rounds, relieved the school was in perfect running order, or more honestly, not burning to the ground in apocalyptic mayhem as it was wont to do. He grabbed himself a coffee, the sound of Sam’s protestations echoing in his mind’s head, and settled down at his desk to check his messages.

» Chandra: Hey I know you’re on your rounds but when you’re reading can you send me a REVISED list of all the parents involved with the P.T.A this year, working on a thing. :) «

He made a note in his diary, and returned to his phone.

» Dr. Carter: Rainchecking this evening’s appt. Will update with new date. «  
» Johannes: OK I’ll make a note. «

Johannes sighed and scribbled out the evening’s appointment with the superintendent in his diary.

» Malinowski: Hey I don’t mean to bother you but I think I saw some animal running around the courtyard. I’m in class right now so I’m not in the best position to shoo it away, but I want to give notice before it starts digging through the bins. «

He would have done something about it but the message had been sent an hour ago and the animal had probably already been dealt with. He had only one more messenger, and Johannes had been putting him off for last. Not just because it was unprofessional to put ones personal life ahead of work matters, but because he was still a little bit mad about what had happened that morning.

» Sam: Hey honey, I’m sorry about this morning. The mars symbol was arguably mean and I’m sorry if this made you feel in anyway emasculated, or that I was making light of something you understandably have a Thing™ about. «  
» Sam: I didn’t really get the time to explain what I meant by that so let me try it now. I drew a mars symbol with the infinity symbol inside for affirmation that that the number of ways to be masculine are infinite, and that whether or not you choose to go to work glittering like apollo himself, and regardless if people laugh at you or not, you are still every bit of the man I fell in love with. «

Johannes looked at his phone for what felt like an eternity, equal parts puzzled, offended, and touched.

» Johannes: Thank you my dear, but I’m not so fragile I need it drawn on my body. «  
» Sam: Sorry about that. It should wash off easy enough with soap and water. «  
» Johannes: I’m not brave enough to strip off in the school bathrooms. I might be seen. «  
» Sam: Hahahahahahahaha What do you think is going to happen? «  
» Johannes: That they will see the EXTREMELY homoerotic doodles you put on my abdomen! «  
» Sam: Oh come on how is the mars symbol with the infinity symbol in the middle… oh wait okay yeah, I can see now how someone might interpret that as homoerotic. «

***

The smell of choking, thick smoke still filled the air as Johannes stood outside the school with the other evacuated faculty members and students. A small number of members from the emergency services, namely of the police and fire station, were ensuring the campus was safe for re-entry and calming any concerned bystanders. Johannes and Ms. Beyersdorf, the cafeteria manager, was speaking with Detective Scott regarding the incident, or more accurately, trying to defend the professionalism of the staff.  
“So what you’re telling me is that there _was_ no fire, and then was a fire, and you have no idea what started it but it wasn’t you?” Detective Scott raised an eyebrow critically at Ms. Beyersdorf as he wrote in his notebook.  
“That’s what happened!” Ms. Beyersdorf exclaimed, “The equipment was in perfect working order, the fire didn’t come from the ovens, the grill, or any of the food preparation areas,” she clapped her hands dramatically, “It. Started. On. The. Wall.”  
“How would you describe it?” Detective Scott asked, “Did it dance upon the surface like the devil’s tongue? Did it start _within_ the wall like the center of a deep smouldering pit?”  
Ms. Beyersdorf blinked at him, “It was spontaneous. First there was no fire and then, presto! Cafeteria a la flame. Like magic.”  
Johannes groaned, of course his school couldn’t even have a normal ordinary fire, “I’m sure it wasn’t literally magic, Ms. Beyersdorf.”  
“Look!” Ms. Beyersdorf exclaimed, “It wasn’t an oil fire, at least initially. Trust me I’ve seen those. And it wasn’t an electrical fire, or a wood fire either. I’ve seen my fair share of fires in my day. This was no _ordinary_ fire. The flames were _pink_ , I swear it!”  
“What do you mean you’ve ‘seen your fair share of fires,’ Ms. Beyersdorf?” Detective Scott asked, his line of thought plain for anyone to see.  
“I didn’t light the fire myself, detective,” Ms. Beyersdorf looked to Johannes for defence, “I work in a kitchen, I have _always_ worked in a kitchen. These things happen.”  
“What _possible_ reason would Ms. Beyersdorf have for lighting the fire?” Johannes glowered, “It would endanger not only herself but everyone in the school.”  
Detective Scott shrugged, “Maybe insurance? Maybe you put her up to it?”  
Johannes burst into laughter, “Not with _our_ insurance, detective. Besides, I take my position very seriously. I’d never intentionally do anything that would harm anyone I was responsible for,” he paused to think for a moment, “Or at all for that matter.”  
“Ha, yeah right, you’re a regular humanitarian,” Detective Scott frowned, “Well, did you see anyone suspicious before or after the event?”  
Johannes remembered the text from Malinowski, “You might want to speak with Mr. Malinowski about that. He messaged me earlier today regarding an animal on the school grounds.”  
“Uh - huh, what kind of animal?” Detective Scott asked, scribbling away in his notebook.  
“He didn’t say,” Johannes admitted, “Just that he thought he saw an animal in the courtyard.”  
Another police officer approached them and muttered something in policeman code, “Ah good,” Detective Scott nodded, “Officer Brennan says that the grounds at large have been declared safe by the pyromaniacs, uh I mean fire department, and you can resume your business as usual. The cafeteria will be taped up until they’ve had a chance to over everything, and no one should go there until they’ve given you the all clear. But that’s no reason why you can’t let the kids back into class. I need you to sign here though,” he said, offering his notebook and a pen, “Read over everything and if you agree it’s what you said, sign the end, and put your initials on every page.”  
“Yeah - yeah, I’ve done this before, Detective Scott,” Johannes sighed, scribbling his mark on every page.  
“What about my team?” Ms. Beyersdorf demanded, “What are we supposed to do?”  
“The pyro— — I mean fire department want to go over everything with your team on the premises,” Officer Brennan added helpfully.  
“After you’ve approved your statement, Ms. Beyersdorf,” Detective Scott thrust the notebook in front of her.  
She rolled her eyes and signed it, handing the notebook back dismissively, “Okay, I can take the girls back to the cafeteria, right? With supervision of course.”  
Detective Scott waved his hand, “Yeah - yeah, you’re the pyre department’s problem now,” he snickered to himself, “Hey, Officer Brennan? Did you catch that, I said the ‘pyre department’ you know like… pyre. You know what that means don’t you? Pyre? It’s a word that— —”  
Officer Brennan sighed, “Yes sir, I know what a pyre is. I’m sure the boys at the station will think it’s _hilarious_ ,” he nodded to Ms. Beyersdorf, “Come on, I’ll explain the red tape on the way.”

Ms. Beyersdorf and the officer walked off in the direction of the cafeteria staff, who had clustered nonchalantly around the side of the building like teenagers who thought it was cool to smoke in public. Johannes went to leave but Detective Scott put a hand authoritatively.  
“Just one more thing before you go,” Detective Scott began.  
Johannes sighed, “Very well, detective.”  
“How’s my little princess doing? Is she lying to me about her grades, is she keeping good friends? That Toby hasn’t been leading her astray, has he?” Detective Scott’s tone completely changed, indicating he had switched from work mode to parent mode.  
“Darci is fine, as far as I’m aware,” Johannes had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes, “If you want to discuss her grades and behaviour in more detail, I’m going to have to ask you to book an appointment. Mrs. Miller will be happy to schedule you in.”  
“Ah, right yes, okay, of course,” the detective stammered, “Ah… I’ll let you get back to your business.”

***

Johannes stood around the scorched cafeteria, several of the ladies standing with him, staring at the remains. It was actually worse than he had thought, smoke damage coated just about every surface. He could barely imagine how much the repairs would cut into the budget, and he could only hope it’d be covered by insurance. He’d have to tell the board. They wouldn’t be happy. One of the ladies, a young woman wearing floral pastels that contrasted entirely with her completely shaved head, began to giggle uncontrollably.  
“Do you think this is funny?” Johannes demanded, his temper getting the better of him, “Do you have any idea how difficult it’s going to be to repair, Ms… Ms…?” the effect was rather spoiled by forgetting her name, but the principle remained.  
“It’s Amy, sir,” Amy added helpfully, “I mean you’ve got to laugh to stop from crying right?”  
Johannes narrowed his eyes, “If you say so.”  
Mrs. Kelly, the cafeteria assistant manager and woman whose name Johannes knew more readily, put her hands on her hips and sighed, “I hate to bring this up conversationally, but if insurance doesn’t cover it, what’s going to happen to us?”  
Johannes wished she hadn’t brought it up but he couldn’t lie openly to their face, “I’ll be bringing it forward to the board. Every department is short-staffed, and obviously you’re all invaluable members of the family,” he gestured vaguely at staff, “It’s my opinion this will be taken into consideration.”  
One of the older women groaned loudly, “That’s corporate talk for ‘I can’t make any promises,’ isn’t it? I can’t afford a pink slip, I’ve got a kid at home!”  
“Well,” Johannes grimaced, “I can’t see into the future. Besides, it might be a non-issue, we just don’t know yet. Obviously I don’t want to see any of you go.”  
Young Linda crossed her arms, pouting, “Fuck my job security dude, what’re the kids supposed to eat?” she was the youngest staff member, barely into her twenties and had attended the school as a student, “Not all of the students are able to bring their own, you know? I know I wasn’t.”  
“Hey Corey, do you think you could get the P.T.A onto it?” Mrs. Kelly asked.  
The concerned mother named Corey stood with her hand on her hips, chewing her lip thoughtfully, “We might be able to come up with something. The next meeting is on the 17th so it’ll have to be by word of mouth.”  
“What do you think the P.T.A will have in mind?” Johannes wondered.  
Corey shrugged, “Hard to say. Maybe they’ll just collect some money, maybe someone will generously donate sandwich platters to the school?”  
“If those rich bitches think a spare $100 and a fruit basket will cover it they’ll have another thing coming,” Linda frowned, “Oh sorry,” she added in a rare moment of self-awareness, “Pardon my french-say.”  
“It’s pronounced ‘Français,’ sugar,” Mrs. Kelly corrected.  
Linda groaned, “I know, let me words bad if I wanna, it’s funny.”  
Johannes sighed, “I’m sorry but I really must be getting to my office,” he said, stepping back into the courtyard.  
“Um?” Linda began, a puzzled smirk spread across her face, “I like what you’re doing with your hair, señor.”  
“What?” Johannes asked, very confused.  
The women chorused a giggle, “And I thought my husband was hitting a mid-life crisis hard,” Corey whispered to the woman nearest her, but not softly enough.  
“I am not having the mid-life crisis!” Johannes yelled, perhaps more defensively than was wise, “This wasn’t me,” he gestured wildly at his head, “This was a mistake, okay? I thought I got most of it out.”  
“I don’t know, I think the fairy prince look suits you,” Linda’s grin broadened.  
“Don’t call me that, Linda,” Johannes snapped, “It’s disrespectful.”  
“Oh wow no - no - no,” Linda waved her hands like she was trying to soothe an aggressive stranger in a crisis situation, “I meant it as a compliment, truly.”  
Johannes’s eyes darted between each woman, “I don’t have time to explain what happened, but this wasn’t me, okay?” he said before storming off. In the distance he could hear the giggles erupting again, but he was too preoccupied with dealing with the fire problem to bother wasting time smoothing out overly familiar cafeteria staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short and sweet chapter this week. I might come back and add a more solid resolution but what I have is fine for now I guess.


	29. Electronics and Tacos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is in trouble and Johannes needs to team up with his most bitter enemy in order to get to him in time.

**_**Friday, August 31** _ **

Johannes sat down in the boardroom, and placed the muffin Louise from the office had guilted him into accepting onto the table with his coffee. Chandra, Ainsley, Emi and Louise were already waiting, using the last remains of their government mandated break to prepare for the meeting that was about to begin. In practice, this turned out to be frantically shuffling papers and looking through the stationary jar for a pen that worked. He took a swig of the coffee, and opened his folder.  
“Hallo? Hello? Okay, is everyone—” Johannes began, trying to get everyone’s attention, “— okay, yes good. Is everyone ready? Who’s taking minutes?”  
Emi raised her hand meekly, “Louise said I’m allowed to. It’s okay, I have neat handwriting and Chandra wants me to get more experience.”  
“Very well,” Johannes continued, “As you’ve probably already guessed, this is an impromptu meeting to come up with a crisis plan to present to the board next Tuesday,” he realised there was a facing missing, “Wait, where is Mrs. Waters, is she running late?”  
“I’m afraid Katherine’s come down with a bad case of the shingles,” Louise frowned, “She sends her regards and apologies.”  
“Ach, well who’s doing the accounts now?” Johannes demanded, “ _How_ are we supposed to have the crisis meeting about money without an accounts representative?”  
“The agency sent a temp, Margaret’s showing her the ropes. That’s why Amber was womanning the front desk this morning,” Louise chewed her lip, “It’s not ideal, we’re trying to manage.”  
Chandra let out a frustrated growl, “Argh, can _nothing_ go right in this damn school?”  
“Katherine’s only a couple years older than me, she probably won’t be out of action tha— —” Ainsley began, stopped by the cheerful melody of somebody’s ringtone.  
“Oh come on!” Johannes scoffed, “It’s basic etiquette to turn off your phones during meetings, whose phone is—” he stopped when realised he could feel his back pocket vibrating, “Woops, sorry, it’s me,” he pulled the phone out and frowned at the caller ID, it was his personal phone, but he didn’t recognise the number at all, “Huh? That’s weird. Give me a second, this could be an emergency,” he muttered, stepping outside the boardroom just to put his nerves at ease, “Listen, if you’re trying to sell something—”  
“Oh ha - ha, wow, no. No, well I was but then I had to… wait let me start from the beginning,” the voice rambled on the other line, “Joe-hanz, right?”  
“It’s pronounced Johannes,” Johannes sighed, “If this isn’t an emergency, I’m going to have to ask you to call back. I’m in the middle of a meeting.”  
“I think this classifies as an emergency, yeah… pretty sure it does,” the voice mused, “I’ve got Sam here, he’s in a bad way,” he dropped his voice low and soft, almost to a whisper.  
Johannes groaned, “You got my number from his medical bracelet, didn’t you?”  
“Yeah, that’s right,” the man on the other end replied, “Should I call an ambulance?”  
Johannes sighed, “No - no, he’s… he wouldn’t want that. I’ll come and collect him. Where are you?”  
“I’m in the middle of Main Street, not far from the park, you know the one with the gazebo?” the voice got distant, as though he was craning to read the street signs.  
“What do you mean in the middle of the street?” Johannes asked, relieved it wasn’t too far from the school.  
“He collapsed on the street in front of the shops, what do you want me to tell you?” the man sounded as though he was rolling his eyes, “Oh okay, he’s starting to come around. Hiya buddy? Are you feeling okay? You hit your pretty hard, didn’t you? How many fingers am I holding up?” he asked in a slightly coddling tone, there was the sound of Sam muttering in the background, “Oh wowee, what language is _that_ when it’s at home?” the man remarked, clearly having heard the vaguest mutterings of Mahomai.  
“It doesn’t matter,” Johannes snapped dismissively, “Don’t leave him just _lying_ there, help him get to somewhere private. Preferably dark and quiet. He gets overwhelmed easily when he’s… not himself.”  
“Okay, got it. I’ll take him to Stuart’s Electronics, on Delancey Street. Do you know the place?” he asked, “I happen to know the owner pretty intimately,” the man added with a chuckle.  
“I’ll get there in five,” Johannes tried to hold onto the address in his mind, “Keep him safe until I can get to him,” he hung up the phone and ducked back into the boardroom, scribbling the address on a post-it note and cramming it into his pocket.  
“So it _was_ an emergency?” Ainsley asked, brows furrowed.  
“Uh - ja, I’m sorry but I - I have to go right away,” Johannes stammered, “Uh, maybe it’s best if we postpone this meeting until tomorrow.”  
“If you say so,” Chandra frowned, “Do you need help or…?”  
“No!” Johannes yelled slightly more forceful than he was planning, “I mean, it’s nothing. It’s just… Sam is sick and he needs me to um… you know how it is.”  
“Sam as in your ‘alternative’ housekeeper Sam?” Louise asked, slightly out of the loop.  
Johannes grimaced, “Sure, whatever, I need to go.”  
“Are you going to be long?” Ainsley asked.  
“Maybe, I don’t know. I expect one to three hours but who knows,” Johannes tried to finish his coffee, scalding his tongue.  
“Then can I eat your muffin?” Ainsley’s face brightened with hope.  
Johannes frowned, “Sure, I don’t care.”

***

Luckily Stuart’s Electronics wasn’t difficult to find, and Johannes had been fortuitous enough to find a parking space next to his dreaded enemy, the owner of the gaudily painted taco truck. He knocked on the store’s door, noting the closed sign hanging behind the glass. Nobody answered. Deeply suspicious, he tried pushing on the door and found it to be unlocked. Johannes stepped inside and looked around. The store itself was stocked wall-to-wall with what would probably be called vintage electronics. He recognised giant hulking televisions from the early 90s, the brightly coloured apple computers that had been the state of the art when he had first begun teaching in the US, he even spotted a couple radios from the 70s. Everything was covered in a thick coat of dust and shadows, and there was no sounds to be heard.  
“Hallo?” Johannes ventured, peering behind the door to the backroom, “I’m here about Sam?”

Deciding that he has probably beaten the good Samaritan, he went back outside the store and stared up and down the street, looking for signs of Sam. Across the far of the street across he saw a short, plump man running towards him, stopping several times to catch his breath and wave at him. Johannes did him a favour and met him by the curb.  
“You are—” the man wheezed, “— looking —” he wheezed again, “— for Sam?”  
“Where is he? What did you do to him?” Johannes demanded, taken aback by the fact the man was wearing what could only have been described as casual lounge attire by the most generous of observers.  
“Do?” the man wheezed, “I’ve been trying to—” he wheezed again, “— catch him.”  
Johannes wasn’t the least bit surprised but that didn’t make him any less paranoid, “Where _is_ he?” he yelled, waving an accusatory finger.  
To Johannes’s astonishment, the man took his extended hand and shook it, “Hi, the name’s Stuart,” he cowered slightly at Johannes’s increasing scowl, “How do you feel like a trip to the museum?”  
Johannes growled, “You _left_ him?”  
“I didn’t leave him. How dare you? He _happens_ to be a _friend_ of mine thank you so very much,” Stuart folded his arms defensively, “He’s just… like greased-lightning. Nothing I could do.”  
“Of _course_ you know him,” Johannes sighed, “ _Everyone_ knows Sam.”  
“Oh sure, he used to stop my truck after lunch hour and I’d give him the scraps on the house,” Stuart smiled cheerfully, “Hadn’t seen him around very often, got a little bit worried if I’m honest. You know, with his… background.”  
“I don’t have time to stand around talking about how you know Sam,” Johannes snapped, “ _Or_ what you think of him,” he glared down at Stuart, not at all liking what he probably meant by background, “Wait what do you mean your truck?”  
Stuart gestured at the brightly painted taco truck and beamed, “Isn’t she beautiful?”  
Johannes had flashbacks to a day better left forgotten, “Oh no,” he gasped softly, “No! Of _all_ of the people in this town,” he despaired.

***

Stuart followed Johannes around the museum like a lost puppy, looking desperately for Sam. The ground floor had zero signs, and it was too unpopulated to ask many bystanders. Clambering up the stairs to the first floor, Johannes scanned everything for something, anything. The nearest exhibit was largely a number of paintings and a small sculpture placed rather pretentiously on the tiled floor. Johannes frowned and ran up to it, his worst fears realised. What he had assumed to be a sculpture was actually Sam’s boots leaning into one another, socks half-inside the leg. Johannes grabbed them and shoved them under his arm, looking around for more items of discarded clothing. After several frustrating minutes he found a small, friendly looking old woman who informed that a ‘young’ man matching Sam’s description had left the museum, looking very agitated and uncomfortable, shortly before they had arrived.

The two took to the streets, searching high and low for any signs of Sam or his clothes. To Johannes’s dismay they found a small crowd gathered around a florists. As they approached it became apparent that Sam had clambered up the walls and pulled himself onto the roof. He stood, hand in front of his face to shield himself from the sun, examining the horizon. Johannes bolted towards him and got between himself and the crowd.  
“What’s wrong with you? Can’t you tell he’s sick?” Johannes demanded, his voice dripping with disgust, “And you just stand there gawking?”  
“Alright folks, nothing to see here!” Stuart added, raising his voice to outdo the mumbling from the crowd, “Either you’re helping or you’ve got no business here. I mean it… I’ll - I’ll - I used to be cop this one time, I know how to do procedures!” he stammered, waving a hand to shoo the people away.  
“But he’s clearly off his face,” one of the onlookers added, “Shouldn’t we call the police?”  
“No!” Johannes yelled, “Don’t you dare! He’s sick, go away, I know what to do!” he took a step back, craning his neck to see Sam, “Baktraga? Baktraga! Baktraga im!”  
Sam crouched down on the tiles, and leant forward, looking to see who had yelled his name, “Èmar atad? Èmar yir saineuta am, tabra a?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: What’s your name? Where (noun) my, you know?_ ]  
“Baktraga im! Míleban itad! Itan Míleban am!” Johannes yelled, gesturing at himself wildly in the hopes he would at least climb down to see him closer.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My Baktraga! I’m Johannes! I’m your Johannes!_ ]  
Sam leant even closer, tilting his head like a curious animal and frowned, “Ñír, atan malainoita, atan gageurá ih!” he took a couple steps back, looked to his right, and bolted.  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: No, you are (familiar noun), you are (verb) me!_ ]  
The disoriented woodland spirit took a flying leap, landing on the roof of the neighbouring building, “Sam!” Johannes gasped, running after him, all thought of the crowd a distant memory.  
Sam took another leap and landed on the neighbouring roof, he wobbled slightly but corrected himself with unnatural grace.  
“Nibble little bugger, isn’t he?” Stuart whistled, “I wonder where his clothes went?”

Johannes waved a hand at Stuart dismissively, his full attention on keeping track on Sam’s location. They followed him down the street and around the block, and found him standing atop of the wall of a back alley.  
Johannes pulled out his phone and opened the notes app containing a list of phrases in Mahomai Sam had put there for just an occasion. He moved gingerly so as not to cause alarm, “Gan námwiyi, Mabaktraga. Yir gis… yir atan, tabra ih. Atan dweti… gis ítaha, tabra ih,” he said, speaking softly.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: It’s okay, Baktraga. I know who… and what you are. I know you’re afraid and… confused right now. I know everything hurts… and you can’t change back._ ]  
Sam made a face like he was about to cry and straightened up, standing on the wall with the dignity of a king, “Víresu taleux a ih, Mahomai Èmayonata sayi. Èmar yir tatogeu dós omaista?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: (Verb) (verb) you me, Language of the Soul. Where (verb) (verb) songs?_ ]  
Johannes could only guess what he was saying, but he wasn’t running and that was something, “Atan… takwileum brasta am, eu gan… námwiyi. Yir teras… tatúrer hih, tabra ih. Atan dos sahih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: You’ve… lost your memories but it’s… okay. I know… how to get them back. You can trust me._ ]  
“Gonax kansta! Ámusta!” Sam spat, “Totimeul dó malainoita!”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: (adverb) (noun)! (Verb) it (familiar noun)!_ ]  
It took Johannes a full minute of scrolling but he managed to find the word he was sure he had heard before, it was worse than he thought, but fortunately Sam had written a good phrase for him to use, “Okay uh, ítan malainoita ih. Ítan… gageurá ih a. Ítan… áshirasta is… drúnanifasta… Danatwi a drúnanifata le, eu tanais… ñífata, otan dapareug. Atan… dos ih sahih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I’m not a hunter. I’m not… going to hurt you. There’s no… tricks or…_ traps… you were hurt… by dark magic, but the man who did… is dead. You can… trust me.]  
“Wow, you have no idea what you’re saying do you?” Stuart remarked quietly from the sidelines.  
“I know my cadence is off, but this is the best I can do reading from the phrases,” Johannes grumbled, suddenly remembering Stuart was there, “It’s uh… a rare Persian dialect, only three hundred native speakers left in the world. He’s been teaching me.”  
“Uh - huh,” Stuart replied skeptically, “I _guess_ th— —”  
“Quiet!” Johannes hissed, “Look he’s coming down.”  
Sam slid down from the wall and landed on his feet, edging closer toward Stuart. He turned his head this way and that, a gesture somewhere between a snake and a curious child, “Atan dos tienarta a?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Are you (verb) human?_ ]  
Stuart chuckled awkwardly, “I don’t know what he’s talking to me for, I’m not even his type.”  
Johannes shot him an incredulous look, “Sam?”  
“Okay, fine, okay,” Stuart conceded, “He flirted at me a lot but I don’t really do the whole—” he waved his hands around vaguely, “— you know, _thing_.”  
Sam took Stuart’s hand and pulled him closer, “Takúlañe èmayona im sameu.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: (verb) with my soul._ ]  
Johannes looked at Sam, standing in the alley wearing nothing but the medical alert bracelet, and then at Stuart, “Give me your robe.”  
Stuart held onto the dressing gown protectively, “Why?” he looked at Sam for a moment and slapped his forehead, “Oh right, of course,” he shouldered off the robe and reluctantly handed it to Johannes.  
Johannes held out the robe to Sam, “Baktraga… uh, blásan im sahih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: Baktraga… uh, for your flower._ ]  
Sam flashed him a saucy grin and took the robe, “Timyer ales, twina winata lornálor blásan ih,” he put on the robe letting it fall unfastened.  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: (something filthy no doubt)_ ]  
Stuart coughed awkwardly, “I can give you two a moment if you… uh, you know?”  
“Where’s the belt?” Johannes asked, examining the robe more closely.  
“Dunno, lost it in the wash I guess?” Stuart chewed his lip, as though trying to remember where he put it.  
Johannes sighed wearily, “Fine,” he untied the Windsor knot around his collar, and got to his knees before Sam, estimating he was thin enough for the tie to work as a makeshift belt. Based on the smile on Sam’s face, he found it all terribly amusing.  
“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing? This is a public place!” a voice yelled from the other end of the alley.  
Johannes and Stuart turned guilty to face an on-duty police officer, “It’s not what it looks like,” they replied in unison.  
The police officer gave them a filthy look, “We’ve had reports of lewd conduct and public displays of indecency on Main street. I’m assuming _you’re_ the ones responsible?”  
“Officer, he doesn’t mean anything by it, he’s having an episode,” Johannes tried to explain.  
“Sir, you _are_ aware you’re on your knees right now, aren’t you?” the officer shifted her weight onto the other leg, her expression somewhere between exasperation and amusement.  
“Yes, and I regret it immensely,” Johannes admitted, trying to ignore the sharp pains shooting up through his cartilage, “But if you _must_ know, I was going to use my tie as a belt.”  
Sam took a step back from the others, “Ín tos tateruaí ta malainoista ih,” he hissed, continuing back away until he gently hit the wall.  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Don’t (verb) (verb) the hunters me._ ]  
“Excuse me but I just want to ask you some questions,” the officer held a hand in a passive gesture, “I’m Officer Renard, Arcadia Oaks P.D.”  
Sam turned to Johannes and Stuart desperately, “Ín tos tateruaí ta malainoista ih!”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Don’t (verb) (verb) the hunters me!_ ]  
“It’s no use officer, he can’t understand you,” Johannes sighed, “He’s having an episode and can only speak his first language.”  
“What do you mean episode?” Officer Renard looked at Sam pityingly, finally seeming to understand the situation.  
“He fell down, banged his noggin’ pretty bad, had a seizure,” Stuart explained helpfully, “He’s lucky I was there.”  
“He has atypical dementia-like symptoms post grand mal,” Johannes tried to take a step back towards Sam, “He just needs to get home and recover.”  
“What’s your relation to each other?” Officer Renard asked, pulling out a notebook.  
“Sam is my partner,” Johannes sighed, gesturing towards Sam sinking to the ground, “And Stuart here is his friend.”  
“Hi,” Stuart added meekly.  
“Partner?” the officer asked, “So what, he’s like your husband?”  
Johannes shrugged, “Well, we’re not married, but we’ve been living together for over a year now.”  
The police officer seemed to consider the situation, “Okay, I believe you, but I want to check him over just to make sure everything seems above board.”  
“Let me get to him first,” Johannes turned around to face Sam who was sitting on the ground in the foetal position, rocking gently, “He’s deathly afraid people want to hurt him. You could spook him pretty bad,” he managed to get to Sam and crouched on the ground next to him.  
The officer approached gingerly, “Has he been hurt before?” she asked quietly, holding out her hand.  
“Yes,” Johannes replied bluntly, he turned to Sam, “Baktraga im, tan ñamine,” he cooed gently.  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: My Baktraga, be calm._ ]  
Sam looked up and saw the police officer bending over him and screamed, “Ñír - ñír - ñír!”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: No - no - no!_ ]  
The officer didn’t seem phased at all, “He has superficial lesions, obviously distressed, possibly dehydrated, but he doesn’t seem aggressive.”  
Sam rocked back into the wall repeatedly, muttering something in Mahomai, tears streaming down his face.  
“What’s that on his wrist?” the officer asked, gesturing to his arm wrapped around his legs.  
“It’s a medical bracelet,” Stuart replied, craning over the three of them from above.  
“He needs to be in a hospital,” the officer added, taking a step back, “I can give you a lift if you like.”  
“If it’s all the same to you I’d rather we respect Sam’s wishes,” Johannes put a hand on Sam’s shoulder protectively, “I can take care of him until he’s back to normal, if he gets worse I’ll take him then. It’s part of our medical crisis plan.”  
Officer Renard looked between Sam and Johannes critically, pondering her next move, “Okay, but I want your name and contact details so I can check up on you tomorrow. I want _all_ of your names and contact details.”  
Johannes sighed, “His name is Sam Dana Tir. It’s just Sam, not short for Samuel. Dana is D.A.N.A. Tir is T.I.R. I don’t know how useful his phone number would be, as we can’t find his phone or wallet anywhere.”  
The officer nodded, scribbling in her notebook, “I’ll keep a lookout. Address?”  
“843 Arcadia Avenue, the same as myself,” Johannes replied, the majority of his attention focused on Sam, “I don’t know if it helps but his birthday is July the 15th,” he struggled to remember Sam’s fake age, “Uh, 1980.”  
“It’s unnecessary for what I’m doing, but it’ll help if someone hands in his wallet with I.D in it,” the officer looked up from her notes to look at Sam, “He looks good for thirty eight.”  


***

With the police officer gone, Johannes coaxed Sam to his feet and belted his robe with the tie. It wasn’t a good look by any means, but it covered Sam’s dignity and that was all it needed to be. For whatever reason, Sam refused to put on his boots so they were left to Stuart to carry as they walked back to his shop by foot. They considered taking the taco truck but it was decided that Sam was probably too fragile to be willing to get inside the vehicle, let alone handle it on the road. Stuart spent the walk bemoaning leaving his ‘baby’ out in the wild. Johannes welcomed the distraction. Sam was flighty but he had finally decided that Johannes was trustworthy enough to let him lead him by the hand. Johannes wondered what possible rumours would spring from being seen leading a mostly naked man by the hand, in the company another man wearing pyjamas and carrying a pair of knee high black leather boots.

Sam very nearly refused to enter the shop, but begrudgingly followed the two other men after standing alone in the street for two seconds. He gaped at the shrine to old and defunct technology and gently brushed his hands over the plastics, scrawling delicate patterns into the dust.  
“Do you have a bath somewhere in the back?” Johannes asked, gently guiding Sam away from a particularly unstable looking television set balancing on an old xerox machine.  
“There’s just a shower I’m afraid,” Stuart replied, gesturing up the stairs, “You’re welcome to use it if you want.”  
“I could also do with a change of clothes,” Johannes added, “They don’t have to fit perfectly, and I’ll get them back to you clean.”  
Stuart looked Sam up and down, “I’ll see what I can find,” he scrambled passed a tower of old gaming devices and disappeared into the hidden recesses of the store.  
Johannes escorted Sam into the kitchen and got him to sit down, “Du hast bestimmt Durst, oder?”  
[ _Translation from German: You must be thirsty, yeah?_ ] Sam looked around the room carefully as Johannes poured him a glass of water from the fridge, “Igwi ih.”  
[ _Translation from Mahomai: I don’t understand._ ]  
Johannes took a small sip to demonstrate and handed it to Sam, “Takai. Úshe. Námwiyi.”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: Drink. Water. Good._ ]  
Sam carefully spun the water in the glass like fine wine and downed it in a single gulp.  
“Ah yeah, help yourself to the kitchen too,” Stuart laughed, standing in the doorway holding a pile of clothes, “I have a t-shirt, track pants, and clean underwear. You can keep the undies actually, I accidentally bought the medium instead of the, ha - ha… not medium.”  
Johannes took the pile of clothes and shook them out, making sure they were suitable, “Thanks,” he folded them back up and tucked the clothes under his arms, “Uh… which way to the shower again?”  
“Up the stairs, has a picture of toilet on it, can’t miss it,” Stuart replied, wrestling a grill from Sam’s curious snooping.  
“Baktraga? Baktraga im, come on,” Johannes called back to Sam, standing at the doorway.  
Sam immediately followed, and the two went up the stairs, “Yir itan Baktraga am?”  
[ _Guess from Mahomai: How am I your Baktraga?_ ]  
Johannes placed the clothes atop the laundry hamper, and searched the poky bathroom for a towel, “Hey where do you— oh,” he said, Stuart handing him a clean towel with a polite smile, “Thank you. Uh,” he spun around and took the robe off of Sam, “Here you can wash it or something,” he considered trying to cover Sam up with a towel but he seemed perfectly happy to be exposed, and Stuart already seen enough that there was nothing to hide.  
Stuart took the robe hesitantly, “Thanks? D’you need anything else?”  
Johannes rolled up his sleeves and put the towel on the laundry hamper with the clothes, “No thank you, I think we’re good.”  
“Goodo, I’ll leave you to it. Oh and if the hot water does the thing, just give her a minute, she’s a little slow,” Stuart gestured vaguely at the shower taking up roughly a third of the entire room, before backing out and closing the door.

Johannes looked at Sam who was looking at himself in the mirror, examining the damage he had taken from the day’s adventure while massaging his temples. He ducked behind Sam and turned on the hot water in the shower, adjusting it so it fell a pleasant warm temperature. Sam spun around and walked towards the shower, hand outstretched. He turned to Johannes as though he wanted conformation it was for him. Johannes gestured his approval, gently nudging him in, before sitting on the toilet seat. Sam stood until the water, eyes closed, and slowly sunk to the ground. He leant back and nestled his head on the tiles, a pained smile spreading across his face. And then it happened. His skin turned black, his physical form fell away like charred remains after a catastrophic event. At his core was an amorphous ball of light and the ash spun around it like the winds of Jupiter. Something akin to lightning crackled beneath his surface and for a second filled the room with something that made Johannes’s skin prickle from the shock of icy cold heat. The tumultuous orb bobbed around the confines of the shower walls before settling on the tiles. The ash spread out into a vaguely humanoid shape before it collected itself into Sam’s soft human body once again. He curled up under the water, back to the world, and let out a series of deep heaving sobs. Johannes knelt by the shower, and placed an arm on Sam’s back, not even caring if he got wet.  
“What happened?” Sam asked between sobs, “Where am I?”  
“You had another episode,” Johannes replied, “We’re in Stuart’s bathroom. Do you remember him?”  
Sam clawed at his head, “Cutiepookie Stuart?”  
“I - I couldn’t possibly know,” Johannes stammered, completely taken aback by hearing ‘cutiepookie’ in reference to Stuart, “Tacos and electronics Stuart.”  
Sam nodded slightly and winced, “Yeah, that’s him,” his hands shook, “Eugh, it hurts so much.”  
Johannes frowned, feeling bad there wasn’t much else he could do, “I’m sorry, cariño. Take your time.”

Sam tried to sit up, half leaning against the shower wall to stay up, weeping from the pain. His hand shook as he tried to turn off the shower, using all of his strength to succeed. He put a hand on Johannes’s shoulder and used it hoist himself upright, visibly fighting the pain and tears with even the slightest movement. Johannes grabbed the towel from atop the laundry hamper and wrapped it around Sam’s head and shoulders. He sat on the toilet seat while Sam dried himself off with shaky hands before wrapping the towel around his waist. He went to grab the clothes from the laundry hamper but Johannes had other ideas.  
“Sam,” Johannes said quietly, pulling him close and onto his lap, “Hey.”  
“Hey,” Sam replied, his voice hoarse.  
Johannes nestled his head on Sam’s chest, “Manchmal machst du mir Angst, mein armer Liebling.”  
[ _Translation from German: You do frighten me sometimes, my poor darling._ ]  
“Es tut mir leid, Honigbär,” Sam hugged Johannes, “Es muss schwer sein.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m sorry, honey bear. It must be hard for you._ ] “Kümmere dich nicht um mich,” Johannes replied, “Du bist es, um den ich mir Sorgen mache.”  
[ _Translation from German: Don’t worry about me, it’s you I’m worried about._ ]  
Sam lifted Johannes’s face up delicately with his hands and kissed him clumsily several times on his cheeks, “Ich bin noch im Tuch,” he observed, “Ich muss mich anziehen, ja?” he stumbled onto his feet.  
[ _Translation from German: I’m still in a towel. I should get dressed, yeah?_ ]  
“Es gibt keinen Grund zur Eile,” Johannes pouted, he’d been enjoying having Sam to himself after the Main street chase.  
[ _Translation from German: There’s no need to rush._ ]  
Sam whipped off the towel and used it to further dry his hair into a baby bird-like floof, “Ups!” he smirked, throwing him the towel, “Du bist nass, mein Fehler.”  
[ _Translation from German: Oops! You’re wet, my bad._ ]  
Johannes waved his hand dismissively, “Es wird schon trocken, es ist nicht so schlimm.”  
[ _Translation from German: It’ll dry, it’s not so bad._ ]  
Sam held out the t-shirt critically, “Ich bin bereits Besitzer dieser T-Shirt,” he mused as he threw it on, he held his head wincing, “Au - au - aua! Zu schnell!”  
[ _Translation from German: I already own this t-shirt. Ow - ow - ow! Too fast!_ ]  
Johannes considered telling him he told him so but decided against it, “Sei vorsichtig.”  
[ _Translation from German: Be careful._ ]  
“Ja - ja,” Sam blew a raspberry bitterly, “Ich weiß wie ich mich anziehen muss,” he pulled on a pair of track pants and reached for the underwear sitting on the laundry hamper, “Scheiße! Ich nehme alles zurück,” he sat on Johannes’s lap defeated, and made a deep frustrating growl.  
[ _Translation from German: Yeah - yeah. I know how to dress myself. Crap! It take it back._ ]  
Johannes put a hand on his shoulder and gave Sam a playful peak on the cheek to cheer him up, “Ich bin mir sicher, dass es keinem auffallen wird.”  
[ _Translation from German: I’m sure no one will notice._ ]  
Sam pouted, “Ha! Nein, nicht in diesen Hosen. Du erinnere Mahemálar?”  
[ _Translation from German: Ha! No, not in these pants. You remember Mahemálar?_ ]  
Despite himself, Johannes laughed, “Du bist nicht Mahemálar, Sam. Er ist größer als du.”  
[ _Translation from German: You’re not Mahemálar, Sam. He’s bigger than you._ ]  
Sam raised his eyebrows and slipped off the track pants, “Pass auf was du sagst, Honigbär, er ist auch größer als du.”  
[ _Translation from German: Watch your mouth, honey bear, he’s bigger than you too._ ]  
“Touché,” Johannes smirked, “Geht es dir nun besser?”  
[ _Translation from German: Are you feeling better now?_ ]  
Sam pulled on the underpants and adjust himself slightly, “Nein, aber ich bin glücklicher, dank dir.”  
[ _Translation from German: No, but I’m happier thanks to you._ ]  
Johannes grinned, “Gut. Wenn ich mit dir fertig bin, du wirst ekstatisch sein.”  
[ _Translation from German: Good. When I’m done with you, you’ll be ecstatic._ ]

***

Johannes sat with Sam in Stuart’s kitchen. Stuart had been kind enough to give Sam a slice of flan from the fridge and an entire jug of chilled water. Sam was eating, slowly but gratefully, while cheerful pop music played in the background.  
“So what did I get up to?” Sam asked, carefully running a finger down the glass of the jug.  
“Ah,” Johannes had been dreading the inevitable question, normally Sam didn’t get up to much during an episode, but he just knew Sam would be mortified to hear the truth, “Well, maybe… Stuart can start, since he got there before I did.”  
Stuart glared at Johannes with silent accusation but his expression softened when he turned to Sam, “I was working in the truck when I saw you walking passed. Someone bumped into you and fell to the ground and banged your head. Then you uh,” he gestured vaguely with his hands, “You know… and I rushed out to help. I saw the medical bracelet so I rang the number and arranged to bring you here. Only when you came to you were… terrified, and didn’t understand me. You ran away when I tried to get you to get into the truck.”  
Sam nodded with grim acceptance, “Blunt force does that to me.”  
“I tried chasing after you but you got away from me somewhere near the museum. It was then I realised that I was supposed to meet Moral Weapon over here at the shop,” Stuart grimaced apologetically, “So I had to leg it back to collect him and then we drove to the museum because we were in a hurry,” he gestured to Johannes it was his turn.  
Johannes sighed wearily, “We couldn’t find you in the museum, but we did find your boots. A curator told us she had seen you leave, so went to follow you and found a crowd gathered around a shop. It was there we found you,” he winced, “Standing on the roof, completely nude.”  
Sam slowly slunk down the chair and onto the floor, “Fuck,” he hissed to himself, “Fuck - fuck - fucking - fuck - fuck - fuck.”  
“I tried to call you down, but instead you… leapt, rooftop to rooftop down the street,” Johannes leant down to pat him on the shoulder but Sam recoiled away.  
“It was pretty impressive actually,” Stuart admitted, “You were like a cat or a - a - tiger!”  
“We found you again in an alley and got you to come down. I even got Stuart’s robe on you,” Johannes found himself needlessly proud of this achievement, “But a police officer walked on me on my knees trying to use my tie as a belt.”  
“Fucking fuck,” Sam covered his blushing face with his hands.  
“I managed to talk her out of charging all three of us with gross public indecency, but she wants to check up on us tomorrow,” Johannes frowned, “I know I normally leave you on your own but under the circumstances you’d be better with company. I could take you with me to work and leave you in the nurse’s office, but I’d feel uncomfortable using our resources for personal matters.”  
“I’ll stay with Ana and Naomi, if they’ll have me,” Sam groaned.  
“You can stay with me if you want,” Stuart replied cheerfully, “It’s nice seeing the ‘not flirting at me’ you.”  
“Thanks but I’m already wearing your pants and eating your flan in your kitchen, there’s only so much kindness I can take,” Sam moaned from floor.  
“Aw,” Stuart cooed, “Don’t be silly, it’s nothing, really.”  
“Are you going sit back up or you going to sit there feeling sorry for yourself?” Johannes asked, not unkindly.  
Sam put his head on Johannes’s lap and looked up at him with his heartrendingly sad puppy dog eyes, “I nearly got you into trouble with the police.”  
Johannes frowned, “I’ve been caught in more compromising positions without _you_ being there,” he realised to his horror that he had completely forgotten Stuart sitting across from him, smiling politely, “I - I - I mean the other day I was accused of arson at the school, it comes with the job.”  
Sam grinned up at him, knowing full well he wasn’t talking about arson, “Böser Junge,” he whispered just out of Stuart’s earshot.  
“Eat your flan,” Johannes muttered, pretending he wasn’t blushing.  
Sam rose from the depths of Stuart’s kitchen floor and took his seat once again, “I can never set foot in Main street again,” he pouted.  
“To be honest, I don’t think many people would recognise you,” Stuart shrugged.  
“Why?” Sam asked, shovelling a spoonful of flan into his mouth.  
Johannes cleared his throat awkwardly, “I think he means, most people weren’t looking at your face.”  
“Fuck!” Sam’s expression broke and for a second Johannes thought he was going to burst into tears again, “This sucks. If people are going to laugh at me I’d rather I was able to _remember_ why.”  
Johannes patted him on the shoulder, “I’m sorry, cariño.”  
“I didn’t see anything funny at all,” Stuart frowned, “I mean, it was badarse seeing you leap from rooftop to rooftop. And your boyfriend sounds awkward a.f trying to speak your language,” he paused for a second, “Actually, what language _was_ that? It didn’t sound even remotely like Farsi if you ask me.”  
Sam looked at Stuart, and then back at Johannes and then again at Stuart, “Stuart? Did you ever wonder about me?”  
Stuart looked perplexed, “Wonder? About what? About your… situation?”  
“Yeah, my situation,” Sam frowned, “You know I lived in the woods, right?”  
Stuart glanced across at Johannes cautiously, “I knew you were something of a vagabond, yeah. I didn’t give you those scraps because I couldn’t use them in some other way.”  
“Yeah!” Sam nodded, “Because you’re a good guy. I just… wonder if you ever figured out I’m… not like most.”  
Stuart squinted at him critically, “Like most… what?”  
“Well, do you remember the man you used to see me with?” Sam looked away awkwardly, “At night?”  
“Yeah I remember,” Stuart’s frown deepened, “He was up to some shady business in the old travel agents.”  
“He wasn’t human,” Sam said, for a moment there was a vacuum as the gravity of the words hung in the air.  
Stuart coughed awkwardly, “What are you talking about? Not human? Everyone’s human, don’t be ridiculous.”  
“I’m also not human,” Sam gestured at his person, “Despite current appearances.”  
Stuart’s brows wrinkled as he seemed to concentrate, “So what you’re saying is—” he chewed his lip thoughtfully, “— the reason I didn’t recognise your language was because it wasn’t… human… in origin?”  
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Sam smiled, “It’s the language of my people. ‘Mahomai Èmayonata sayi’ or ‘the Language from the Soul,’ it’s not something I’d naturally speak around humans or… others, but I had an accident. The injury makes it so I regress to a version of myself from the past.”  
Stuart stood up, slamming his hands on the table, “That’s amazing! I _knew_ it didn’t feel right!”  
“You believe him?” Johannes wondered.  
“Of course I do,” Stuart waved a hand at Johannes as though he was being silly, “What species are you? Where are you from? Oh! What do you really look like?”  
Sam laughed, “Calm down. I uh, I’m a spirit creature. Words are irrelevant, call me fair folk, spirit, ghost, shapeshifter, omnimorph, I don’t care. I’m from the Eurasian continent, and souls sing out to me in a way only my people can read so clearly.”  
Stuart snorted, “Are you saying you’re a fairy?” he looked at Sam again with a strange expression on his face, some kind of realisation hitting him, “What do you mean you can read souls? Whose souls? What can you tell?”  
“I befriended you because I could tell, I could always,” Sam replied carefully.  
Stuart frowned, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew I wasn’t human?”  
Sam smiled sadly to himself, “It was nice to pretend to be human with you, and the company I was keeping meant you could’ve been in danger if you knew about me.”  
“So what can you tell?” Stuart wondered like a deflated balloon.  
Sam tilted his head and bit his lip, eyes closed to get a better feel of him, “Your song is different than any I’ve ever heard. It sounds like… a sharp tinkling… a rustle? A vibration? A deep pulling in a vast empty void… It’s like lying on the beach at night staring up the stars and feeling… I don’t know. No other lifeform I’ve encountered sounds like that. To be honest, it’s hard for me to read.”  
Stuart looked at Sam with a complicated expression, “What do humans sound like?”  
“Hmm,” Sam frowned, his eyes squeezed shut, and sung a melody. He sung it aloud with his human voice, overlaying with the spirit voice Johannes could only feel in his head. The two voices spun around one another, a double helix weaving into a complex crescendo of emotions and desires. It spoke to Johannes, it tugged at him and made him feel both completely invisible and utterly exposed. It was as though time had ceased to be and he could see into the hearts of every human who was and would be. A tiny, minuscule glimpse into the background noise Sam felt everyday. When Sam stopped Johannes felt a deep ache in his chest, as though the entirety of humanity had vanished in a heartbeat and he was left utterly alone in the world. Torn from his people. Torn from himself.  
“I had no idea you could do that,” Johannes gasped.  
Sam shrugged, “Neither did I. I never tried it before now.”  
“That was beautiful,” Stuart replied in reverence, “You should make recordings, you could be famous. What do you call that piece?”  
“Honigbär,” Sam purred, “Of course, I couldn’t do justice to the real thing. You should hear when he shines.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuart reminds me so much of Sam, ngl. Specifically in the way they talk and are chaotic forces for good.
> 
> Additional News: I'm going to hold off on publishing new chapters for a couple weeks because 1. I already scheduled this so the Halloween chapters are published in October and to give me some extra time to finish the final chapters, & 2\. I just got back from a week's stay at the hospital and I still feel really unwell and foggy (hence why I haven't double triple checked the German in this, sorry if I made some mistakes) I'll still be around, just not publishing.


	30. Demons and Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johannes gets a visit to his office and tries to do his best.

**_**Thursday, September 6** _ ** ****

There was the inelegant sound of stomping and the door to his office unceremoniously kicked open. Johannes turned over the report he was reading and looked up wearily. It was a sophomore student, Mr. Anthony Kelly. He’d been a shy, academically average student as a freshman, but with every week seemed to be spiralling downward harder and harder. The kid slammed a note on his desk and sat on a small stool in a huff. The rims around his eyes were red and swollen, as though he had been crying or had allergies.  
Johannes carefully unrumpled the note and read it quietly to himself, “This is very _disappointing_ Mr. Kelly. Where’s Mr. Hardy? According to this note he was sent with you.”  
Anthony shrugged and gestured weakly at the door, “Not my problem,” he muttered bitterly.  
“Fine,” Johannes grunted, “Wait here,” he ordered, making his way out the door and marching the other student into his office, “Stop laughing Mr. Hardy! Take a seat!” he barked.  
Young Mr. Ryan Hardy dragged the other stool as far away from Anthony as possible and sulked, “Whatever.”  
Johannes took a seat at his desk, and leaned back, arms crossed, “So who was it _this_ time? What did you—— Look at me when I’m talking to you! _Both_ of you,” he barked.  
The two teens looked at each other with disgust and then rolled their eyes at the ceiling, resentment dripping off every minute gesture.  
“Mr. Sarkozi informs me you were fighting in class. _Why_ were you fighting?” Johannes asked, swallowing his frustration for the sake of civility.  
Anthony’s looked down at the floor guiltily, his arms crossed tight across his chest, “It doesn’t matter, Señor Uhl. Just give us detention so we can go,” he replied, his voice so soft it was hard to hear.  
“Don’t give _me_ detention!” Ryan exclaimed, “It’s not my fault he punched me with his weak little arms.”  
Johannes pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration rising, “Tell me what happened from the start.”  
“I was just joking around. It’s not my fault Anthony’s a little bitch,” Ryan sulked.  
“Mr. Hardy, how _dare_ you use language like that in my school,” Johannes hissed, “If you can’t be respectful I’ll put you on detention for a week and speak to Mr. Kelly alone.”  
Ryan rolled his eyes dramatically, “Fine, okay, I’m sorry. It’s not my fault Anthony can’t take a joke. I didn’t _force_ him to freak out and attack me in front of everyone.”  
Johannes’s eyes darted between the two sulking children, “Is this true Mr. Kelly?”  
Anthony nodded sombrely, staring into the mid-distance, “Yes, Señor Uhl.”  
“What was the joke?” Johannes asked.  
The two children looked at the floor guiltily.  
“You will answer me when I am asking the questions!” Johannes snapped.  
“Mr. Sarkozi was telling Anthony off for not dressing up to code,” Ryan exclaimed, “I just made a joke about what he looked like.”  
Johannes looked at Anthony again, he was wearing a plain black oversized t-shirt, sleeveless hoodie, ripped black leggings and grubby white tennis shoes. It was sloppy, but there was something else, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, “What was the joke?”  
“He said I looked like I was doing laundry,” Anthony replied hurriedly, “I’m sorry, it’s just been a bad day.”  
“Uh - huh,” Johannes noted the confusion on Ryan’s face, “Okay, you’ve got detention, and I’ll be stopping by to make sure you’ve learned your lesson.”  
“What? That’s not fair!” Ryan whined, “I didn’t do anything!”  
Johannes scribbled out a note and handed it to Ryan, “Get back to class, and give this to your teacher, Mr. Hardy.”  
Ryan grabbed the note and made an aggressive gesture towards Anthony before storming off. Anthony stood up tentatively, and made to turn for the door.  
“Ah - bup - bup, Mr. Kelly, I’m not done with you yet,” Johannes chided.  
Anthony sat back down and hugged his chest tightly, looking down at the floor. His face tensed from clenching his jaw, and his leg jiggled nervously as he waited in silence.  
“So what _really_ happened?” Johannes asked, his tone laced with concern.  
Anthony continued to stare at the floor, his head hanging miserably. He said nothing.  
“Is this really how you want to play the game, Mr. Kelly?” Johannes sighed.  
Anthony shifted slightly in his seat, swivelling nervously on the stool, but otherwise continued biting his tongue.  
“Okay, let me put it this way,” Johannes began, “I taught you last year, you weren’t an A-grade student, but you weren’t... _this_ ,” he waved a hand vaguely at the sullen teen, “Your grades have been dropping. You’ve been fighting with students. Last week you even threw a ruler at Mrs. Pearce. Yesterday you were here because Coach Lawrence discovered you were forging letters from your mother to get out of gym. You have to understand how this looks from my position.”  
To Johannes’s surprise, Anthony looked up with rage in his eyes, “Just give me detention so I can go.”  
“That would be too _easy_ , Mr. Kelly,” Johannes gestured casually with the pen in his hand, “I can’t make you tell me what the problem is, but if I send you away without even trying, what good am I?”  
Anthony’s eyes darted back to the carpet guiltily.  
“So what _is_ the problem?” Johannes asked, trying to sound as even-tempered as possible.  
Anthony’s scowl broke for a second, betraying tears that threatened to come to the surface, “You wouldn’t understand,” Anthony replied, his voice barely audible.  
“I might surprise you,” Johannes said, trying not to express his deep felt alarm.  
The teen looked at Johannes carefully, his expression changing as he seemed to weigh up his options in his head, “I - I’m invisible,” Anthony mumbled.  
“I can see you perfectly fine, Anthony,” Johannes looked at the teen, a wave of pity washing over him.  
Anthony stood up and slammed a hand on the desk, “No you can’t! Nobody can see me! _I_ can’t see me! Do you have any idea what it’s like? No! No, of course you don’t. Look at you, you just _fit_ you, don’t you? Everyday I go through life and I’m nothing. I’m just this blank slate for people to project who they want me to be. When I try to be a whole person, I get mocked. People think it’s funny. Do you have any idea? Do you have an——” he stopped abruptly, hunched over and looking at the carpet once again.  
Johannes choked on words he didn’t dare say, “I do, actually.”  
Anthony slumped back onto the stool, arms crossed tightly across his chest again, “I _doubt_ it. I was wearing eye shadow okay? I wanted to see if it felt like me. But then Mr. Sarkozi told me I had to wash it off, he said we were in a classroom not a rock concert,” his voice wavered, “I got up to do as I was told but then fucking _Ryan_ said I looked like a trann——” he caught whatever word was going to slip out of his mouth, “— transvestite doing laundry and everyone was laughing and I— and I—” he took a deep breath and managed to compose himself, “Are you happy now?”  
“No, I’m horrified!” Johannes hadn’t meant to be so frank but it was better than seeming dismissive or apathetic.  
“Can I _please_ go now?” Anthony shrunk, trying to turn his lanky body into half its size.  
“No, not yet. First of all, I’ll have a word with Mr. Sarkozi… and Mr. Hardy,” Johannes made a note in his diary, marking it with a frowny face, “But most importantly, if anything like that happens again, come straight to me. I don’t care if a teacher says you can’t, or if I’m in a meeting. Come _straight_ to me.”  
“I don’t know if you meant ‘straight’ as a joke but it’s not funny,” Anthony frowned.  
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t a joke,” Johannes sighed, “I’m serious, I didn’t become a teacher to just sit back and not care about my job.”  
Anthony looked at Johannes as though seeing him for the first time in his life, “I’m not gay, just so you know. It’s uh…, it’s a gender thing.”  
“Oh, a gender thing?” Johannes smiled sheepishly, immediately realising he was going to quickly get out of his depth, “So you’re… a girl, huh? Is that why you were trying to get out of gym?”  
The teen made an awkward expression, “I don’t know, I’m still figuring this out. I think maybe I’m not anything. You’re right about the gym though. Gym is… it’s the changing rooms.”  
“Ah, I see. Have you started using different pronouns? A different name?” Johannes didn’t know a non-awkward way to ask the question, but it needed to be done, if for no other reason than to demonstrate he wasn’t entirely useless.  
“They/them… Toni… with an i,” Toni replied, looking at Johannes as though he had grown horns, “I’m sorry, it’s just a cishet guy has never asked me that before? It didn’t think it could happen.”  
Johannes would never admit a large part was actually the result of sensitivity training, but he wasn’t completely ignorant on his own, “It’s okay, some of the best people in my life are trans, or gender non-conforming.”  
Toni’s eyes widened in shock, “No way! Who are these people?”  
Johannes looked at young Toni, genuinely conflicted over whether he wanted to tell the child about Sam and his circle of friends but fortunately he had someone closer on hand, “Would you be willing to talk to another faculty member? Someone with more _firsthand_  experience with what you’re going through than myself?”  
”Now? I guess so?” Toni replied, finally relaxing slightly.  
Johannes pulled out his phone, “Hey, Ainsley. I have a student in my office who’d love to hear you talk about your experiences in school. Are you willing to spare a few minutes to talk with them?”  
“Oh my, was that a singular they I heard?” Ainsley replied.  
“You heard right,” Johannes sighed impatiently.  
“Are they upset right now?” Ainsley asked, the sound of stationary rustled and clanked in the background.  
Johannes glanced over at young Toni, sitting shyly on the stool with their possibly tear-stained eyes, “That’d be a fair assumption.”  
“I’ll bring some chocolate chip muffins, Emi made a whole batch for the office staff, but I’m sure she’ll approve,” Ainsley laughed.  
“Very good,” Johannes nodded in approval and hung up, “He’ll be here shortly,” he informed the teen, writing a short note to himself about the child’s name and pronouns.

There was a polite knock, and the office door opened. Ainsley entered brandishing a basket of muffins and a nondescript manila envelope. He placed the envelope on Johannes’s desk, and held the basket of muffins to Toni.  
“Hi, I’m Ainsley!” Ainsley beamed, waving the basket expectantly, “I’m just an underpaid secretary so I don’t normally get to speak with the students. Please take a muffin, the cute office girl made them from scratch. Didn’t even use a packet mix, isn’t that clever?”  
Toni took a muffin and examined it carefully, “Toni,” they said shyly before taking a bite.  
Ainsley waved the basket in Johannes’s direction who pushed it away, not trusting himself to not eat the entire thing, “So Mr. Señor Uhl says you use they pronouns? Is that right?”  
Toni looked to Johannes and Ainsley hesitantly, “Yes but, nobody calls me that other than online. I haven’t told many people in real life.”  
“So you’re a little eggo, huh?” Ainsley asked gently, “Are we the first grown-ups you’ve told?”  
“No, well, I haven’t really told another _adult_ adult, just my cousin,” Toni stared at the muffin as though they were talking to it instead of the others.  
“Do you have any support?” Ainsley continued, taking a muffin for himself, “Friends, family?”  
Toni shrugged, “Well my friends _are_ trying, but they don’t _really_ understand. They think I can just… turn off dysphoria when I feel like it. They think I can just… _live_ with being shoe-horned in with the boys until I figure myself out,” they laughed bitterly.  
Ainsley nodded understandingly, “You’re free to get into the G.S.A you know, there are other trans and trans adjacent students in the school.”  
“Uh… no,” Toni shrunk into themselves, “I don’t want to be an _activist_ , I have enough going on in my life.”  
“Do you give us permission to talk about your gender and pronouns with other people, or is that something you’d rather stay a secret for now?” Ainsley asked.  
“Uh,” Toni chewed their lip nervously, “No, not when I’m still… questioning things.”  
“That’s fair,” Ainsley took another bite out of his muffin, “I just think it’s neat there’s a support network here for you, that’s all. I didn’t know when I was a student here, so I never got to experience that kind of community until I was much older.”  
“You went here?” Toni asked.  
Ainsley nodded wearily, “It was different then, a lot of the teachers have either moved on or died. He —” Ainsley gestured vaguely at Johannes with a half eaten muffin, “— wasn’t here. Ms. Janeth had literally only just started. The library was about half the size. The cafeteria was _super_ gross. Girls had to wear a different uniform for gym, I remember it being a _nightmare_.”  
“How did you deal with it?” Toni asked timidly.  
Ainsley’s expression hollowed, “I did not. It was terrible every hour of every day and then one day, I never had to do that any more and things started getting better.”  
“Oh,” Toni hugged their chest tightly.  
“Listen kid, I won’t lie to you,” Ainsley folded and then unfolded his arms, “A lot of my suffering was because I didn’t have the language or resources to articulate… my situation. It’ll be totally different for you, like night and day.”  
Toni nodded solemnly and finished their muffin, “I hope you’re right.”  
Johannes would have loved to allowed the two to continue their conversation for the rest of the day, but Toni had class and the others had to get back to work, “Before you’re dismissed, there’s something I need to address before I let you go. You _did_ attack another student, and that is unacceptable behaviour, even if he did incite the violence with the derogatory language. I won’t give you detention _today_ , because I have something else in mind, but don’t make me regret it. Regarding your clothes, I personally don’t care if you dress as a boy or a girl or however you like. But I _do_ ask that you dress neatly and respectfully. I trust your ability to interpret the dress code for your own… explorations. If anyone has a problem with this, they can raise it with me.”  
“Yes, Señor Uhl, of course,” Toni nodded gratefully, “Thank you.”  
“As you know, your grades have not been good. If you continue on like this you _will_ have to repeat,” Johannes gestured with the pen in his hand, “There is tutoring in the library after class on Wednesdays. I want you to attend until your grade gets back to your normal.”  
Toni’s eyes widened in apparent horror, “Who are the tutors?”  
“It’s student led but they are assisted by Mrs. Yang, Mrs. Finn, and Mr. Malinowski,” Johannes replied, “And it’s supposed to be fun, not at all like detention.”  
“Oh thank god,” Toni sighed in relief, “Mrs. Yang is my favourite teacher, and Mrs. Finn is nice too. I don’t know anything about Mr. Malinowski though, is he like Mr. Sarkozi?”  
Johannes smirked to himself, “Mr. Malinowski is _nothing_ like Mr. Sarkozi. The only thing they have in common is the bow ties.”  
“Mr. Malinowski is the one who wears all the colors and patterns,” Ainsley added helpfully, “He’s a massive nerd and a total sweetheart.”  
Toni made an alarmed expression, “Him? But people make fun of him! Mr. Campbell calls him Garfield’s dad.”  
Johannes had to stifle a chuckle, “Regardless of how other people react to his… him, Malinowski is a good friend.”  
“You keep really weird friends,” Toni remarked.  
“You have no idea,” Johannes smirked.  
“Is that everything?” Toni asked, “Do I still have to go to gym class?”  
Johannes nearly laughed out loud, “Yes, of course you still have to go to gym class.”  
Toni made a pained expression, “So I still have to get changed with the boys?”  
“Ah, well,” Johannes looked at Ainsley as though a good solution would materialise between them, “The… disabled toilets are _traditional_ in this situation, right?”  
Ainsley shrugged dramatically, “Unless you want to fund gender neutral toilets out of your _own_ pocket, I’d say it was your most tolerable solution.”  
“That is… what I expected,” Johannes admitted, “Okay Toni, if it’s that bad, you may use the disabled toilets. If anyone questions it, come to me. And don’t forge sick notes from your mother, that’s not how we resolve problems here.”  
Toni sat on the stool very thoughtfully for a moment, “It’s not ideal… I’ll probably get bullied for that too, but—” they chewed their lip, “— I’ll endure _anything_ to avoid um… you know——”  
Johannes scrawled out a note for Toni, another note for their teacher to explain their absence, and rummaged through his top drawer for the appropriate form, “This note is for you and you alone. It lists the things I expect from you, the consequences if you don’t cooperate, and the allowances I’m making for you,” he handed the child the handwritten note, “This is for your teacher when you get back to class.”  
“Thank you,” Toni folded the notes in their hands, “Can I go now?”  
“This is just an optional… option,” Johannes began, “It’s the formal complaints form. I won’t tell you who or what to complain about, but it’s there if you feel you need it.”  
“To submit the form, you just need to pop it in the box labelled ‘feedback’ in the front office,” Ainsley added, “You don’t need to add your name, but if you do it means we can get back to you with a resolution. And if you complain about a person, the person whom you’re complaining about will never know that it was you, or see the complaint.”  
“Uh - huh,” Toni nodded, their eyes glazing over.  
“Do you have any questions?” Johannes asked.  
Toni shook their head, “Can I go now?”  
“Oh sure, you may go. Just—” Johannes gestured at the child vaguely, “— por favor, don’t disappoint me.”  
Toni nodded their head vehemently, “Yes sir, absolutely. Thank you for not giving me detention. Honestly I deserved it, but uh... muchas gracias,” they ducked out of the office quickly, probably trying to avoid Johannes changing his mind.  
Johannes looked at Ainsley wearily, “That was okay, wasn’t it?”  
“Seemed good to me,” Ainsley straightened his bow tie, “You won’t out them, right?”  
“Are you serious?” Johannes chuckled, “Me? Do you know how much of a hypocrite that would make me?”  
Ainsley gave one curt, approving nod, “Good. Just checking. Are you sure you don’t want a muffin?”  
“I’m sure,” Johannes sighed, turning the manila envelope over in his hand, “What’s in this?”  
“Oh it’s a present from Dr. Carter,” Ainsley grimaced, “You’re not going to like it.”  
Johannes gingerly opened it and read the top line, “Proposed changes to the budg—— Oh,” he tucked it back inside the envelope and pushed it aside theatrically, “I haven’t had enough coffee to read that yet.”  
“There never will be for that one,” Ainsley chuckled, “I had a quick peek at the copy machine and uh… it’s not good news.”

***

Johannes leant against the desk of the head science teacher, casually sipping his coffee as Mr. Sarkozi marked homework before returning home. The majority of the faculty had gone by that point, including most of the office staff, and the sound of teens had been replaced with a cold echoing silence.  
“Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, I hope I’m not interrupting anything important,” Mr. Sarkozi assured him, a formality more than a genuine sentiment.  
“Not at all,” Johannes had yet to attempt to open the proposed budget changes and was desperate for an excuse to put it off until the next morning, “What did you want to bring to my attention?”  
“It’s regarding young Adam Hardy and Anthony Kelly, the two sophomores I sent to you this morning,” Mr. Sarkozi replied, shuffling papers angrily.  
“Ah,” Johannes had been expecting as much.  
“I sent them to you with the expectation they would _both_ be receiving detentions,” Mr. Sarkozi rose a brow in a manner that turned his disapproval into punctuation.  
Johannes sipped his coffee slowly, “And?”  
“And?” Mr. Sarkozi smiled angrily, “And you let one of them off scot-free, that’s what and!”  
“I wouldn’t say that,” Johannes sniffed, “We came to an agreement.”  
Mr. Sarkozi laughed in disgust, “You can’t make bargains with students, you’re an authority figure not a fucking business partner!”  
Johannes scowled, “I didn’t ask for your advice, or that language, _Mr_. Sarkozi,” he replied, making it crystal clear what he felt about the man, “I stand by my decision.”  
“Favoritism,” Mr. Sarkozi coughed, not quite under his breath.  
Johannes took another sip of his coffee, “I didn’t come here to argue, Mr. Sarkozi.”  
“Do you even know what he did?” Mr. Sarkozi asked incredulously.  
“There was—” Johannes paused, trying to think of the most delicate way of phrasing it, “— an aggravated altercation.”  
“Aggravated? It wasn’t aggravated at all!” Mr. Sarkozi snapped, “That kid _lied_ to you!”  
Johannes blinked, imploring any powers that be to grant him the patience to endure, and decided to give the disgruntled teacher the benefit of the doubt, “Okay then, explain what happened from _your_ point of view.”  
“Anthony jumped young Adam, punching and yelling,” Mr. Sarkozi frowned, “It was entirely spontaneous and disrupted the rest of my class.”  
“What happened before that?” Johannes sighed wearily.  
“Well uh…,” Mr. Sarkozi stammered, “Anthony was distracting the class so I told him to cut it out.”  
“Exactly what kind of distraction, Mr. Sarkozi?” Johannes asked, knowing full well the answer.  
“He looked like a fucking raccoon! And you saw what he was wearing, we can’t have kids walking around looking like a - a —” Mr. Sarkozi grimaced in disgust, “— you know! The parents think this is a good _respectable_ school!”  
Johannes took a deep gulp of his coffee and sat it down, sincerely wishing he was reading the budget recommendations, “Define ‘you know’ _properly_ , Mr. Sarkozi.”  
Mr. Sarkozi made a face of pure disgust, “A garage band bassist.”  
It probably wasn’t what the teacher was _truly_ implying, but Johannes was grateful he at least didn’t have to strangle a man to death with his own bow tie, “I didn’t know you had such strong feelings for… garage bands, Mr. Sarkozi.”      
“Yeah well,” Mr. Sarkozi coughed awkwardly, “It’s a matter of good taste. We need to protect the other children from… hooligans who might lead them astray.”  
“Into the shameful, violent world of garage bands?” Johannes frowned.  
Mr. Sarkozi pouted, apparently having just enough self-awareness to realise when Johannes was teasing him, “I’ve been a teacher longer than you, and trust me, _troubled_ students like Anthony Kelly _always_ cause problems.”  
“With their dresscode violations, or the bullying?” Johannes asked drily.  
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Mr. Sarkozi snapped, “Students like Anthony only make trouble for themselves. If he actually _tried_ to fit in and act like a _normal_ person he would get along with everyone.”  
Johannes took a breath and tried to compose himself, “Life isn’t that simple, Mr. Sarkozi,” he found himself completely at a loss as to how to defend the student without outing them.  
Mr. Sarkozi looked him up and down in mild disgust, “He _hit_ another student! Do you really think that’s acceptable behavior?”  
“The children explained to me what happened,” Johannes explained, “I know why the fighting started, and I know what _language_ was used. They both know exactly how disappointed I am with their actions. Both students were punished. You are welcome to fill out a complaint form if that’s not good enough for you.”  
“Fine,” Mr. Sarkozi mumbled, “I can see you’ve made up your mind. Thank you for your time,” he said through gritted teeth.  
“Very good,” Johannes nodded curtly, “I hope you have a good evening,” he added, and angrily made his way to the small kitchenette in what was functioning as the administrative block’s lounge.   

***

The office was dark and quiet, and the presence of past occupants still echoed like ghosts. Johannes closed the door behind him, sat at his desk and exhaled sharply. As far as he could see, he had two options. The first, and arguably most sensible was to read the proposed budget changes once and for all. The second, and the one he was most inclined towards at that exact moment, was to reach out to Sam. It was the end of the day, and he would see him soon regardless, but his patience was beginning to wear thin on all things. He took a deep breath, and pulled out the budget changes. It was about as bad as Ainsley had implied, but in comparison to the earlier conversation it was nothing he couldn’t deal with. Johannes tucked the document back into its folder and tidied up the rest of his desk before heading out.

***

Johannes unlocked the door to his home and kicked off his shoes. Missy came running out of nowhere to greet him and then slunk off back to where she came from, satisfied he hadn’t come bearing gifts. The living room smelled strongly of garlic and fried meat, and Sam sung to himself happily in the kitchen as though he had no cares in the world. Johannes took a seat at the dining table and rested his head on a hand.  
“Have a good day, Honigbär?” Sam sung out.  
Johannes frowned, he wasn’t sure if it had been a good day or not, and he didn’t know if he had the energy to explain what kind of day it was in full. The silence that hung in the air probably said everything.  
“Bad day, huh?” Sam asked, stepping out from the kitchen, “Did you want to talk about it?”  
Johannes sighed, “It’s nothing, just… a child came out to me today.”  
“I don’t understand, isn’t that a good thing?” Sam rested a hand on his shoulder.  
“It’s difficult,” Johannes admitted, “I hope I said the right things.”  
“I’m sure you did,” Sam gave him a reassuring hug.  
“I nearly came out too, twice actually,” Johannes chuckled, “Sarkozi, you know Peter Sarkozi who wears the bow ties and thinks he’s better than everyone? I don’t think he would like you very much.”  
“That sounds like a story,” Sam smirked, “I hate to interrupt but would you mind if I dished up? I’m making a warm chicken salad and I don’t want the greens to wilt.”  
Johannes nodded and let his partner leave to do his thing. Sam returned within minutes and handed him a bowl and a tall glass of chilled water with a slice of lime. Johannes waited for him to return with his own share and settle at the table.  
“So are you going to tell me about this Peter fellow?” Sam asked.  
Johannes shrugged, “I was discussing the student with him. He called them a ‘garage band bassist’ but I’m pretty sure he meant like _you_.”  
Sam smiled awkwardly, “Out and proud weirdo queer, you mean?”  
“It was very hard not to boast about my own weirdo queer,” Johannes laughed, “I nearly pulled out my phone.”  
Sam grinned, his nose wrinkling and a bit of baby spinach stuck in his teeth, “That would be funny.”  
“He is… like the teachers I had when I was a student,” Johannes sighed, “So I didn’t.”  
“His loss,” Sam shrugged, “You don’t owe anyone shit, you’ll remember that right?”  
Johannes looked at Sam without any doubt in his mind, “I owe you everything.”  
“Nonsense,” Sam scoffed awkwardly, his eyes turned bashfully to his feet, “But… I know what you’re saying. I feel the same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon could never do something like this in a million years thanks to eugh, reasons, but it's something I wanted to see hence writing this self-indulgent chapter.
> 
> Additional news: Hello I am back again, feeling a _little_ closer to my normal. I didn't get as much writing down as I would like but tbh I got more done than should've. I've still been ill post-hospital and while I won't go into it here, I've scheduled another potential break in the future to help me get the last four chapters finished if I need it. I'll let you know when and if it happens.

**Author's Note:**

> The formatting and spelling might be a weird because I’m an British-Aussie guy with vision problems, writing about a British English speaking OC, set in the US, with polyglot characters when I’m only (at the time of writing) on Deutsch: Level 9 on Duolingo. (I used context.reverso.net to help me with the languages I’m not fluent in, hence the awkwardness. Also Uhl is depicted speaking Standard German since he seems to use that in the show and also I’m not confident enough to attempt Austrian German.)
> 
> Shout out to @Hagar for literally posting the timeline (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15462795) at around the same I was considering doing it myself.


End file.
